Feeling Rather Disappointed

[Win2020]

Hi All, 

 

If my topic is in the wrong forum,  my apologies.  So here is my situation.

 

I met my now wife about 3 years ago while I was working in Phuket.  She was visiting here since who worked for me.

Fast forward, after 5 years ago working in Thailand and not having dated any Thai girls prior to my Thai wife,  I felt a connection and decided to take a chance and see where it will lead to.  

We quickly became close which was abit fast in hindsight but I was so smitten by her that I went with the flow.

She is a single mom when I met her and I have no problems with it. After all,  one can't just love her but must not include her daughter as well.  The little girl is amazing and she calls me daddy and we have become very close. 

All was well for about a year and then we decided to have a baby. I have never had a child before. 

She got pregnant and suddenly she started pushing me about marriage.

She told me she got married before because she got pregnant and I explained to her that I feel,  we should not get married just because we are having a baby. I do understand that it is a sensative matter for Thai families.  

I had a discussion with the family and explained my opinion about marriage at this time.

They listened and next thing I heard was some kind of dowry ( can't remember the Thai word) about Baht 700000. I then told them, I am willing to pay for the wedding if they insist and even buy gold as they requested but to ask an additional 700000 I felt was abit too much. 

The conversation ended when I said plain outright no. 

A month or so later,  I come home from work and my wife now says we have to send to her family Baht 500000 today for the wedding. 

I was taken aback since no one discussed anything after our last conversation at her home town.  

And do bear in mind that I have at this time have also taken soul responsibility the daughter from her prevuous marriage since her ex could not afford to pay for anything and the innocent child was now living with us. 

I said no to demand for the money and explained to my wife that her ambushing me like this is wrong.  

She then got upset and left for her family home.  

I pleaded with her not to go but she left one morning when I was asleep. 

I felt rather devastated. 

While she was away,  she would text me and say are we no longer a couple and that to send him a money every month instead since she is carrying my baby ( medical checkup and etc?). 

I told her what is she doing is wrong and that we should talk like adults.  

But no matter what I say,  money money money was all I heard. 

After about a month,  my company decided to transfer me out of Thailand.

I informed her and told her that I really want her to come along with me. But I hit a brick wall and it was what's a no. All I heard from her was just send money. 

Anyway... I moved to the other country and out of the blue,  she decided that she wanted to come. 

So I got her to get a passport and sponsored her trip to join me. 

All was well for the first 3 weeks and then she started complaining about the food...water...weather...practically everything.  She then says she wants to go back. So despite me asking her to stay...she left the second time. 

 

Then not sure what happened, maybe it was because of her pregnancy but she started accusing me without any basis of screwing girls where I am and just plain out madness.

I ignored it all and I told myself it's because of her pregnancy. 

But things just got bad. I would send her every month about  Baht 45000 for her routine check up and for her and the daughter. But it was never enough. 

When I told her outright no I will no  send more,  she AGAIN says we are done. She then sent me a screen shot of text messages with some guys.

What she forgot was she forgot to blur our the phone number on the whatsapp screen shot. 

I just saved it and contacted the guy.

He was an Indian bloke. I asked him some quesrions and then he sends me all the conversations via screen shot and pictures she sent him. I told him...these are pictures from th  past and that she is currently 7 months pregnant with my child. 

He just apologized. 

I send her all their conversations and asked her for an explanation.  Her answer  was,  you are no one to me and that she can do whatever she wishes. She then blocked me from all mediums of communication. 

I sent word to her that I want to come for the delivery and she threatened to report to the police that I am herrasing her should I came to Thailand. 

I spoke to my family and they got worried and advised me to support her financially from where I am. So that is what I did. 

Fast forward,  my son was born and I was no allowed to see him.  I flew into Thailand once I heard he was born but she and the family would not allow me to see my son. For 10 days I stayed in a hotel at her province pleading but all she would message me is about money. 

She would message and say that if I don't send her money now...i might never see my son. 

My first child so I caved and would send 50000 or sometimes 100k a month....depending on what reasons she gave me. 

7 months now have passed and I have not seen my new born son eventhough during this 7 months I flew into Thailand countless times and begged her to allow me to see my son but I failed each time to see him. 

I too made a mistake on the 8th month after my son was born,  one night while out with some friends, I kissed a girl and a friend took a picture and sent it to me. 

I viewed it as a one off thing and felt very guilty thankful next day. As another month passed, my company informed me that they will be  transferring me back to Thailand. I was delighted. I was looking forward to at least being in the same country try as my son. 

I moves back to Thailand a week later and contacted her but she flat out didnot care and only mentioned about money.

About a month after I arrived, she contacted me and asked if I wanted to see my son. I said yes.  She arrived with my son to my condo the next day. 

I was so happy to see him and not sure if it was innate but my son just naturally came to me when I put my hands out  to him. It was the first time I held my son. 

That night,  I showed her to the guest room and we called it a night. 

 

Early in the morning,  I am wake up to slaps and punches from her. She saw the picture my friend sent and she was angry and just punching,  kicking me, spitting at me,  smashed my phone and ripped my shirts... I just allowed her to do what she wished.  

That very day,  she beat me up blue black for 4 hours straight. 

She would kick my face when I bent down to pick my son.

 

A few days passed and she apologized and I explained to her that I made a mistake and I am sorry. 

 

But ever since that day,  she has been physically abusing me nearly everyday or when she drinks. 

 

Being a man,  I never reacted to her physical and mental abuse.  

 

The last day of the month,  she would flood me with me messages asking for money while I am at work and when I tell her my salary hasn't been transfered yet,  she would call my work place if I didnot pick up her calls or reply to her messages.  

 

This went on every month which does include the near daily reminder and abuse for kissing the girl. 

Once I send the money,  she would without saying go back to her hometown and come back a week before end of the month. 

 

My son will soon then 2 years old now and her beatings have not stopped.  

 

She uses my son to blackmail me. I contacted a lawyer to see how I can buy property and to put it under my son's name and that too she got upset.  Her exact words were " Good to you want to keep everything for son but how about me,  if we break up,  I will have nothing. You want to buy condo because that you can put under your name but I want land and house". All she shows me are properties that cost Baht 7 million or more. I got so upset at one point,  I told her,  if there is anyone who will do it... Please go to that person since she is never happy or appreciative of anything I do for her.  

 

I know some will think I am fool or just on a self pity ride but I am truly afraid to lose my son. He is my world.

 

I don't know how to remedy this problem. I feel as if I am trapped and feel extremely depressed.  

 

I have even been thinking of putting all my affairs in order and to make sure my boy will have all the security he needs via a trust and then end my journey.

 

I feel trapped and I see now way out. 

 

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, Win2020 said:

She told me she got married before because she got pregnant and I explained to her that I feel,  we should not get married just because we are having a baby. I do understand that it is a sensative matter for Thai families. 

Not all that sensitive as about 3/4 of the female population manage to have babies without having a husband.

(including the former female Prime Minister)

 

"I pleaded with her not to go but she left one morning when I was asleep."

Most Thai men would see that as the perfect opportunity to move to another town leaving no forwarding address.

 

"That very day,  she beat me up blue black for 4 hours straight."

Now you're just being a pussy.

 

The n00b mega essay writing 'problem with Thai woman' troll strikes again!

[CharlieH]

1.In my experience if the woman has a child prior to the relationship there is NO sinsod. 

2. Dont be held to ransom, the average Thai salary here is around 12k so at 50k you are being taken for a fool.

3. Is the baby yours ? how do you know ?

4. Were you registered as the father ? if not she has NO claim on you.

 

You need to stop being a push over, and start taking charge of this situation, OR walk away ! 

 

But thats just my opinion.

[Mavideol]

run Forrest, run

[daveAustin]

If legit, offer a one-off payment of 1 mill or whatever for custody and be done with the woman. You will never get peace with a headcase like that.

[Tayaout]

It would have been cheaper to pay the 500K sinsod after all... Now the relationship turned toxic. Sorry about that. 

[nauseus]

First job. DNA test.

[mike787]

Get a sons DNA test.  Make sure it's yours...it may not be.

 

Otherwise, understand one thing: you have a choice.

[CharlieH]

My advice:

 

1. Not one baht until you see the child

2. The child is dna tested to confirm.

3. You are registered as the Father (if its yours and what you want)

4. You will pay a one off payment for the child, on the proviso you get a letter giving you permission to remove the child from Thailand.

(Again if that's what you want).

You then take the child back to your country and raise him.

 

Dont negotiate from that baseline.

[scubascuba3]

A reminder to many to not get involved in a serious relationship here, it's most likely based on money, believe it or not they don't naturally like older blokes

[mike787]

6 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

My advice:

 

1. Not one baht until you see the child

2. The child is dna tested to confirm.

3. You are registered as the Father (if its yours and what you want)

4. You will pay a one off payment for the child, on the proviso you get a letter giving you permission to remove the child from Thailand.

(Again if that's what you want).

You then take the child back to your country and raise him.

 

Dont negotiate from that baseline.

CharlieH is DAM right!!  TIme to fight for your rights.  You have rights like she does.  You are NO less deserving of respect than her.  Follow his advice, it's your money and time....she needs to meet you halfway at least.  Come on man.  If your not gonna do this, no one can help you.  She will destroy you with your help.  

[Lacessit]

29 minutes ago, nauseus said:

First job. DNA test.

Exactly. Cuckoos of the human variety are abundant in Thailand.

[bwpage3]

How many times did you mention the word "money" in your post?

 

It's the classic ATM case and she see's you as nothing more than an ATM.

 

She knows you are an emotional wreck and will just continue to pay her ridiculous amounts.

 

This will never end. She obviously has some experience with getting money from foreigners.

 

Life and Love can both be extremely painful in Thailand.

 

Money is more important than life itself.

 

The best odds are if you stop sending her money, she will get desperate at some point and want to give you your kid back.

 

How much of the money you send do think is actually going to your kid? Not much.

 

Sure it is going to be a period of serious pain and depression.

 

However, you are making matters worse by paying her blackmail and letting her control you.

 

Short of getting a lawyer, which will be an even bigger waste of money, the only thing going is at some point if she does not find a new sponsor, she will not be able to support your child and then maybe you can make a legal deal for full custody.

 

Or, you could try to Legally offer her a lump sum through a lawyer now for full custody.

 

Remember, as a single father with a child that young, you would have a means to take care of that child while you are at work.

 

It seems odd she would be trying to attract a man from India? 

 

Phuket?

 

Was she a bar girl? And you only have to be honest with yourself. If she was, she knows the game, having kids for future money is the game, as the kid is probably dumped off with her mother or grandmother; while she tries to find someone else to support her.

 

Heartbreaking situation, however, you need to use your head now and don't fall prey to her extortion.

 

Good luck.

 

PS Charlie H, the moderator, gave you some sound advice

[Logosone]

Even if the DNA test reveals it is yours though will you really finance a woman who has repeatedly taken advantage of you and even physically attacked you for 4 hours?

 

There is clearly no future with a woman like this, and she will always be a major headache, even in the very unlikely scenario she would give good access to the child in return for money.

 

45,000, 50,000, 100,000 Baht, these are insane amounts of money for a Thai girl, a Filipina, even if she were a perfect girl, I can only imagine the toll this has taken on your finances.

 

Maybe consider to just walk away, as hard as it is, and have a child with nice woman, not all women are like this.

[CanadaSam]

1 hour ago, Win2020 said:

Being a man....

 

I'm sorry, but you aren't.

 

YOU are allowing all this to happen, and YOU are  MAKING her more and more evil, by allowing it to progressively get worse and worse.

 

The only GOOD opinion on this site is to simply CUT OFF all funds to her, then, after a suitable period, offer her a lump sum payment of say 1 million baht for sole custody of your child, obviously through an iron-clad legal document.

 

Have NO contact with her during this period, and also get somebody involved to make the offer and help you, as you do not seem to be capable of these necessary steps.

[misterjames]

and this ladies and gentleman is why i mastered the art of skeet early on in my travels

[sherwood]

Not sure if this is a bogus post or not but please show some balls by telling her to shut the ==== up and walk away if you can, even for a few weeks, just to let her know that the ATM can leave at any time. She sounds like a right piece of work.

Get the DNA test done mate.

[JHolmesJr]

what is so great about siring a child?

is it worth being generally mistreated, assaulted, abused and emasculated?

No. Tell her to <deleted> off and keep the kid.

I guarantee once you grow a pair she will start behaving.

Turn off the money and reform the honey.

[richard_smith237]

I tried, I really did... I read as far as 700,000 baht dowry (sin-sod)...  and realised ‘we have another one’... 

 

Sin-sod for a lady who has previously been married and has a child is generally considered a no-no by all but the most gullible of foreigners.

 

You are the night in shining armour... you are the answer to her financial insecurity... you are the mark.

 

 

[sanuk711]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

I tried, I really did... I read as far as 700,000 baht dowry (sin-sod)...  and realised ‘we have another one’...

yes spot on richard-smith237................. Great first post to the OP.....when does the full Novel/TV series come out....cant wait.........will he pay....will she...........etc...........................

 

 

 

.

[frequentatore]

Any bikini pics?

[mike787]

Not recommending this:  you could just give her everything including your organs, life, all financial assets and then one day die.  How's that sound to ya?

 

Remember this, just like to an alcoholic, i can guarantee you, whatever you give/do it will never be enough...

 

[timendres]

6 hours ago, Tayaout said:

It would have been cheaper to pay the 500K sinsod after all... Now the relationship turned toxic. Sorry about that. 

That sinsod would have just set the bar for the coming extortion.

[artiz]

6 hours ago, Logosone said:

Maybe consider to just walk away, as hard as it is, and have a child with nice woman, not all women are like this.

Erm....

[daveAustin]

Troll alert: newbie + nutty knocked up girl sin sod type post + no replies. Prove us wrong.

[AlexRich]

Walk away. You are being taken for a mug. You’ll never have any say or involvement in your son’s life as a child, so don’t even try. Save your money for yourself and get on with your life.

 

 

[mike787]

51 minutes ago, daveAustin said:

Troll alert: newbie + nutty knocked up girl sin sod type post + no replies. Prove us wrong.

i'd say your bang on...these trolls are a waste.

[Mickeem]

8 hours ago, nauseus said:

First job. DNA test.

 

Exactly .. She realised the game was up when I got out the swab sticks ...

 

I had to play along as I had known her for 16 yrs .. but things just did not add up such as the approx date of conception ... and her disappearance for 5 days around that date

 

Was out of pocket for 90K baht could have been worse .. if not for the ease and low price of getting a DNA test done nowadays .. something the lying deceitful bitches just don't think of

 

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

Lesson number one- have a vasectomy or use a condom if not wanting her to get pregnant. Don't rely on birth control pills.

Lesson number two- never tell them you are rich.

[Katipo]

Your situation is horrible, but not at all unique. The please for money will no stop. The abuse will not stop. Unless, you leave. This will mean leaving your son behind, which may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Unfortunately, she does not love you. You are a means to an end, and as long as you allow yourself to be manipulated and abused, she will continue to do so. You have almost no protection under Thai law, and what you do have will not be fairly applied nor enforced. I am so sorry you are in this situation, but you must leave. ????