Thai girlfriend of my age/earning power pressuring me to be financially supported

[hawksway]

Pretty normal in Thailand. Thai Women expect to be supported. This sharing concept is alien in Thailand. My Thai Wife who is a good deal younger than myself worked in the UK until I took early retirement doesn't discuss such things.  She prefers to spend value time together and look after me together with the frequent travel we both enjoy. If we found it difficult to manage though, She would be willing to return to the World of work.

 

Difficult to get Thai People to appreciate our culture. After all if they want to take advantage of gender equality guaranteed in the West, they must be prepared to surrender some of their values in return. 

 

[DJ54]

Maybe she’s interested in having children and settling down. Where  in Thailand are you two staying now? Her hometown? 

 

My Mother didn’t work ( a 9-5)  until her late 20’s. She had five children to take care of. And I can proudly say she worked until

76 on an assembly she didn’t want to stop. She’s going on ‘86 now. 

 

Sorry got off the subject. Sit down and talk with you girlfriend and work it out . Find synergies and if not ask eachother can you work through it. 

 

I got indoctrinated earlier to cultural difference when moving to China 15 years ago. Married after a year and now divorced from her. 

Bought condo after one year price tripled in two years sold and bought a new place. 

 

Nice condo per say 3 floors 7 bedrooms three bath. I thinking why so big but oh well. Only her and I lived in first place alone. And then they came mama,papa,brother,her sister and husband and two young teen children. 

 

I was ok as one floor was my area, bedroom, office etc. Wife and I.

and they did respect the “Restiked Area”.

 

after ten years coming on business trips to Thailand little head got big head in trouble, the rest is history.,  

 

Never the less ask what her plans are. If only you worked it’s not expensive living here...., but find out her intentions first

 

good luck

 

 

 

[quandow]

My EX TGF was told by her family, "You have farang boyfriend, you not need to work."

[cyberfarang]

On 10/12/2018 at 7:21 PM, manarak said:

definitely not the norm in Thailand.

methinks OP should look for a new partner.

Sorry but you are dead wrong.

 

In Thailand women that are nearing 35 are considered past their prime, especially employment wise and considering the OP`s girlfriend is already in her thirties, she will now be seriously thinking about the prospects and financial security for her future. She will be considering whether or not it is viable to spend more years of her life with a man that may not be able to provide for her once she turns 40 and over, which being realistic is not far off, or even the fact that the OP can remain in Thailand leaving her high and dry and too old to find someone else.

 

Relationships between Farangs in Thailand and Thai women are not like male and female relationships in the west, there is no employment security and government support for Thai people that have not managed to become financially established and accumulated assets and wealth during their younger years. The OP mentioned that his GF is still desirable to the opposite sex, therefore I don`t blame her for considering what is in the best interests for her before she becomes too old and her options become limited or are gone.

 

In most cases Farangs that get attached to Thai women in Thailand should acknowledge that they will more likely be the main bread winners in the relationship and if finding that unacceptable, then probably best to stay single or return home and find women that can compete with them on financial terms.

[CanuckThai]

22 hours ago, andux said:

 Unfortunately all of my girlfriend's friends have married foreigners and are being provided for, so it's hard to get some perspective here.

You've hit an interesting topic, one that will garner widely varying responses.   Reading/qualifying the man giving the perspective, is just as (or more) important as the perspective offered.  I don't know too many young, self aware, marketable fellas willing to blindly offer their wallets and a perpetual card Blanche "yes baby, spend it, what's mine is yours". 

I believe it comes down to a guys decision/choice/options of: do I want a partner or a paid companion?    Both are available here....not everyone has that option, not everyone wants that option.

 

 

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Of course it was a troll.

 

I told ya his post stinks to high heavens with inaccuracies. 

[manarak]

1 hour ago, cyberfarang said:

Sorry but you are dead wrong.

 

In Thailand women that are nearing 35 are considered past their prime, especially employment wise and considering the OP`s girlfriend is already in her thirties, she will now be seriously thinking about the prospects and financial security for her future. She will be considering whether or not it is viable to spend more years of her life with a man that may not be able to provide for her once she turns 40 and over, which being realistic is not far off, or even the fact that the OP can remain in Thailand leaving her high and dry and too old to find someone else.

 

Relationships between Farangs in Thailand and Thai women are not like male and female relationships in the west, there is no employment security and government support for Thai people that have not managed to become financially established and accumulated assets and wealth during their younger years. The OP mentioned that his GF is still desirable to the opposite sex, therefore I don`t blame her for considering what is in the best interests for her before she becomes too old and her options become limited or are gone.

 

In most cases Farangs that get attached to Thai women in Thailand should acknowledge that they will more likely be the main bread winners in the relationship and if finding that unacceptable, then probably best to stay single or return home and find women that can compete with them on financial terms.

yes, you are right for the general population, but OP described the potential wife as having a "solid income", so I assumed she's a financially independent businesswoman earning as much as him. For businesspeople the word "career" makes no sense, as they drive their business.

for employees of course, the situation is as you describe.

 

but anyway, in such a situation where the financial future looks already well secured for her, I wouldn't say yes to a woman who puts making additional $$$ above living with me. a question of priorities, she would would clearly have the wrong ones.

Edited October 13, 2018 by manarak

[greenmonkey]

This is most definitely not the norm. Get rid now and save yourself a whole load of pain! Sorry to be so blunt.

[cyberfarang]

28 minutes ago, manarak said:

yes, you are right for the general population, but OP described the potential wife as having a "solid income", so I assumed she's a financially independent businesswoman earning as much as him. For businesspeople the word "career" makes no sense, as they drive their business.

for employees of course, the situation is as you describe.

 

but anyway, in such a situation where the financial future looks already well secured for her, I wouldn't say yes to a woman who puts making additional $$$ above living with me. a question of priorities, she would would clearly have the wrong ones.

Unless a Thai person is a high flying whizz kid, creating a hugely successful business perhaps a business dynasty or empire, then being self employed in Thailand does not guarantee a secured income for the remainder of their lives. Many Thais I know that have their own businesses are just managing to break even considering that running a business is a highly competitive occupation or career in Thailand. Earning a solid income today does not necessarily mean earning a solid income tomorrow, that`s how it goes in business.

 

It seems the OP`s intentions for his now girlfriend are very long term, this or that MAY happen in a few years. He talks about having kids with her in a few years, but she doesn`t have a few years considering the woman is now in her 30s. Having her own, according to the OP, successful business and she`s attractive, means she could probably do a lot better by finding a decent Thai guy who will remain in Thailand forever and being in her situation should have no problems in meeting Thai men of equal or higher status if she mixes with the right circles.

 

Also the fact that she may not want to work for several more years and just become a wife and mother, settle down and secure in her later years.

 

The OP appears to have high expectations of this woman and relationship strictly on his terms and convenience. I would say she can do better, probably much better at this stage of her life.

[Gudge]

Sounds like you have a money grabbing Thai lady that will suck you dry. You say she has a well established buisness, store with employees and is basicaly financialy secure but refuses to help out on any expenses when out and wants you to pay all expenses and if you invest in a condo refuses to pay for any of it or share in any of the upkeep. What is she doing with the money she is getting from her buisness, is she supporting her family in high style or supporting someone in grand style on the side that you don't know about. Many Thai women do this even tho they say they will not be with a Thai man but somehow have a very close cousin or brother nearby.??? Think it's Run Forest Run if you know whats good for you. Been sucked dry once and almost a second time thinking with my heart instead of my head. Maybe hard to hear and it's sad to say but some of the posters on here are correct  --rent don't buy , houses or women.

[chicowoodduck]

Unless you gf is a ladyboy, it is time to man-up and pay the freight....????????????????

[Straight8]

16 hours ago, Muzarella said:

In Thailand EVERY women will expect for its husband or lovers to take care for ALL its needs.... If they are the same age or older.... If its partners are younger may be the contrary..... MONEY.....is always part of Thai people relationships in one way or another....and a priority. 

LOVE... will be just a possibility in every case...and NEVER.... like on Western cultures.

I once thought that too, but its NOT every woman.

 

My advice, any woman, that "expects" - run forest run.

 

No wonder the OP's girlfriend wants to retire on the back of his wealth.

 

The reddest of red flags right there!!!!

 

Edited October 14, 2018 by Straight8

[Straight8]

10 hours ago, marqus12 said:

There is a high probability that she will change your life into a nightmare!

Seems like it already is... but only blinded by the "attraction"

 

Doesn't want a bar of sharing costs, looks at him like he just murdered a puppy.... does that not stick out like a sore thumb???

[AndyJo]

 

@andux

So she’s going to retire soon?

 

In my case it’s almost like my wife’s supporting me. 

I’ve got a pretty good income and so does she. 

We got a pretty expensive life back home in Europe and my salary doesn’t cover all the expenses every month, so she’s transferring between 120k-200k Thb almost every month, exept when we’re gonna spend some time in Thailand. 

 

I’m 41 and she’s 34. 

Our money is OUR money. Not her money and my money. If I want to buy something expensive, I talk to my wife. The same does she when she want to buy som expensive stuff. 

 

We’ve got a shared economy. The synergy effect is really good for both of us. 

 

So...

Don't move together. Move in to her, she’s already paying for her house/apartment. If she could afford it before you moved in, she can afford it now. 

 

You should explain for her the meaning of the word “We” and “Together”. 

 

Otherwise you you could probably learn her something about life. 

Let her quit her job, wait a while, kick her out. 

Edited October 14, 2018 by AndyJo
My English sucks

[Time Traveller]

Hate to break the news to you pal, but in most cultures, traditionally the man is meant to be the financial provider for the family. If ya having problems accepting that now, best to get rid of the girlfriend, cause she's not going to change her thinking.

Or you could find a "modern" woman (aka Feminist demanding equality). However, you'd become a cuck like the western men these days as such woman have no respect for their husbands so you'd be treated as a doormat.

So the choice is yours, do you want to be a man that can accept responsibility, or do you want to be a cuck with your wife making the decisions?

Edited October 14, 2018 by Time Traveller

[stephenterry]

There are two types of people in this world: Takers and Givers. Seems like she is a Taker. If you're not happy being a sole Giver in your relationship, it is best to tell her that's how you feel (without blaming her), and try and find out where she's coming from. It's good to talk things through, something that the current younger generation don't do.

 

Is it that she feels her biological clock is ticking away, wants to settle down, marry, have kids and be a housewife, in which case you would be expected to provide for your future family?  

 

I suspect your current lifestyle is possibly not for her in the long-term, and she's sending that message across, albeit diverting from her real reason by focusing on the monetary angle.

 

Or she could be just trying to fleece you...

 

       

 

 

[Odin Norway]

13 hours ago, quandow said:

My EX TGF was told by her family, "You have farang boyfriend, you not need to work."

Exactly.The same thing my GF at the time said coming home from work.And she tried their advice.Now she is my X ????

[The Theory]

“Attractiveness is an asset that allows a person to find sexual mates. The more good-looking a person is, the more options the person will have.” 

 

Sorry, not here. 

Attraction is a tool and make an auction more hot.

“Whoever pays more can have her”

this is because many Thai men spend a lot money for beautiful girls and girls know how things work. 

There are some girls who are average look and even pay for their guys, but with farang..... huh. 

[Hummin]

On 10/13/2018 at 6:19 AM, simon43 said:

Ditch her...

 

Having been through several failed relationships in Thailand, I would say that your GF should either agree to share everything equally, or should be prepared to 'kowtow' to your role as the dominant partner in the relationship.  Anything else and you'll be on a slippery slope to supporting her and her entire family.

 

I gave up on Thai women - Burmese women seem far more likely to fit the above roles, (and no, I don't want a slave or a mail-order wife, but if I were to seek a new GF/wife, they would have to be willing to 'pull their weight').

I cant understand some men, who would never have a chance living with a western women, complain about feminism, and suddenly complain about beeing a man, taking a mans role, and f failing that to! Have to even digg deeper down to find a woman who can stay with you, and bee gratefull because she have no other choice to to bend over or suck it up to a loooser! If you feel targeted for no reason, it is okay, since it is many of the posters who go down that road and treat woman like a bag of shit. 

 

I do not say every man should pay any price, Just be a bit smart, thats all. 

 

Change to Burmeese woman because they are better? Quite a statement you claim! You get what you deserve I hope!

[The Theory]

13 hours ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

Of course it was a troll.

 

I told ya his post stinks to high heavens with inaccuracies. 

How if life in Canada ? 

Are you coming back or looking for a supporter before next move. 

The reality is what OP mentioned in his post. If you still thinking of second try, take your chance. 

 

[The Theory]

On 10/12/2018 at 7:03 PM, andux said:

The problem I keep running into is that she's determined to transform me into a "provider".

The fact is everybody is selling own product depends on quality. Some for cash in street, some as men companies for food and bed and some upper scale for cars and condos or houses. 

Go figure 

 

Edited October 14, 2018 by The Theory

[khunPer]

On 10/12/2018 at 2:03 PM, andux said:

...I keep running into is that she's determined to transform me into a "provider"...

Is this the norm in Thailand?

To my own surprise, the answer is a yes.

 

I also thought that is was farangs, or elder more well-off men, also Thais, but I have over the years learned that any man is considered as a provider. I've seen many young couples, where the man hand over to the lady – or girl – all his monthly income, and she gives him a few pocket money now and then. It begins before marriage, so the future husband-to-be can prove that he is a good provider. The "sin sot" compensation at a marriage ceremony is also considered as showing that a husband is able to provide.

 

Actually, it not that different from our own Western culture, if we think back some decades – and in many ways it's like Thailand now is on a level of Western culture 50-70 years ago; mixed with smartphones, Internet, and all the present technological advantages – back in the 1950'ies and before, it was quite normal that a man provided for the family.

 

In reality I see many Thai-Thai families, where both parts work (hard) and provide for a family – often send money to parents that take care of their kids, while they are working – and in some cases that it's the woman that become the provider, for various reasons; the latter often end with a split or divorce.

 

However, it might be worth having a talk about cultural gap, and find a compromise. 

 

The often recommended book "Thailand Fever" says at page 158 about the time you are presented to her parents, i.e. the relationship become public:

Quote

You become a Provider

Although you may not know it, you too are making a huge commitment when you go on that first visit. You are publicly declared that you love your girlfriend. Unless her family is unusually versed in Western culture, they will expect you to show your love and commitment just as a Thai person would...

[ ... ]

Is this just a big scam designed to get your money? A Thai man wouldn't think so–he would be proud to provide according to his means...

The book explains more in the chapter "Money and Support". I normally recommend both parts to read that book, as it written in both English and Thai – so the Thai partner can learn about the "farang-way-of-thinking" – as it might give answers to many small cultural misunderstandings, which can grow to huge problems if not cleared.

????

[smotherb]

[YogaVeg]

6 minutes ago, smotherb said:

Oh dear that's some comic relief. The guy cursing farang is funny, but when I got to the guy dreaming of the bottle I laughed out loud ????????????

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, Time Traveller said:

Hate to break the news to you pal, but in most cultures, traditionally the man is meant to be the financial provider for the family. If ya having problems accepting that now, best to get rid of the girlfriend, cause she's not going to change her thinking.

Or you could find a "modern" woman (aka Feminist demanding equality). However, you'd become a cuck like the western men these days as such woman have no respect for their husbands so you'd be treated as a doormat.

So the choice is yours, do you want to be a man that can accept responsibility, or do you want to be a cuck with your wife making the decisions?

I think you have a very limited outlook on life. Marriage is a partnership; each member has a function in the relationship. If you take on all the revenue generation, control all finances, make all decisions and leave all the daily duties to your partner; you have a sole proprietorship. Many men seem to need that control over their women. Of course, if your partner does not generate any revenue, has someone else who performs the daily duties and constantly demands her needs be satisfied; you are the cuckold. Any partner worth their salt will contribute to the relationship and do more than just spread her legs. I prefer a good-looking, intelligent, capable woman who does not need me to support her; one who stays with me because she wants to stay with me.

[NanLaew]

21 hours ago, DieterWiehe said:

who buys a Cow you better just buy the milk and butter

...and cheese. Never forget the cheese.

 

It's bloody expensive here though.

[Catkiwi]

2 hours ago, khunPer said:

To my own surprise, the answer is a yes.

 

I also thought that is was farangs, or elder more well-off men, also Thais, but I have over the years learned that any man is considered as a provider. I've seen many young couples, where the man hand over to the lady – or girl – all his monthly income, and she gives him a few pocket money now and then. It begins before marriage, so the future husband-to-be can prove that he is a good provider. The "sin sot" compensation at a marriage ceremony is also considered as showing that a husband is able to provide.

 

Actually, it not that different from our own Western culture, if we think back some decades – and in many ways it's like Thailand now is on a level of Western culture 50-70 years ago; mixed with smartphones, Internet, and all the present technological advantages – back in the 1950'ies and before, it was quite normal that a man provided for the family.

 

In reality I see many Thai-Thai families, where both parts work (hard) and provide for a family – often send money to parents that take care of their kids, while they are working – and in some cases that it's the woman that become the provider, for various reasons; the latter often end with a split or divorce.

 

However, it might be worth having a talk about cultural gap, and find a compromise. 

 

The often recommended book "Thailand Fever" says at page 158 about the time you are presented to her parents, i.e. the relationship become public:

The book explains more in the chapter "Money and Support". I normally recommend both parts to read that book, as it written in both English and Thai – so the Thai partner can learn about the "farang-way-of-thinking" – as it might give answers to many small cultural misunderstandings, which can grow to huge problems if not cleared.

????

Good idea except the "farang way of thinking" can not be generalised. As is solid proof when reading these forums. Very very different views on any topic that is posted. Just sayin!

[The Theory]

On 10/13/2018 at 7:12 AM, theguyfromanotherforum said:

I'll be back to Thailand in December to annoy the characters like u with my never ending wit

But you can’t go back ❗️

Because you said that your Thai wife has stoped supporting you. ????

Well we all TV guys wish you the best wherever you feel it home. ????

[smotherb]

20 hours ago, NanLaew said:

...and cheese. Never forget the cheese.

 

It's bloody expensive here though.

Then don't forget the steaks

[smotherb]

Every Thai woman you say? I think you're talking about a certain demographic; but certainly not all. I know several Thai women who continue to work even though married to farangs. One owns a guest house and rental properties in Ao Nang; she owned them before she met her farang. She continues to run them with his help; he only has a meager state pension. Another owned a very successful beauty shop--you have to make an appointment--when she met her farang, she continues to run it even though he is now retired, and they have been married some 15 years.

 

You may say I don't know or am confused with their relationships; okay, fair enough. Then, how about my son and his Thai wife; she worked when they met and after five years of marriage still does; she doesn't expect him to support her, she loves her career. My son does not support her family and neither does she; her parents are self-sufficient. Her father and I have become friends; he knows I love his daughter as my own, and he and my son have a great relationship.

 

I am simply amazed at the number of TV posters who have such a poor opinion of Thais and/or have never known a Thai without their hand out for the farang to support them. A difference may be that none of these ladies are poor or sold their bodies to earn a living.

**********************************************

This  post is in response to Muzarella's post #45 which said,

 

In Thailand EVERY women will expect for its husband or lovers to take care for ALL its needs.... If they are the same age or older.... If its partners are younger may be the contrary..... MONEY.....is always part of Thai people relationships in one way or another....and a priority. 

LOVE... will be just a possibility in every case...and NEVER.... like on Western cultures.

Edited October 15, 2018 by smotherb