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This week, I will mostly be using doggie style

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Bloody illiterate young people.

It's spelled cologne dammit, cologne!

 

 

True, you can Google it.

Born on this day in 1947. Queen Consort, Camilla Parker Bowles.
????????

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

We've all done it!

3 hours ago, ballpoint said:

After Brexit Putin calls Merkel . 

PutiN: "So now there is no British Army in Europe"

Merkel: "Why do you ask?"

Putin: " Just wondering"

The British Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus

They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of £1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of £72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with £96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old sergeant-major who, when asked where he would like to be measured, replied, 'From the tip of my penis to my testicles.'

It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big cheques the previous two officers had received. But the old sergeant-major insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived at the barracks in the UK and instructed the sergeant-major to 'drop 'em', which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the sergeant's penis and began to work back.

'Dear Lord,' The medical officer suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your balls?'

The old sergeant-major calmly replied, 'Afghanistan.'

“Say, old chap, did I ever tell you about the time I was attacked by a Bengal tiger?”


“I dare say I’ve not heard that one.”


“I decided one summer to try my hand at taking down one of the royal beasts. I hired a guide from the local village and armed with my rifle we set out. Several hours into the hunt and deep in a mangrove swamp we stumbled upon fresh tracks. It was not more than a few minutes of tracking the great beast when we heard it: a low, guttural sound from behind. I quickly turned and as I readied my rifle, the tiger leapt from the shadows, teeth and claws bared, ‘Rrrraaaaaarrrrrr!!!!’ I sh@t my pants.”


“Of course I'm not surprised that you sh!t in your pants back then, old chap. You were attacked by a Bengal Tiger!”

“No, Not then. Just right now when I went, ‘Rrrraaaaaarrrrr!!!!!’”

Oh No!!!

A disheveled man is busking on the side of the street in London with a sign that says “Falklands War Veteran”
A well-dressed man notices this and feels bad, having himself been a veteran of the British Army and saw action in the Falklands.

 

He pities the busker and tells him,

“It must be a pity to serve your country and then come home to this. I served in the army, in fact, so I know what it’s like. Maybe this will help you out.”

He then gives the man a rather large stack of cash.

The busker is overjoyed, and as the well-dressed man walks away, he tells him,

 

“Muchas gracias, señor!”