Frustrated Farang Husband

[james1995]

where do these bad Thai ladies come from?  so many..?

[catman20]

20 hours ago, Easy Come Easy Go said:

Finally somebody else who understand my point of view.
I'm 30 right now, and recently aborted a potential 'young un' with my GF. I have always stated firmly that I do not want kids under any circumstances. I have spoken about this with friends and other various people online. Often I get labelled 'selfish' haha! Sorry for wanting to lead my life in the way that I want to..

 

It's such a cookie cutter situation; get married, have kids, and then to be stuck in a rut for the rest of your life. No thank you, I enjoy life being free without shackles slapped around my ankles 

mate i wish i had the sense at 30 that you have, by the time i was 30 it was too late, married, kids etc.

when i was growing up no one every told us the negative side about life marriage kids etc i ending up finding out the hard and expensive way.

been divorced now for 22 years and i have to say whist my marriage was OK it was one of the best decisions i ever made along with staying single with having lots of g/f, packing up smoking, coming to Thailand and getting a vasectomy. you sound like uve got your head screwed on, good luck to you and enjoy your freedom and single life.

P.S get a vasectomy ?

[Hummin]

14 hours ago, gaff said:

 

 

The selfish ones are the one who dare to have kids in a such uncertain world, not people who are smart enough to avoid them these troubles...

Anyway I prefer dogs !

 

 

 

 

 

And I was called selfish by an old man here couple of weeks ago, because I said I did not want kids. 

 

Because I said I did not want to have teenagers running around when I was 65. I did not get to the point of Having kids in Thailand for me was not an option du to different reasons, and moving home is the only option if so happens. 

 

Anyway, I let him rant off his hearth against me, and walked away. 

[arcturaz]

I see a lot of posts here are selfish or unselfish? It confuses me. I think having kids is a purely personal decision, one that has nothing to do with selfishness. If you like kids, great if you don't... Also Great. I like kids, I enjoy my time with them, they are my best friends too. I understand not everyone will agree with that position and I accept it. I fail to understand why there would be any conflict. 

[AboutThaim]

On 8/23/2018 at 8:18 AM, cms22 said:

I feel for you, man. Often times men (me included, I'm afraid) take on far too much responsibility and then get treated like shit. I sometimes wonder why I work so f*&%$ng hard for a wife that has no gratitude whatsoever.

Reminds me of my ex wife in Oz.  Lazy, no gratitude and I stayed far too long hoping things would change.

 

To the OP. My advice would be to get out, with the kids if possible and leave her with as little as you can.  Let her new bloke finance her and the family.  Some of these women just don't have enough active brain cells to see what their stupidity and selfish behaviour can lead to!

[The manic]

The OP has allowed himself to be ruthlessly exploited.

[samsensam]

On 8/22/2018 at 8:53 AM, orchis said:

good story, has all the elements.

 

 

yup, pretty much ticks all the boxes. next.

[Lammbock]

My advice, get divorced. It's the only way out. She will never change.

These kind of women are the worse.

[balo]

On 8/22/2018 at 1:53 PM, arcturaz said:

Added to the mix is several million Bhat wasted on failed business ventures that later turned out to be either fraudulent or woefully imbecilic. One rat after another came through the door an endless stream of self-made indigents and free riders.

Are you a millionaire or why do you have to finance anyone asking you for money? 

You seem like a gullible person to me  . I can not give you an advice since I would never end up in this type of relationship in the first place .

All I can say is forget her and spend good money on a lawyer. 

 

 

[RocketDog]

On 8/22/2018 at 5:59 PM, zzaa09 said:

Yeah - these situations happen. 

 

And perhaps, not so common.

It's that these types of stories receive the most attention, therefore casting the expected stereotypes.

 

Correct. If one removes any reference to Thais or Thailand this story could be from anywhere in the world.

That said, it wouldn't appear in this forum.

In any case the OP made a mistake, compounded it, and now anything he does but leave quickly will only make it worse.

[Puwa]

OP, I hope you find your way out of this mess. Put the kids first. 

 

To all others, note that there are four personality traits that will lead a guy into similar trouble:

 

1) Poor judgment - A failure to assess another's character

2) Desperation - An overwhelming need for companionship

3) Low self-esteem - An inability to believe that you deserve better

4) Inattention - An unwillingness to observe, learn, and consider things independently

 

It's got nothing to do with "loving her too much," being "too kind," or her "becoming a different person," etc. Those are all just euphemisms. In fact, there's a cottage industry in assigning all blame to women and absolving guys of their own faults and mistakes. All those unreadably fatuous books pretending to reveal what's going on "behind the Thai smile" are simply written to recast constitutionally weak men as gallant, dimwitted men as merely unfortunate, and drunk and lazy men as footloose and carefree. But in reality, they were victims of themselves before they attracted any opportunists. 

 

There is also an opposite extreme-- guys who are constitutionally unable to respect or trust any woman. They end up in contractual relationships governed by barfines, monthly salaries allowances, and usufructs. 

[gaff]

19 hours ago, arcturaz said:

I see a lot of posts here are selfish or unselfish? It confuses me. I think having kids is a purely personal decision, one that has nothing to do with selfishness. If you like kids, great if you don't... Also Great. I like kids, I enjoy my time with them, they are my best friends too. I understand not everyone will agree with that position and I accept it. I fail to understand why there would be any conflict. 

 

I don't like kids, I am not a pedo ?

 

 

[NaamGin]

In the immortal words of Paul Simon:

 

"The problem is all inside your head", she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself, at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
 

 

[Thingamabob]

It's a pity you didn't take more time to acqaint yourself with the way things mostly work here. Only one thing to do now-get out fast.

[ryxyz]

On 8/22/2018 at 2:08 PM, Ipswich lad said:

You have done more than enough fella for her family . All I can say is would you put up with the nonsense from a western wife. She prob knows your ready to walk so Is prob keeping her bf away for a bit and trying to keep you sweet. no sex is a red herring for me. Though. Good luck with whatever you choose.

Sent from my LLD-L31 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

That happened to me!

[Loaded]

Let's talk straight here. This couldn't be further on anywhere else because the op married an 'uneducated' woman from isssan. Did you think it was love?
Strange.

Sent from my CPH1701 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[Loaded]

From anywhere

Sent from my CPH1701 using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app

[catman20]

On 8/25/2018 at 2:43 PM, Easy Come Easy Go said:

She prefers sex without, as it feels better, and I agree. 
Never had an issue prior so this was the first. 
But yes getting the snip is on my list of things to do in the near future 

hear many men like you say this and then before you know it they have popped another kid out.

 

in life there are 3 types of people, thinkers, wonders and doers which are you ?

[Easy Come Easy Go]

2 hours ago, catman20 said:

hear many men like you say this and then before you know it they have popped another kid out.

 

in life there are 3 types of people, thinkers, wonders and doers which are you ?

Me and my GF had an abortion 2 months ago, so there will be no kids. 
But as far as the sip goes, I have a huge phobia of hospitals, so it is going to take some gusto to go and do it, but I will before long. 

[rumak]

well, another TEN posts at least telling the OP what i have said....

wonder why he doesn't tell all of them to JUST GO AWAY as he said to me.   Maybe i am different ? ?   

[stud858]

On 8/22/2018 at 2:52 PM, Small Joke said:

Go have a vasectomy asap! 

Every man aged 16 should do this and when you want kids have it reversed. I got mine later at about 35. No kids. Never wanted any.

There is stigma behind it, but i recommend it and it should be talked about more in schools.

Sorry to hear about your issues OP but im sure youll end up doing whats good for you.

[catman20]

On 8/28/2018 at 8:19 AM, Easy Come Easy Go said:

Me and my GF had an abortion 2 months ago, so there will be no kids. 
But as far as the sip goes, I have a huge phobia of hospitals, so it is going to take some gusto to go and do it, but I will before long. 

If it makes it any easier for you, having that part of my body messed with i was bricking it. I tell you no lies it was one of the eseist things I've ever done, no pain at all its more in the head than anything. Honestly. 

[tifino]

On 8/22/2018 at 4:53 PM, arcturaz said:

Since my return, she clearly has no interest in having sex (with me at least) and continues to be

 

everything else can be pretendedly 'gone away' by not thinking too much... but

 

 

except for the excerpted  'no-sex' thing

 

she's not having sex with you,

as if it happened, and you came down with the Clap or worse,

then she loses face,

as it would now be in the open that it was she that gave it to you

 

The Thai wife gender equivalence (to that of a Thai husband having a Mia Noi) - is normal game play for them 

 

 

In other similar type scenarios:

 a working Thai wife won't want to do sex husband; as she gets enough of it at work to keep her happy

(the secret disease factor is repeated here too)

 

Edited August 29, 2018 by tifino

[scorecard]

On 8/23/2018 at 9:48 PM, arcturaz said:

Yes, I have this delusional concept of a lifetime marriage and a happy family, pathetic I know. 

 

Please don't be too negative about happy families, it is possible, and yes sometimes it's difficult to achieve.  People get married then realize the match doesn't work and they divorce every day in every country. In other words it's a gamble, sometimes the gamble pays off sometimes not.

 

Please move on, take things day by day, step by step. 

 

There is a better future and you can achieve it

 

Take care and good luck. 

 

 

[5633572526]

This is not a salvageable family get the hell out while you still can.

[billd766]

3 hours ago, scorecard said:

 

Please don't be too negative about happy families, it is possible, and yes sometimes it's difficult to achieve.  People get married then realize the match doesn't work and they divorce every day in every country. In other words it's a gamble, sometimes the gamble pays off sometimes not.

 

Please move on, take things day by day, step by step. 

 

There is a better future and you can achieve it

 

Take care and good luck. 

 

 

 

My first marriage lasted 23 years and the failure was about 95% my fault.

 

My second one to my Thai wife is 18 years and counting.

 

There won't be a third.

[0815]

Very sad but common story.
Take with you what you can load in your car (if the car is in your name) and leave !
I don't know if you can take your children with you without getting in trouble, you will know about better. .
Good luck mate !!!

[madusa]

On 8/22/2018 at 3:52 PM, Small Joke said:

Number one, and since you have kids. 

Go have a vasectomy asap! 

Google a doctor, then go get it done!  

The best investment any man over 40 can make period. 

I won't rehash the other sound advice you've gotten here.  

I've never had kids (two abortions,  different women, at 30 her sole choice,  and 41 joint decision) and so I opted for a vasectomy at 45, I've since travelled the world,  and never looked back. 

Most of my mates are screwed, past 50 with young kids to fund and feed until well after most hit retirement.  

Women have their 'baby clock',  but I just don't see why men get sucked into such a life changing financial disaster. They barely think it through in most cases. 

Get the chop,  Chop-chop! 

 

Yes, do agree with you. Save so much trouble. Not unless you have unlimited access to cash. I think all embassy should give their countrymen who are over 50s intend to marry a leaflet explaining how good vasectomy is. A plus and minus contrast on a little piece of paper will wake up many old folks who like cute babies.

[rumak]

On 8/29/2018 at 10:22 AM, 5633572526 said:

This is not a salvageable family get the hell out while you still can.

be careful:   OP does not like to get this kind of advice     ?

[Samuipie]

This story is the oldest in the book. Literally thousands of men have the same plot with a few different twists. 

The outcome is always the same --- pure disaster. And the ones who got custody and took the kids had the absolute worse outcome. Thai kids wanna be Thai and they will fight you the rest of your life. They do not adjust to change.

Secure your finances, pack a light bag and run for your life. 

I mean this very literally. We have buried many of our friends who defied their Thai family and met their death through numerous weird situations.  You CANNOT make it right in a Thai family. You made a big stupid mistake, get out while you are still breathing and move very far away.

Oh, and seriously get that vasectomy.