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What's the fair family support?


Mark Wild
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34 minutes ago, mtls2005 said:

Not sure how "natural" this is?

 

How much do you (both/"we") currently pay in total? How much do you contribute? How much does your GF contribute?

 

How much can you afford?

 

Asking foreigners for "information" for your thai GF in dealing with her thai family seems, well weird.

 

 

 

 

 

If I were a betting man then I would bet "we" is actually he and there is no how much do you provide and how much does she provide in the equation.

 

Surely she has many friends she could be inquiring with in regards to monthly maintenance for mom, dad and sister. 

 

Personally, per the GF, I don't provide a maintenance salary for her mom and dad. Apparently I'm stingy. I give her 6,000 baht per month for them but she hands it over to them. In her mind, this means she is footing the bill. I find it fascinating how their minds work.

 

If I want to be the provider then I have to hand the money directly to them. I don't dare as I would then be giving the GF 6,000 more so she could take care of them. 

Edited by Nino3
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26 minutes ago, Nino3 said:

Personally, per the GF, I don't provide a maintenance salary for her mom and dad. Apparently I'm stingy. I give her 6,000 baht per month for them but she hands it over to them. In her mind, this means she is footing the bill. I find it fascinating how their minds work.

It's a good solution Nino. It's nice of you to help your girlfriend to feel she is helping her parents, it really matters to her. As for the "apparently I'm stingy comment", don't think that you understand Thai's or your girlfriend until you, when seeing it from their perspective, comfortably can remove the word apparantly. Not badly meant, maybe you already can.

Edited by MikeyIdea
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3 hours ago, MikeyIdea said:

I supported a family of 4 (parents and grand parents) living in a farmers village with 4,000 to 4,500 baht per month and they were grateful for it (they had some rice land). The grand parents are dead now so I support 2 with 3,500 baht per month plus hospital / medicine. They are still grateful. My daughters mother live there too now and I support her with an additional 6,000 baht per month only for her and that's never enough... I ignore her requests for more. I separate it into 2 transfers. Totally up to how people are. 

 

I'd say 6,000 to 7,000 baht if they live in that area and don't have loans.

 

Extra for hospital, school fees and school uniform are fair, everything else not. Most Thai's don't have insurance, stop until you get a job again. 

 

Normal child support when I was interpretor in Juvenile court last around 10 years ago was 3,000 baht per month (100 baht per day). This comes as a shock for many Thai's but fact is that even courts expect little allowance. I was in court once when the mother asked for 30,000 per month and the judge laughed and loosely translated said 3,000 is more like it. 

 

6,000 is ok but a bit tough for them, 7,000 plus extra for hospital, school fees and school uniform ad they should be grateful.

Thank you for this. Very useful. She has been already sending more than that but as you mentioned it's up to the people. And in this case it's never enough so your numbers are very useful for further discussions. 

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1 hour ago, Mark Wild said:

I am actually giving my gf her monthly allowance and she decides how much of it she wants to give to her family.

How much are you paying your GF? How much does she give to her family?

 

I assume that if you are asking others to share their payroll, you'll share yours?

 

Are the GF's family demands for more money made directly to you, or relayed through the GF?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by mtls2005
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19 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

When we were together about two to three years, I was helping my wife's family a bit. Finally, I explained the importance of being able to say NO, to my woman, to say to mom and dad. It is a strange concept here, as the kids are taught a form of extreme obedience, bordering on servitude, sometimes. Especially, the gals. So, we set a limit. And she honored that. 

 

It is a healthy thing sometimes to establish boundaries. Some Thai families have a confused notion about support and think we all have seemingly unlimited funds. 

 

10,000 a month seems generous. And tell them that is it. No games, no talk about being cheap. Just accept it with gratitude. Or, don't accept it at all. Up to you. 

Very useful, thank you!

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I know of two couples who are working in Bangkok, each grandma is looking after 2 kids and receiving 6k baht a month 

Needless to say it is 'never enough' and additional (school fees) expenses get passed back. 

Personally I think grandma is getting a little short changed, luckily both have other family members to support close by.

 

 

 

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What are their outgoings?

Do they own the "small house" or are they paying rent?

You mention insurance. Is that medical insurance? If so, does it include both parents and the 12 year old.

What are her schooling costs?

Utility bills?

Does the father still have the van? Is he making repayments on it?  Insurance, repairs?

 

Whilst many people are forced toget by on 300 baht a day or less, it leaves nothing spare for most of the items above. 

 

What can you afford? How much responsibility do you want to shoulder?

You want to be supportive of your girlfriend so it's a difficult choice but limits do need to be set and adhered to unless a genuine crisis arises.

 

 

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