Wanted: Lunch for Old, Retired, Expats (Bangkok) ??

[NCC1701A]

On 5/28/2019 at 6:54 AM, RLAretired said:

Other old,

define old.

[fhickson]

10 minutes ago, RLAretired said:

 

Very good point.  Thank you @fhickson

 

 

 

Very, very interesting observations.

 

Before deciding on retirement in Thailand, I, too, had a brief look at Mexico and next door, Belize.

 

I wonder if the difference you describe are due to national culture of those who select Mexico and Vietnam rather than Thailand.  It looks to me (and I am far from sure about this), that the majority of long-stay expats in Mexico and, perhaps, Vietnam are from North America.  And so their attitudes determine the Zeitgeist among expats there.  But in Thailand, the majority of long term expats have come from the British drinking classes, so that's the predominant attitude around here.  Brits are, always and everywhere, aloof from others to whom they have not been properly introduced.  And that's the best "fit" to what I see here in Thailand.  Is there a better explanation?

that could be it.

 

i think you mentioned you are from the usa, as am i. latin america is going to be mostly usa expats. the rift here could be coming into contact with other foreigners here who are mostly european, british or australian with different interpersonal boundries, or just stuff im not used to so it feels weird.

 

the americans i have met abroad anywhere theres no friction there, or if there is at least i know why and how to deal with it.

 

ive heard good things about belize, never been there. hated mexico and cut trip short.

[RLAretired]

 

@fhickson, you mention some interesting topics above, but the thread here is "Lunch for Old Expats".  My replies got off track somewhat.  I want to pull the topic back to "Lunch for Old Expats" and how that might be arranged.

[OneMoreFarang]

11 hours ago, RLAretired said:

 

Thank you, @ExpatOilWorker.  I respect your courage for breaking the ice, but I don't care for your method of doing that.  Here's why:

 

Over my years in Thailand, I've posted on pleny of forums, not just here.  Many, many, times, someone would read one of my posts and  issue an invitation to meet.  I always took that as a nice compliment. 

 

In the early years, I was always willing to go to meet.  But not now.   Why not?

 

In every single case like that it was a waste of my time.  Various reasons, but they all come down to in-compatible thinking.  Some wanted a drinking buddy.  Others wanted someone to listen while they complained about their lives.  Two wanted to show off their girl friends with large busts (yes, really).  And, of course, some were homosexuals looking for new "friends".

 

So I learned -- learned the hard way, of course -- that before going to meet anyone I want a wide and deep exchange of ideas first.  That usually means by email, but could be telephone conversations.  It certainly will not be via public posts on any social media.

 

In short, I'm not willing to meet just anybody who passes by.  I am very careful with my time and I only want to meet with other expats who are careful with theirs, too.

 

I have to admit when I saw @ExpatOilWorker breakfast comment I thought you would love it and I even thought about joining you for a coffee (I am not retired). 

I understand that you don't want to waste your time. But don't you think you make it too complicated with your conditions?

I think "let's have a coffee together" is the perfect start for almost any future connection. 

If you like the person you talk to then maybe you have coffee for an hour and arrange lunch for another day. And if you don't like the person then finish your coffee, wish him a nice day and that's it. You wasted the time for a coffee. If you don't even have that time when you are retired then don't be surprised if you don't get those meetings you desire.

[Sandy Freckle]

13 hours ago, madmen said:

That place changed a lot in the last few years and the much younger hip crowd moved in getting drunk before hitting the more expensive night clubs. All Good things Will come to an end

Yes that's true..., but even though the millennial hipster crew did come in the last few years of CC's life, I found that surprisingly often I would run into old mates there and/or quite often make new friends there also. Even though it was dirty, dusty and seemingly thrown together, I miss that just by being there people were pretty muck always up for and available to chat. It certainly used to be 'old school' in that it's clientele back then..., when people(mostly blokes) seemed more outgoing, friendly, and generally available/up for a chat, yarn, rant etc etc ..., what place has that now ?

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Victornoir said:

On 5/28/2019 at 8:06 AM, RLAretired said:

...And, finally, on a really positive note, I will reveal my secret source of top quality hamburger in Bangkok.  (Note: It's not cheap, and I will only reveal it in person, not on any public forums.  In fact, thinking about it now, that would be a good location for a lunch meeting!).

I will never go to a meeting with people who feast on hamburgers..

They have also lots of other great food there. This is a picture from above:

[fhickson]

the op seems to be looking for targeted convos, not just general chit chat where you dont know where the other persons coming from. i think the op's subjects of interest are not targeted enough. for example, he's talking about wrenches, then moves on to expat life etc. that's just general chit chat like you would get in a bar. subject has to be something specific to weed out people who are going to want to discuss nonsense and stuff your not interested in. try one thing like making a false third leg from a twig or whatever it is you want. just expat life is to general.

 

one way of doing this in the usa is by joining a country club or exclusive club, or perhaps dining at a steak house with memberships were similar people gather.

 

that way you know people will be interested in the same kind of things and some bloke wont come out talking about a taboo subject like drilling your wife.

 

if it's not really the convo op's difficulty may be friction with other expats, maybe from the cultural stuff discussed above. that's a more serious matter and involves choice of retirement location.

Edited August 29, 2019 by fhickson

[emptypockets]

The snobbery in this thread is palpable.

 

Perhaps the OP should rename the thread title 'Wanted: lunch for old, lonely, expats'.

 

Many expats actually have a life and don't feel the need to meet up with old expats (or any expats). As the OP has discovered from his 'friends'.

Only guessing but are the friends a lot younger? Do they find him a bit boring? Do they have families that they prefer to spend their time with?

 

Again, I'm surmising that the OP is single and straight, but if I was in the OP's position I'd put my efforts into finding a lovely female Thai companion of an appropriate age to spend time with. 

Edited August 29, 2019 by emptypockets

[wordchild]

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

They have also lots of other great food there. This is a picture from above:

Looks great, please tell! I am guessing its a hotel, in fact the pool and the Sala,s make me think of the Sheraton Grand, but I don’t think it is. 

Any clue at least?

[fhickson]

10 hours ago, emptypockets said:

Again, I'm surmising that the OP is single and straight, but if I was in the OP's position I'd put my efforts into finding a lovely female Thai companion of an appropriate age to spend time with. 

the thai women i have met so far dont really seem up for meaningful intelligent convo in english or up for talking about expatriation issues

[OneMoreFarang]

5 hours ago, fhickson said:

the thai women i have met so far dont really seem up for meaningful intelligent convo in english or up for talking about expatriation issues

Basically you are right. But if you found the "right" girl then you don't really think about talking with her about all those issues. In facts it does not really matter if she speaks English.

[1FinickyOne]

On 5/28/2019 at 6:54 AM, RLAretired said:

talk about life here and maybe can help each other about the inevitable problems

re-find your rose colored glasses...

 

On 5/28/2019 at 6:54 AM, RLAretired said:

“How about Wednesday, the 15th, at Bourbon Street restaurant,” then the excuses start:   “Can't. I play golf on Wednesdays.”  “Can't. The wife goes to Big-C on Wednesdays, and I have to help her carry the bags”. Etc.

maybe try Tuesday? Bourbon Street is still around? 

 

On 5/28/2019 at 6:54 AM, RLAretired said:

Years ago (I've been here 15 years) old expats used to say hello to each other

In 1974, if you saw another farang in the street, no matter age or occupation or social standing, you both stopped and said hello and chatted... I guess now you need to text... I am raising a 14 yr old niece and sometimes we text when she is in the next room.. 

[1FinickyOne]

On 8/28/2019 at 8:55 PM, NCC1701A said:

define old.

vivid, vivacious and VULNERABLE...

[1FinickyOne]

6 hours ago, fhickson said:

the thai women i have met so far dont really seem up for meaningful intelligent convo in english or up for talking about expatriation issues

my wife is mostly happy, even though we have never discussed existential angst... 

[fhickson]

5 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Basically you are right. But if you found the "right" girl then you don't really think about talking with her about all those issues. In facts it does not really matter if she speaks English.

it matters if you enjoy intelligent convo in english like the op does.
you could eat thai street food everyday and never have a burger also. many foreigners enjoy what is familiar and what they grew up with. not really a novel concept. in fact, its one of the reasons of the popularity of this board. people are not getting the convo in other relationships. op is just taking it a step further and looking for in person meets.

Edited August 30, 2019 by fhickson

[CGW]

On 8/28/2019 at 7:19 PM, RLAretired said:

Never once did I get a return invitation. 

Thats understandable 

[bkk6060]

On 5/28/2019 at 6:54 AM, RLAretired said:

in Thailand enough years so that “rose colored glasses” are long gone. 

Ǹo thanks.

Brown colored glasses seems like a pity of a way to live.

[Joe Mcseismic]

Friends and wives have one thing in common.

If you actively go looking for one, you always get the wrong one and will someday regret it.

 

Potential friends and wives always turn up unplanned and unexpected.

[rumak]

On 8/27/2019 at 2:03 PM, ThaiBunny said:

I usually start paying particular attention to a person's posts once this sort of thing is broached to screen them for compatability

Good point.   If I am going to "talk" seriously with people I want to be honest about my opinions.  This  almost ALWAYs ends badly (for various reasons).   So i as many here prefer to keep it casual  and avoid

disagreements.  It just isn't worth the trouble.

For instance, when reading the OP"s replies on this post I was struck with how his general tone was one

of " thank you, BUT that is not what this post is about" .  There are other similar responses to fairly unassuming posts that put up a red flag (for me ! ).    

In my time here I have met many guys that seemed to be fairly intelligent.  Then one day something weird came out of their mouth .   Them having a bad day ?   Jealous of my life ?  Whatever,  finally I learned just

to ignore and move on.  And that is why I choose to avoid close encounters .  An old saying :  Once bitten, twice shy .  

Edited August 30, 2019 by rumak

[emptypockets]

11 hours ago, kenk24 said:

my wife is mostly happy, even though we have never discussed existential angst... 

These acronyms can be really annoying and wish people would stop using them.

For those still puzzled:

Wife...Washing....Ironing...….Fxxxxxxxxx….Etc.

[fhickson]

1 hour ago, rumak said:

Good point.   If I am going to "talk" seriously with people I want to be honest about my opinions.  This  almost ALWAYs ends badly (for various reasons).   So i as many here prefer to keep it casual  and avoid

disagreements.  It just isn't worth the trouble.

For instance, when reading the OP"s replies on this post I was struck with how his general tone was one

of " thank you, BUT that is not what this post is about" .  There are other similar responses to fairly unassuming posts that put up a red flag (for me ! ).    

In my time here I have met many guys that seemed to be fairly intelligent.  Then one day something weird came out of their mouth .   Them having a bad day ?   Jealous of my life ?  Whatever,  finally I learned just

to ignore and move on.  And that is why I choose to avoid close encounters .  An old saying :  Once bitten, twice shy .  

being a marshmellow is not worth the trouble either.

 

i suspect casual convo is one thing the op is tired of after 15 years here, and ill agree though i have not been here half that long. that may be what hes getting at in his post if im correct.

 

the usual bar banter, where r u from? what do u do? is not something i enjoy.

 

give me opinionated opinions, insults, frights, something strong, with a backbone or some semblance of character, anything but mediocre and luke warm.

[rumak]

8 minutes ago, fhickson said:

being a marshmellow is not worth the trouble either.

 

i suspect casual convo is one thing the op is tired of after 15 years here, and ill agree though i have not been here half that long. that may be what hes getting at in his post if im correct.

 

the usual bar banter, where r u from? what do u do? is not something i enjoy.

 

give me opinionated opinions, insults, frights, something strong, with a backbone or some semblance of character, anything but mediocre and luke warm.

let us know how your get together with the OP goes.   Seems like you might be a match.

I assure you that there are plenty of guys that are not marshmellows who just don't want to deal with the type of person you describe.  Most likely because what you think is their strength of character I usually find is just someone with a lot of issues.  

 

Edited August 30, 2019 by rumak

[fhickson]

14 hours ago, rumak said:

let us know how your get together with the OP goes.   Seems like you might be a match.

I assure you that there are plenty of guys that are not marshmellows who just don't want to deal with the type of person you describe.  Most likely because what you think is their strength of character I usually find is just someone with a lot of issues.  

 

mediocre

[Sandy Freckle]

20 hours ago, Joe Mcseismic said:

Potential friends and wives always turn up unplanned and unexpected.

I sometimes spout this little throwaway epithet...., 
"Friends, wives and lovers(almost) always bring happiness...., some when they arrive...., some when they leave......, and some both." 

Edited August 31, 2019 by Sandy Freckle