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How many of you that had bad marriages to Thai women would try again but do things differently if you had a time machine?


thaibeachlovers
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11 minutes ago, Headgame said:

No clue why so many are compelled to get married. Almost zero upside here in TH. And then move to the village and try to build a life. Not going to be easy and not for me. Then the failure to use the word “no” from the get go with family members. I admit I’m an all about me person but I’m at a stage of my life where I tolerate zero <deleted>. Not going to spend precious time trying to smooth over “problems” and experiencing anxiety about relationships. Works for me but making no recommendations.

Sure. Quite understood. 

For some, it can be a game of survival - others, not so much. 

 

Have to keep in mind that every situation will differ from the next. 

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“So you got burned but as a "professional expat father" with 40 <50 years soured experience you actually believe it qualifies you to Teach (take lessons from)”

 

you seem unable to process plain english without drawing absurd conclusions about my life, beliefs and qualifications (which then bizarrely get “ liked” ). you have no clue what you are talking about.

it is precisely because I have always protected myself that I have NOT been “ burned” or “soured” for 50 years …..or any years…. seems you have been though……. being married three times is nothing to publicize either……

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10 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

never tried to do that... in 20 years my wife and I have never had 1 conversation about our relationship... and no real issues of control... or jealousy. 

Obviously you will be writing a book for the benefit of the rest of us as you have the perfect marriage. Even in marriages between people of the same culture, socioeconomic grouping etc a marriage requires work and communication to make it work. It sounds to me like one of you is completely subservient to the other. That is a model that works and it seems Thai men find women with no spirit preferable - maybe for that reason.

 

Or were you insinuating that I must have something wrong with me?

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Im happily married with a 6 year old daughter, was 48 when she was born been single all my life up until 10 years ago.

 

If i had my time again i would not have done this, not saying i have done the wrong thing my wife for a Thai is awesome well has its moments but what i see other guys going through i would hate that and thats not the situation i am in thanks god and my daughter, well thats the reason and only reason why anyone should get married is to have kids love her to bits.

 

The reason im writing here is ive basically been a whoremonger all my life and the way i see it a leopard never changes his spots, its very hard to control myself in hooking up with other women especially if im on the <deleted>, i do not at all do anything at home because its just to risky.

 

Up until 2 years ago i was working 4:4 rotational work, that is 4 weeks home in Thailand and 4 weeks work outside of Thailand basically as soon as i was on some R and R in whatever country i was at i would be acting like a single man and running amok, what they dont know wont hurt them eh.

 

I say up until 2 years ago, now me and my family have moved to a middle east country i have a live in job now that is i work as a expat working in a office like a normal job, i do not have that window where i can play up anymore.

 

So far so good ha ha

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1 hour ago, mokwit said:

Or were you insinuating that I must have something wrong with me?

not you in particular, but we all have something wrong with us... and I understand my relationship is totally atypical and also not for everyone... most of 'you' would probably not be happy in my relationship. It allows plenty of freedom but caring and responsibilities as well... and it does not happen overnight.. shared family experiences continually deepen feelings and trust. Being part of a functional large family is not a Western concept anymore - my family in the West was pretty dysfunctional as most everyone else. So, for me, there are comforts in a large family... 

 

We are both pretty independent and if I had to define it, have both separate and together lives.  We rarely 'need' each other which does not mean we don't enjoy doing things together... or come together in a strong manner when a family member is in need. 

 

We have had lots of good luck, she has a wonderful family that I consider my own - and from what I read here on TVF that alone would upset many members but it works great for me.... so many farang here seem to treat family as enemies, which is not the case for me... 

 

So, enjoy what you make of your life - - others here seem to feel that they are 100% pure and in the right - and the family is 100% bad and evil - - wild guess, but there is usually going to be another side to the coin... 

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34 minutes ago, Darksidedude said:

The reason im writing here is ive basically been a whoremonger all my life and the way i see it a leopard never changes his spots, its very hard to control myself in hooking up with other women especially if im on the <deleted>, i do not at all do anything at home because its just to risky.

I've read a lot about men that seem to be able to get as much casual sex as they want, but I've never found women to be that easy.

Where are all those women willing to have sex without commitment? Not talking about P4P.

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1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I've read a lot about men that seem to be able to get as much casual sex as they want, but I've never found women to be that easy.

Where are all those women willing to have sex without commitment? Not talking about P4P.

Where did he say it was free?

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1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

I've read a lot about men that seem to be able to get as much casual sex as they want, but I've never found women to be that easy.

Where are all those women willing to have sex without commitment? Not talking about P4P.

P4P is what im talking about 

 

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On 10/1/2021 at 8:36 AM, Kenny202 said:

No, just hope can help some of the many who come here mostly with good intentions, thinking they are saving a girl when in reality it is they who need saving. Meet the family and try and blend in if possible 100%, and I have met some lovely Thai families where the caring sharing thing really works and no one is using anyone else, but have also seen the opposite more often where all you will be is an easy avenue for gambling / grog money. Amazing how many well educated guys come here...have been cautious all their life and put their life savings / future / life in the hands of someone has little more than a 6th grade education and maturity / intelligence level to match. Admittedly a lot of no good farang too. 

When I met my wife, who had not lived at the village she was born Isan or in fact visited it for 10yrs+ she lived with her beloved husband (who for her sadly died) I told her never tell your family you have a falang BF they will only want money, she has kept it from them for more than 12yrs. (I do know her hard working) adult kids who live in BKK ). Her family (siblings) still ring her occasionally for money though, but get told "Me no hab" She owns the land they live on which I paid 35,000b for 8 ria. Now it's up to them. 

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4 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

Where are all those women willing to have sex without commitment?

A lot of younger people have talked about Thailand, especially when working in Bangkok. Otherwise being a pop/rock musician - or perhaps just look like one...:whistling: - is an excellent way to meet more than enough of "all those willing women to sex without commitment"; I talk from experience...😎

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12 minutes ago, khunPer said:

A lot of younger people have talked about Thailand, especially when working in Bangkok. Otherwise being a pop/rock musician - or perhaps just look like one...:whistling: - is an excellent way to meet more than enough of "all those willing women to sex without commitment"; I talk from experience...😎

I know.

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I did come to Thailand to find a wife and settle down here, but if I knew that there would be a coup and there would be all the negative issues that this unelected ex soldier caused, I would have found another country.

It is only my loving wife, house and possessions that are keeping me here now.

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2 minutes ago, possum1931 said:

I did come to Thailand to find a wife and settle down here, but if I knew that there would be a coup and there would be all the negative issues that this unelected ex soldier caused, I would have found another country.

It is only my loving wife, house and possessions that are keeping me here now.

Shoulda been here 40-45 years ago..😉

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16 hours ago, Salerno said:

That's the bit that baffles me. If, as you say, a vulnerable guy turns up (whether it's after a bad breakup, always been lonely, after a spouse has passed, whatever) I just can't fathom the amount of fast marriages/"defactos" that appear to happen (I say "appear" as it may just be my unconscious bias tainting my thoughts as I can't fathom it at all; maybe not as many as I think but there does appear to be a shedload).

There are alot. I know many men who come here, abandon all the guidelines set forth on these forums, in countless books written about the subject, advice from friends, etc. And they dive head first into the whirlwind of quick romance, and infatuation. Real men, who make the effort to educate themselves, take their time. Emasculated men, desperate men, and foolish men allow the woman to set the agenda, follow her lead, and end up in a world of trouble, financial difficulties, and sorrow. 

 

I also know many men here who have been with their Thai wives for years, some for decades, and they allow her to dictate nearly everything, as they would in the West. That is simply not required here. Thankfully. And many of those same men are abused by those women. Treated with disdain and disrespect, and they tolerate it. No wonder these women do not respect them.

 

A woman here prefers a real man. One with will and strength, and backbone. One with the kind of self esteem, that does not allow for abuse and one that demands that you have my back, I have your back, we live in harmony, or else. 

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17 hours ago, Headgame said:

No clue why so many are compelled to get married. Almost zero upside here in TH. And then move to the village and try to build a life. Not going to be easy and not for me. Then the failure to use the word “no” from the get go with family members. I admit I’m an all about me person but I’m at a stage of my life where I tolerate zero <deleted>. Not going to spend precious time trying to smooth over “problems” and experiencing anxiety about relationships. Works for me but making no recommendations.

IMO most get married for sex, and in my case I thought it would be easier than trawling the bars. I wuz wrong.

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1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

A woman here prefers a real man. One with will and strength, and backbone. One with the kind of self esteem, that does not allow for abuse and one that demands that you have my back, I have your back, we live in harmony, or else. 

If it really takes that to make a "good" marriage I'm happy to have decided not to get romantically involved with another woman, ever again. Too cold blooded for me and lacking in passion.

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6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

IMO most get married for sex, and in my case I thought it would be easier than trawling the bars. I wuz wrong.

On both counts I think, most get married for sex and to spend the non sex time with someone they enjoy being around.

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18 hours ago, Jackie Malone said:

Most of these reply posts are male. Here’s a female Ex-Pat perspective.

I’m sure that, among the Expat (farang) males, there are many who treat women as equals -  in intellect, capability, etc.  And, that must mean that Thai women are not treated as chattels, in those cases.

 

However, when I read posts in “ASEAN Now” about Thai women (as wives, girlfriends, etc.), I rarely see respect for women. I see comments about Thai women as manipulative. I have to ask myself where the manipulation originates.

 

Does it start with farangs’ promises of an easier life? What were you thinking? You were truly noble, while securing a guaranteed root and servility? And, all of this, on your pension?

 

You eschewed women from your home country for a reason. They challenged your machismo!

As in every walk of life, respect has to be earned and has to be renewed daily. If a woman treats a man as an ATM she doesn't deserve respect, IMO

 

I left my western partner because she was a user, and I didn't find another western woman "worth it" after.

 

Every situation is different, and has to be treated on it's merits. I'm sure there are many successful farang Thai marriages, but happy people don't normally contribute on these threads, so what you see are those that did get burned, treated badly, used and abused, cheated and humiliated, stolen from and denied sex.

What else did you expect?

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9 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

If it really takes that to make a "good" marriage I'm happy to have decided not to get romantically involved with another woman, ever again. Too cold blooded for me and lacking in passion.

If you are fulfilled living on your own, it is a lifestyle that is hard to beat. 

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3 hours ago, khunPer said:

A lot of younger people have talked about Thailand, especially when working in Bangkok. Otherwise being a pop/rock musician - or perhaps just look like one...:whistling: - is an excellent way to meet more than enough of "all those willing women to sex without commitment"; I talk from experience...😎

Funny that!

How many willing women would have rocked with Mick Jagger if he wasn't famous and very rich?

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8 minutes ago, 473geo said:

I think you missed out the part "with sufficient funding" to sustain a long term relationship.

 

A guy can behave as you say but he better have the means to back it up or he is on the back foot from the start!!

On so many levels actions tend to speak louder than words in Thailand 

True that. The financial stability aspect of the puzzle was simply assumed. But, the foolhardy ways some blow that huge blessing in life is not! 

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Only  been married  once to the same  woman although I did wait  until early 40's to do it........17  years  ago 12  year age  difference, Ill  let you  know if it  goes teets  up. ps  wouldnt hold  my breath on that though.

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