Can't we just wait till at least after Halloween b4 the Xmas stuff!

 

 

15 hours ago, Seth1a2a said:

Hope this post doesn't offend anyone, my apologies in advance.....

 

 

 

 

 

5 hours ago, Seth1a2a said:

 

 

A man walks into a pet store, interested in a parrot.

He notices a gorgeous bird with a red ribbon on its right ankle and a blue ribbon on the left ankle. The man asks the store owner about the ribbons.
"Oh, this is a specially trained parrot. If you tug on the red ribbon, the parrot will recite the Declaration of Independence. If you tug on the blue ribbon, he recites the Gettysburg Address."
"That's pretty awesome," the man responds, "but what happens if you tug both at the same time?"

The parrot answers the man, "I'd fall off my perch, you moron."

A store manager watches from a distance as a salesperson argues with a customer. After a few minutes, the customer storms out of the store.
"I saw what just happened," the manager says, "and I guess you've forgotten my motto of 'the customer is always right.'"
"I know," the salesperson says, "but . . ."
"No buts," says the manager. "The customer is always right."
"Fine," responds the salesperson.
"What were you two arguing about?" the manager asks.
The salesperson answers, "He called you an idiot and a useless manager and salesman.."
 

Why did the masseuse have to close up his shop? He kept rubbing people the wrong way.

 

"I'll take some pork chops," the woman tells the butcher, "and make them lean."
"No problem," the butcher replies. "Which way?"

A music store was robbed last week. The robbers made off with all the lute it was noted by the Police
 

When your cat eats too many Chameleons 

22 minutes ago, Seth1a2a said:

When your cat eats too many Chameleons 

I don't quite see it!  

 

Two naked oiled up women just burst in my house & started wrestling with my wife

Luckily, I was able to knock one out.

 

Every time I try to pour a round of drinks it ends up all over the floor..

I think I need glasses.
 

When my wife found out I'd replaced our bed with a trampoline 

She hit the roof.

The guest of honor at an awards dinner is about to give his speech when a stagehand gives him a piece of paper from his wife in the crowd.
"What does it say?" the stagehand asks.
"Oh, it just says KISS in very big letters."
"Wow, that's very sweet," the stagehand replies.

"She must love you and be very proud of you."
"Not really," the man says.

 

"It stands for Keep It Short, Stupid."
 

I wonder if this will get some tuneful responses

 

A wife comes downstairs before a dinner date with her husband.
"Do I look fat in this dress?" the wife asked.
"Do I look dumb in this shirt?" the husband replied.
 

A man is on a cross-country trip when he picks up a hitchhiker. 
During a lull in the conversation, the hitchhiker notices a brown paper bag resting in the centre console. 
The driver notices his glance and says, "That's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."
The hitchhiker replies, "That's a pretty good trade."

 

 

 

Before you all start cracking yolks at my eggspence I know I will be toast after this post but I felt without any eggaggeration that I had to soldier on in private and come out of my shell with it!

2 hours ago, scottiejohn said:

 

 

Before you all start cracking yolks at my eggspence I know I will be toast after this post but I felt without any eggaggeration that I had to soldier on in private and come out of my shell with it!

Speaking in General terms, I agree with you, unless there is a major disaster on the way.

Can't we just wait till at least after Halloween b4 the Xmas stuff!

I’m trying but the excitement is not easy to contain !!

A guide for anyone wanting to visit Yorkshire in the near future !!