The Weather Girl..........Liverpool.......

 

 

Some perspective (especially for Americans).

 

 

I bought a pack of condoms at the 7/11.

“Do you need a bag?” asked the cashier.

"God no. She’s not that ugly". I replied.

Sadly, I think my family are a bunch of racists...

I started dating a black girl recently, and after we'd been going out a while I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Speed bumps are a joke. If anything, they slow you down.

A young, extremely perky woman gets into an elevator with an older man...
The woman smiles broadly and says, "TGIF"!

The man slowly turns to her and deadpans, "S.h.i.t."

The woman, thinking that he didn't hear her, slowly repeats "T.G.I.F."

He simply responds, "S.h.i.t.", just as slowly.

Exasperated, she laughs and says, "TGIF stands for Thank God It's Friday!, Silly!"

The man replies, "I know that but Sorry Honey, It's Thursday."

One salad: $3, three salads: $10!

At the market place, a seller advertises "1 salad for $3, 3 salads for $10".

 

A customer passing by stops and speaks with the seller:

-That's not right!

-What do you mean?

-Well, that's not an offer: 3 salads cost $9.

-No, sir, it says here that 3 salads cost $10.

-I know, but if I buy 1 salad, how much do I pay?

-$3.

-And if I buy 2?

-$6.

-Yes, because 3+3=6, now what about 3+3+3?

-That makes 9.

-So 3 salads cost $9.

-No sir, they cost $10, it's written just over there, on that board.

 

The client can't fathom such a stubbornness in another human being and proceeds to prove his point to the seller:

-Here, let me buy a salad.

-That will be $3, sir.

-Now, I'd like one more salad.

-That will be $3 again, sir.

-Finally, let me buy one last salad.

-That will also be $3, sir.

-How much did I pay you those 3 salads?

-$3+$3+$3, your paid $9.

 

-See? 3 salads are worth $9, not $10, you won't sell much salads of you do it this way.

 

-Yes sir, I almost sold all my stock to people like you wanting to prove they're smarter than me by buying 3 salads they don't need, just to make sure they are superior.

 

My technique works! Besides, I can overprice those salads to $3 and no one bats an eye!

2 hours ago, WorriedNoodle said:

Somebody will have to explain this to me ... and please do not use any long words.

Thai contractor?

 

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

I bought a pack of condoms at the 7/11.

“Do you need a bag?” asked the cashier.

"God no. She’s not that ugly". I replied.

Actually there is a bit of a Thai joke  mixed in there  because  the condom in Thai is for want of better translation a "sanitary bag"    so the cashier could have been asking if you wanted to <deleted> ????

I still have a little inward giggle when a cute cashier asks if we/she should use a bag.