How to ask a Thai girl out

[zyva]

I travel to Thailand every 2 months and met May at work. She is a 20ish Thai girl who has just started her career as a marketing associate. I am in my early 30s and have not had many experiences with Thai girls.

 

May and I hit off rather well and we would message each other on Line. It then became video call on a nightly basis. Nothing kinky, just decent chatting and some mild flirting. I thought that she liked me.

 

However, asking her out was very humiliating... Here's the story.

 

She initiated our first date. Asked me if I wanted to go JJ market with her on her birthday and then somewherr else for a nice dinner. I asked her if it was a date and she said yes. So I made plans to go Bangkok on her Birthday.

 

Fast forward to the day, one hour before our meet up, she messaged and asked if she can bring along a friend. I was completely surprised. I was wondering if she didn't know what a date is, or that she was trying to back out of it. So I told her, if she wanted to hangout with her friend, she can just do so. I would not be joining her anymore . She became very upset and updated her Line profile with a black image, stating in her mood that someone  spoiled her birthday. I was completely speechless.

 

So I thought maybe I offended her and I went to her workplace the next morning to explain. I said I was pissed cos I was expecting a Date and I explained to her what a date is. We pinky promised that my next trip here, we would go on a date, one on one. 

 

I left for Hong Kong and during that trip we were on very good terms. We continued to video call each other and one night she cried and asked me to come back to Bangkok ASAP. Se said she missed me terribly. Being cautious this time, I asked her to choose a date. She said Saturday as she wold have the whole day with me. I said ok.

 

Fast forward to Friday, I was back in Bangkok to get ready for Saturday. We talked online and she asked me if she should work OT for her company on Saturday. I was again pissed. Like hello, didn't you ask me to fly in to meet you this Saturday? She said I didn't understand her. Yea, I really couldn't understand. I asked her why she wanted to schedule work on the day she asked to meet. She avoided the question and suggested we could probably do pizza for an hour in between her work. I said no thanks and I flew out of Bangkok.

 

her Line profile turned black and someone has spoiled her day.... again. 

 

I went to Singapore and we were still talking on Line. However, I became confrontational and asked her if she wanted to date me. She couldn't give a direct answer and I told her that it's fine, I'll take it as she didn't want to date and I won't ask anymore. She replied  . I asked what was wrong with her. When I wanted to date her she treated me like a monkey. When I wanted to stop she  . I decided she was probably mind fking me and I blocked and deleted her Line contact.

 

2 months passed, and I thought of her a lot. One day, her friend messaged me and said she wanted to reconnect. I added her back and we started talking. This time, she was very proactive in flirting. I told myself not to fall for it again.

 

then she sent to,d me she missed me a lot, and that she will wait for me to be back in back in Bangkok. She asked if I knew what that meant. I really don't.

 

So I am writing this because I need some advice. Is she playing me or am I missing something here? Is there a culture thing here I'm not aware of?

 

murpch appreciated

[anotheruser]

I am pretty sure you know the answer already and just don't want to admit it. In case you are still uncertain this pic explains it pretty well...

[meatboy]

she her the thickness of whats in your trouser pocket.

[chiang mai]

2 hours ago, anotheruser said:

I am pretty sure you know the answer already and just don't want to admit it. In case you are still uncertain this pic explains it pretty well...

 

Buy an ass, sit on it and point at the restaurant you want to take her to with a long stick?

[anotheruser]

Maybe the carrot doesn't show up so well in B&W.

[Dmaxdan]

It is very common for a Thai lady to bring a chaperone with her on a first and maybe second and third dates. You have to just go with it and be patient and when she is ready she will go out with you alone.


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[JLCrab]

Carrot & Stick, huh? ... or as Dorothy Parker put it:

 

You can bring a horticulture but you can't make her think,

[petermik]

You say you are in your early 30,s yet you clearly show a lack of maturity in dealing with women,especially decent Thai women who Dmaxdan very accurately refers to in the above post.

Most thai,s will flirt online with you but it is a totally different matter when in public,give her one more opportunity of meeting you AND invite her friend along also as she will be expected to give her opinion of you also,don,t expect any kissing or holding hands initially,let her dictate the pace of the relationship if you are really keen on her,given time it may well pan out in the way you would like.....if not let her down gently and look for another...........there,s thousands of them in Thailand.

If at first you don,t succeed move on and try another

[Berkshire]

I would never recommend to a friend--or even a stranger--to engage in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl.  Especially if she's young and attractive.  You're setting yourself up for a fall.  There will always be other men in the shadows.  Guaranteed. 

[i claudius]

1 hour ago, Dmaxdan said:

It is very common for a Thai lady to bring a chaperone with her on a first and maybe second and third dates. You have to just go with it and be patient and when she is ready she will go out with you alone.


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On my first date with my now wife , her sister came along , and insisted that we went back to my office ,where she spoke to my partners wife , when she realized that i was not just some falang out to "ravage " her sister (i was at the time) but they did not know it , we went off to her sisters  restaurant where half the family were , great first date !!, still in the end it was worth it .this message will self destruct in 30 seconds ,so the wife doesnt read it,lol

Edited October 16, 2016 by i claudius

[oldhippy]

40 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

I would never recommend to a friend--or even a stranger--to engage in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl.  Especially if she's young and attractive.  You're setting yourself up for a fall.  There will always be other men in the shadows.  Guaranteed. 

I am truly sorry for you, reading about your misfortunes Berkshire.

But please do not generalize your experiences.

Not all women are bad.

Not all Thai are bad.

Keep an open mind!

 

[1FinickyOne]

Yes, you are missing something - - it is traditional that a first date and often more involve a chaperone, usually her best friend. If it is to be a serious relationship, she wants her friends and maybe some family members to meet you too.

 

This goes back some, but when I first dated my wife, we were accompanied by the friend who made the introduction. I know this will sound excessive to you, but for the first 2 months, we had group dates with her friends and a couple of times, I brought a friend too. I truly had no problem with it as I understood that we were in Thailand and this was her custom and what she was comfortable doing. I let her do it her way as I wanted her to be comfortable. With a relaxed approach, it was fun for me too to meet her friends and get an idea of who she was too, as her friends were all really nice people.

 

ps - your being aggressive and confrontational is not going to help her feel relaxed with you.  

 

 

Edited October 16, 2016 by kenk24

[eldragon]

I mean... I don't know what to say about this one?  Thai girls- especially ones in the their twenties- are largely like teenagers. So, in the future, go into things with that in mind.

[Peterw42]

As others have said, the chaperone is a normal thing. It actually means she puts you in the (maybe) serious boyfriend category. My experience with Thai dating is, go out as friends or you are the boyfriend. There isn't an area in between, like western dating.

[i claudius]

Going on "a date" here in Thailand is a lot different to paying for a girls time in a bar, that's business,I know it sometimes does turn into a relationship, but not in the begining

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[NoshowJones]

3 hours ago, i claudius said:

 

On my first date with my now wife , her sister came along , and insisted that we went back to my office ,where she spoke to my partners wife , when she realized that i was not just some falang out to "ravage " her sister (i was at the time) but they did not know it , we went off to her sisters  restaurant where half the family were , great first date !!, still in the end it was worth it .this message will self destruct in 30 seconds ,so the wife doesnt read it,lol

I bet you paid for all the meals.

[i claudius]

I bet you paid for all the meals.

Funny that I didn't have to pay as it was their restaurant, why should I have to pay?

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[StreetCowboy]

4 hours ago, anotheruser said:

Maybe the carrot doesn't show up so well in B&W.

It's not a carrot, it's a windmill

[zyva]

Thank you for the advice.

I now understand that I have screwed it up at the very start. I didn't know it was a custom to bring along a friend. 

I cannot imagine being the friend brought along for this purpose. It would be super awkward.

But just for discussion sake, if she brings a friend, does that mean I can bring one too? 

[AlexRRR]

If your for real then she's dicking you around, once blocked leave blocked, cant believe you few in from HK just for a date, in the end it says a lot about you, Thai girls can be inconsiderate for sure and buddy if she "dint get it" when you flew in twice was it? just to go on a date with her she isn't worth the trouble, plenty of attractive Thai women who would have appreciated the gesture.

[manarak]

58 minutes ago, zyva said:

Thank you for the advice.

I now understand that I have screwed it up at the very start. I didn't know it was a custom to bring along a friend. 

I cannot imagine being the friend brought along for this purpose. It would be super awkward.

But just for discussion sake, if she brings a friend, does that mean I can bring one too? 

 

ummmm.... I would suggest you first practice on some "easy women" in Thailand first and get some experience of Thailand and Thai women - it will be a good opportunity for you to learn a little about Thai customs and what is on offer.

Remote relationships with Thai girls don't work.

 

Quote

I went to Singapore and we were still talking on Line. However, I became confrontational and asked her if she wanted to date me. She couldn't give a direct answer and I told her that it's fine, I'll take it as she didn't want to date and I won't ask anymore. She replied  . I asked what was wrong with her. When I wanted to date her she treated me like a monkey. When I wanted to stop she  . I decided she was probably mind fking me and I blocked and deleted her Line contact.

 

2 months passed, and I thought of her a lot. One day, her friend messaged me and said she wanted to reconnect. I added her back and we started talking. This time, she was very proactive in flirting. I told myself not to fall for it again.

 

then she sent to,d me she missed me a lot, and that she will wait for me to be back in back in Bangkok. She asked if I knew what that meant. I really don't.

 

"wait for you" means she will be available for you to meet her. sounds like she wants to meet you without a friend this time, and possibly more than just meet - or not - can never be sure with Thai girls.

but it seems like she discussed the matter with a friend who advised her to change strategy. "Farang are like this and that" the friend would have told and advised her to be direct.

 

Thai women are very good at being flexible and say what you want to hear and do what you want them to do, and they will do it as long as they want you.

Thai dating is very different from dating in the West.

I would advise you to just do what you imagined, and if this involves kindly ordering her around a little I think she will not mind that.

 

In a nutshell - go there, meet her, don't be afraid to *tell* her what you want to do (not ask if she agrees - most Thai girls like to follow the boss, and the boss that's you) and enjoy the ride.

 

The other nice thing in Thailand is that you don't need to be afraid of "losing" a girl, because there are so many opportunities. It's probably the country where the advice "just be yourself" works best.

[zyva]

1 hour ago, AlexRRR said:

If your for real then she's dicking you around, once blocked leave blocked, cant believe you few in from HK just for a date, in the end it says a lot about you, Thai girls can be inconsiderate for sure and buddy if she "dint get it" when you flew in twice was it? just to go on a date with her she isn't worth the trouble, plenty of attractive Thai women who would have appreciated the gesture.

Well I don't think there's anything wrong to fly in for a date, tat's if the other party is sincere as well. I was definitely pissed that she didn't respect my time too. If I was staying in Bangkok and she stood me up once or twice, I probably would have been more chilled about it. 

I told myself the same anyway, she isn't worth the trouble. just adopting a wait and see attitude now to see if she's making big enough a change. 

[zyva]

1 hour ago, manarak said:

 

 

The other nice thing in Thailand is that you don't need to be afraid of "losing" a girl, because there are so many opportunities. It's probably the country where the advice "just be yourself" works best.

Good advice, definitely have to be ourselves and not change for anyone. Now I do understand a little on their custom, and she seems to be making a little changes, we'll see if that works out. 

Thai dating is definitely different by the way, not the most efficient way to date I will say. 

[Donutz]

I don't want to sound rude but I must agree with Peter that you showed a lack of maturity in dealing with this woman. I cannot imagen calling of a date/meeting so blundly because the other one brought a friend or chapparone. Or pushing her hard for answers. Now  her going to work OT rather then meeting you is rude on her side. You both made mistakes but how about simply meeting her in a way she feels comfortable. If at any point you feel like you are being taken for a ride I'm sure you can figure it out and act accordingly. It isn't rocket science, simply do what feels right and be flexible. 

 

Long distance relationships can work just fine, if ofcourse one can move countries and live with the other person down the line. Is there a risk? Sure there always is a risk that a guy or a girl is flirting and dating with multiple partners and such a thing would be even easier if long distance is involved. But most people are fine and good people so aslong as you follow both your brain and heart you should be just fine. Use common sense, never do anything that you are not prepared to lose. Then do whatever feels natural. Ignore the silly replies that long distance does not work.

 

I was in my mid 20's when I met my girl (also mid 20's, 3 years my senior) in Thailand, we had a chat, exchanged e-mails. No intentions behind it, I made various make and female friends/contacts during my holidays abroad. Most would end rather soon, some I still keep in touch with. Back home it unexpectidly grew into flirting and a relationship. I flew back to Thailand after 10 months or so, she brought a friend on the first day, they picked me up at the airport and I thought nothing of it. She had some time off from work, but obviously not for a full month. She went back to work (office), I met her coworkers. Used that time to explore the city. Anyway we had a great time. It took almost a year for my next visit, she quit her job to hang out for a month with me, after which we flew back to Europe together. She stayed 3 months. Half a year later we started her immigration process. In all it took us two years before before she moves in with me. Got married two years after that. We had a smashing time. Sadly tragedy struck and I am now widowed. But every day had been a blessing (is that possible for an agnostic person? 55). Us rushing back home to Skype, the genuine sparkles in eachothers eyes. Simply great. Just use common sense, be flexible. Can things go wrong? Sure, but if you used common sense any damage done should be minimal. You never know what can happen unless you give it a go. If both you and her are serious and genuine, you can move mountains. And if it does not work out, well, atleast you now know and tried.

 

So I'd suggest not to bother with the advice of others. Ignore this post aswell, do what feels right to you. Hope you can act a bit more mature and  polish off a bit of that rude and inflexable behanhiour though.  

[Donutz]

And remember that all people are unique. You cannot generalize all people of a certain gender, nationality, age group or what not. I usually just start laughing if I read generalisations. You do what you think is best, ignore the lump summing, it will only give you a headache. Don't ask others (strangers) for feedback, be yourself and see where this ship takes you. Have an escape ready just incase and you will do just fine.

[Berkshire]

8 hours ago, oldhippy said:

I am truly sorry for you, reading about your misfortunes Berkshire.

But please do not generalize your experiences.

Not all women are bad.

Not all Thai are bad.

Keep an open mind!

 

 

I've never engaged in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl, or any girl for that matter.  What are you talking about?

[Razzler1973]

Firstly, you're living in HK? I spent many years there and dude ... HK women, jeez!! Why are you flying into Bangkok?!

 

That aside and no reason to beat a dead horse but bit immature. Not all Thai women will suggest bringing someone with them but it's not totally uncommon. Just go with it. If you really don't fancy spending the entire day with her friend there play it by ear, see how the evening pans out. Her friend may disappear.

 

You don't like in Bangkok all the time, there's probably some questions there. Then you go explain what an actual date is to her and probably terrify her!! Jeez, take it easy, mate.

 

The OT sounds like thoughtlessness, rudeness or game playing, neither desireable. She may have wanted you to insist 'no, I thought we were going out' so was floating it out there to gauge your reaction, what are you  expecting, she may be trying to work this out.

 

After some blocking and changing profile pictures I'd probably be fed up with that tbh but sounds like you're not much more mature yourself at this stage, mate.

 

If you want to spend time with her make sure she's comfortable, you know, the woman you like, you're not dictating how things should be. Go with the chaperone and if you feel like the thing is going nowhere then rethink if you want to continue seeing her but at least go with it

[oldhippy]

9 hours ago, oldhippy said:

I am truly sorry for you, reading about your misfortunes Berkshire.

But please do not generalize your experiences.

Not all women are bad.

Not all Thai are bad.

Keep an open mind!

 

BERKSHIRE replied to my post: I've never engaged in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl, or any girl for that matter.  What are you talking about?

 

BERKSHIRE said originally: I would never recommend to a friend--or even a stranger--to engage in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl.  Especially if she's young and attractive.  You're setting yourself up for a fall.  There will always be other men in the shadows.  Guaranteed.

 

In my opinion, BERKSHIRE is just bashing Thais, women, and Thai women in particular - he even admits that he has NO experience with them - he bases himself on hear say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Berkshire]

10 minutes ago, oldhippy said:

BERKSHIRE replied to my post: I've never engaged in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl, or any girl for that matter.  What are you talking about?

 

BERKSHIRE said originally: I would never recommend to a friend--or even a stranger--to engage in a long distance relationship with a Thai girl.  Especially if she's young and attractive.  You're setting yourself up for a fall.  There will always be other men in the shadows.  Guaranteed.

 

In my opinion, BERKSHIRE is just bashing Thais, women, and Thai women in particular - he even admits that he has NO experience with them - he bases himself on hear say.

 

 

You have some serious reading comprehension issues.  I'm dating a Thai girl right now.  I'm talking about LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS.  What part of that do you not understand? 

[oldhippy]

2 minutes ago, Berkshire said:

 

You have some serious reading comprehension issues.  I'm dating a Thai girl right now.  I'm talking about LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS.  What part of that do you not understand? 

The part that I do not understand is how you can give advise on things you have never done?

Such as long distance relationships with Thai women.

Ah, just bash on.