When you're too tired to go clubbing with your mates but don't want to look like a wuss.

Merry Christmas 

 

A guy decides to buy his new girlfriend a pair of gloves for Christmas. After all, they’ve only been dating for three weeks so it seems like the ideal gift – romantic, yet not too personal.
He asks the girlfriend’s younger sister to accompany him to buy them then she can point out a pair she’d like. They go to the mall and the sister points out a pair of white gloves which the guy then buys.

The sister then picks up a pair of panties for herself and buys them.
But during the wrapping, the clerk mixes up the parcels without anyone realising. As a result, the sister gets the gloves and the guy takes home a gift box containing the panties.

Without checking, the guy rushes the gift to his sweetheart, but only after drafting this loving and helpful note to accompany it:

“I chose these because I notice you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me a pair she’d been wearing for the last three weeks and they were hardly soiled.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time. There’s no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow in them before putting them away, as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for the coming Christmas Eve.

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.”

One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus saying, “Please send me a sister.”

Santa Claus wrote him back, “Okay, please send me your mother.”

On 11/29/2022 at 9:19 AM, DezLez said:

Excuse me but I seem to have forgotten what "sex" is!

Can anyone on here remember what it is?

If you visit Kelvinside ( has a reputation for being posh) in the Glasgow area you would know that sex are the things your coal is delivered in.

Pre' council tax a Kelvinside lady was asked

What are the rates like in Kelvinside?

She answered

Oh, no rates  only mace.

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

If she sharpens up it will soon be a pointless (s)exercise!

 

 

 

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

What hearing aid?

12 hours ago, still kicking said:

Merry Christmas 

 

I just did not get it at first as all I could see was some weed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!