11:45 Arrive at the crime scene

11:45 Examine body, signs of a struggle

11:45 Found murder weapon in storm drain

11:45 Realise watch is broken

Torment pessimists by topping up their glass while their backs are turned.

Just when you think the lies told by MPs can't get any more far fetched...
A man stands up in parliament and claims to be upset that his mother in law has died.

I experienced the WORST customer service today at a shop in the high street.

I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. Yesterday, I bought something from this shop and paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work.

So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the shop and asked if I could get a refund. The girl in the shop told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then.

Again this person told me "NO."

I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work.

The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK."

No refund.

No FREE replacement.

I'll tell you what...I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again.

Sheikh Anvak is famous for having the freshest carpets in the whole of Qatar.

An Arab Sheik was admitted to the Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to have some of his blood type stored in case the need arose. As the gentleman had an extremely rare type of blood that couldn't be found locally, the call went out around the world.
Finally, a Scotsman was located who had the same rare blood type. After some coaxing, the Scot donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a BMW, a diamond necklace for his wife, and $100,000 US dollars in appreciation for the blood donation.
A few months later, the Arab had to undergo a further corrective surgery procedure. Once again, his doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood.
After the second surgery the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be more generous than that. Last time you sent me a BMW, diamonds and money, but this time you only sent me a lousy thank-you card and a crappy box of chocolates?"
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins".
 

My neighbour is building a tall, unwieldy watchtower,
well, that's his lookout.

Fraud Scam Warning:
Don't ever let 80s star Paul Young leave a hat at your house.
He'll try and claim your property.

5 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Sheikh Anvak is famous for having the freshest carpets in the whole of Qatar.

Showing your age with that one. ????

8 minutes ago, overherebc said:

Showing your age with that one. ????

Almost as old as the Sheik Yamani one.