5 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

.

Does that count the UK out?

4 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

.

I remember that..got my laughing emojo also.

4 hours ago, Zyxel said:

Young wipersnaper.

4 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Just been down the library...

 

Nobody else did, either ????

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith’s multi-million dollar home, and since the man’s lawyers were good, he prevailed.

He gave Edith, his now ex-wife, just 3 days to move out.

 

She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases.

On the 2nd day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the 3rd day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything... cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting.

 

NOTHING WORKED.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house. The Maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

 

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

 

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.
INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.

 

This Doesn't Really Need A Translation

 

.

22 hours ago, KannikaP said:

But none in Goodwyn's, or should it be Goodwyns'?

Like Lotus's or Lotus'

2 minutes ago, carlyai said:

Like Lotus's or Lotus'

????It depends on where you regard LOTUS as singular or plural.

Did they not say that the last S stood for SMART. 5555

14 hours ago, oxo1947 said:

 

This Doesn't Really Need A Translation

 

Titillation.