A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders.

The man says, "I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the
ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

 

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $6.40
please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "I'll
have a hamburger, fries and a coke," and the ostrich says, "I'll have the
same."

 

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

"The usual?" asks the waitress. "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a
steak, baked potato and salad," says the man, "same for me," says the
ostrich.

 

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, "That will be
$12.62."Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places
it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.

 

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change
out of your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would
just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be
there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. 

 

The waitress asks, "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and answers,

 

"My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."

.

.

.

.

...Headline News ‘Pot Calls Kettle Black’........................

I went to a Indian restaurant last night.

After I had ordered, a little old lady came to me and said, "Aren't you polite. You have such lovely manners."

Apparently, it was my complimentary nan.

Thailand Beer Mirror....

My girlfriend said to me,

"I know you've been cheating on me with that girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch."

I said, "How can you say such a thing?"

One of the female cleaners in our condo invited me to her room to smoke a joint.

I turned her down.  I don’t like high maintenance women.

My wife just came in and told me that if I don’t get off my computer and help with the dishes, she’ll repeatedly slam my head on the keyboard.

But I think she’s jokinddjspswdkjdpa’’4584+1sds;XS’,Z#ZAVMGGDSB,M

 

 

 

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replie;

"I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week."

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied:

"I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week"

 

 The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to
pay his bill, the barber again replied;

"I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week"

 

 The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. 

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.