Do you hate your father

[Just Weird]

The answer, in my case, is "yes".  Same applies to my mother although I didn't realise how much my feelings towards both of them were justified until after my father's death when certain factors came to light.  Good riddance to both of them.

Edited April 29, 2019 by Just Weird

[Snow Leopard]

Parenting isn't easy. On another note, you don't find many solutions to life at the bottom of a bottle, This is not meant to be critical. It's just a fact. I have been known to have a bender now and again. 

[suzannegoh]

This thread explains a lot about farangs in Thailand - lots of people with Mommy and Daddy issues. 

[Pattayabeerbacon]

45 minutes ago, Macthehat said:

Takes nothing to come onto an anonymous forum and slate your father for your choices in life . 

The OP should reflect on his words and wake up and smell the coffee . 

We all make choices in life   some better than others , but they are all still choices . 

His father is right .. get a job and pay his way in life . Its something that the rest of us do daily and never question or blame other people ....especially our  parents . 

Ps. Pattaya to dry out ? ???? 

 

Easy for you to say....

 

Your not trying to get ahead with 0% wage growth and 500000$ houses.

 

 

There is 9 jobs in perth today, in a city of over 2 million.

 

How do i get money when there is no job to goto MR?

[sawadee1947]

All alcs will have always reasons. 

And always there is something or someone responsible for their "fate".

Same old story...... ????????????

[Patong2]

20 minutes ago, Just Weird said:

The answer, in my case, is "yes".  Same applies to my mother although I didn't realise how much my feelings towards both of them were justified until after my father's death when certain factors came to light.  Good riddance to both of them.

Sad to read

Can't imagine what they both could have done to provoke you so badly.

Have you managed to let it go?

[marcusarelus]

5 minutes ago, Patong2 said:

Sad to read

Can't imagine what they both could have done to provoke you so badly.

Have you managed to let it go?

My mother would not tell me who my father was.  Would that make you angry?  Does me.  Now her sister won't tell me either.  All so p's me off.  My (50 year old) daughter makes up people who she thinks are my father and that does not excite me either. 

[giddyup]

9 minutes ago, Patong2 said:

 

Can't imagine what they both could have done to provoke you so badly.

 

I can, possibly neglect, sexual, psychological or physical abuse. There are many reasons to dislike or even hate one's parents.

Edited April 29, 2019 by giddyup

[suzannegoh]

 
There is 9 jobs in perth today, in a city of over 2 million.
 
How do i get money when there is no job to goto MR?

What line of work are you in?

[scubascuba3]

 

 

Being made redundant would be an achievement for me no kidding.

How to solve your problems, that's the question. The answer must be to get into work, especially in 30s. Sounds you should ask your Dad for help, not money, explain you're drinking yourself to death, can't work in Thailand, ask him to put you up for a few months. Then its down to you, with support from whoever is available

 

[JHolmesJr]

21 hours ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

Just spoke to my father.

He handed me alcoholic / Gambling genes and long with 0 support.

 

I told him im drying out over here and clearing my liver out and he scolded  me for asking for money.

He agreed to give me 2USD per day.

 

He also told me to get a  job working construction over here in cambodias 38º heat.

 

Meanwhile my thai friend was just handed a 30 million baht building in bangkok to renovate and turn inti a youth hostel.

 

We are not born equall.

 

There are reasons why i chose alcoholism

 

There is only one way to break this vicious cycle....do not reproduce further.

[Macthehat]

28 minutes ago, Pattayabeerbacon said:

 

Easy for you to say....

 

Your not trying to get ahead with 0% wage growth and 500000$ houses.

 

 

There is 9 jobs in perth today, in a city of over 2 million.

 

How do i get money when there is no job to goto MR?

You're right it's easy for me to say when I dont know your full situation . I can only comment on what you have told us in your post. Here's my situation and maybe an explanation to my post .

I grew up in Belfast in the middle of all the bombing and shootings . Jobs were never abundant , I quickly learned to go where the work was to survive , I left my parents home in Belfast at 15 and have worked all over . 

At no point in my life did I blame my parents for bringing me up in a war zone . In fact I would commend them for bringing up 5 kids in this situation . Having been bombed out ,shot at and denied the chance of a job because of religion . So very few had an easy life . 

Make the most of what you've got, some have more than others that's just part of life . 

Choices play a big part in everybody's lives . I personally think , with respect , staying in a country with zero job opportunities and blaming your father for your misfortune is not a wise thing to do as this will only bolster and make you justify any bad decisions you make in the future . 

I do hope things work out for you but for me pattaya is not a place to fix your problems . 

[sanemax]

35 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

My mother would not tell me who my father was.  Would that make you angry?  Does me.  Now her sister won't tell me either.  All so p's me off.  My (50 year old) daughter makes up people who she thinks are my father and that does not excite me either. 

What was the reason for that though ?

 

[faraday]

2 hours ago, possum1931 said:

I had no respect for my father at all, he tried to lay down the law, must not go in to cafes, must not play football on Sundays, must not go to the cinema, this was when I was about twelve years old, (he thought he was a christian) I disobeyed all these rules all the time, and was never found out, when I was in my mid teens and out grew him, I let him know that I never respected his laws, because I knew he would not dare put a finger on me as he knew he would never win. lets be honest here, would anyone respect a father like that?

He thought he was doing the best for you, according to his Christian values.

 

Yea, I remember Sunday's, no shops open, bugger all to do, & the threat of 6pm Mass.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by faraday

[marcusarelus]

15 minutes ago, sanemax said:

What was the reason for that though ?

 

She didn't want her other children to know she had a child out of wedlock.  Some found out after she died.  And it became common knowledge as a result of a DNA service when I popped up on everyone's DNA chart (23andme).

 

You were trying to figure out a way to blame it on me eh?  Nope. 

Edited April 29, 2019 by marcusarelus

[NoshowJones]

3 minutes ago, faraday said:

He thought he was doing the best for you, according to his Christian values.

 

Yea, I remember Sunday's, no shops open, bugger all to do, & the threat of 6pm Mass.

 

 

My pals all going over the park to play football and I was not supposed to be with them just because it is Sunday? Yeah right.

[Thingamabob]

I well understand your wanting to put some distance between yourself and your father, but lay off the drink in Thailand. It's not a good place to be unless you are in full control of your faculties.

[mommysboy]

5 hours ago, suzannegoh said:

It’s hard for anyone to judge how economic conditions are for other people, that’s why it’s hard for the “old uns” to know.   When your neighbor loses his job you think it’s a recession, when you lose your job you think it’s a depression, but either way your impression of the economy mostly reflects the very small slice of the economy that you participate in.

I don’t have kids myself but my brother and sister bother have sons who are now in their early 20’s and you’d get the exact opposite impression of how good of opportunities have by looking at either set of kids.  My sister’s kids were a bit nerdy but big for their age so they didn’t get bullied.  The studied a lot and when then goofed off it was by doing nerdy things like writing code or tinkering with old electronics equipment.  And after high school they went to university and majored in engineering.  In contrast, my bother’s kids were among the cool kids in school, were popular, but never developed any intellectual curiosity nor any demonstrable skills other than doing a bong hit.  And after high school they jobs hanging sheetrock.  So now, with them no longer being “kids”, I could look at my sisters kids I might conclude that the future is limitless for kids.  Or I could look at my brother’s kids living in a slum and conclude that kids today don’t stand a chance.

Your interpretation of the recession/depression analogy is incorrect imo, since it can be recession or depression, but never boom.

 

It's certainly about which cohort you are in.  But what is undoubtedly true is that while in former decades upwardly mobile working class families enjoyed good times, the opposite is now generally true. Salaries across the board have remained static, or risen only slightly, in the UK (and elsewhere) over the last 10 years while the cost of living has increased; this is particularly true of housing. Meanwhile the gap between rich and poor has continued to widen.  Unemployment has dropped to record lows, however the quality of jobs available to the main wage earner has declined. What I've written so far is surely beyond challenge.

 

There will be exceptions, and it is true of course that our own efforts count. It's likely that you are in a cohort which has yet to be unduly effected.  Your narrative, however eloquently expressed. is the one of Cain and Abel.

 

 

Edited April 29, 2019 by mommysboy

[Wake Up]

23 hours ago, madmen said:

Extremely violent alcoholic east European father who beat both me and my mother senseless throughout my whole child hood . I celebrated when the pig died.

Excuse me this is not meant to be offensive. I am also not meaning to minimize your fathers abusive actions. 

 

But as long as you continue to hate him then he still controls your emotions and always will. Please research forgiveness and give the gift of forgiveness to yourself. 

 

I went through similar things in life and now I am free. You don’t have to forget but forgiveness and not asking whys of life are the best gifts you can give yourself IMO. 

 

Peace and joy to you. 

[sanemax]

1 hour ago, marcusarelus said:

She didn't want her other children to know she had a child out of wedlock.  Some found out after she died.  And it became common knowledge as a result of a DNA service when I popped up on everyone's DNA chart (23andme).

You were trying to figure out a way to blame it on me eh?  Nope. 

No, I wasnt trying to blame you , you are trying to be a victim .

There may have been a justifiable reason for her not wanting to tell you .

It was still a taboo subject to be born out of wedlock 50 or so years ago , you Father may have been married and didnt want to to go and try to find him ?  

[Spidey]

18 minutes ago, Wake Up said:

But as long as you continue to hate him then he still controls your emotions and always will. Please research forgiveness and give the gift of forgiveness to yourself. 

 

I went through similar things in life and now I am free. You don’t have to forget but forgiveness and not asking whys of life are the best gifts you can give yourself IMO. 

I had a breakdown a number of years ago. I underwent several months of therapy. After a lot of digging my therapist related all my current issues to my deep seated hatred of my father. The therapy consisted of letting go of the anger and hatred of my father.

 

it didn't work. I still hate the c***.

[BritManToo]

1 minute ago, Spidey said:

I had a breakdown a number of years ago. I underwent several months of therapy. After a lot of digging my therapist related all my current issues to my deep seated hatred of my father. The therapy consisted of letting go of the anger and hatred of my father.

 

it didn't work. I still hate the c***.

Life is too short to waste on hating people.

I usually just avoid people I feel have harmed me.

[BritManToo]

26 minutes ago, mommysboy said:

But what is undoubtedly true is that while in former decades upwardly mobile working class families enjoyed good times, the opposite is now generally true. Salaries across the board have remained static, or risen only slightly, in the UK (and elsewhere) over the last 10 years while the cost of living has increased; this is particularly true of housing. Meanwhile the gap between rich and poor has continued to widen.  Unemployment has dropped to record lows, however the quality of jobs available to the main wage earner has declined. What I've written so far is surely beyond challenge.

 

There will be exceptions, and it is true of course that our own efforts count. It's likely that you are in a cohort which has yet to be unduly effected.  Your narrative, however eloquently expressed. is the one of Cain and Abel.

You missed out ............ and private pensions have almost disappeared for everyone except government employees.

[Spidey]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

Life is too short to waste on hating people.

I usually just avoid people I feel have harmed me.

Not that easy. he's been dead for 25 years and I still hate him.

[OneMoreFarang]

4 minutes ago, Spidey said:

I had a breakdown a number of years ago. I underwent several months of therapy. After a lot of digging my therapist related all my current issues to my deep seated hatred of my father. The therapy consisted of letting go of the anger and hatred of my father.

 

it didn't work. I still hate the c***.

I think a good part of any therapy is that we learn where things come from and why we do what we do.

Lots of people do something because of what they "learned" in the past. But many are not aware of this.

It's good to know why we do what we do. At least it's a start.

[suzannegoh]

You missed out ............ and private pensions have almost disappeared for everyone except government employees.

It's quite possible that someone who had an identical life as mine but was born 10 years earlier would have been significantly better off financially than I am now. However that does not make me feel like a victim, and I surely don't blame my parents for it.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, suzannegoh said:

17 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

You missed out ............ and private pensions have almost disappeared for everyone except government employees.

It's quite possible that someone who had an identical life as mine but was born 10 years earlier would have been significantly better off financially than I am now. However that does not make me feel like a victim, and I surely don't blame my parents for it.

If I'd been born the woman instead of the man, I'd have lived a life without working, had a free house, free car, free pension and 4 free kids that loved me.

That does make me feel a little bit like a victim, but I don't hate anyone for it, my feelings are more of disappointment.

Edited April 29, 2019 by BritManToo

[Pattayabeerbacon]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

If I'd been born the woman instead of the man, I'd have lived a life without working, had a free house, free car, free pension and 4 free kids that loved me.

That does make me feel a little bit like a victim, but I don't hate anyone for it, my feelings are more of disappointment.

Oh yeh.

 

But you would surely be bored out of your brains living like that.

[bermondburi]

13 hours ago, ozmeldo said:

But there's nothing here for them. They arrive without money, then what? 95% have no work ethic and many of them so dim to take on loads of student debt.

 

Come to Thailand, get a job pretending to teach English.

It worked out okay for me. I'm earning over 200,000 baht a month now. 

[EVENKEEL]

Very interesting.....My father was a better man than me in all ways. He emigrated to the USA in 1950 at the age of 50 with wife and 4 small children. I was no 5 and also born in Europe after my mom went back home to take care of her father. He was 54 when I was born, a stronger, smarter man their never was. I feel for those with less than ideal childhoods. I grew up on a dairy in Ca. doing chores from the earliest recollection. My parents were awesome, I was blessed.