Residents of UK warned to stay indoors on Wed' night as there is a slight risk of impact from re-entry of world cup debris.

Seen on a motoring forum:-

 

What do you do if you get rear-ended?

 

If you know it is coming? Lube.

If you don't? Preparation H.

16 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

While shepherds washed their socks by night,
And hung them on the line,
The angel of the Lord came down,
And said "Those socks are mine!"

The shepherds washed their socks at night

All seated round a tub,

A bar of 'Sunlight soap' shone down,

And they began to scrub.

 

Mary had a little skirt with splits right up the sides,
and everywhere that Mary went the boys could see her thighs.
She also had another skirt which split right up the front,
She never wore that one...........

Once again this year, I’ve had many requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes.

 

1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1...bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit.

 

Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the Vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixeer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the Vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the Vodka. Now <deleted> shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.

 

Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the Vodka and wipe the counter with the cat. Cheers

It's old but still worth a life. Many different versions.

 

There was a new catholic lass at St Plods,

who thought babies came from the almighty.

But it wasn't Jesus's dad who took off her nightie,

It was bell-ringer Roger; the sod.

2 hours ago, Zyxel said:

Floors rusting out was a common problem on MGB's