Can you ever come first?

[billd766]

3 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Ohhhh, i have seen and heard that the only thing one gets back is.....PROBLEMS. Of all kind 

 

That may have happened to you but it doesn't mean that it happens to everybody.

[transam]

3 hours ago, Been there done that said:

Ohhhh, i have seen and heard that the only thing one gets back is.....PROBLEMS. Of all kind 

But not to you...?

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎27‎/‎2017 at 10:42 PM, Been there done that said:

Your last sentence, you still must be very naive at old age. The only result is <deleted> up kids becoming <deleted> up adults who are unable to bond with others later in life.Family always 1st, for right or wrong. The destruction of SELF.

My nephews were left with granny ( no grandpa ) at a young age while parents worked. The younger is certainly an unpleasant specimen now, though his older brother is OK. Children do need a good male role model, however much the PC loonies deny it.

 

To answer the OP, NO, NEVER, NO HOW. We come below the dog poo on the motorbike tyre, except when they want money. Gratitude, if expressed at all, lasts milliseconds.

[thaibeachlovers]

 

 

I am extremely irritated by posts from farang ATMs as it is because of guys like them that cause every other Thai family to expect that the farang THEIR daughter managed to snare will also come up with the redies to enable them to have a better life, and led inexorably to my divorce because my ex wife's family would not accept the farang ( me ) not handing over all the baht they expected me to.

She had a cousin that married a farang that gave his "family" everything they wanted, and I was constantly being reminded of him, because my "family" thought all farangs should be an ATM.

 

I also think it's a shame that some accept their lowly status as an ATM, when they should be treated like royalty.

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎29‎/‎2017 at 3:56 AM, 473geo said:

Come on, the way some behave they don't even deserve 3rd class. It takes effort to achieve acceptance in Thailand, some work at it, and deserve the rewards, others are happy to go the pub and moan about being badly done to!!

I agree family first, but when you are one of the family, life is good.

The reality for many farangs is that life is good only till the readies stop, and then it's "hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more no more".

[thaibeachlovers]

On ‎9‎/‎29‎/‎2017 at 6:35 AM, Been there done that said:

Reasonable, haha thats a good 1. Reciprocity is mostly an unknown phenomenen in mixed relations here. Know your limits mate.

Gratitude, if any, only lasts milliseconds.

[473geo]

10 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

The reality for many farangs is that life is good only till the readies stop, and then it's "hit the road Jack, and don't you come back no more no more".

I guess for instance if 'Jack' uses his wife as a servant, when the pay stops she will look for other employment.

I guess 'jack' ensuring he can care for his wife both emotionally and financially would certainly improve his chances of the relationship having a future.

I guess if 'Jack' is already half way down the road enjoying beer every day it may not be too difficult for his wife to leave him there permanently.

I guess if 'Jack' cannot provide the security of a home for his wife she may well look for one who can.

 

Ever heard the phrase 'When poverty comes through the door, love goes out of the window' a saying often quoted in my home village in the Uk.

 

So be irritated all you wish, because in my opinion you are trying to label people ATMs' for meeting the basic requirement of being a good supportive husband and managing expectation.

[thaibeachlovers]

4 minutes ago, 473geo said:

I guess for instance if 'Jack' uses his wife as a servant, when the pay stops she will look for other employment.

I guess 'jack' ensuring he can care for his wife both emotionally and financially would certainly improve his chances of the relationship having a future.

I guess if 'Jack' is already half way down the road enjoying beer every day it may not be too difficult for his wife to leave him there permanently.

I guess if 'Jack' cannot provide the security of a home for his wife she may well look for one who can.

 

Ever heard the phrase 'When poverty comes through the door, love goes out of the window' a saying often quoted in my home village in the Uk.

 

So be irritated all you wish, because in my opinion you are trying to label people ATMs' for meeting the basic requirement of being a good supportive husband and managing expectation.

LOL. Back home marriage is seen as an EQUAL commitment, unlike in LOS where it seems that some farangs throw money at the prospective bride and their family, in the mistaken belief that love and affection can be bought ( I'm not saying that applies to you ).

 

If the Thai beloved marries a man that treats her like a servant she has only herself to blame.

 

You seem to put all the responsibility for the success of the marriage on the husband, when it should be reciprocal.

 

"Poverty" had nothing to do with my divorce. Rather it was unreasonable expectation of largesse to the family that did ours in.

[473geo]

22 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

LOL. Back home marriage is seen as an EQUAL commitment, unlike in LOS where it seems that some farangs throw money at the prospective bride and their family, in the mistaken belief that love and affection can be bought ( I'm not saying that applies to you ).

 

If the Thai beloved marries a man that treats her like a servant she has only herself to blame.

 

You seem to put all the responsibility for the success of the marriage on the husband, when it should be reciprocal.

 

"Poverty" had nothing to do with my divorce. Rather it was unreasonable expectation of largesse to the family that did ours in.

Did you have available funds you could offer without you suffering if not repaid?

 

Also when a western man marries into a family living a subsistence lifestyle how do you calculate financially there should be equal commitment?

[Been there done that]

15 hours ago, 473geo said:

I guess for instance if 'Jack' uses his wife as a servant, when the pay stops she will look for other employment.

I guess 'jack' ensuring he can care for his wife both emotionally and financially would certainly improve his chances of the relationship having a future.

I guess if 'Jack' is already half way down the road enjoying beer every day it may not be too difficult for his wife to leave him there permanently.

I guess if 'Jack' cannot provide the security of a home for his wife she may well look for one who can.

 

Ever heard the phrase 'When poverty comes through the door, love goes out of the window' a saying often quoted in my home village in the Uk.

 

So be irritated all you wish, because in my opinion you are trying to label people ATMs' for meeting the basic requirement of being a good supportive husband and managing expectation.

"If he can care for his wife emotionally". Woooowww, can you please elaborate a little more on that. Between Thai and foreign relationships ofcourse. Thank you very big !

[Been there done that]

15 hours ago, 473geo said:

I guess for instance if 'Jack' uses his wife as a servant, when the pay stops she will look for other employment.

I guess 'jack' ensuring he can care for his wife both emotionally and financially would certainly improve his chances of the relationship having a future.

I guess if 'Jack' is already half way down the road enjoying beer every day it may not be too difficult for his wife to leave him there permanently.

I guess if 'Jack' cannot provide the security of a home for his wife she may well look for one who can.

 

Ever heard the phrase 'When poverty comes through the door, love goes out of the window' a saying often quoted in my home village in the Uk.

 

So be irritated all you wish, because in my opinion you are trying to label people ATMs' for meeting the basic requirement of being a good supportive husband and managing expectation.

I suppose that the people from your UK village must still be living in the stone age. Jeeezzz you truly write alot of crap. Ethics, sincerity and loyalty must be an alien concept for you.

[Been there done that]

20 hours ago, transam said:

But not to you...?

No, i do not like to play 2nd fiddle, so no worries for me. Single and p(l)ay as i go. Best option overhere.

[transam]

Just now, Been there done that said:

No, i do not like to play 2nd fiddle, so no worries for me. Single and p(l)ay as i go. Best option overhere.

Well you obviously don't mind coming home to an empty house, me, hate that feeling...

[Been there done that]

4 minutes ago, transam said:

Well you obviously don't mind coming home to an empty house, me, hate that feeling...

Understand but lucky enough the phonenrs of possible temporary occupants are stored in my phone. 

[transam]

1 minute ago, Been there done that said:

Understand but lucky enough the phonenrs of possible temporary occupants are stored in my phone. 

Which just shows we are all different in what makes us happy. I just love having Mrs.Trans nearby, especially in my old age, she's happy she found someone who doesn't fool around and cares..... 

 

[BEVUP]

On 9/28/2017 at 4:18 PM, Lucky mike said:

Must start with your eyes wide open !  You don't just marry the wife, you marry the family !

Yeh problem is after the wife has helped the family & then I let her know that we may need some help soon, I never seem to see the family no matter how wide I open my eyes

[Lucky mike]

39 minutes ago, BEVUP said:

Yeh problem is after the wife has helped the family & then I let her know that we may need some help soon, I never seem to see the family no matter how wide I open my eyes

I did not say it would be fair, life rarely is ! Just not to have unrealistic expectations....before you jump...!

[473geo]

7 hours ago, Been there done that said:

"If he can care for his wife emotionally". Woooowww, can you please elaborate a little more on that. Between Thai and foreign relationships ofcourse. Thank you very big !

All about encouragement, self esteem, and confidence. Showing for example, that you understand and support the family bond, and the instilled practice of looking after those who have raised your wife to be the lovely person she is. 

Usually required on a much smaller scale in the west, if at all.

 

 

 

 

 

[473geo]

8 hours ago, Been there done that said:

,I suppose that the people from your UK village must still be living in the stone age. Jeeezzz you truly write alot of crap. Ethics, sincerity and loyalty must be an alien concept for you.

 

Nope I have high standards and expectation of myself, though do accept improvisation may well be required at times 

Otherwise I just try to carry realistic expectations of others, who maybe find themselves in a situation where ethics, sincerity, and loyalty is not delivering food to the table.

 

[sanemax]

8 hours ago, transam said:

Well you obviously don't mind coming home to an empty house, me, hate that feeling...

 

   It depends on who that other person is , in the house

[sanemax]

On 9/30/2017 at 4:13 PM, thaibeachlovers said:

 

I also think it's a shame that some accept their lowly status as an ATM, when they should be treated like royalty.

 

   Why should they expect to be treated like royalty ?

Just because they are Caucasian living in Asia ?

People should just expect to be treated like other people get treated and other people do not get treated like royalty .

    What makes you think that you should be treated like royalty ?

[transam]

4 minutes ago, sanemax said:

 

   Why should they expect to be treated like royalty ?

Just because they are Caucasian living in Asia ?

People should just expect to be treated like other people get treated and other people do not get treated like royalty .

    What makes you think that you should be treated like royalty ?

Especially if he can't sing like me.......

[sirineou]

On 9/28/2017 at 3:17 AM, kaneko86 said:

I not see much difference between thai families and Italian ones. We also have bigger families and we usually have one pair of the grandparents living in the house (of course separated apartment) and me and my sisters give some money to my parents. But we will get mostly back as we will get an apartment sooner or later...

 

I guess in Northern Europe it's much different but I don't know...

Same here:

I am Greek born but I have grown up in the US since I was a toddler. and consider myself a Greek American, married to a Thai for over 10 years, My older brother has returned to Greece and lives there for many yers now, My older sister is married to a very nice Italian  and has lived in Mogliano a little north of Venice, for at least 30 years, , I have spend a considerable amount of time in a Thai , Greek, and Italian family, and I see little difference. 

There is an order of significance with the Grandparents and parents on the top.

As it should be. Family comes first, even before country.

Think about it logically, husbands come and go (especially farang husbands) , but family (whether you like it or not) is for ever! Would you put your husband before your parents?  Where would you be if he leaves?

 

  

[oxo1947]

Can you ever come first?

 

oh family..oh sorry Csaw...got this completely wrong.............

[Csaw]

5 hours ago, sirineou said:

...husbands come and go (especially farang husbands) , but family (whether you like it or not) is for ever!...

Funny, she said the exact same thing - except whats in ( ). hmm

[Paul Catton]

I do come first, likewise she comes first in our family unit.

Our family unit consists of Opal, myself and a ginger cat (who comes second).

I do have four children from a previous marriage as well as siblings, nephews and nieces.

Opal has her father, siblings, and likewise nephew and nieces.

We do love our extended families and enjoy being in their company and would do whatever was practicable if assistance was ever needed.

But as we age, we both understand that our bond is greater than the sum of all.

 

  

[Been there done that]

14 hours ago, 473geo said:

 

Nope I have high standards and expectation of myself, though do accept improvisation may well be required at times 

Otherwise I just try to carry realistic expectations of others, who maybe find themselves in a situation where ethics, sincerity, and loyalty is not delivering food to the table.

 

Okay, so you are suggesting that poverty is a valibable excuse for a person to lie, cheat and steal. Fair enough 

[billd766]

There seems to be some unhappy posters and there are also a lot more happy ones who have been in Thailand for a fair time, understand the unwritten rules and are very content to live within them.

 

They, and I include me, seem to live a far happier and enjoyable life.

 

If marriage to a Thai lady is not for you then that is your choice, but there is no need to knock the rest of us who aremarried to Thai ladies, have families and a stable relationship and enjoy a great quality of life.

[thaibeachlovers]

19 hours ago, sanemax said:

 

   Why should they expect to be treated like royalty ?

Just because they are Caucasian living in Asia ?

People should just expect to be treated like other people get treated and other people do not get treated like royalty .

    What makes you think that you should be treated like royalty ?

Perhaps you are being deliberately obtuse, but if a farang is paying for everything, they should be treated with gratitude and respect.

Of course, if they are contributing nothing more than to support themselves( how many would be in that category? ) they would of course be treated as just another member of the family.

 

I don't know why I even had to explain that.

[thaibeachlovers]

1 hour ago, billd766 said:

There seems to be some unhappy posters and there are also a lot more happy ones who have been in Thailand for a fair time, understand the unwritten rules and are very content to live within them.

 

They, and I include me, seem to live a far happier and enjoyable life.

 

If marriage to a Thai lady is not for you then that is your choice, but there is no need to knock the rest of us who aremarried to Thai ladies, have families and a stable relationship and enjoy a great quality of life.

We post because we are trying to warn the innocents that arrive in LOS and fall for the first lovely girl that tells them they are "hansum" and that they will "lub you long time", followed by handing over all the innocent's life savings so the beloved's family can live a lifestyle they would never be able to afford without a farang's beneficience. Ending in tears once the money tree ends and the wiser but poor farang is sent packing.

I don't see much specifically personal posted against those living happy lives with the lovely Thai lady, unless especially and unrealistically besotted.