How can I find out if I am divorced?

[Pat83]

Hello,

 

I got married almost a year ago in "the land of smiles".  Anyway, it didn't go well, and a WEEK after the marriage, I bailed.  Anyway, due to some major health issues, I am unable to come back to Thailand to check to see if I am divorced or not.  This isn't going to change.  Anyway, I am probably going to die very soon.  So naturally my family here in the USA is very concerned about my Thai marriage.  US authorities here know about the marriage.  How can I find out if she dissolved the marriage based on abandonment without actually going to Thailand?  I asked two law firms already and they said they cannot provide this service. 

 

Thanks in advance.

[Tagged]

How does your authorities know about your marriage? Did you register your marriage at all? Your documentations provided on embassy, do not register the marriage in US or ? 

 

However, you and her going have status married until you both sign the documents with withnesses at amphur together in Thailand. If not I see no way you are legally divorced. 

[Pat83]

13 minutes ago, Tagged said:

How does your authorities know about your marriage? Did you register your marriage at all? Your documentations provided on embassy, do not register the marriage in US or ? 

 

However, you and her going have status married until you both sign the documents with withnesses at amphur together in Thailand. If not I see no way you are legally divorced. 

A few facts I do know about thai law.

 

One of those is after 1 year with no contact or money year a woman can file for divorce based on the grounds of abandonment.

 

Also, because of my health status, they have to ask if I am divorced or married.  So I answered married, because I didn't want to lie to the government.  Its generally a bad idea.  Now theyre saying I can't take her off unless I provide a divorce certificate.

 

Anyway I am stuck here.  Theres no possible way I can go to Thailand and I married a professionally trained Praiya Suriya con artist.  So even if I could go, I will not go, because I will not be robbed anymore by she or her family.

 

I'll be dead in 2-3 years and I am housebound.  No way I can go to Thailand.  I have no desire to ever go back there either.

[Pat83]

Also yes the marriage is registered.. Otherwise there'd be no point to my question.  I just want to know if there's some way someone in Thailand can "check" to see if she's successfully divorced me or not.  She will have more victims.  I wasn't her first.

[bkk6060]

If I were her I would not divorce you until I sought legal council.  She will be eligible for half your assets in the US, especially if the marriage is registered.

[Puchaiyank]

Why don't you ask her...?

 

[aircooledflat4]

28 minutes ago, Pat83 said:

So I answered married, because I didn't want to lie to the government.

can't you say you're separated?

[Tagged]

6 minutes ago, aircooledflat4 said:

can't you say you're separated?

If you are a person who do not lie, you do not lie. Simple as that, but sometimes to tell the truth will give you trouble, and so would if you lie. 

Edited January 29, 2020 by Tagged

[Mitkof Island]

When your bank account is empty ?

[RichardColeman]

50 minutes ago, Pat83 said:

I'll be dead in 2-3 years and I am housebound.  No way I can go to Thailand.  I have no desire to ever go back there either.

Not wanting to look on the dark side but why worry about the marriage ? You can spend all the money you have before the end on yourself or your family and if you have no wish to go back it's not an issue. I think it highly unlikely she will fly to the US to file some weirdo anti-spending injunction on you.

[Peterw42]

OP, advertise widely that you have just won the lottery, if she gets in contact you are not divorced, lol

 

Seriously though, I think you will find its takes longer than a year of abandonment to get divorced. She qualifies to file for divorce after a year of no contact, then the divorce would take a period of time (6-12 months) to go through etc. You cant possibly be diorced in a 1 year time frame.

 

It would be a straight forward process to contact a lawyer in the area where you got married and get them to enquire on your behalf. as to whether divorce has been filed etc.

 

 

 

 

[Pat83]

1 hour ago, bkk6060 said:

If I were her I would not divorce you until I sought legal council.  She will be eligible for half your assets in the US, especially if the marriage is registered.

All of my government benefits go to a prepaid card, not even a bank.  Theres no way at all for her to come to the US to have any Thai court's ruling enforced here in America.  Its another reason why, even if I were healthy, I will not go back to Thailand.  And good luck to her to get the US State Department etc to intervene on her behalf.  I have no assets except for disability benefits.  She would literally have to petition a US court to have my disability benefits divided and paid out to her.  Do you have any idea how much that would cost her, even if she did make it to US soil?  She can stay there in Thailand and rot for all that I really care. 

Edited January 29, 2020 by Pat83

[Pat83]

1 hour ago, Tagged said:

If you are a person who do not lie, you do not lie. Simple as that, but sometimes to tell the truth will give you trouble, and so would if you lie. 

Actually based on US law we are considered separated, so in that case, I can say that.  Some government agencies though, have only a "married" and "single" option, there is no gray area.  In the cases that I could say that I was "separated" though, I did so, based on the legal definition of "separated" in the state in which I reside.

[Pat83]

1 hour ago, Puchaiyank said:

Why don't you ask her...?

 

If I am still coherent enough to do so in about two years, I guess I will.  It sounds like it will take her at least 1.5 years in order to file a divorce.  I don't imagine she'll file until she meets her next victim, though.  And I feel bad for that man, I really and truly do.  Because it is impossible for this person to feel any real love or compassion or any feelings at all towards her partners.  They're ATMs only to her.  I think she's going to be searching and searching hard and fast though because that big age 35 is hanging over her head.  She's up against "the wall", in the dating world, if you know what I am talking about.  I guess she could still take some geezer up, but even most of the geezers are looking for girls in their 20s, not girls in their mid-30s... Its going to be an uphill battle from here for her.  And I do not feel sorry for her at all.

 

Anyway - just a quick side note.  There's no major money or assets to worry about here in this case.  Its my damn burial.  She has all of the legal rights to make decisions about what happens to my BODY right now when I die.   That is what is freaking out my relatives.

[Puchaiyank]

2 hours ago, Pat83 said:

If I am still coherent enough to do so in about two years, I guess I will.  It sounds like it will take her at least 1.5 years in order to file a divorce.  I don't imagine she'll file until she meets her next victim, though.  And I feel bad for that man, I really and truly do.  Because it is impossible for this person to feel any real love or compassion or any feelings at all towards her partners.  They're ATMs only to her.  I think she's going to be searching and searching hard and fast though because that big age 35 is hanging over her head.  She's up against "the wall", in the dating world, if you know what I am talking about.  I guess she could still take some geezer up, but even most of the geezers are looking for girls in their 20s, not girls in their mid-30s... Its going to be an uphill battle from here for her.  And I do not feel sorry for her at all.

 

Anyway - just a quick side note.  There's no major money or assets to worry about here in this case.  Its my damn burial.  She has all of the legal rights to make decisions about what happens to my BODY right now when I die.   That is what is freaking out my relatives.

 If it is any consolation...the Thai countryside is littered with expats that thought they had found the perfect wife...

 

Don't worry to much about your burial details...if there is no money in it for her...she will not be interested...

[Deli]

Check if wife is still breathing

[scorecard]

7 hours ago, Puchaiyank said:

Why don't you ask her...?

 

Does your wife know your full contact details in the US?

[Pat83]

16 minutes ago, scorecard said:

Does your wife know your full contact details in the US?

No not anymore.  She did but I have already moved twice since then.  Cancer tends to move you.

[chickenslegs]

6 hours ago, Pat83 said:

Anyway - just a quick side note.  There's no major money or assets to worry about here in this case.  Its my damn burial.  She has all of the legal rights to make decisions about what happens to my BODY right now when I die.   That is what is freaking out my relatives.

Are you sure about that?

A quick google search turned up this information ... https://funerals.org/?consumers=legal-right-make-decisions-funeral

 

[scorecard]

16 minutes ago, Pat83 said:

No not anymore.  She did but I have already moved twice since then.  Cancer tends to move you.

OK, but does she have your SS number, passport number, or bank book numbers, etc?

 

If she does have your passport number I guess it would be easy enough to 'lose' that passport and get a new one, but whether that would totally stop finding you maybe doubtful.

 

I guess changing you SS number not possible?

 

Did you make a will in her favour here in Thailand or in the US, or does she have any documented details of your assets / income etc., in the US?

 

Do you have a will in the US stating that your NOK is your father, or brother, etc and stating clearly that all of your assets now and into the future go to your father, brother etc? 

 

If you do have a will made in the US is it dated more recently than any document in existence in Thailand? 

 

If there is a will in the US does it say that that will supercedes and make void any other will or similar document made anywhere in the world?

Edited January 29, 2020 by scorecard

[Pat83]

12 minutes ago, scorecard said:

OK, but does she have your SS numbe, passport number, or bank book numers, etc?

 

If she does have your passport number I guess it would be easy enough to 'lose' that passport and get a new one, but whether that would totally stop finding you maybe doubtful.

 

I guess changing you SS number not possible?

 

Did you make a will in her favour or does she have any documented details of your assets / income etc., in the US?

 

Do you have a will in the US stating that your NOK is your father, or brother, etc and stating clearly that all of your assets now and into the future go to your father, brother etc? 

 

If you do have a will made in the US is it dated more recently than any document in existence in Thailand? 

 

If there is a will in the US does it say that that will supercedes and make void any other will or similar document made anywhere in the world?

She does have a copy of my passport but not to my knowledge my ss.  I left that card in the USA.  The VA or social security cannot divulge my address without a court order, and that's only if she can make it into the United States to petition for that for divorce case proceeding.  Even then I am not sure the VA or ss would divulge my whereabouts.  Also I can always list my address as with my parents since I do spend about half the year with them and keep a room there with my stuff in there.  Technically I have two addresses and the only person who knows my official address is my parents.  I rented an apartment in a state I never lived in before.  I was in two big hospitals and I got transferred for the third time and had to move again.  I leave next month.  I think that tracking me down would be pretty difficult.  The car I drive isn't even registered in the state my apartment is in.  Since she spends all the money she gets very quickly and her history and "prostitute appearance" I highly doubt that she will ever get a visa to the usa.  I think I'm safe in that regard.  It would just be wonderful to know when she finally moved on to her next saddo.  Thanks for all the support folks

Edited January 29, 2020 by Pat83

[scorecard]

24 minutes ago, Pat83 said:

She does have a copy of my passport but not to my knowledge my ss.  I left that card in the USA.  The VA or social security cannot divulge my address without a court order, and that's only if she can make it into the United States to petition for that for divorce case proceeding.  Even then I am not sure the VA or ss would divulge my whereabouts.  Also I can always list my address as with my parents since I do spend about half the year with them and keep a room there with my stuff in there.  Technically I have two addresses and the only person who knows my official address is my parents.  I rented an apartment in a state I never lived in before.  I was in two big hospitals and I got transferred for the third time and had to move again.  I leave next month.  I think that tracking me down would be pretty difficult.  The car I drive isn't even registered in the state my apartment is in.  Since she spends all the money she gets very quickly and her history and "prostitute appearance" I highly doubt that she will ever get a visa to the usa.  I think I'm safe in that regard.  It would just be wonderful to know when she finally moved on to her next saddo.  Thanks for all the support folks

And maybe, hopefully, she's now more interested in the next and the next conquest for quick cash.

[maprao]

I think she will have filed for a divorce in whatever Amphur you registered your marriage in.

If she is as you describe she will be looking to marry again.

Do you know which amphur you married in?

Do you have a copy of the marriage certificate?

You can gave someone check if the marriage was annulled.

 

[Mick501]

Common symptoms of divorce include happiness, awakening of long dormant instincts, and severe depletion of bank accounts.   Hope this helps!

[Stevemercer]

Best wishes and good luck to you Pat83.

 

I was going to suggest that you transfer any major assets you have to family, but you have already said you don't have any left at this stage of your life.

 

Do you have any Thai contacts that are likely to be sympathetic? If yes, they might be able to check with the local Amphur (where the marriage was registered)?

 

To be honest, I don't think she would seek a divorce until she has lined up someone else for marriage. From her perspective she might as well stay married to you while it is still to her possible advantage (e.g. maybe you will pay her for a divorce, if she waits long enough, or pass away and some money could come to her).

 

If you have no assets to protect then it would be great if you could just wipe her existence completely from your life. Don't waste another breath or thought on her. 

 

When your time comes, any forms required can state 'separated for >12 months - foreign (Thai citizen) wife's address unknown'. Your state-side relatives will handle any funeral arrangements. As far as you know, your ex-wife has already passed away (e.g. karma caught up with her) and she has no claim on anything.

Edited January 29, 2020 by Stevemercer

[Golden Triangle]

I wish you well with your health and really hope that you get remission or even cured from what ails you.

 

I wouldn't worry at all about this woman, I just can't see her pursuing you all the way to the US to get her hands on none existent cash or other assets, did she clear you out of everything you had at the beginning of your relationship ? An honest question I think. And where were you married / meet her ? I want to avoid the place like the plague. I was also of the belief that divorces were pretty quick and inexpensive, turn up at the Amphur office, pay 500 Baht and the jobs done, although it might require both parties to attend.

 

Could you also explain this term ?, Praiya Suriya con artist, thanks & good luck for the future mate.

[xylophone]

Sorry to hear about your plight Pat83, but in my opinion I think you are worrying unduly.

 

You are in the US and she probably has no idea where you are and according to you, you would be very hard to trace, even if she tried. 

 

If you made it quite clear that the marriage was over as far as you were concerned when you walked out, then it's very possible that she also thinks it's over and, as you have said, has probably tried to move onto the next sucker (apologies, not aimed at you). In addition you have no assets here in Thailand to worry about, and even in the US your assets are at a minimum, and as others have suggested, I'm sure your family/relatives will take care of your burial when the time comes.

 

In a nutshell, I wouldn't worry one iota about this woman or the marriage, and I would get on to thinking about what you are going to do with the remaining time you have, and indeed if you can, try to weave some happiness into your remaining time.

 

Get rid of this experience, put it in an imaginary box and seal it, never to be opened again and get on with enjoying your life, and hopefully the positive vibes will help your condition, and who knows what the future may hold with regards to treating cancers.

 

Good luck to you Pat83.

[BritManToo]

Just tell all your rellys she divorced you.

It's not as if they can check.

 

Good luck Jeorge!

Edited January 29, 2020 by BritManToo

[fittobethaied]

As a former cemetery and funeral home manager in the US, I would advise you to have a trusted relative pre-arrange your burial and funeral home arrangements in their name, then once you pass away they will be able to sign for your interment in that space. The least expensive method would be to do a pre-arranged cremation service and scatter your cremains. Just go to the funeral home and work those things out now. As for your wife getting any SS or disability benefits, she would have to have lived in the US for a total of 5 years and even then she would have to be 62 years old to claim it, so that is not going to happen in your case. 

 

When one is applying now for an extension of stay based on marriage, most Thai Immigration offices are requiring the following form from the Amphur where ones marriage is registered. It simply states that the marriage is still valid and has not been annulled. You could easily have a trusted person or attorney go to the Amphur to request this letter on your behalf and that would give you the answer you are looking for. 

[Skallywag]

6 minutes ago, fittobethaied said:

As for your wife getting any SS or disability benefits, she would have to have lived in the US for a total of 5 years and even then she would have to be 62 years old to claim it, so that is not going to happen in your case. 

Yes I am an American and have heard that.  Good to hear from a former funeral manager though.