Attention all World Cup supporters.

 

The Qatari male headdress is called a "ghutra", it is a little-sheet.

 

It is not a towel or a rag!

 

Please do not insult our hosts by calling them "towel-head" or "rag-head"!

 

 

 

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. 

It’s all about raisin awareness.

An old farmer wrote to his son in prison:
“This year I wont be able to plant potatoes because I cant dig the field. I know if you were here you would help me”

 

The son wrote back: ”Dad don’t even think of digging the field because that’s where I buried the money I stole”

 

Police read the letter and the very next day the whole field was dug by police looking for the money but nothing was found. The next day the son wrote again: “Now plant your potatoes dad; it’s the best I can do from here.

4 hours ago, Crossy said:

Attention all World Cup supporters.

 

The Qatari male headdress is called a "ghutra", it is a little-sheet.

 

It is not a towel or a rag!

 

Please do not insult our hosts by calling them "towel-head" or "rag-head"!

 

 

 

Took me a while.

A nun is driving her car when a drunk staggers into the road and she almost hits him.

 

She's so angry that she gets out of her car and gives him a verbal dressing down.

 

The drunk punches her square in the face and knocks her flat out.

 

Then he stands over her and says: "Not so tough now are you Batman?"

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia. She whispers, "They're right behind you!"

 

A man walks into a library and orders a hamburger. The librarian says, "This is a library." The man apologizes and whispers, "I'd like a hamburger, please."

 

I went into a library to borrow some books about turtles.

"Hardbacks?" asked the librarian.

"Yes," I replied. "And they have little heads, too."

 

I asked the librarian where I could find books about lubricants.

"Try the non-friction section" she replied.

 

I told her that I was also interested in books about Big Foot.

She suggested I try the large-print section.

 

I checked out a book about extreme fitness exercises.

The librarian said "Try not to overdue it."

 

I checked out a book about Stockholm Syndrome. I didn't like it at first, but in the end I was hooked.

 

Did you hear about the fire that destroyed all 20 books in the Trump Mar-a-Lago library.

The real tragedy was that 15 of them hadn't been coloured in yet.

 

 

15 hours ago, Crossy said:

Attention all World Cup supporters.

 

The Qatari male headdress is called a "ghutra", it is a little-sheet.

 

It is not a towel or a rag!

 

Please do not insult our hosts by calling them "towel-head" or "rag-head"!

 

 

 

Thailand has gone one better. Thailand PM likes seaweed.

 

A totally inebriated punter gets off of his bar stool in the pub and falls flat on his face.  He can't get up and so drags himself home using his elbows.  He finally gets home, drags himself upstairs and crawls into bed.   Next morning, he's woken up by his wife shouting "How much did you have to drink last night? The landlord's on the phone, you left your wheelchair there".

My mate just said to me: “You’ve put a lot of weight on”.

"I know", I said, "I’ve had a lot on my plate recently".

The England team have visited an orphanage while in Qatar for the World Cup.
“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope,” said Hassan, age 6.

What do you call a Scotsman holding the World Cup?
An engraver.

Following a Brazil match, a little fan runs up to Neymar waving a piece of paper to get an autograph.
Neymar says, “Sure, do you have a pen?”
The kid replies, “I’ll get one,” and throws himself on the ground and starts rolling around, holding his knee and crying.
Neymar says, “You said you were getting a pen.”
“Well, it works for you,” replied the kid.

'The Qatari male headdress is called a "ghutra", it is a little-sheet.'

Took me    l o n g e r. ????

What can you say about the Poland squad for the World Cup?
One of them is surely going to be your WiFi password.

7 minutes ago, carlyai said:

'The Qatari male headdress is called a "ghutra", it is a little-sheet.'

Took me    l o n g e r. ????

I'm still trying to work it out, unless it is a play on the last two words.

16 minutes ago, GarryP said:

I'm still trying to work it out, unless it is a play on the last two words.

Loose Lips Sink Ships   - sorry, that's a sheety thing to say. ????

Someone's in the <deleted> when gets back to Iran.