You can talk away hair on your shirt. Lipstick on your underwear?

 

Be careful out there...

After a couple of years a couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked.

So they went to a doctor, and got checked over.

The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just take

this sample bottle home and do the necessary, and bring it back tomorrow."

So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his little

bottle. It was empty.

The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, " Problems?" he said.

"Have I ever had problems, doc.!" the man replied. " I went home and

straight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands my hands got too sore to hold it! I had to get the wife

upstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn't

do it. "

"So what did you do?" said the doctor.

" We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sure

she'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc,

she tried with her teeth in, and her teeth out!!"

"But nothing we tried would get the top off that bloody bottle!!!!!"

 

Future Ocean Mariner

 

Ocean Mariner

The oldies are the goodies!

 

One Sunday, when counting the money in the weekly offering, the Pastor of a small church found a pink envelope containing $1,000.

 

It happened again the next week!

 

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate.

 

This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her. “Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.

 

“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money and I give some of it to the church.”

 

The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this... How much does he send you”

 

The elderly woman answered, “$10,000 a week.”

 

The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living”

 

“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.

 

“That’s an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice”

 

The woman answered proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cathouses – one in Las Vegas, and one in Reno.”