problems with Thai partner.

[kingofthemountain]

8 minutes ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

I would walk and send her 10k a month

He doesnt' have to paid a wage to her

he has done more than enough already

she hasn't take the chance he has given to her, but she has prefered to <deleted> him off with gamble?

And you want to reward this bad behaviour with a huge amount of money every month?

seriously....

 

[bunnydrops]

I know 2 with the same problem. One seems to have enough money to let her do what she wants--- and she is the one that wins the most often at cards. The other never knows what he will not have when he comes home to Thailand. The truck is gone and some furniture. He is more of a what will be will be. He jokes about how much of the house is still his, but I think if he lost that, that would be the end. Both have been with their wife's for over 12 years and seem to really love them.

 

My wife and her mother like to play "penny lottery". 20-100 baht bets, looking for numbers on cucumbers a such. Seems it is in Thai blood.

[kingofthemountain]

Please guys stay nice and smart with him

 

the OP has made no mystery about the situation

including she was an ex bar girl he met in Pattaya.

 

When the ,,, hit the fan and you come on the forum asking to some advices

it's not for having stones throwing at your face, what is done is done, time to look ahead now, and to think to the son first, it's too late for him to rewrite the storyboard

 

thank you

Edited July 1, 2020 by kingofthemountain

[2long]

1 minute ago, kingofthemountain said:

Please guys stay nice and smart

the OP has made no mystery about the situation

including she was an ex bar girl he met in Pattaya.

When the ,,, hit the fan and you come on the forum asking to some advices

it's not for having stones throwing at your face, what is done is done, time to look forward now

I couldn't agree more! 

[SidJames]

1 hour ago, innosiem said:

Stop giving her money
Go see a lawyer.

This! ASAP

Edited July 1, 2020 by SidJames

[BritManToo]

29 minutes ago, twocatsmac said:

Exactly, zero sympathy.

She’s a prostitute, he’s just another farang, atm, idiot, take your pick. 

I've only ever had LTRs in Thailand with Bar girls.

All 3 have been really nice, young, attractive, loving, plenty of sex, and a great son from one of them.

They've all had their faults ..... one was already married to an American, one was a sex addict, one was a bit shouty (all were violent).

Wouldn't change the last 12 years here for anything, best times of my life.

 

Sure, I paid for everything, same as with the Brit Christian virgin Schoolteacher I was married to in the UK, worst 30 years of my life.

 

No need to leave this lady (unless you want to), you just need to restrict her access to your money.

Edited July 1, 2020 by BritManToo

[saakura]

OP says that he "played a good game with the girls in Pattaya for 10 years" and then married one of them. Speaks volumes about his character too. But at least he seems to have changed, pity the child.

Edited July 1, 2020 by saakura

[orchis]

what's the source of the gambling money and can you cut that off?

[kingofthemountain]

3 minutes ago, saakura said:

OP says that he "played a good game with the girls in Pattaya for 10 years" and then married one of them. Speaks volumes about his character too. But at least he seems to have changed, pity the child.

Nothing wrong having good times with girls, in Pattaya or in another place

and they weren't married, The child should be ok with the grand parents

as a lot of the others childs in the same case are here in Thailand

Edited July 1, 2020 by kingofthemountain

[twocatsmac]

19 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've only ever had LTRs in Thailand with Bar girls.

All 3 have been really nice, young, attractive, loving, plenty of sex, and a great son from one of them.

They've all had their faults ..... one was already married to an American, one was a sex addict, one was a bit shouty (all were violent).

Wouldn't change the last 12 years here for anything, best times of my life.

 

Sure, I paid for everything, same as with the Brit Christian virgin Schoolteacher I was married to in the UK, worst 30 years of my life.

 

No need to leave this lady (unless you want to), you just need to restrict her access to your money.

 

Yeah mate, your girl was different. ????

[Catkiwi]

I would try and negotiate a settlement through a lawyer. She gets X amount of cash after she signs, over custody of your son, approval for a passport application from your own country and what ever other paper work needs to be signed in order for you to take him out of Thailand. You don't necessarily have to move back to your country but it would give you the option in the future and with out her being involved. You may also be able to get the house tied up to legally belong to your son. If she is that hung up on spending your money I'm sure she would jump at the chance to be free to blow a mil or two. Just my opinion and not professing to know the law but it may be worth looking into.

[scubascuba3]

Relationships with sex workers is difficult, if you want them to leave their work you have the pay them and you become their job, best avoided. I feel for the girls, it's not easy

[baansgr]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Banks won't loan money on a house without evidence of income to make the repayments.

She could sell it though.

Money lenders do...with exorbitant interest rates...it's placed in the back of Chanote as a loan

[harrymcgarry]

48 minutes ago, twocatsmac said:

Exactly, zero sympathy.

She’s a prostitute, he’s just another farang, atm, idiot, take your pick. 

Thats a bit strong mate, I ended up with her after a good ten years of real fun with lots of girl friends and a rollercoaster life style. I am not an idiot and life has been wonderful for me ,her and obviously now our son. I think she is having a midlife crisis and at the age of 40 and good looking girl I doubt weather she can be bothered to go back to work in a bar especially with the young boy who never leaves her side. If you met us you would see a different picture . we are fairly well known aswell and this is going to be a shock to a lot of friends and family hence my real name is not on here. 

[northsouthdevide]

I feel you have 2 options, but before that, you have to take control of the family finances........ 

First let me explain, that I've seen 2 farangs in this situation in the last 10 years. 

Both ended up looking after the kid alone. 

1 took his kid back to the UK to start secondary school, and the other lives in my local town. I see him most weekdays taking his kid to and from school on a pushbike. 

 

Don't think that you can cure her of the addiction that no doubt you've been funding for the past how many years. 

What you have to do, is go to a lawyer, and have a document drawn up that you get full custody of your child, then pay her to sign it. 

You can still go on living with her if you feel that it's the thing to do, but if the child is yours, (custody) then you won't have a problem in the future, when the inevitable happens. 

 

The second option is to marry her. 

This might sound like a ridiculous suggestion, but without wedlock, you have absolutely zero parental rights in Thailand as a foreigner. 

I personally would go for option 1. 

Good luck, whatever you do mate, I feel for you. 

Edited July 1, 2020 by northsouthdevide

[4MyEgo]

2 hours ago, Liverpoolfan said:

you can take the lady out the bar, but her mentality remains the same.. run a million miles away mate, and take your credit cards with you!

What an ignorant comment.

 

Not all females are the same, and whoever came up with that quote, you can take the lady out of the bar, but not the bar out of the lady is a <deleted> idiot.

 

I know lots of blokes here who have married girls that worked in bars and are happily married, to try and educated you and the like would be difficult, and I won't, because as horses have blinkers on, they can't turn.

 

My wife did a stint in the bar scene for 7 months (so she says), and I don't doubt her, don't care, she did what she had to do to survive, and I am 100% sure most in the scene don't want to be there, but out of desperation and possibly to hook a farang for a better chance at life, the hardcore ones had issues beforehand and of course would pretend to be the good ones and then unleash on the unsuspecting farang/s.

 

I have been very very very happily married to my wife for 13 years, she runs rings around any female I have met in my life, is a great mother to our kids, doesn't gamble, is thrifty, doesn't want to associate with others, however will when required, is very well domesticated and loves to stay home, while I go out and about, take the odd filly here and there when I have the need, so what does that make me.

 

Don't taint everyone with the same brush, time to open your eyes, not all bar girls are bad, they are people who had to do what they had to do until such a time that they could get out of there, I know a few that are still in the game a decade on, not bad girls at all, but it is a means to an end for their survival, their choice and as long as they don't rip anyone off, all and good, just remember there is two sides to a coin and these girls get screwed over as well, but no doubt you only hear one side of coin.

 

Farangs that get screwed over is generally because they let their guard down, I have said it a thousand times, finances have to remain separate in any relationship, giving your wealth to your partner opens up a whole different world for those who don't appreciate, or don't know how to handle something they have never handled before, looking after them, and providing for them then letting them cash in when your good and done is the only way to go in my opinion, besides, this way, there is always a fall back position as opposed to losing it all.

 

I really feel for the guy in his situation, but as others have said, he is best to talk to a lawyer to see if he can do something like getting his kid out of there, starting with if he registered himself as the father, courts do listen, and if a judge knew the wife was gambling and neglecting the child, they could grant the father custody, especially if he has been steadily employed and can show he is responsible. 

 

Now go and have a few beers and talk to a few bar girls will yah, but do be careful not to get bitten ! 

[scubascuba3]

2 minutes ago, harrymcgarry said:

Thats a bit strong mate, I ended up with her after a good ten years of real fun with lots of girl friends and a rollercoaster life style. I am not an idiot and life has been wonderful for me ,her and obviously now our son. I think she is having a midlife crisis and at the age of 40 and good looking girl I doubt weather she can be bothered to go back to work in a bar especially with the young boy who never leaves her side. If you met us you would see a different picture . we are fairly well known aswell and this is going to be a shock to a lot of friends and family hence my real name is not on here. 

At the age of 40 sadly she'll end up on Soi 500

[Keyser Soze666]

52 minutes ago, kingofthemountain said:

He doesnt' have to paid a wage to her

he has done more than enough already

she hasn't take the chance he has given to her, but she has prefered to <deleted> him off with gamble?

And you want to reward this bad behaviour with a huge amount of money every month?

seriously....

 

A huge amount LOL. Besides, I qualified why he may do this, but of course you have chosen to ignore this.

 

Anyway, the OP isn't going to take a single bit of notice/advice from anyone on this thread. They never do.

Edited July 1, 2020 by Keyser Soze666
speeling

[Keyser Soze666]

3 minutes ago, northsouthdevide said:

I feel you have 2 options, but before that, you have to take control of the family finances........ 

First let me explain, that I've seen 2 farangs in this situation in the last 10 years. 

Both ended up looking after the kid alone. 

1 took his kid back to the UK to start secondary school, and the other lives in my local town. I see him most weekdays taking his kid to and from school on a pushbike. 

 

Don't think that you can cure her of the addiction that no doubt you've been funding for the past how many years. 

What you have to do, is go to a lawyer, and have a document drawn up that you get full custody of your child, then pay her to sign it. 

You can still go on living with her if you feel that it's the thing to do, but if the child is yours, then you won't have a problem in the future, when the inevitable happens. 

 

The second option is to marry her. 

This might sound like a ridiculous suggestion, but without wedlock, you have absolutely zero parental rights in Thailand as a foreigner. 

I personally would go for option 1. 

Good luck, whatever you do mate, I feel for you. 

Why are you assuming he would want to go for custody, he has made no mention of that at all. 

[jvs]

9 minutes ago, northsouthdevide said:

Don't think that you can cure her of the addiction that no doubt you've been funding for the past how many years. 

What you have to do, is go to a lawyer, and have a document drawn up that you get full custody of your child, then pay her to sign it. 

You can still go on living with her if you feel that it's the thing to do, but if the child is yours, (custody) then you won't have a problem in the future, when the inevitable happens. 

 

The second option is to marry her. 

This might sound like a ridiculous suggestion, but without wedlock, you have absolutely zero parental rights in Thailand as a foreigner. 

I personally would go for option 1. 

Good luck, whatever you do mate, I feel for you. 

Edited 4 minutes ago by northsouthdevide

You are contradicting yourself in this post,would it make a difference if the op is on the birth certificate as being the father?or is that not possible if they are not married?

 

[baansgr]

1 hour ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

My 2 pennies worth, talk of taking the boy away, away from his mother and trying to be a single parent in a foreign land and needing to work overseas sometimes is frankly shocking 'advice'

It would hardly be taking the boy away from his Mother, she's already said she will dump the boy with the family and return to working away. Myself having to make the decision a few years ago, would I be comfortable with  letting my kids stay in the boonies with Grandparents. Going to school 20kms away 3 up on a moped and all the other endless nasty possibilities of the perverted retards in this country gauging over Luk krueng girls....no way. The OP seems to love his son and won't abandon him like the Mother and be a better parent for the boy. Sole custody is the way to go but of course  allow the Mother access.

[twocatsmac]

6 minutes ago, EVENKEEL said:

I don't think the OP is looking for sympathy, makes no difference the lady's background. Gambling can be a problem for all walks of life. 

 

He says she’s threatened to go back on the game, to stop him seeing his son on top of the lies she tells. 

I’ll ignore the gambling and the lies. You explain to me vicar how the other problems are ok. 

 

11 minutes ago, harrymcgarry said:

Thats a bit strong mate, I ended up with her after a good ten years of real fun with lots of girl friends and a rollercoaster life style. I am not an idiot and life has been wonderful for me ,her and obviously now our son. I think she is having a midlife crisis and at the age of 40 and good looking girl I doubt weather she can be bothered to go back to work in a bar especially with the young boy who never leaves her side. If you met us you would see a different picture . we are fairly well known aswell and this is going to be a shock to a lot of friends and family hence my real name is not on here. 

 

You’ve decided to wash your knickers on Thaivisa. Read the above.

 

Nuff said.

[simon43]

...when I send money for something ...

 

 

Sorry if it's already been asked.  That comment suggests that you're not actually living with her?

[namatjira]

14 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

At the age of 40 sadly she'll end up on Soi 500

Where’s that ? Sounds interesting 

[Keyser Soze666]

2 minutes ago, baansgr said:

It would hardly be taking the boy away from his Mother

In the boys mind he will be, which was obviously my point.

[scorecard]

2 hours ago, Upnotover said:

Who owns the house?  Be careful with that one or it'll be gone.

Suggest you explore if there's any way to transfer ownership of the house, land, farm to your son. Thai children can own land. Perhaps this could connect into below #

 

Also, seek out a reputable knowledgeable lawyer see if it's possible for you to take some legal action to divorce her and at the same time you gain full custody of your son, and  # above part of the settlement is that your son gets the farm, land, house. I'm not saying this is possible/easily possible, just suggesting that it may be worth checking. 

 

I'm guessing if you take a case to gain divorce the judge may well ask for evidence of her gambling, therefore perhaps you should be keeping good financial records, including any evidence you can establish to prove her gambling, double payment of the money for son's school etc.

 

I'm no expert but my reading on this subject is that a very large % of gambling addicts never give it up completely. 

 

Good luck. 

[harrymcgarry]

My job would be gone if I had to take custody and bring him to the UK. the house is next door to the grandparents who I see regularly when I am at home in Thailand. it is ok sitting in a condo on your computer shouting what to do, I posted so I did expect some bad feedback and that is no problem. I could just keep on giving her a weekly allowance and let her gamble it but I dont see why my son has to sit there all day in the gambling den while she plays cards, Its my son who I need to be taken to school everyday in the car and brought home by her and keep up his really good progression. He speaks Thai ,Isan and English and currently on to Chinese language now. I think  after all the excitement of becoming a mother to an absolute beautiful Farang looking boy who has been the star of the show for coming up to five years now and absolutely adored every where he goes she has becomed bored with it all but I maybe totally wrong. I just do not know what to do now. thanks for the response TV and best of luck too

[mr mr]

2 hours ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

Yep, agreed. i've come to realise now that is the only way I will ever 'win' with my one.

i told my wife i would burn down our house back home and take the 3 years in jail for arson before ever giving her a penny. 

[rvaviator]

1 hour ago, harrymcgarry said:

thank you everyone for the input, THE house and car were bought and built for the family (me, her and the child) so its no problem walking away from that its not an issue, she has no credit cards and the bank cards are all in my name and only amounts what I agree to transfer go in, her weekly allowance goes in from my bank every Friday . ( enough to live on with fuel for the car and be fairly comfortable). She was really sensible before and has totally changed to the point that she does not care also I think hormone problems aswell. I am constantly stressed over this situation and if it was not for the boy then I would not have an issue. I would be gone. thanks

Have you been registered as the legal father of the child ? You do not have to be married to do that. It will give you some level of leverage if you have to fight custody .... If you could. lets say 'prove' that she is unfit to be a mother ... Drinking / gambling / Prostitution .... 

[Keyser Soze666]

19 minutes ago, harrymcgarry said:

My job would be gone if I had to take custody and bring him to the UK. the house is next door to the grandparents who I see regularly when I am at home in Thailand. it is ok sitting in a condo on your computer shouting what to do, I posted so I did expect some bad feedback and that is no problem. I could just keep on giving her a weekly allowance and let her gamble it but I dont see why my son has to sit there all day in the gambling den while she plays cards, Its my son who I need to be taken to school everyday in the car and brought home by her and keep up his really good progression. He speaks Thai ,Isan and English and currently on to Chinese language now. I think  after all the excitement of becoming a mother to an absolute beautiful Farang looking boy who has been the star of the show for coming up to five years now and absolutely adored every where he goes she has becomed bored with it all but I maybe totally wrong. I just do not know what to do now. thanks for the response TV and best of luck too

As I said earlier OP, you are not going to take a single bit of 'advice' from here, you just wanted to get it off your chest, and that's fine.

 

No idea why so many are talking custody when you never even hinted at it. That would be a whole new world of trouble and red tape, and as you say it's not even practical anyway, as I fully assumed.  

Edited July 1, 2020 by Keyser Soze666