Damn that lockdown !

The official new Christmas cake of 2020 .

 

.

A donkey was tied to a tree. One night a ghost cut the rope and released the donkey.

 

The donkey went and destroyed the crops in a farmer's land. Infuriated, the farmer's wife shot the donkey and killed it.

The donkey's owner was devastated at the loss. In reply, he shot dead the farmer's wife.

Angered by his wife's death, the farmer took a sickle and killed the donkey's owner.

The wife of the donkey's owner got so angry that she and her sons set the farmer's house on fire.

The farmer, looking at his house turned into ashes, went ahead and killed both the wife and children of that donkey's owner.

 

Finally, when the farmer was full of regret, he asked the ghost as to why did it kill them all?

The ghost replied, "I killed nobody. I just released a donkey that was tied to a rope. It is all of you who released the devil within you which resulted into everything bad that happened."

 

Today the media has become like the ghost. It keeps releasing donkeys on a daily basis. And people react and argue with each other, hurt each other, without even having a second thought.

In the end, the media dodges all responsibilities. So, it's our responsibility to not to react on every donkey released by media and preserve our relationship with our friends and relatives.

8 minutes ago, ravip said:

A donkey was tied to a tree. One night a ghost cut the rope and released the donkey....

 

Today the media has become like the ghost. It keeps releasing donkeys on a daily basis. And people react and argue with each other, hurt each other, without even having a second thought.

In the end, the media dodges all responsibilities. So, it's our responsibility to not to react on every donkey released by media and preserve our relationship with our friends and relatives.

Thanks for posting this parable.

It deserves a wider circulation than the Worst Joke thread.

I will use it when those two Thai paragons of wisdom, dr Yong and dr Tira get an open Forum again to spout their fear-mongering nonsense.

 

5 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

.

he has a control over her NANd gates

A guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his girlfriend from his wallet and said 'she's beautiful isn't she'
I said 'if you think she's beautiful, you should see my wife'

He asked 'why, is she a stunner?'

I replied 'no, she's an optician'

A rather reticent young girl was asked how she got on with her new boyfriend by her best friend. 
“Let’s just say my legs are my best friends and kept me on the straight and narrow,” she replied mysteriously. 
“Oh come on,” said her mate. “What does that mean?” 
“It means he came on too strong so I walked home alone.” 

A few weeks later the two friends were talking and the girl’s mate asked her how her new date went on the previous night. 
“Pretty much as before,” she replied. “My legs are yet again my best friends.” 

Time went by and on the third time they met up, the girl looked radiantly happy. 
“You’re looking well,” commented her mate. “Something’s doing you good.” 

 

“Oh yes,” replied the girl. “I’ve met this wonderful bloke and let’s just say even the best of friends must part.” 
 

“You are up before this court for the hideous crime of making love to your wife after she had died. Do you have anything to say in your defence?” 

“Yes, your honour. I didn’t know she was dead, she’d been like that in bed for the last twenty years.” 

A music hall entertainer is stopped by the police for having a faulty break light, and on the back seat of the car, the policeman spots a whole set of knives. He asks the man why he has them – doesn’t he know it’s against the law to carry unsecured knives. 
The man explains that the knives, along with many of the other items like balls and rings are used in his juggling act! 
The policeman insists the man gets out to prove to him that what he said is true.

So he stands at the roadside performing his act. Just as he starts juggling the knives another car drives by and the driver turns to his wife, saying,

 

“Thank goodness I gave up the demon drink, just look how the police test you these days.” 

.

 

Now Read it again ...Slowly..........

 

 

23 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

.

 

Now Read it again ...Slowly..........

 

 

I don't get the point (yet,) but I hope to go on holiday after I do!!

I have a vaccine joke...

...but a lot of people won't get it.

I volunteered for the Russian Vaccine Trial for Covid-19.

It's been kept very, very quiet for security reasons.

I received my first shot and wanted to let you know that it’s completely safe with иo side effects whatsoeveя, and that I feelshκι χoρoshό я чувствую себя немного странно и я думаю, что вытащил ослиные уши.

BREAKING NEWS Thieves have allegedly broken into the laboratory at Pfizer to try and steal the new Covid-19 vaccine...

They apparently took a case of Viagra instead.

The police are looking for a group of hardened criminals.

2 minutes ago, fangless said:

I have a vaccine joke...

...but a lot of people won't get it.

They are probably immune.

At first Johnny was embarrassed to find a lady doctor waiting for him in the surgery.

She asked him to strip and then began examining him.

As she put her soft, gentle hands on his body she said, “Say 99 please.” 
Johnny smiled and then as slowly as he could began 1… 2…

 

3…
 

“Doctor, doctor, I’m so embarrassed, I’ve got several holes in my willy and when I go for a pee it sprinkles out all over me and over anyone standing close by. Please say you can do something.” 
The doctor considered the man for a few minutes and then wrote something down on a card. 
“Here,” he said, “take this card, on it is the name of a man who can help you.” 
“Oh thanks, doc, will he be able to cure me?” 

“No, but he’s one of the country’s finest flute players and he’ll show you how to hold it properly.” 
 

A very obese man went to the doctor’s and was told he would have to lose at least 7 stone. 
“It’s no good,” wailed the man. “I’ve tried all sorts of diets and they never work.” 
“Well, this one is different,” said the doctor. “You will take nothing by mouth, everything you eat will be through your rectum.” 

A month went by and the man went back to the doctors looking very happy. 
“Well done, you’ve lost nearly 4 stone, carry on like this and you’ll soon be down to the correct weight. Do you have any problems?” 
“None at all,” said the man. “I’ll see you in a month’s time.” 

As the man walked to the door, the doctor noticed that he was walking in an odd way. 

“Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?” asked the doctor. 
“You seem to be walking in a curious way.” 

“No, everything’s fine, doc,” said the man. “I’m just chewing some bubble gum.” 
 

13 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

.

The Local Hawaii Government has introduced laws preventing loud an raucous laughter an , official government spokesperson stated that any laughter must not exceed a low ha

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,

'Shoite, .... Shoite !'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.

'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed' . He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?'

Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' <deleted>. But how'd you know?'

'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'