Living Here Gets Better for Some and Worse for Others - Why

[Pilotman]

Talking to a friend today, as each year goes by he gets more down, depressing at being here in Thailand.  and critical of all things Thai and Thailand.  He is married to a lovely caring lady who looks after him. He is not rich, but has no real money worries, lives in a nice enough house, in a nice area, but boy, he is very dissatisfied with his life.  He cannot afford to go back and live in his home country.  For me, the longer I stay here, the more comfortable  I get.  Yes it has frustrations, but it is clear to me that I am in the right place, living the right life for me. In my circle of friends, there are more like me than like him and despite all we try to do to show him how good his life is here, he will not change his increasingly polarised view.  It's not just him, I have noticed this in others.  The more they are exposed to Thais and Thailand the worse it gets for them, while the reverse is true for many of us.  We all know a few Members on TVF that feel the same as my fiend and struggle with negative feelings.  I wonder what factors make the difference? Just an interesting point to debate.     

Edited August 7, 2020 by Pilotman

[Kwasaki]

Depends on who you are I guess you can either hack it or you can't, I see it in all ages here, the money and relationships as the most problems in my time with others here. 

Must said I'm good have my hobbies not rich but happy. 

 

Edited August 7, 2020 by Kwasaki

[Pilotman]

I certainly think having hobbies and interests makes a big difference. 

[blackcab]

I think some people view their life here as a sacrifice. By this I mean that these people think they had two potential paths in life; the first being in Thailand and the second being in their home country.

 

By choosing to be in Thailand they have had to accept that some things, such as getting paid employment, starting a business or owning land and property are either impossible or quite difficult. In their home country there would be no such restriction.

 

My own opinion is that this can leave some people feeling very unfulfilled. They feel that their potential is wasted, and they feel that it is the various rules and laws of Thailand that are holding them back. As such they blame "Thailand" for their situation, and this is manifested with general unhappiness with "Thailand".

 

As the years go on, their potential is increasingly wasted, and their unhappiness inceases as a result.

 

Of course my theory would only apply to people that have to stay in Thailand, either through marriage, children, unfortunate financial decisions or by burning their bridges back home.

[Dmaxdan]

It's called negative bias. Some people just struggle to balance positivity against negativity and therefore mainly focus on the latter. 

[Logosone]

3 minutes ago, Dmaxdan said:

It's called negative bias. Some people just struggle to balance positivity against negativity and therefore mainly focus on the latter. 

No, it's not "negative bias", there are a lot of negative sides to living in Thailand.

 

Of course if you're approaching 90 and have no option but to stay then you have to convince yourself that these negative sides don't exist. However, some people don't have to lie to themselves, and when they look at life in Thailand they see a lot of negative sides.

 

There certainly are a lot of good sides as well, and I'd say, more to living in Europe for now, but to say there is something wrong with people who speak openly about the negative sides of Thailand is a bit curious.

 

There seems to be a bit of a Stockholm syndrome for those who have married Thai ladies that they feel a white knight complex and want to attack anyone who speaks about the negative sides of their lady's homeland.

 

However, like any other place Thailand has a plethora of negative things going on.

[Tropicalevo]

For some of us, the glass is half full and there will be a top up at some stage. (Positive thinkers.) For others, it is half empty and they cannot see a top up. (Negative thinkers.)

Then there is change. Some people only see negative in change.

Thailand has changed a lot since I arrived 27 years ago. So has the Seychelles (where wifey and I were married). So has the town of my birth back in the UK.

Some changes are good and some are not but on the whole, life here is still better than anywhere else that I have been.

Cold beer, great food, hot weather and a brilliant group of friends (both Thai and farang). As long as I have some money and good health, I am where I want to be.

Anyway, wifey passed on a few years back and her ashes are at the local temple. She would give me hell if I left her. ????

[from the home of CC]

some people love to be unhappy and revel in it, creating a drama from an unsatisfactory life. It's probably what they witnessed growing up in the interaction of their parents (or lack of). The well adjusted don't constantly whine about life..

[luckyluke]

20 years here, and of course life has up and downs, and so is my opinion about Thailand. 

 

I have the tendency to believe the people who claim they are rather unhappy in Thailand, but for one or another reason are unable to leave. 

 

I am rather suspicious to the ones who claim they have it here "oh so good". 

 

I have  the tendency to believe they are trying to convince others, but surely themselves. 

 

Of course there must be some who speak the truth, but how to know? 

 

[ezzra]

unfortunately, no country in this world is a bed of roses by any stretch of imagination and some are worse then others, these are tumultuous  times and many will just give up and fall by the wayside, we just hope its non of us...

[Puchaiyank]

Thailand has been a lot like living with my wife...total love and happiness in the early years...she and Thailand began to change...becoming more demanding and harder to please...consumed with self interest and ever increasing demands...was better to cut the strings that bound us together and go our separate ways...no regrets...

[CGW]

You have to be happy within your own skin, if you are not you will end up playing the "Blame Game" 

 

There is no such thing as "perfect" in life - in my experience, look at the world around you! don't set your expectations too high 

 

I am content with my life ???? 

[Berkshire]

57 minutes ago, Pilotman said:

He is not rich, but has no real money worries, lives in a nice enough house, in a nice area, but boy, he is very dissatisfied with his life.

You really should ask him what he thinks is missing in his life.  And I'm not talking about basic stuff like certain foods/restaurants, or TV shows, or the arts, etc.  What is of the utmost importance to him that is missing here that he could only get back home?  If he's really homesick for family and friends, I can understand.  But then that didn't keep him from leaving in the first place. 

 

Thailand is obviously different from your home country, especially if you're from the west.  Constantly obsessing about what one "can't do/can't have" in Thailand is a truly self-defeating mindset.  Like Bruce Springsteen said once, "You've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above."      

[2 is 1]

Life may not let me choose my lot,
But whether I'd be happy or not...
That is my choice.

To leave hurtful memories behind
Or allow them to bother my mind...
The choice is mine.

To fret over a mistake when it's done
Or learn from it and move on...
The choice is mine.

To be bothered by all that people say
Or ignore them and go my own way...
The choice is mine.

To hide my feelings, pent up, unspoken,
Or say my mind and ease the burden...
The choice is mine.

To enjoy what I've been able to gain
Or ungratefully regard it with disdain...
The choice is mine.

Sometimes I won't get to pick my lot,
But whether I'll be happy or not
Will always be my choice.

Bye: Abinbola T.Alabi

 

Everybody make they own happines! And i think all feel sometimes little down. Talking is good medicine about depression.

Have a great day all!

[FolkGuitar]

Happiness doesn't come from outside. Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. If you are not comfortable with who you are, it will make no difference where you are, what you are doing, or what you have. You will still be unhappy.

If you ARE happy in yourself, it won't make that much difference where you go or what you do. Happiness comes from within. Sure, there may be hard times, unhappy instances, depressing situations, but a person who is satisfied with themselves will realize those things are transitory, and satisfaction with life continues.

 

 

 

Edited August 7, 2020 by FolkGuitar

[Orton Rd]

If it was that great why do so many spend so much time on here?

[baansgr]

He can't afford to go back to his home country...maybe he feels trapped.....he has a lovely caring lady......most are in public but maybe not the same behind closed doors.

[Olmate]

5 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

If it was that great why do so many spend so much time on here?

There was more expats in Foodland and Big C today than there are regulars on here!

[GinBoy2]

So this is just my own personal take. 

 

A lot depends on your personality and what keeps you engaged in the world.

 

I retired early and 'we' decided to move from Singapore to Thailand. My wife very accurately predicted that I'd be bored with the place within 10 years. It was exactly 10 years 11 months when we moved to the US.

 

Now I speak fluent Thai and Lao, so it wasn't the fact that I was in some isolationist bubble. But I'm not a bar fly, don't play golf.

But there is only so much gym you can do, so many books to read, and so much TV to watch.

 

I would have happily volunteered at the local school to coach English if they would have let me.

 

But without anything meaningful to do, severe boredom set in after a few years

 

I think thats when a lot of the 'burned my bridges' crowd move into the bitter and twisted mode and it spirals downwards fast.

 

Those minor irritations become huge and they start to rail against everything Thai.

 

I always kept a bolt hole, so I knew there was an out.

 

When my wife wanted to follow our son back to the US, and she wanted to restart her career which had stalled in Thailand, we knew it was time.

 

So we still have our home there and whats left of my wife's family, and we travel, well not this year, for what are now happy vacations.

 

My wife got a good job with DoD, I got myself a mindless little job with an airline which at least gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

 

For those in the 'burned my bridges' crowd it's a much tougher call!

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Pilotman said:

I wonder what factors make the difference? Just an interesting point to debate.     

I've found a new younger woman on the side makes me feel considerably happier about Thailand.

If only we could do something about immigration, along the lines of Cambodia, where you just pay and never have to see them.

[BritManToo]

22 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

If it was that great why do so many spend so much time on here?

I'm old, and I'm retired, there's only so much hiking, cycling and banging my poor 64 year old body can take.

Then I'm restricted to sitting down and doing stuff to fill the rest of my day.

Edited August 7, 2020 by BritManToo

[Silent Number]

4 minutes ago, Orton Rd said:

If it was that great why do so many spend so much time on here?

A lot on here don’t actually live here from my observations. On the topic. I find life here is what as an individual you want to achieve from it. I married in my country of origin to a Thai national and after a couple of years decided to move to Thailand permanently.The first few years were all roses family are very receptive and cost of living is way less. Then not being able to speak Thai fluently made it a little harder to cope, which depressed me somewhat. So I decided to create an interest in something business orientated for she who knows everything which she successfully runs and relies on input from myself. So financially and mentally better off. So yes it is what you make of life here if your going to get pizzed every day and sit n vegetate it is tough. For me it was get an interest one that is also interesting for your partner if you have one if you don’t have one get out in the rural countryside and find one.But I do sympathise with the ones that are here in depressed state of minds and cannot leave for whatever reason.

[BritManToo]

1 hour ago, Logosone said:

Of course if you're approaching 90 and have no option but to stay then you have to convince yourself that these negative sides don't exist. However, some people don't have to lie to themselves, and when they look at life in Thailand they see a lot of negative sides.

At 90 there's not a lot left to life that isn't negative.

Saw a 72 year old chap at the CM transport office earlier this week, couldn't walk, couldn't stand up on his own, was a bit deaf .... what's he got to be positive about?

[OneMoreFarang]

Many people are unhappy. And many want to blame someone else for that situation.

So who do they blame?

Their employer, the government, the wife, all those foreigners, the young people, and and and.

Everybody who is unhappy will find someone to blame. Life would be wonderful if only...

It does not matter where they live, etc. They will always blame somebody else.

 

Personally I am not so blind that I don't see the not so good sides of Thailand. And obviously here are (like anywhere else) negative people. It is up to each of us who are our friends and it's up to each of us to make the best out of a given situation. And if we don't like the country, the weather, the company, the whatever then we should change it. Except of course we use that only as an excuse why we are miserable. 

[Pilotman]

1 hour ago, Berkshire said:

You really should ask him what he thinks is missing in his life.  And I'm not talking about basic stuff like certain foods/restaurants, or TV shows, or the arts, etc.  What is of the utmost importance to him that is missing here that he could only get back home?  If he's really homesick for family and friends, I can understand.  But then that didn't keep him from leaving in the first place. 

 

Thailand is obviously different from your home country, especially if you're from the west.  Constantly obsessing about what one "can't do/can't have" in Thailand is a truly self-defeating mindset.  Like Bruce Springsteen said once, "You've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above."      

he says that he definitely doesn't want to be back in his home country ( Germany) but clearly isn't happy here either. We all feel sorry for him, but we don't know what his friends can do to help. 

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, Puchaiyank said:

she and Thailand began to change

Did you also change?

[bodga]

2 hours ago, Pilotman said:

Talking to a friend today, as each year goes by he gets more down, depressing at being here in Thailand.  and critical of all things Thai and Thailand.

I avoided  all that by knowing it  already.

[Madgee]

I'm quite content with my simple life in a fairly quiet town suburb. Meet up with some friends now and then, potter around in my little garden and keep abreast of local and world news. 

Got to admit, things like this do p!ss me off ........... 

 

Now I'm going to have a long chat with my Thai dog and let him know how I feel!     ????

[Logosone]

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

At 90 there's not a lot left to life that isn't negative.

Saw a 72 year old chap at the CM transport office earlier this week, couldn't walk, couldn't stand up on his own, was a bit deaf .... what's he got to be positive about?

Yah, but that won't happen to you. You cycle every day.

 

 

[Orton Rd]

35 minutes ago, Olmate said:

There was more expats in Foodland and Big C today than there are regulars on here!

Big C and Foodland- living the dream ????