Two kids are arguing over whose father is the biggest coward.

The first one says, "My dad is so scared of lightning that when it strikes, he slides underneath our bed."

The second kid says, "That's nothing. My dad is so scared of the dark, that when my mother works night shift, he sleeps with the woman next door."

Went to the gym this morning for the first time.  The trainer asked me if I had ever tried squats. I said I had, he asked what type? Diddly I replied.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side.

So I crashed the car... and then ignored her all day for no reason.

I'm wondering about my wife.  I just told her I wanted to be cremated.
She made me an appointment for Monday.

A friend of mine is going to a transvestite themed party on Saturday.

He's going to eat, drink & be Mary.

After almost 3 years of putting it off, I have just been fitted with orthodontic insoles.

I didn't think they would make much difference, but now I stand corrected.

Of all my possessions, I love my sat-nav the most.

I just don't know where I'd be without it.

It's perfectly OK to talk to yourself and it's perfectly OK to answer yourself.
But it's totally sad that you have to repeat what you said because you weren't listening.

47 minutes ago, Zyxel said:

The hair style is already an indication.

44 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

After almost 3 years of putting it off, I have just been fitted with orthodontic insoles.

I didn't think they would make much difference, but now I stand corrected.

Do they bite? 

44 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

After almost 3 years of putting it off, I have just been fitted with orthodontic insoles.

I didn't think they would make much difference, but now I stand corrected.

I think you are building this up too much

6 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Do they bite? 

Congratulations.  You win.

11 minutes ago, VocalNeal said:

I think you are building this up too much

Don't be too hard on Ballpoint,it is obvious he needs some support.

 

11 minutes ago, jvs said:

Don't be too hard on Ballpoint,it is obvious he needs some support.

 

I think he is pronation. although which nation I don't know

54 minutes ago, jvs said:

The hair style is already an indication.

Harry?

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very late every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister".

.

13 hours ago, roo860 said:

What!!!???? Never hear of bar-girls or lady-boys?