2 hours ago, roo860 said:

Not Jesus, but Moses had a motorbike.  Doesn't it say in the bible that "The roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the land"?

I can barely walk any more.

But at least my doctor says I'm getting a trophy.

Well it's that time of year again when the £80 a week I invest in child maintenance finally pays off by providing me with a pair of f***ing socks.

N V B K I T H E K L O P F
I N V E N T O R Z S F O F
T H E E F G H J I O L P L
Y Q W O R D S E A R C H
H A S J P O D I E D G W

 

 

I've had enough of Christmas.
All year long I work my fingers to the bone to buy all the presents that my kids ask for, and what happens Christmas morning?
That fat ****** with the beard gets all the credit for it!
I suppose it was my fault for marrying her.

What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
“‘But I don’t like Brussels sprouts!”

I went into the florists this morning and said:
"Do you have tulips?"
She said: "Yes and two eyes, two ears and a nose."

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be mass confusion!

I wasn't going to visit my family this Christmas, but my mum promised to make me Eggs Benedict.

So I'm going home for the hollandaise.

3 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.

There would be mass confusion!

That is a quick fix to lose half your weight!

Dear Sir

On behalf of Channel 4 may I thank you for the application you have provided for your wife to appear on our forthcoming 'Reality Show' and also for the charming photograph you enclosed with the application letter.

Whilst agreeing that she would no doubt make a worthy contribution to the program if selected, I would take this opportunity to advise you that the correct title of the new series is actually "Fact Hunt".

Kind regards

Channel 4