An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’

‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. The farmer puts the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to
business.

The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says “OK, old fellow, time to retire.”

The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens….look at what it did to me!”

The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike.”

The old rooster says, “Aw, c’mon…..just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won’t bother you.”

The young rooster says, “Scram! Beat it! You’re washed up! I’m taking over!”

So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, “I’ll tell you what, young fellow, I’ll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets the domain of the chicken coop. And if I’m so feeble, why not give me a little head start?”

The young rooster says, “Sure, why not, you know I’ll still beat you.”

They line up in the back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck “Go!” and the old rooster takes off running.

About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what’s going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he shoots the young rooster dead. He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife …

“Son of a ***** … third gay rooster I bought this week!”

The situation is under control.

On 6/19/2022 at 10:08 AM, ballpoint said:

 

I watched a mate trying to remove the left front wheel of his long wheelbase Ford Transit (the type with twin wheels at the back). 

 

He had been wrestling with it for a goodly while and was getting close to breaking out the gas-axe.

 

Another mate, who happened to be a trucker wandered past, and quietly, under his breath, whispered, "left hand thread"!

 

Yes, on big commercial vehicles, the left hand wheels have reverse threads so they don't come off by accident. This is something I didn't know and as the owner of a (different) long wheelbase Transit I was glad to find out before embarrassing myself

 

"Lefty-loosy, righty-tighty, does not apply".