I feel quite stressed living the dream in Thailand with wife and child

[bbabythai]

Im middle aged and have a 7 yr old and a younger thai wife. We have a successful business which I invested in but dont work (only observe). She works so hard at the business with our staff and I do the school runs and cook meals and teach my child after school etc. 

 

I love my child a lot (and wife) but find it quite stressful. The 2 of them are quite noisy and full on. I think they are behaving quite normal and reflect that I am the abnormal one. My wife deserves a gold medal for putting up with me this long, but she is not perfect either for reasons I will not go into here.  Im starting to feel quite anxious and angry around them at night times and just want to be alone.  I've always been quite highly strung and on edge- even before meeting her. I'm not naturally good with kids. 

 

The mother in law is staying at the moment and I'm away for a few nights alone. I feel so good being alone and happy being in peaceful surroundings. I can detach from everything and everyone. 

 

I think I need to do mindfulness meditation everyday and practice detachment. 

 

Any thoughts on all this. Thanks for listening. 

 

 

[tomazbodner]

Only thing I can say is that you're likely not alone, but most don't write about it. Enjoy your time off.

[jak2002003]

I think what you are feeling is part of normal family life. 

 

Sounds like you just need a break and time to relax...a holiday. 

 

See if you can have some mire time for yourself or just you and your wife go away for a week while someone looks after the child. 

 

Perhaps join a group or have a hobby that gets you some time away from the day to day life at home. 

 

 

 

 

[dimitriv]

I am almost 50 years old, and have a 9 month old daughter. I love her very much. But sometimes it is too much for me. She has more energy than me, and sometimes I feel that I am too old for this. I had my first child when I was 30 years old, and cannot remember that I felt like that.

 

I went back to my home country 2 weeks ago, after living with the family for half a year in a BKK condo. I work online, and doing so in a small condo with my girlfriend and baby daughter was terrible. So hard to work and concentrate. The lockdown and Covid also didn't help to make me feel better. 

 

Back in my home country I enjoy my house, the space, all the empty rooms and the absolute silence. I can work, concentrate. In 2 weeks here I did more work than in half a year in BKK. I enjoy every minute.

 

Maybe you need more time alone. Try to create some distance. If you feel better when being away maybe you should do so more often. And when you do so maybe you can also enjoy the moments together again. That is what I want to try...

 

 

Edited October 6, 2020 by dimitriv

[Seik]

Hang on - If you enjoy being alone, which is perfectly understandable, what are you doing around your wife all day if you're not working the business with her and your kid is at school? Why not drop the kids at school in the morning, cook the meals for the day, then just <deleted> off somewhere for the afternoon whenever you feel like it? Maybe then you'd enjoy your kid's and your wife's company in the evening.

As men, our freedom is an integral part of us in a way that just does not apply to women, they are also far more social than us. Don't let your whole life revolve around your family.

Edited October 6, 2020 by Seik

[FritsSikkink]

See a professional helper to deal with this feelings.

Edited October 6, 2020 by FritsSikkink

[donnacha]

You need a den.

[alianware]

You have let your child to express his mind and freedom unorganized for too long. He learned that stuff from his surrounding, friends and families. You should not only teach your child but also your wife because she is also a prominent example to her child.

Edited October 6, 2020 by alianware

[swissie]

OP is a bachelor at heart and now he has found out "that marriage is not really for me". He is not the only one that feels like that, but he is one of the few that is willing to "face the problem". Respect!
Remedy: Move in a 2 story house. "Upstairs" is your kingdom, downstairs the mayhem of your family may continue to take place. Occasional visits allowed and recommended.

If not, you may end up in divorce-court or the madhouse. Or worse.
Alternatively: You may play AC/DC's "Highway to hell" 24 hours a day at full blast. I am confident, that after 72 hours, not only the rats will have left, but also your family.
The family, wishing to return? You will be in a good bargaining position: "It's my way or I will re-engage AC/DC"!
Luck to you. Cheers.

[Seik]

5 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

See a professional helper to deal with this feelings.

Oh for <deleted>'s sake. Unless we're talking about some deep psychological issues just deal with your problems yourself.

Edited October 6, 2020 by Seik

[FritsSikkink]

2 minutes ago, Seik said:

Oh for <deleted>'s sake. Unless we're talking about some deep psychological issues just deal with your problems yourself.

If feel the urge to ask help from some people in a forum, you are better of to talk to people who are actually educated to help people with these issues. Do you think you know better?

[timendres]

Your feelings are perfectly normal, in my opinion. I rented a three story townhouse that costs less than my first apartment. The extra space works wonders for my sanity. I also find evening walks to a local park to be quite calming.

[Seik]

9 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

If feel the urge to ask help from some people in a forum, you are better of to talk to people who are actually educated to help people with these issues. Do you think you know better?

You call it educated, I call it indoctrinated. A therapist can do more harm than good when consulted on family matters in an era of Feminism, in which men's nature is consistently belittled and considered toxic. Asking for an opinion on your own situation and problems to friends or even on a forum is a very different thing, and it's the healthy thing to do when you are not battling with a mental illness, along with fixing the problem yourself, of course.

Edited October 6, 2020 by Seik

[dimitriv]

8 minutes ago, FritsSikkink said:

If feel the urge to ask help from some people in a forum, you are better of to talk to people who are actually educated to help people with these issues. Do you think you know better?

 

It can already help if you know that others have similar feelings. 

 

[samisaurus]

Everything that the poster above said + .... join a gym , lift. It helps to destress like no other. All that tension gets released onto the weights. U pick up a new hobby , and get your alone time. 

[FritsSikkink]

25 minutes ago, Seik said:

You call it educated, I call it indoctrinated. A therapist can do more harm than good when consulted on family matters in an era of Feminism, in which men's nature is consistently belittled and considered toxic. Asking for an opinion on your own situation and problems to friends or even on a forum is a very different thing, and it's the healthy thing to do when you are not battling with a mental illness, along with fixing the problem yourself, of course.

Looks like you have an issue with women.

[FritsSikkink]

44 minutes ago, Seik said:

Oh for <deleted>'s sake. Unless we're talking about some deep psychological issues just deal with your problems yourself.

Talk to the OP then.

[Puchaiyank]

Go to a Buddhist Temple and enroll for a 2 week course on meditation...it will help you control your urge to become agitated by your family.

 

If you start feeling stressed once more...tell your wife you are going to the Temple to pray...she would not refuse such an honorable request...

 

Good Luck!

 

 

[Upnotover]

"Living the dream".  There's your mistake.  It's no different to anywhere else.  Reality.

[daveAustin]

1 hour ago, FritsSikkink said:

Looks like you have an issue with women.

Who doesn't? They have a point.

 

Op, you're a bachelor at heart and they don't do well tied down and caged. As with others in your predicament you have to live it to find out unfortunately. Here's the rub; it won't get better - just wait until kid is a teen, answers back ans doesn't appreciate a thing you've done for them. Just have to manage as best as poss, get alone time and drink lots of alcohol. 

All the best.

[Damrongsak]

Many good suggestions here and a few that are marginal, IMHO.  I prefer peace and quiet and time to reflect.  My wife and I did a 1 week meditation retreat back in 1980.  I thought it was great, drove her crazy.  It's just our different natures.  We've managed to get along more or less OK and raised two boys, though there have been tough times emotionally.  Today is our 42nd anniversary ...  but we spent 2 years apart not long ago.  It was actually beneficial.

 

So, go with the flow, do what you need to do to keep your sanity.  Avoid "cabin fever".  Exercise, walk, garden, whatever it takes.  And do spend time with your child during these formative years. 

[Damrongsak]

 

[Grumpy John]

So you happily get married to a Thai girl, have a kid and now your unhappy.  "Living the dream"  there's the problem, you woke up!

 

So now if you screw up you will effect 3 lives instead of one!  It seems to me your being selfish and in your business over controlling.  Try fitting in, it's not that hard to do.

[ezzra]

half of a lorazepam (Ativan) 1 mg tablet will restore peacefulness to your life until the storms that are surrounding us now pressure and depressing and sense of dread will pass, it helped me and many others i know to restore calm....

[Ventenio]

your son is 7.   at 7, I have no idea how they process their parents.  As long as you stay in his life, no matter what, even if it's a phone call as you find happiness.....anything to keep connected to your son.  yea, i'm retired and this is why i never had kids.  i enjoy my own time too much.  i can buy anything, do anything, be selfish and not hurt anyone, and then get in a relationship if i want without raising a family.  i guess what they say is true for some....once you have a kid, you must give 100% and do everything for them.   but people tell me it's the best thing in the world.   i prefer getting a dog and a girlfriend.   that's just me. 

[steven100]

hit the p_iss for a couple of days and you'll forget all about your troubles. 

[Laza 45]

I understand it is not easy..  I don't like living with a lot of noise and drama either and Thai TV drives me nuts!  When I built on to our house I made a new bedroom  and lounge/computer room upstairs.. This is my retreat and I don't think I could live here without it. Would it be possible to create your own space?  

[Average man]

Get a hobby , get a dog and learn dog training , get into exercise , do something to redirect mind and body at least one hour every day . 
 

[ChipButty]

I like my own space I could not live in a condo as a family, I have lived in condo's I had a great one iin BKK for almost 3 years 2 bedroom 3 bathrooms most of the time I live alone, people would why I have a big condo, I like the space. I live in Phuket now and have always live in a house the one we are in now we have been here for 10 years it's great because it had spare rooms and I fitted it out just like an office, nice desk and chair I even put a fridge and kettle to make a brew dont need to go in the kitchen and this room has the back door so I can leave that open, close it if I want the A/C on even keep some beers in the fridge I can go outside for a smoke couple of plastic chairs and a little table out the back,

Maybe look at some of the town houses around BKK a mate of mine lives in one with 3 floors with his family he has his own room at teh back with a balcony, anyway good luck

[BritManToo]

Most guys in the UK used to get an allotment, or just a shed in the garden.

I go hiking and cycling, or wear ear buds in the house.

 

Get rid of MiL ASAP.

Edited October 7, 2020 by BritManToo