1 hour ago, Crossy said:

I am not so died in the past as many here but are you sure that is not a Plagisorous? But then I do have some Withering doubts!

56 minutes ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

My mobile holder for the car broke , luckily I came up with an ingenious solution !!

You can always find a sucker somewhere, can't you?

You can always find a sucker somewhere, can't you?

There must be millions about because apparently there’s one born every minute !!

Doesn’t look good for Anne !!

Oops, now the cats out of the bag !!

Never really believed that they existed until i saw it on Facebook !!

Wrong answer !!

4 hours ago, Crossy said:

That's a breath of fresh Eyre.

Too soon ?

Awkward !!

It's a long read, so bear with me ...

 

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea, two prawns were swimming around. One called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark and horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.

All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse)...

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

'Where's Christian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'............

 

wait for it...............





"I'VE FOUND COD.      I'M A PRAWN AGAIN CHRISTIAN!"

 

3 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

It's a long read, so bear with me ...

 

Far away in the tropical waters of the Coral Sea, two prawns were swimming around. One called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, 'I'm fed up with being a prawn; I wish I was a shark, and then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten.'

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, 'Your wish is granted'

Lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark and horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely.

All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them.

Justin realized that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

(The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse)...

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

'Where's Christian?' he asked.

'He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark', came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode.

As he opened the coral gate, memories came flooding back.

He banged on the door and shouted, 'It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again.'

Christian replied, 'No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner.'

Justin cried back 'No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed.'............

 

wait for it...............





"I'VE FOUND COD.      I'M A PRAWN AGAIN CHRISTIAN!"

 

 

10 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

"I'VE FOUND COD.      I'M A PRAWN AGAIN CHRISTIAN!"

 

Where's the "arghh!" emoticon?

54 minutes ago, Crossy said:

Where's the "arghh!" emoticon?

                                          

 

                                            OR

 

Just play the game <deleted> !!

On August 5, 2019 at 6:39 PM, Andrew Dwyer said:

Some of these ladies are downright deplorable !!

The one on the right reminds me of that song which has the lyrics "nice legs, shame about the boat race". There's a suspicion of a decent body there.

On August 6, 2019 at 5:16 AM, faraday said:

No thanks boys....gave up the fags a few weeks back.

Maths must be the devil's handiwork. A few posts back we had a quartet with three members .... now we have .................. ????????????

On August 6, 2019 at 2:33 PM, scottiejohn said:

So why is he so ticked off.

In just a minute we might get a second opinion.  If so we can hand the whole thing over without losing face and getting so wound up.

Time you retired, pal.

On August 2, 2019 at 6:38 PM, ballpoint said:

Because they're seafood?

Because they're molluscs?

Because they're bivalves?

 

I give up.  I never liked shell fish anyway.

Shucks! They're just mean. Talk of money always makes them clam up. 

2 hours ago, Dexlowe said:

Time you retired, pal.

Is that so you can present me with my gold watch?

1 hour ago, Dexlowe said:

Shucks! They're just mean. Talk of money always makes them clam up. 

You seem to be a real pearl!

Two young women talking over the garden wall. "You know Julie, this is the last straw," said Carry. "I've had it up to here with men, they lie, cheat and are no damned good. From now on, if I want sex, I'll use a vibrator." 
"But what if the batteries run out, what will you do then?" 
she asked her friend. 
"Then I'll do what I did with Harry, I'll fake an orgasm." 
 

Try explaining this one to your kids!