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How many of you that had bad marriages to Thai women would try again but do things differently if you had a time machine?


thaibeachlovers
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I met my Thai wife 25 yrs ago ,her family are not poor and have never asked for anything ,we met when i had a business in BKK ,we have lived in the uk and now here for about 15 yrs ,i would not change a minute of it.

before that i had a Thai girlfriend ,she came from a poorer family ,she also was lovely ,but it was never going to end in Marriage.

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Great relationship for ten years now & child. Educated progressive lady. architect. 25 year age gap is no problem.had to suspend my “zero tolerance” policy few times. which protected me for years from less suitable women. have to show who the boss is too sometimes. 

 

marriage gives way too much value / power to women. little in it for men that I can see. she has travelled & stayed with me in Europe and Korea. great company. interested in ideas like me. she operated her own watch business pre- covid (which I was happy to fund). shes switched to online plant business. shes still very thai though. eats only thai food with occasional Italian, has her superstitions like ghosts & thai astrology (charts predicting future!). hates the self serving establishment. never asked for money or marriage. has renovated / refurnished house & built / planted our lovely garden.

 

everything in my name. she gets all my thai assets in the will. plan to transfer the car & motorbike to her name next week.she’s earned that. never planned to invest more than the 3 mill baht here for small house. then bought off plan pool villa for 10 mill in pre- crash boom times thinking to make profit of 5 mill two years later when Built. 2008 / 9  crash left me stuck with it. so developed / lived / rented it.

 

luckily its a great seaview pool villa property. good location & design. separate ground level apartment below house. so can live / rent either at same time.trying to sell (again) now to fulfill her dream of small self design / build house.( 6 mill budget) happy to fund that as shes earned it and well worth it and theres her and our childs future to financially secure here.

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2 hours ago, zzaa09 said:

This will be key. 

What many still do is go out of their way to detach themselves [and gf/wife] from the instinctive familial and social extensions that makes them who they are. A safety net...sort to speak. 

Is it any wonder why too many Farang feel as a foreigner or outsider and wonder why folks still regard them as such - never making an attempt to blend. 

Not the key for everyone that's just your own generalization.

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1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

My wife's family were lovely, till I got married. Then the facade dropped.

I kind of knew har family before, but even she had discard her family, they still managed to manipulate her over the sea. So many crises and so many bissiness plans they tried to haul out of here, and created so much insecurity in her that it totally wrecked our marriage. 

 

Our relationship started with she was getting married to an much older man (german) picked by her mother. I knew this girl two years before we married, and lived together for 16 months here in Thailand, so I felt I knew her pretty well, and her family. What I did not understand, was how much trouble they could make for her when she moved with me back home. Her lazy brothers and mom totally made a dissaster.  

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1 minute ago, Hummin said:

I kind of knew har family before, but even she had discard her family, they still managed to manipulate her over the sea. So many crises and so many bissiness plans they tried to haul out of here, and created so much insecurity in her that it totally wrecked our marriage. 

 

Our relationship started with she was getting married to an much older man (german) picked by her mother. I knew this girl two years before we married, and lived together for 16 months here in Thailand, so I felt I knew her pretty well, and her family. What I did not understand, was how much trouble they could make for her when she moved with me back home. Her lazy brothers and mom totally made a dissaster.  

I don't know where all those old germans come from.

I dated also a few and all of them had a "german" ex.

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1 minute ago, thaibeachlovers said:

they stole a lot of my stuff. I doubt Thai culture covers that.

unless there is some reason that they felt they deserved it and you had shorted them... [which they would not say verbally] 

 

I have seen many many times where farang have made or implied promises of money and things and never intended or had the means to deliver... sometimes it is done unintentionally by the farang as well... expensive vacations and restaurants that are part of a Western courtship tradition but here, might represent creating a false impression that the poor Thai guy from the village cannot employ.. 

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3 hours ago, HeijoshinCool said:

.

 

There remains a wise saying of those who went before us; pay it heed....

 

Your village called. They want their idiot back.

Better than them ssking for the "bike" back !......🤣🤣🤣🤣

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4 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

^ PS. there are words in the Thai language for "Thank You", so it must be part of their culture.

yes, of course there are - - don't be a wise ass - it is a question of usage... you dismiss/debate your cultural inefficiencies quite easily - no wonder you had issues here... 

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8 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:
30 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

I see it in their actions, trust and so many many many ways... 

I didn't.

The fact that you can't see things is not their fault... 

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Just now, 1FinickyOne said:

unless there is some reason that they felt they deserved it and you had shorted them... [which they would not say verbally] 

 

I have seen many many times where farang have made or implied promises of money and things and never intended or had the means to deliver... sometimes it is done unintentionally by the farang as well... expensive vacations and restaurants that are part of a Western courtship tradition but here, might represent creating a false impression that the poor Thai guy from the village cannot employ.. 

I think you missed where I said they were wealthier than I.

 

They stole my beach clothes, he stole my tools, she stole my brand new expensive fry pan. Why would they feel they deserved them? They would have just thrown the clothes away.

 

I never promised them anything, implied or otherwise, so get off that kick.

 

Sometimes it really is as simple as they were bad people- end of.

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4 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

yes, of course there are - - don't be a wise ass - it is a question of usage... you dismiss/debate your cultural inefficiencies quite easily - no wonder you had issues here... 

Do I detect a hint of self superiority sneaking in there?

I never had cultural issues. I had a bad family issue.

I got on fine in Thailand till we moved to the village and they got her where they wanted her.

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Just now, BritManToo said:

A lot of Thai villagers assume everything (in the village?) is held in common.

Did you try helping yourself to their stuff? I'm betting they wouldn't have had a problem.

No, and they didn't steal it in the village. It was in a locked suitcase in the house my wife and I lived in in Lamphun.

I didn't need any of their stuff, as I bought my own.

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5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

A lot of Thai villagers assume everything (in the village?) is held in common.

Did you try helping yourself to their stuff? I'm betting they wouldn't have had a problem.

 

Your mistake for moving in with 'the village people'.

This is correct - my wife's sister once took my bathroom scale - of course, she never saw me using it... but there was absolutely nothing malicious about it... and it meant nothing - when I asked she gave it back - we both laughed... 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I never had cultural issues. I had a bad family issue.

no cultural issues that you noticed - - you thought it was a terrific idea and opportunity that your wife become a migrant fruit picker.... she aspired to more than that... I think every thai lady who marries a farang would...

 

Is her family considered bad in the village - have they been arrested and had trouble w/the law - - or just you? They were bad to you... because?  

 

Not superiority issues though your constant whining about how horrible Thai ladies and families are has had personal consequences,.. maybe I will explain some time why your whimpering and whining annoys me.. .

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5 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I had no problem with village life, or the villagers. Just her family. We left the village to get away from them, but they followed us to Lamphun. Had we gone back to Pattaya I doubt they would have moved near us.

 

I really believe that had I not moved to the village we might have had a chance for a good life together.

Good point.

 

And I think the problem with the village and the family is that lots of families put a lot of pressure on the wife of the farang. If she is on our side and denies them what they want then that is a huge pressure on her. It must be difficult to be the "little girl" between the demanding family and the farang who is not willing to say yes to everything. 

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18 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Took mine on holiday once ........ she went mad (with greed/avarice) so I never took her again.

Better off left surrounded by those who have less than her IMHO.

Hard to 'monkey branch' when there are no other branches in sight.

I once considered taking mine back to home country, and then I wised up. End of that idea.

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13 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Good point.

 

And I think the problem with the village and the family is that lots of families put a lot of pressure on the wife of the farang. If she is on our side and denies them what they want then that is a huge pressure on her. It must be difficult to be the "little girl" between the demanding family and the farang who is not willing to say yes to everything. 

I think my wife was in that position, and probably couldn't handle it, so became rather "unpleasant". That's with the benefit of hindsight. I had no idea at the time, and thought it was just her.

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