wifes family

[HeijoshinCool]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

Yes, but you see, there is a big difference between pleasant Thai people that want to interact and disrespectful, xenophobic ones that don't, as in HeijoshinCool's case. And that goes for families in the West, or anywhere. Surely one does not have to put up with bad behaviour, to be part of the clan, just because one lives here and is married to a person?

I see this a lot with certain expats, they put up with it all and cannot bring themselves to question any aspect of the choice they made in life. In your case, it sounds like you have a decent extended family, and so do I to a degree (well, MIL is good and hardworking), but even so I could not put up with a big visit for long. That's just me, why do I have to bend over backwards and let my culture fly out the window because I live here?

.

Right, one certainly does not have to put up with bad behavior, especially disrespectful bad behavior. I would not tolerate someone in my family treating my wife poorly. Period.

While my wife loves her family members and sends Mom and Dad money every month, she has no desire to interact with them more than every now and then. She was pretty pissed when they talked about me like I wasn't even there.

And contrary to what others here are saying, I did not marry her family any more than she married mine. We married each other. And we respect each other's feelings and differences.

Thankfully, we are both what most would call "loners," and don't socialize much. And we sure respect each other's privacy. My wife would never think of inviting a group of people into "our" house.

A man leaves his parents and cleaves unto his wife and they become one flesh. Sums it up as far as priorities. There always must be primacy in relationships, or there will be conflict.

[Ruin]

It seems to be more about the relationship with the wife rather than the family. If it wasn't for the wife we wouldn't consider entertaining the crowd of Thais. Gotta talk with the wife, expect to meet in the middle but this is the way it is in Thailand. The family likes to get together and party, just check out New Year and Songkran. Etiquette? Seriously? As in a library book? Not common knowledge in Isaan. I was amazed that nobody brought toiletries or spare clothes. Glad I kept all of those hotel toothbrushes and shampoos!

Prepare your house. Remove things like quality scotch, valuable electronics, perfumes, gold, rings and breakables.

They'll all happily sleep on floors, eat basic food, get a ladle for the bathroom.

Can't enjoy it? I understand that, there are often people who love to live in Thailand but are not so keen to be immersed in Thai ways.

One thing that cannot be avoided is the fact that the family coming/wanting t visit is inevitable.

[mikemac]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

Thanks HeijoshinCool, reading your comment not only gave me a good belly laugh but made me realize what a great family my wife has.

Her parents are great and I spend more time with them when we visit the farm in Surin than she does.

She has a brother who is a hard-working drunk, but he is a great guy and a good husband and father. Her army of brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunties nieces and nephews are overall pretty good people. And they treat me like one of the family.

The OP by crickets was funny too, especially the line - "My wife now says "they think u dont like them?"................Classic Thai

Edited January 3, 2015 by mikemac

[Nemesis7]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

Totally agree with Bettlejuice.

[ggt]

if you come around for a few moments and just greet and say hello to them...you will quickly be forgotten and can escape to your friends apartment unnoticed...

They may look for you if there is a need to do a grocery run or need to pay for some other expense...so leave a few extra baht with the little lady...

[Thaiberius]

The family weirdness thing is even more apparent when they do the same in their chosen country of residence/marriage. I have Thai friends in the UK whose family set-up gives me the jitters and none of it affects me directly. Outside Thailand it just seems plain weird.

[Floater 7]

My wife's Thai family are terrific. My ex-wife's farang family were a bunch of weirdos.

I know what you mean!

Both my exwives families were weirdos. Thai girlfriends family very nice people. Just wish I was fluent in Thai.

Edited January 3, 2015 by Floater 7

[Gringogazzer]

I thought that posts on TV had to be in English. Your should be You're, It is FARANG not forang, has DOWN ???? Bustards??? be prepared to the door mat ???

And yet such an English phrase...BEGGARS BELIEF with I before E correctly.

Your post is hardly fully comprehensible.

Jai yen yen.

Read between the lines as I did yours.

[steven100]

Little different but same Thai style.

I lived in Udon Thani (city) once for 11 months. The family lived just 5 minutes walk away.

Everyday the whole family would hangout at my/our place.

No rest, quiet or peace. Fridge always plundered (until I stopped filling it).

After about one month I had enough and made myself very clear.

GET THE HELL OUT AND DON'T COME BACK WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT.

A miracle happened, they never came to "visit" again.

After that I never got invited at their filthy, chicken and dogs shack, but I could live with that.

'filthy, chicken and dogs shack,'

yep, agree ... just built a new home with new kitchen cupboards ... there's a big redwood table they could clear all the crap off and sit down to eat ...

but they still like to site outside on the front porch .. on the tiles and have dinner next to the chicken crap or just in side the door on the floor. Don't seem to try to have a nice place with everything new.

They hoard so much junk ... difficult to even look clean ..

Don't think they'll ever change ....

I wasn't gonna be in that ... so what did I do ... ?

I built another bungalow on the same block for myself ..... ah .. peace & quite & reasonably clean.

[mikiea]

This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other...

You marry a Thai and you marry the family, as we know, but some don't understand the longterm meaning. It's not merely providing financial assistance where necessary but welcoming the extended family when they appear on the doorstep unannounced. What did the OP expect?

Thais will convene a party over the successful removal of an ingrowing toenail. They need to socialise.

For an easy life, just accept it.

well , seems your family has your # . marry a thai and you marry her family ? you are insane, you excuse your own failure with the statement you "mary" the family. dude man up, its your father inlaws job to take care of his family unless you are porking mom in law. it is his job, he understands this, let him do what ever is needed as long as his hands stay outta you pockets. oh yea, stop it the whine, makes me want to wish them good luck in punking you :-)

[transam]

We must remember that the New Year thing is the highlight of all Thai folks year. They travel the length and breadth of the country to be together, so to me it is the one time we must grin and bear it or perhaps have a good time.

Must admit this was the first year nothing happened and I went out on my own and got sozzled with farangs where a punch up ensued.

[pgrahmm]

Had a great time in Cha Am over N.Yrs with 10 of us....staying at their farm before and after....did some touring and waterfall seeing....they've never asked for anything other than sharing pleasant company....no drama or loud talk but lots of caring and laughter.....they pay their way....BIL and I polished of a large bottle of Bacardi the night of the 1st while the ladies all had 2 Spy cordials esch - but they only had 1 apiece while they chatted and cooked.....going to visit the grandma today then karaoke tonight while winding down before the drive back.....always a good visit when they come our way for a few days....good solid good natured/humored quiet folks.....pretty much the same as the big French gatherings growing up cogeniality wise....I'd say the ones not embracing their families are probably more of the problem than the families themselves by and large....

[geronimo]

We must remember that the New Year thing is the highlight of all Thai folks year. They travel the length and breadth of the country to be together, so to me it is the one time we must grin and bear it or perhaps have a good time.

Must admit this was the first year nothing happened and I went out on my own and got sozzled with farangs where a punch up ensued.

Do tell us about the fight, sounds interesting!

[Loles]

Dear my friends,

You have a big mistake, cause you all thought you have a Thai ( or 68.765 % Chinese or genuine Isaan) partner and your wife is alone.

(Yes if you have picked up her for orphanage:).)

But no, she has a big family, and this big family would like to see "their daughter"'s lucky, they want to see where dose she live, what kind of refrigerator she has, how looks her husband (how old is he, how much wealthy, etc ..).

If you can't accept it and run away from your home when they are just arrived, this is the most impolite thing in Thailand. This shows them you don't respect your wife also, you mind them as animals, who just annoy you.

I'm not so smart, and I made this mistake before too (many times).

But now I try to accept them, try to find the words to them, and try to find out any activity for the little fun, not only alcohol.

For example I made a small badminton area with net, and if I let down the net this "court" is ready to play for foot tennis, or try to teach their children to swim.

If you take them some-where you have to pay the bill cause in the TH culture always the wealthiest member of company has to pay the common bill. This is fact, don't try to fight against an especially old tradition.

They are not bad people at all, they are curious, and they enjoy to visit some-one who is wealthier than them, and like to see how do you live, what is your food, how do you make coffee, etc ... They can feel them-self inside a Thai soap movie as they watch everyday.

Just try to be friendly with them, and do think, this is not for all your life, a few days, and they will leave and your ordinary life comes back.

Your wife will be extremely grateful cause you didn't make her to loose face.

If something is broken you may repair, not a big lost, you didn't die, your wife will clean up, and you saved your family peace.

Something like this.

[maynard420]

Ok so 13 of my wifes family invade my house for 5 days over new year so i move to a friends apartment. How much of my time do i have to spend with them? 5 mins to say hallo or go around every night and smile and look stupid? I spent the whole night new years with them and dont want to go back there. Is this rude? My wife now says "they think u dont like them?" Which is true because i dont. How much time would u spend with them?[/quote

Tell your wife the truth bro, it is your house not her families house, tell her next time they have to get a hotel room and can only cone over for dinner then they have to leave, I had the same happen with me, I didn't fly 8,000 miles to be some what bullied out of your own house, if you give in all the time they will think it is ok for every occasion and that could be a disaster, imagine Songkran when they are there for 2 weeks, there are a million single women if your wife gets snippy about it.

Good luck.

[AYJAYDEE]

Ok so 13 of my wifes family invade my house for 5 days over new year so i move to a friends apartment. How much of my time do i have to spend with them? 5 mins to say hallo or go around every night and smile and look stupid? I spent the whole night new years with them and dont want to go back there. Is this rude? My wife now says "they think u dont like them?" Which is true because i dont. How much time would u spend with them?[/quote

Tell your wife the truth bro, it is your house not her families house, tell her next time they have to get a hotel room and can only cone over for dinner then they have to leave, I had the same happen with me, I didn't fly 8,000 miles to be some what bullied out of your own house, if you give in all the time they will think it is ok for every occasion and that could be a disaster, imagine Songkran when they are there for 2 weeks, there are a million single women if your wife gets snippy about it.

Good luck.

so how you gonna move "your" house off her property?

[transam]

We must remember that the New Year thing is the highlight of all Thai folks year. They travel the length and breadth of the country to be together, so to me it is the one time we must grin and bear it or perhaps have a good time.

Must admit this was the first year nothing happened and I went out on my own and got sozzled with farangs where a punch up ensued.

Do tell us about the fight, sounds interesting!

Haven't a clue what it was about, I was a bit pissed and dived in to break it up, to old for that shit really, but all ended well...

[KhnomKhnom]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

I can see why you are bored.... you have no ability to adapt nor get curious about things different from your valuable self. The loss of face was all yours, and your dope backpack, and why should people talk to a person too lazy to try to learn their language? What precious YOU want is for Thai to be LIKE YOU.... I am so glad they are clearly not.

[nickcar]

This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other...

You marry a Thai and you marry the family, as we know, but some don't understand the longterm meaning. It's not merely providing financial assistance where necessary but welcoming the extended family when they appear on the doorstep unannounced. What did the OP expect?

Thais will convene a party over the successful removal of an ingrowing toenail. They need to socialise.

For an easy life, just accept it.

well , seems your family has your # . marry a thai and you marry her family ? you are insane, you excuse your own failure with the statement you "mary" the family. dude man up, its your father inlaws job to take care of his family unless you are porking mom in law. it is his job, he understands this, let him do what ever is needed as long as his hands stay outta you pockets. oh yea, stop it the whine, makes me want to wish them good luck in punking you :-)

Wow. What happened to you? Want to live the life of a hermit? Cant afford to help others less fortunate than yourself? Don't like thais? I wonder why you live here?

[KhnomKhnom]

Get out of Thailand if you are so unhappy. Learn Buddhist ways and be much less selfish. Thai have no reason to want to copy your behavior.

[transam]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

I can see why you are bored.... you have no ability to adapt nor get curious about things different from your valuable self. The loss of face was all yours, and your dope backpack, and why should people talk to a person too lazy to try to learn their language? What precious YOU want is for Thai to be LIKE YOU.... I am so glad they are clearly not.

Perhaps many of us have done all the Thai stuff and after a while it gets boring. I cannot imagine all Thai folk enjoying what we do in farangland on our occasions.

[geronimo]

We must remember that the New Year thing is the highlight of all Thai folks year. They travel the length and breadth of the country to be together, so to me it is the one time we must grin and bear it or perhaps have a good time.

Must admit this was the first year nothing happened and I went out on my own and got sozzled with farangs where a punch up ensued.

Do tell us about the fight, sounds interesting!

Haven't a clue what it was about, I was a bit pissed and dived in to break it up, to old for that shit really, but all ended well...

Glad to hear that. Too often the alcohol turns nice things nasty. Life's too short and all that.

[RBOP]

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A similar situation happened to me. Out of the blue a dozen of my wife's family showed up practically out of the blue and used our small 68 sq.m two bedroom condo with one shower as a base while they toured Bangkok and area. They stayed 5 nights before moving on. It drove me absolutely bonkers and nearly ended our marriage. In the start I even offered to put them all up in hotel but my wife wouldn't have that. I made sure I stayed out as long as possible and got up earlier for work before they all woke up to take a shower. After they left, I told my wife if her family ever does that again she I would kick them and her out on the spot. Its never happened again since and every time I go to her village its a big festival for which I foot the bill. I have learned to live with it.

why didnt YOU go to a hotel if it bothered you so much?

That's was the part that almost ended our marriage. Also it would have caused great embarrassment and loss of face to my wife and her family and loss of face for myself. Why should I leave have to leave my castle. I didn't kick them out either as that would have ended our marriage and cause massive loss of face to everyone. Face is more important than anything in Asian society.

its not just your castle, it belongs to her as well. and if I couldnt come up with a story about why I had to take off for a few days, I'd be embarrassed.

Agh, you must be one of those women liber's.

No you are incorrect. It is my castle 100%. I owned it way before meeting my wife and its in our prenuptial agreement drawn up by my lawyer and submitted with our marriage certificate with Nai Ampher as witness at City Hall. Nice try. I guess you will now want to speak to my wife to tell she can sue me to get half or maybe all.

Edited January 3, 2015 by RBOP

[bigwhitewarrior]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also make an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I understand a lot more than before. In fact her family make an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

Edited January 3, 2015 by bigwhitewarrior

[MZurf]

Such a lot of sad ar-ses, your lives must be extremely stressful and miserable in Thailand, where everything that should be jovial is considered a great inconvenience and a burden, an intrusion into their territories.

We had many of the family round for Christmas, my BiLs, SiLs, wife`s cousins, aunts, uncles and nephew. In all about 22 of us and we had a wonderful time. The wife`s family done all the cooking and clearing up afterwards, I just sat there being sociable and enjoying the company. Loved it.

I would imagine that the attitudes displayed by some posters here is a portrayal of their characters in general. This is Thailand, where families still matter and have close ties with each other and as regards some of you that think the relatives are talking about you and consider you as the stupid farang, then quite frankly I can`t blame them.

.

Not stressed or miserable at all, bud. And it appears you got the luck of the draw. That's great! Your experience is likely the exception to the rule.

When I was a boy, I read Emily Post's Guide to Etiquette. 800 pages. There were ten copies in my junior high library. I learned proper manners for all occasions. The adults in my life reinforced what I had read.

As an adult, the sphere I associate in also practices good manners. To the point if they don't like someone they will go out of their way to smile, speak well to them, and add a sir or ma'am on the end of each sentence.

That's polite, non-racist, social behavior. It shows tolerance and good breeding.

When I'm told how polite Thais are, that the wai is such a beautiful greeting, then two people that I'm going to have a relationship with for years to come don't return my properly performed wai that I accompanied with a genuine smile, well, screw 'em. I moved on, and my wife stands behind me 100%.

Having said that, I just returned to the States and had Thanksgiving with my extended family at my nephew's home. The experience was nothing like when I was a kid, where we sat at a table quietly while the adults engaged in a conversation that was meant to be a learning experience for us kids.

Nope, all the kids had their cellphones out, taking selfies and sending messages. When they weren't doing that they were interrupting the adults with inane comments meant to garner them attention, or getting up from the table and running about. Their parents said nothing.

The whole world is becoming me, me, me. Not just Thailand. But that's not what the OP is about.

Sometime ago some of my relatives from the States came to visit Chiang Mai. I arranged to meet them in the town at their hotel. My cousin, her husband and their 2 teenage daughters. Had not seen them for many years previous to that visit and after being in their company for the first hour I began getting an overwhelming urge to obtain a gun and wipe the lot of them out. The 2 teenage sisters were constantly on their mobile phones as if they were surgically attached to their ears, the parents were constantly interrupting our conversation by using their mobile phones and fiddling with their ipads and laptop computers. As soon as we hit their hotel, the girls immediately launched themselves onto the hotel`s free use computers to continue on their facebook activities giving a moment by moment account of what they were up to. I was extremely relived when my time came to say goodbye and thought to myself, if I don`t see them ever again even that will be too soon. This brought home to me that I could never return back to the west, and if I did I don`t think I would last long. And this is why my philosophy here in Thailand has become; if I can't beat them then it`s best to join them if I am going to be happy here.

There are many things that irritate me in Thailand also but as a rule I am the most happiest here than anywhere else. The past is the past, there is no going back to the good old days. For those who continue to rebel, unable to adapt and find the Thai way of life and attitudes irritating will never be truly happy and content here in Thailand. In my opinion one either loves or hates living in Thailand, there is no in-between.

Then your opinion is wrong. It's perfectly possible to love some aspects of life in LOS while hating other aspects of it. I should know since this describes my life here. But for me the good outweighs the bad. The day the opposite is the case I will start looking for alternative places to live.

[AYJAYDEE]

In four years I have spent the sum total of five minutes with my wife's parents. The first time we met. I wai'ed, they stared. Then they turned their backs and started chattering away with their brood, oblivious to the fact I could understand they were talking about me.

So I walked out, and up the rural rubber tree road with a backpack slung over my shoulder. All their neighbors watched me go; talk about a loss of Face for the home team!

My wife's sister is a snob because her husband works at Tesco () , and the brothers are dumber than bricks. None has an ounce of etiquette experience.

I have interacted with serial killers who, upon meeting them, smiled more and asked me friendly questions about myself. They wanted to shake my hand (I declined).

But these two people were as unwelcome and rude as a fart at a wine tasting.

I can see why you are bored.... you have no ability to adapt nor get curious about things different from your valuable self. The loss of face was all yours, and your dope backpack, and why should people talk to a person too lazy to try to learn their language? What precious YOU want is for Thai to be LIKE YOU.... I am so glad they are clearly not.

Perhaps many of us have done all the Thai stuff and after a while it gets boring. I cannot imagine all Thai folk enjoying what we do in farangland on our occasions.

its obviously not the thai "stuff" that gets boring but the thai people. So many farang cheapskates who cant afford antigua or the bahamas move to thailand hoping to take advantage of the plusses of the country without actually having to deal with the inhabitants. and then they cant understand why their bedmate wont think like them and give up everything she's grown up with! unbelievable.

[NeverSure]

The mother in law, sister and niece live on the other side of the village in two houses and the MIL’s extended family live in a village 5 km away, so when people came recently they had plenty of places to stay without bothering us. My wife usually goes to visit them for a while during the day before returning to the quiet of our home.

The kids like to come play in our yard or catch fish in our pond but fortunately non of them feel comfortable in our house. I guess it is too different from what they are used to, and they don’t know how to act, so they feel uncomfortable. Our Bangkok friends love to come and stay with us but not the family.

It should be pointed out that there is no alcohol or karaoke at out house, so unless someone likes good old fashioned conversation in a quiet surrounding, boredom is likely to set in quickly. Again our Bangkok friends quite enjoy the peace and quiet along with the conversation and views.

Those are beautiful people and they look very nice. You are fortunate.

[Loles]

I thought that posts on TV had to be in English. Your should be You're, It is FARANG not forang, has DOWN ???? Bustards??? be prepared to the door mat ???

And yet such an English phrase...BEGGARS BELIEF with I before E correctly.

Many thanks Khun Kru.

Or life became to absolute with your post.

Prick.

[transam]

I have been woth my GF family many times in issan ... sharing the food from frogs to ants to rats... of course not every farang can even imagine eating this food but I want to ! I also male an effort of learning propper thai reading speaking writing the lot .. and now only 1 month into learning I undrstand a lot more than before. In fact her family male an effort to speak very simple thai with me so that I understand even easier. I think if you make an effort to get to know them propperly and the way things are here in thailand, then you might actually enjoy being here...otherwise ...go home .

;-)

I think it is out of order to tell folk to "go home". We are all different in our outlook on life and how we want to live it, same as many Thai folk don't really like adjusting to a farangs stuff yet thay marry a farang.

PS. If you want to eat crap that is up to you but I for one will not.

[akentryan]

There are always exceptions. My wife just passed away yesterday with lung cancer that transferred cancer cells to the brain. We had 6 sisters, 2 brothers, a couple of in-laws, a niece and nephew arrive. They were an absolute God send. They took care of all the Wat arrangements and most of the minor bills. I would have been totally at a loss without them - I am at a loss anyway without my wife but it would have been overwhelming otherwise. I will miss them immensely when they all drift away.