36 year old UK man, considering life's options. How difficult is it to find a genuine Thai woman? Are the woman on these marriage/introduction sites actaully legit?

[Classic Ray]

I would think seriously about your earning potential before you come. Many employment sectors are restricted to Thais, you need to be able to show an income or savings of 400,000 baht every year when renewing your extension of visa based on marriage. Most reasonable Thai girls will examine your earning potential before getting involved with you. The unreasonable ones will just strip your assets.

 

everyday life, especially with officialdom, can be complicated and takes effort and discipline. Thai life philosophy and interests are quite different to the UK, money and financial stability for them and their family members being at the top.

[OmarZaid]

Hello Mr. Essential,

 

My good wife has many ex-students that would fit your bill (she's a retired teacher) ... if interested, get back to me and I'll introduce you .... who knows .... ya just might get lucky

 

Cheers 

[twix38]

All thai ladies are 200% genuinely looking to be financially supported and will tell you whatever suits their circumstances and goals. Lost count of the ladies who treat you special and lie and decieve until you find out . you are looking at odds of 1 in a 10,000 to find one who doesn't take you to the cleaners if your usefulness/financing is interrupted.

 

They also tend to be on mobile phones and Facebook even more than UK women.

 

The grass is not greener just different and the set up in Thailand is a good time for a good price.

 

You are too young to throw your best working years away doing a scummy job (realistically) in Thailand in the hope of meeting the love of your life and the visa situation would be a real practical pain over so many years, but after a while probably the least of your troubles.

 

Just reflect if some  desperation and grass greener  is tipping your decision making. 

 

Good luck. 

 

 

[Walter Travolta]

not materialistic? No chance

[crazykopite]

One thing you did not mention was how wealthy you are , if you haven’t got an ATM card tattood on your forehead then your chances are very slim never the less good luck in your search ?? 

[reargunnerph3]

There are genuine ones you can shag for an hour, genuine ones you can shag for a night ones, genuine ones you can keep for a week, genuine ones you could stay with for a year then move on and there are genuine ones you would marry. It's just like back home and just like back home it's up to you to find the right one. And just like in Indiana Jones looking for the holy grail "choose carefully".

[Enoon]

 

17 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

Your point is noted regarding their social/familial network.

 

On the assumption that you are a Troll:

 

Are you basing your persona on Mr Logic from Viz Magazine?

 

Just in case you are not:

 

This definitely isn't the place to sort out your problem, which is very much an "holistic" one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Siameaze]

The most important physical attribute to attract a Thai "girlfriend": a well developed wallet

The most important social attribute to attract a Thai "girlfriend": 

a pleasingly outgoing wallet

The most important intellectual attribute to attract a Thai "girlfriend":

a wallet that has an expansive and comprehensive outlook (but is not overly inquisitive)

Etc.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

22 minutes ago, Siameaze said:

 

The most important intellectual attribute to attract a Thai "girlfriend":

a wallet that has an expansive and comprehensive outlook (but is not overly inquisitive)

Etc.

 

A Paul Smith wallet?

[MaeJoMTB]

2 hours ago, Classic Ray said:

you need to be able to show an income or savings of 400,000 baht every year when renewing your extension of visa based on marriage.

So just get a married VISA instead, no finances required at all apart from the VISA fee of 5,000bht for 1 year.

[coulson]

Don't come to Thailand unless you're willing to lose 10 years and an equal number of million baht just to find it didn't turn out to be the *meaningful* adventure you were really after.

 

 

[alien365]

Not read any of the thread, but at 35 myself I can tell you there are lots of options here. I think you should visit and just enjoy Thailand. Don't complicate things. Just be wise and take it a step at a time.

[Slain]

Give it a try, but as many here have said, it may go wrong so don't be surprised if it does. Bit like any relationship really.

[rvaviator]

You say you are not naive, you're not this and that and the world has changed in the last 5 years. It's not you!!!
 
Yes, it is. It's all you. You are the reason why you can't find a woman in UK. At 36, you are a shelf stacker. Now you are dreaming about Thailand thinking you want a philosophical relationship with a Thai woman. Are you kidding me? If you think your whatsapp convos were limited in UK why do you think you will have meaningful relationship with a Thai woman who's English is most likely very limited.
 
You say you spent a few hours reading these forums. I spent 10 years before I made my move to Thailand. You say you are 36, but your wall of text sounds like it's written by a 15 year old.
 
Wake up, lol
 
 

Not sure many 15 year old from the NE of England could write all that stuff ;-)


Sent from my iPad using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[biggles45]

Thais do not follow the principles of buddhism very much, it is a very materialistic and money focussed society. As others have said, they do not always transplant well, need Thai friends, food etc After 13 years living in thailand and regular visits to the Philippines I met a lovely Filipina who had worked in Lebanon for 7 years and still together 6 years later. As a few others have suggested, take a trip there, look ata a few dating sites and see what eventuates

[wombat]

deffo a holiday in Pattaya needed.

 

check in with us again after you land please.

[wombat]

19 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

 

 

I wonder whether I'd be theoretically able to work as a PT over there?

im not sure how you would go as a PT, Fluffers on the other hand.

[punchjudy]

I agree with your observations on the "tinder affect"

 

but if you are looking for genuine women?......the % of those in thailand is extremely low......this is gold digger territory.

 

I would look at other countries in asia.......try japan & korea instead of the lowest hanging fruit called thailand......because the fruit is rotten.

[digger70]

All are Genuine Thai,,,Doesn't mean that they are good or bad for you,,, go figure,,,, We had too,,,,,I am ok with mine  

[wazzupnow]

23 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

Thank you for the reply Peterw42. Dating websites here in UK don't seem to work very well, in that it is extremely difficult to get a reply even with a lot of effort put into a personalised first message.

 

But I will give your suggestion a go - nothing to lose. Any particular recommendations? I've heard good things about Thaifriendly.com. Some people have also recommended Thai Cupid, though I understand you have to be particularly careful on there to avoid scammers.

thai friendly ? 30 % is bargirl(hooker) 30 is freelance (hooker and scammers)20 % is after your money (pension)

but when u are 36 those will not want  on U because Your pension is to far from now

and about 10 % is a genuine girl looking for a partner for life

100% off all are single mums (desperate)

this is no problem only when they have sons 

these parasites will hunt their mum(and U) for support untill they are about 40 or untill mum dies

been there done that still doing it

[Kimber]

22 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

Thank you for the reply Peterw42. Dating websites here in UK don't seem to work very well, in that it is extremely difficult to get a reply even with a lot of effort put into a personalised first message.

 

But I will give your suggestion a go - nothing to lose. Any particular recommendations? I've heard good things about Thaifriendly.com. Some people have also recommended Thai Cupid, though I understand you have to be particularly careful on there to avoid scammers.

 

I met my current Thai girlfriend on Thai Cupid,  we've been seeing each other for just over 3 years now; and it's serious long term.  We're both happy with our relationship and I'm working towards retiring in Thailand in the next year or so.

 

I can recommend Thai Cupid (and more than a few farang friends of mine) as a reliable avenue to meet genuine Thai women who aren't Pattaya / Phuket / Bangkok  "working girls"; but you can meet plenty of them on Thai Friendly. 

 

Make the effort to pay for Premium membership (around a mere AUS $33.0 a month) because it lists you as a priority contact and creates a positive impression on those Thai women who don't want to waste their time getting to know miserly farang guys looking for an easy ride.    

Write your profile with care, and focus on an age height and weight range that appeals to you.  

 

Assemble a short list of favorites on the website  and follow up using Line ID (the mainstream live meet and chat app in Thailand) that way you get to see and hear each person real time.  

 

Thai Cupid features plenty of serious minded career women looking for farang partners in relationships. 

 

[wolf81]

Why did you decide you want a woman 10 - 15 years younger than you. I do think there are plenty of nice woman in Thailand a bit older - perhaps even your own age. 

 

The nice thing about slightly older woman could be that they are less interested into partying, which might be good for a long term relationship. I am myself 36 years old but found a really nice Thai girlfriend of 37 years (who, by the way looks much younger - if I didn't know I'd have guessed she was about 28-30). And we're both not into partying much and we both want a stable, happy family. So for me that is a great fit.

[baansgr]

Although may peev some off, fact is no. Language and cultural differences. If your ok paying for a relationship go ahead, it works for many but simply its not love and never will be. Its only money..... Have kids together, 'bangkok' girl, take her to your home country its still about money. Phil is better choice at least better value and some love involved. Anyone tells you different is either kying or plain stupid. 

[unblocktheplanet]

3 hours ago, reargunnerph3 said:

And just like in Indiana Jones looking for the holy grail "choose carefully".

Exactly! But there is, of course, holy tail!

[unblocktheplanet]

Just because I’ve found wedded bliss here (at age 40), still going strong after 27 years, I think you can, too.

Rules of thumb:
1) Don’t expect respectable Thai girls to start anything with you first like asking you out. You need to make the bold moves as a gentleman. You’ll get some mild flirting in return. Shown how classy you are without being a show-off. Your Thai girl won’t care much about the most expensive places. Good food is, of course, the way to any girl’s heart. Find out what she likes. Maybe she even has some favourite places. Nice jazz club. Movies. Kicking back and cuddling watching movies at home.

2) My barometer is old-school. If a girl drinks alcohol or smokes fags, she’s been around the block. Tatts? You gotta be kidding me! 

3) Sex before marriage? Probably not. We use this as a yardstick for compatibility but the heavy passion wears off pretty quickly anyway. However, there’s a difference from Western women. Your Thai girl will want to make you happy. My sweetheart never has a headache and is never too tired. Blowjob make you feel better? No problem! This is not to say you can’t luck out on a bargirl. For me personally, it’s a turnoff.

4) Women are women, no? Are they hard to get along with? Sometimes, comes with the territory. The reason to take your time to find the right Thai girl is that your life will be more ordered and gentle. She doesn’t want to be your competition. She wants to be your helpmeet.

5) Her parents will always come first, before you. Don’t expect otherwise. You have to make sure they’re not too dependent, sucking you dry. And you have to be clear about what your girl feels her responsibilities to them are. Yes, absolutely you will be expected to contribute to her parents, including some medical as they get older. Another barometer is to find a girl who’s a cheapskate. Doesn’t care about have a car (in Bangkok, different upcountry), a fancy brand purse, or designer close. Simple, down-to-earth. The right girl will look after you…and your money.

I’ve never dated online. Prefer to meet girls in person. This also relates to social media and mobile phone use. If she cares about that, she’ll prioritise it over you. You’ll need to be scrupulously honest, never take her for granted, and never cheat on her.

I’m not sure I agree with taking Thai girls ‘home’ to Western countries. It’s a way bigger adjustment for them (consider the dull food and atrocious climate!) than it is for us in Thailand. That said, my friend brought his wife home to California and she learned all the rules, set up her own small business, even with a pension plan for old age. She visits family only every few years and is happy to go home to Cal.

Another consideration. I don’t think I’d pick a girl with kids. Too much baggage. Maybe you’re not looking for a virgin in her 20s but, believe me, there are a lot, just because that’s the way culture works. Friends, too. If she’s too devoted to her friends, doesn’t leave much room for you.

A good city girl will be educated. She’ll have pretty okay English. So communication will not be a big problem. Not sure about UK but, if she’s solid here, she can easily get her own tourist visa.

No gamblers, should go without saying (even though they may be gambling on you!). No debts…unless they’ve been smart enough to buy some investment property to prepare for their future. Not lazy and happy to be your helpmeet for your projects, and you should reciprocate. She can always learn to cook what you like to eat.

It will take time, lots of it, to find the right girl but, even moreso, to build a genuine relationship with her. The right girl will not be your souvenir. Don’t rely too much on Buddhism. It’s basically superstition in practice here.

For a bigger picture, the Swedish TV series, 30° in February is an excellent overview. Very accurate, IMO.

I’ll leave you with one thought. It’s been said every thai girl check your pockets. Mine does, too. She makes sure I have enough in there for tomorrow and tops it when need be.

BTW, you can chase sex, only outside your new relationship hours!

[Kimber]

21 hours ago, ExistentialInquiry said:

saakura, thanks for the supportive reply, appreciated. I suppose I am quite "old fashioned"; I've just become increasingly disillusioned with the way that technology often seems to be disrupting rather than improving communications between people/between sexes.

 

theguyfromanotherforum, well, thank you for your candour. Suggesting my post is written by someone with a 15 year old mentality seems unnecessarily derogatory, since I did expressly ask for opinions as to whether my expectations etc. were unrealistic, which is hardly the type of open minded questioning prototypical of a teenage mindset who already assumes he knows all of the answers beforehand.

 

Despite your tone, I do take what you have said under advisement, and certainly am prepared to admit that you may be correct, or at least partially correct. However, do not infer that I'm a 36 "shelf stacker" due to lack of effort or application. For your information, I was a personal trainer for 4 years and put everything into building that career. Ultimately, however, I simply wasn't/aren't a good enough sales person to really make it happen. Or perhaps I simply don't have the confidence in order to sell myself well enough, which amounts to the same thing. Unfortunately, the collapse of that career also ended up destroying the relationship with the woman I loved and lived with at the time.

 

Your question is a good one. My response is this: "Do Thai women generally have the same value system as UK/Western women? Do they treat all potential matches in the same way as shopping for, say, a new fridge? Has Thai culture changed in the same way that British culture has changed over the last few years?" My impression was that a lot of Thai women still held to more of a Buddhist type value system, which is quite dramatically different from the typical Western value system. If this impression is incorrect, please do enlighten me - this is precisely why I'm asking.

 

My observation is that the cultural change in the UK in the last five years is significant. It pretty much corresponds historically to the rise of Tinder. Incidentally I have nothing whatsoever against people "hooking up". My issue is that a biproduct of this is that absolutely all interactions seem to have been infected with a viewpoint of "disposability".

 

You say you spent 10 years researching before you moved to Thailand - good for you. I say I spent a few hours reading this forum, and I am asking these questions precisely to get a gauge of what the situation is. How am I supposed to learn if not by asking questions of people like yourself who know far more?! I am asking precisely because I don't have a clue and am trying to become less clueless, so your criticism is precisely what I am attempting to address.

 

Obviously not all of us are as world wise, confident, or successful as you are; I'm not sure why some people feel the need to respond with such aggression in online conversations. Anyway, thanks for your input.

 

Your reply to the sledging is IMO admirable.

 

I'll try to provide a not too lengthy answer to some of your questions, BTW I've lived in various parts of SE Asia particularly Thailand; over a career spanning four decades and am in the process of retiring there.

 

Thai women in general have preserved their femininity and pride in being a Thai woman;  additionally they accept and expect the male to lead and be dominant in a relationship /marriage.   ("Dominant" doesn't have the negative implications as it does in western societies),  but they do expect to be treated with respect, consideration and kindness by the man in their life.   If the balance is culturally tuned, then the man wins the commitment and devotion of a lifetime partner.

 

The Buddhist culture is deeply embedded in their DNA as is loyalty to family.  Their family will always come first and "Take Care" means having the money to do just that.  One of the common Thai sayings is "you can't eat love".  IMO The smart play is to find the right woman with only one family member dependent on them.  

 

Too many farang guys cringe at the thought of a Thai partners expectations of financial assistance in a relationship, and it has to acknowledged that plenty of western men have been ripped off by plenty of Thai women.   But placing some context on the scenario, one has to consider where most of those relationships originated.  The Bars, Massage shops, Night clubs and Go Go's in Pattaya, and other red light districts ( Yes I've wasted considerable time in such raunchy haunts) can hardly be regarded as stacking the odds in your favor; when it comes to seeking the right individual for a serious relationship, although some have had success from time to time. 

 

Then we have the Issan / Essarn dimension, which is the poorer region around the mid north east of the country.  Most of the working girls in Pattaya, Phuket and Bangkok (and many other provincial cities) are from Issan and come from large families with dependents relying on the income generated from prostitution.   The fact is that culturally, prostitution has always been an element of income source for the poorer class of Thai women; both single and married, even long before westerners discovered the joys of Thai women.   Beware of "hungry" Issan women in general, but again there are exceptions.   

 

Overall the Thai women are hard workers with a family and national ethos unique to Thailand, which IMO bodes well for a western guy; serious about finding a good partner for a long term relationship /marriage.  Many are the success stories and I count plenty of my old farang friends among them.  In the main the relationships and marriages with Thai women in Thailand seem to have the highest success rate; forget about trying to maintain a long distance relationship over years, you'll be expected to make plans she can rely on once it becomes serious.

 

A Thai women looking for a farang partner will initially focus on the first impressions, those being how the man presents himself,  his dress, grooming, attitude and general behavior.   Lose the flip flops, sleeveless T shirt, and cargo shorts for the first meeting.  If you're a Smoker,  Bar fly; scruffy and unshaven; poor personal hygiene etc, then you're not considered a good proposition in the view of a decent respectable, attractive Thai lady.    

 

I think it's safe to say that Thai culture has adjusted "Nid Noi'  (Little bit) rather than changed over the years. 

The Thais are masters at re-wrapping and repackaging cultural components without actually changing much at all.

 

Yes the Thai woman is complex and challenging, but once you've won her trust and commitment you'll be treated like a Prince and never look back.   In my experience with Thai women they really are wonderful loving partners, and good financial managers in a relationship;  BUT you have to control the purse strings and never reveal the sum of your assets. 

 

I hope what I covered is of some help for you.

 

 

[Kimber]

1 hour ago, wazzupnow said:

thai friendly ? 30 % is bargirl(hooker) 30 is freelance (hooker and scammers)20 % is after your money (pension)

but when u are 36 those will not want  on U because Your pension is to far from now

and about 10 % is a genuine girl looking for a partner for life

100% off all are single mums (desperate)

this is no problem only when they have sons 

these parasites will hunt their mum(and U) for support untill they are about 40 or untill mum dies

been there done that still doing it

 

Impressive stats,  based on what ?

[Rockhopper]

You better read:

 

Thailand Fever by Chris Pirazzi & Vitida Vasant

Working With the Thais by Henry Holmes & Suchada Tangtongtavy

Private Dancer by Stephen Leather

Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye as told to Stephen Leather

[Kimber]

1 hour ago, wolf81 said:

Why did you decide you want a woman 10 - 15 years younger than you. I do think there are plenty of nice woman in Thailand a bit older - perhaps even your own age. 

 

The nice thing about slightly older woman could be that they are less interested into partying, which might be good for a long term relationship. I am myself 36 years old but found a really nice Thai girlfriend of 37 years (who, by the way looks much younger - if I didn't know I'd have guessed she was about 28-30). And we're both not into partying much and we both want a stable, happy family. So for me that is a great fit.

Agreed, I've found the Thai women around the mid to late 30's have sorted themselves out and are over the party scene,  a good percentage weren't into the party scene.

[Kimber]

3 minutes ago, Rockhopper said:

You better read:

 

Thailand Fever by Chris Pirazzi & Vitida Vasant

Working With the Thais by Henry Holmes & Suchada Tangtongtavy

Private Dancer by Stephen Leather

Confessions of a Bangkok Private Eye as told to Stephen Leather

 

Sure, reading is far better than experiencing things first hand.