Meanwhile in Australia

 

Teacher: What do you call a woman in heaven?

 

Little Johnny: An angel.

 

Teacher: A crowd of women

 

Little Johnny: A host of angels.

 

Teacher: And all women in heaven?

 

Little Johnny: Peace on earth.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,

upon returning to her car, found four males

in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

"I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car - NOW!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded

to load her shopping bags into the back of the

car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then

she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered

why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two

12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment...

make it memorable

Via Glenn Burns

Yes i suffer from the same addiction!

https://www.facebook.com/reel/1179794350670134

10 hours ago, ballpoint said:

A man ahead of his time - sadly 😧

3 hours ago, jvs said:

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and,

upon returning to her car, found four males

in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun,

proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs,

"I have a gun, and I know how to use it!

Get out of the car - NOW!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat.

They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded

to load her shopping bags into the back of the

car and got into the driver's seat.

She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.

She tried and tried, and then

she realized why.

It was for the same reason she had wondered

why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two

12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down.

She loaded her bags into her own car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The Sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair,

and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a senior moment...

make it memorable

Via Glenn Burns

I just wonder who the brave soul is that gives me a thumb down on every post i make.

10 to 1 it is a MM something.

Be a man,show your face!

Coward!

 

8 minutes ago, jvs said:

I just wonder who the brave soul is that gives me a thumb down on every post i make.

10 to 1 it is a MM something.

Be a man,show your face!

Coward!

 

It wasn't me, but here you go, fill it out in triplicate. I hope it helps. 

14 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

28 minutes ago, jvs said:

I just wonder who the brave soul is that gives me a thumb down on every post i make.

10 to 1 it is a MM something.

Be a man,show your face!

Coward!

 

It wasn't me, but here you go, fill it out in triplicate. I hope it helps. 

Like it @Yellowtail Not a case of hurt feelings, more mild irritation.

 

But I do agree with @jvs

The same or similar fool does the same to me even here in a jokes thread (see 3 posts up)

 

@Crossy  You're a Mod who is active in this thread - Could we possibly return to the days where every post of an emoji was identified?

It might at least show who the humourless ones are!  I for one will stand behind everything i post, and, where I'm wrong, will acknowledge that.

3 minutes ago, VBF said:

Like it @Yellowtail Not a case of hurt feelings, more mild irritation.

 

But I do agree with @jvs

The same or similar fool does the same to me even here in a jokes thread (see 3 posts up)

 

@Crossy  You're a Mod who is active in this thread - Could we possibly return to the days where every post of an emoji was identified?

It might at least show who the humourless ones are!  I for one will stand behind everything i post, and, where I'm wrong, will acknowledge that.

It was a joke, get a grip. I do not understand why people get all butt-hurt about the emojis.

 

I did not think the Florida woman with a gun joke was funny. Maybe that's why it got a thumb's down. 

 

IT could have been funny.

59 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

It was a joke, get a grip. I do not understand why people get all butt-hurt about the emojis.

 

I did not think the Florida woman with a gun joke was funny. Maybe that's why it got a thumb's down. 

 

IT could have been funny.

Fair enough.....definitely not butt-hurt mate - way too inconsequential for that!  After all, it's just a forum, even if you (and I to a lesser extent) do have thousands of posts.

I do still think it would be nice to be able to see who posted what emojis though, as used to be the case - promise I won't draw up a list of enemies  😁😂😉

4 minutes ago, VBF said:

Fair enough.....definitely not butt-hurt mate - way too inconsequential for that!  After all, it's just a forum, even if you (and I to a lesser extent) do have thousands of posts.

I do still think it would be nice to be able to see who posted what emojis though, as used to be the case - promise I won't draw up a list of enemies  😁😂😉

So why bring it up? It's a joke thread, 

Just now, Yellowtail said:

So why bring it up? It's a joke thread, 

I've mentioned it elsewhere as well - i think it applies to all threads.

Just my opinion is all.....

1 minute ago, VBF said:

I've mentioned it elsewhere as well - i think it applies to all threads.

Just my opinion is all.....

I really like that you can't tell who gives you the thumb's down That way when the guys come out moaning about the thumb's down, you can tell who (present company excluded) is getting all butt-hurt about such nonsense. 

10 hours ago, ravip said:

Wasn't this from SNL Jeopardy with "Sean Connery"?

 

5 minutes ago, Peabody said:

Wasn't this from SNL Jeopardy with "Sean Connery"?

 

That was an effin funny sketch,,,