I went to the dentist.  He asked, "so how's the mouth?"

I said, "she's just taken the two kids to school".

I accidentally wrote my name down twice for the National Innuendo Championships, so I had to rub one out.

My mate was going to apply too, but changed his mind. He entered his secretary instead.

A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”“John,” the new seaman replied.“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?”“Aye, Aye Chief!”“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do.”

3 hours ago, jvs said:

A Navy Chief noticed a new seaman and barked at him, “Get over here! What’s your name sailor?”“John,” the new seaman replied.“Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don’t call anyone by his first name,” the chief scowled. “It breeds familiarity, and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as ‘Chief’. Do I make myself clear?”“Aye, Aye Chief!”“Now that we’ve got that straight, what’s your last name?”The seaman sighed. “Darling, My name is John Darling, Chief.”“Okay, John, here’s what I want you to do.”

 

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The border dispute is getting serious. Thai military bringing in the heavy artilliary ...