'

My last offering on this thread drew response from a certain tiger that it wasn't politically incorrect enough. The following should silence the critics...........

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else

to be p*ssed about. A black congresswoman (this would be

Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston), reportedly complained that the names of

hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.

She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as

Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!

She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in "language" that

street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in

New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of

the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+

MPH, that's too hard to understand

I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...

Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy

on a crotch rocket!

Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leave

yo crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE sh*t!

P.S. Perhaps somebody could forward on my first yellow card to the nearest coconut tree.

7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The

Prophecy.'

I'll use this one.

redrus

I like em both. V good

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. 'Due To The Economy, We Are

Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'

One?

Hey red, I love the new happy avatar!

LOL. I am really happy at the mo. Still skint but, it's the *on the turn.

My laptop's in for repair so am using my work one, this is the only avatar worth having, reminds me bit of 89 to 92.... :D

redrus

Check out your Facebook profile in a few years....

Facebook in 40 years....!

redrus

Bill was trapping in Alaska, when he heard the weather forecast.

A blizzard was forecast to last 5 days.

He asked the guy at the local hotel, trading post.

"Hey Jesse, have you a spare room for a few nites till blizzard goes?"

"Sorry man, but yer c'n have a bunk out backroom, with my guys."

Bill thanked him and went out back and settled down.

Later in the early hours, having fed on baked beans, he was dying for a phart.

Not wanting to let go inside, he went out into the blizzard and let go.

This happened for a couple of nites, when lying there he heard, "Pooofffff" noises in the darkened room.

When his next phart came up, he thought, bugga this going outside,and let rip.....

"BRAAAAAAAAAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A voice from the darkness said.......

"Bags the virgin.....!!!!!!!!"

Check out your Facebook profile in a few years....

Facebook in 40 years....!

redrus

Hi Redrus,

This links to a gmail account page?, but where you referring to this?

I was, whats the story there then, link works fine for me. I tested it first....!

redrus

It's agood 'un!

*** MAN RULES ***

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER RUGBY TACKLE - soccer is for girls at university or English wanke_rs. A real tackle involves a big bloke in a Rugby jumper who looks down at his opponent and says "bet that hurt ya mate"

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

11. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are drunk However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

12. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

13. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

14. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

15. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

16. TAKING OUT THE MAXIMUM DAILY AMOUNT FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

17. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

18. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

19. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

20. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain hemorrhage".

21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

22. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo.

CB who is going to the loo with a wad of money, a copy of the Sunday Times and wearing his Wallaby jersey and a pair of stubbies

A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the Scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuc_k out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and client'le stood silent and motionless.

Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened:

Barman: "Bloody hel_l mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?"

Scouser: "Dunno, but it was something about a 'job'."

A couple of classics there CB - chuckle worthy...

After the act the Thai girlfriend keeps stroking the guy's penis in a gentle way for over an hour..

He asks : Not that I don't like it, but after everytime we make love you do this, why ?

She : I miss mine!

cheers

onzestan

After the act the Thai girlfriend keeps stroking the guy's penis in a gentle way for over an hour..

He asks : Not that I don't like it, but after everytime we make love you do this, why ?

She : I miss mine!

cheers

onzestan

Yeeeee haaaa haaaaaa,

........ .......... ...........

Love that one.

New to me toooo

PMPL

(Will watch for that in future.)

*** MAN RULES ***

CB who is going to the loo with a wad of money, a copy of the Sunday Times and wearing his Wallaby jersey and a pair of stubbies

There are a lot there that I haven't heard before. And relating to them is sooo easy!

Cheers CB - had a good giggle.

Y

*** MAN RULES ***

CB who is going to the loo with a wad of money, a copy of the Sunday Times and wearing his Wallaby jersey and a pair of stubbies

There are a lot there that I haven't heard before. And relating to them is sooo easy!

Cheers CB - had a good giggle.

Y

Thanks mate - glad you enjoyed it. Word is that I may be up in Surin this weekend for a party at farung connection

CB

This one is for Redus.

A young man moved into a new apartment, and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While he was there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. The young man smiled at the young woman, and she started a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying not to stare. After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'I hear someone coming. Let's go into my apartment.'

He followed her in, and she closed the door and leaned against it, letting her robe fall off. Now nud_e, she purred at him, 'what would you say is my best feature?'

He finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.' She said, 'my ears? Look at these breasts. They're full and 100% natural. I work out every day, my butt is firm and solid, and look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you say the best part of my body is my ears??

Clearing his throat, he stammered, 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming? That was me.'

Kan Win

P.S. Must have been K.O. me tink

Speaking of K.O. where the frek is he?????

A blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail and tripped over a large

snake and fell, kerplop right on his twitchy little nose.

'Oh please excuse me,' said the bunny. 'I didn't mean to trip over you, but

I'm blind and can't see.'

'That's perfectly all right,' replied the snake. 'To be sure, it was my

fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you

coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?'

'Well, I really don't know,' said the bunny. 'I'm blind, and I've never seen

myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out.'

So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, 'Well, you're soft, and

cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear

twitchy little nose. You must be a bunny rabbit!'

The bunny said, 'I can't thank you enough. But by the way, what kind of

animal are you?'

The snake replied that he didn't know either, and the bunny agreed to

examine him, and when the bunny was finished, the snake asked, 'Well, what

kind of an animal am I?'

The bunny had felt the snake all over, and he replied,

'You're cold, you're slippery, and you haven't got any balls...You must be a POLITICIAN'

Kan Win

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub> drinking beer. The Reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman. 'Mrs Fitzgerald,' he said sternly. 'This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home? ''Sure,' she said with a slur, obviously very drunk. When Mrs Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The Reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the Reverend wound up on top Of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The pub landlord looked over and said, 'Oi Mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub.' The Reverend looked up at the landlord and said, 'But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Flapps.' The landlord nodded and> said, 'Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish.

A good one Taddy!

Not PC, but think allowed here.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eyes.

Eyes who?

Eyes be yo new

pres-e-dent!!

Is that some fancy sort of chewing gum.

Not PC, but think allowed here.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eyes.

Eyes who?

Eyes be yo new

pres-e-dent!!

I think forum rules ban political discussion

Not PC, but think allowed here.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eyes.

Eyes who?

Eyes be yo new

pres-e-dent!!

I think forum rules ban political discussion

Don't be so short-sighted........ Focus on the real issue, but be quick ! Blink and it'll be gone in a lash.

Not PC, but think allowed here.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Eyes.

Eyes who?

Eyes be yo new

pres-e-dent!!

I think forum rules ban political discussion

Don't be so short-sighted........ Focus on the real issue, but be quick ! Blink and it'll be gone in a lash.

or moved to outside the box where such discussions are allowed or even encouraged

CB

What's the difference between Gary Glitter and Arthur Scargill ?

Scargill hasn't seen a miner's helmet for twenty years now...........I'll get my coat.

But just before I go....Breaking news.

Gary Glitter has been arrested in the UK. They found a Class1 drug in his car, a Class3 in his kitchen and Class 5 in his bedroom.....See Yah

You are so very naughty suiging!

Why thanks Tiggs