Age Gap Relationships... in the Later Years? (Opinions/Experiences Sought)

[BangkokReady]

4 minutes ago, Marsupienemi said:

Don't or pretend don't ? Or cannot access the Thai men with the same level of revenue?

Women are so mercenary when it comes to relationships, I'm not sure the exact reasons matter.

 

There's a good chance the girl would want a younger Thai guy if they could get one, but they aren't available to them so they probably tell themselves that they don't want them anyway. While the foreign guy would probably like to be with a hotter girl, but tells himself he's mature now and cares more about personality.

 

(If you don't think people settle in most Western relationships, I've got a bridge to sell you.)

 

As long as they're both happy, who cares? They both get something out of the relationship.

 

Obviously if circumstances change and one leaves, they will be sad, but that could happen to anyone.

[OneMoreFarang]

48 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Many who get a Thai degree will go on to work basic office jobs. Few will become wealthy.

And some girls with university degree prefer to work in bars because they can make so much money there. And it is obviously also a very different lifestyle. Most of the office girls I know are boring, at least IMHO. 

[1FinickyOne]

19 hours ago, jak2002003 said:

Then you can sleep with her teenage daughters from previous relationships when your wife is too old for you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

seems the gutter is too high ground for some

[Fat is a type of crazy]

5 minutes ago, zyphodb said:

 

A Lou Reed song lyric puts it perfectly, can't remember the name of the song, but it's on the Transformer album...

 

 

you still do the things that I gave up years ago"...

 

 

Such a good album. To be honest I'm still doing the things I was doing back then too. Creature of habit. One day I'll retire and move to Thailand instead of just holidays. 

Talked to her and her new partner for an hour tonight. She's pregnant. Interesting times. 

[1FinickyOne]

we never know what will happen. things change. people change though character will usually remain the same. 

 

i know a 70 yr old taking care of his 50 yr old ill wife

 

we make choices but fate often writes the script

[GarryP]

5 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

we never know what will happen. things change. people change though character will usually remain the same. 

 

i know a 70 yr old taking care of his 50 yr old ill wife

 

we make choices but fate often writes the script

Quite right. We don't know what will happen. Handled the cremation of my 10 year old daughter and 5 years later my wife, who was only 3 year younger than me. Remarried 6 years ago to a woman 19 years my junior. I'll retire at the end of this year at 60 years old and see what happens when we move to my wife's home town. 

 

What works for some does not work for others. Everyone is different.  

[Mac Mickmanus]

15 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

we never know what will happen. things change. people change though character will usually remain the same. 

 

i know a 70 yr old taking care of his 50 yr old ill wife

 

we make choices but fate often writes the script

Yes, and you may spend years planning for when you become ill and immobile and when you cannot walk or feed yourself  and getting a younger wife to take care of you , then you may suddenly drop dead walking down the street and a carer wasn't needed after all 

[OneMoreFarang]

22 minutes ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

Like, you can get a young educated woman from a village with limited life experiences and you can teach her that you are always right about everything and everything you do is acceptable and you can teach her that you are the master who cannot be questioned ?

Is that what you want to do? It might work.

 

How do you think people learn? Normally the more experienced takes the leading role. And the less experienced person learns from that. It works like that in work, relationships, hobbies, anything.

And if one person is a lot more experienced then there is almost no discussion. I.e. if there is a professor and a student then normally the student does what the professor suggests. And both know that's the way it is.

In relationships it works in a similar way.

Obviously it might happen that when the less experienced person gets older and gets more experienced that the situation changes. But I think in Thailand that is less common than i.e. in "the west".

And let's not forget that Thais are often from a very young age on trained to do what the older people (older brother, sister, parents, grandparents) want. And most young Thai people have this behavior so much internalized that that is the way it is. And many will never question it. That's life. And the other part of this is the old person takes care of the younger. There you have your perfect relationship - at least for guys who like that kind of relationship.

[LaosLover]

Everyone is trying to maximize their mating advantage while playing a weak hand.

 

If you could date a 20 years younger Swedish hottie with the same financial resources, would you still pick a Thai woman? If she could have a sensitive Asian boy band member, would she even notice you were in the room?

 

You can definitely increase your options by casting your net further, but you can't magically transform your second choice options into being your first choice ones. Nor can you ever be their first choice either. You can have a deal, but you can't have real mutual attraction.

 

The wider the age diff, the truer that is. A 50 year old woman views a 70 year old man the same way a 70 year old man views a 90 year old woman.

 

The guy above, who honestly feels that women over 60 are repulsive, has hit the nail on the head: what he can get, he doesn't want; what he wants, he can't get -unless he moves to a poor country.

 

Old guys who still want sex with attractive partners are in the zillions and only a very rare few will have the moxie to move to Asia to get it. Most are just burning through the hand lotion and withering away watching Pornhub.

 

Old guys wanting sex is the human rights cause that no one cares about. Even some old guys here diss it.

 

[OneMoreFarang]

8 minutes ago, GarryP said:

I'll retire at the end of this year at 60 years old and see what happens when we move to my wife's home town. 

Good luck with that.

I find it always amazing how many guys move with the wife to her home town/village. And then it's game over.

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

If you could date a 20 years younger Swedish hottie with the same financial resources, would you still pick a Thai woman?

Personally I would definitely prefer a pretty Thai girl without much money. Because that is part of the dynamic of the relationship.

I know some people want, or at least pretend, they want equal relationships. You have your career and she has her career and you both make a lot of money, have educated friends, etc. If that is what you want then go for it. Many of us don't want a relationship like that. We don't want a career woman - even if she is hot and wealthy.

Edited April 5, 2022 by OneMoreFarang

[LaosLover]

My wife is 11 years younger than me. I take of her due to her health problems. She'll likely die before me. At which point, I'll probably be too old to snare a younger, caretaker-type mate.

 

The end of my life looks to be very solo. A lot of people have kids and family etc. that are dead useless and/or disappointing in this life stage too.

 

We have a good love, so I am OK with that outcome. As Clint Eastwood said, if you want a guarantee in this life, buy a toaster. 

 

 

[Mac Mickmanus]

14 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Is that what you want to do? It might work.

 

How do you think people learn? Normally the more experienced takes the leading role. And the less experienced person learns from that. It works like that in work, relationships, hobbies, anything.

And if one person is a lot more experienced then there is almost no discussion. I.e. if there is a professor and a student then normally the student does what the professor suggests. And both know that's the way it is.

In relationships it works in a similar way.

Obviously it might happen that when the less experienced person gets older and gets more experienced that the situation changes. But I think in Thailand that is less common than i.e. in "the west".

And let's not forget that Thais are often from a very young age on trained to do what the older people (older brother, sister, parents, grandparents) want. And most young Thai people have this behavior so much internalized that that is the way it is. And many will never question it. That's life. And the other part of this is the old person takes care of the younger. There you have your perfect relationship - at least for guys who like that kind of relationship.

 

   So you would have a Parent/Child kind of relationship , you would be acting like Parent to a Child , teaching them about correct ways to behave .

  I gave up trying to teach/inform Thai ladies about anything , like not leaving wet towels on the bed and things like that . 

   I had to tell her every single time and the next time, Wet Towel on the bed again and I would explain that the bed would get wet and the towel would smell .

   After about a year of trying to get her to hang wet towels up for  them to dry , I just gave up and lived with wet towels on the bed 

[LaosLover]

5 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Personally I would definitely prefer a pretty Thai girl without much money. 

 

I know some people want, or at least pretend, they want equal relationships. 

Most people can't be that honest with themselves.

 

Also, most people are more physically attracted to their own race. To be AS attracted to a Thai person as a similarly attractive westerner is a very minority opinion. For them to be as attracted to us as another Asian is even rarer.

[LaosLover]

21 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Good luck with that.

I find it always amazing how many guys move with the wife to her home town/village. And then it's game over.

A new life in Asia produces crazy optimism. People who never rode a motor bike before rent one on day one. People who never lived in a small town at home move to a nowheresville with six straw huts. Guys who never had a hot girlfriend at home think that they have now cracked a secret code.

[Mac Mickmanus]

8 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

A new life in Asia produces crazy optimism. People who never rode a motor bike before rent one on day one. People who never lived in a small town at home move to a nowheresville with six straw huts. Guys who never had a hot girlfriend at home think that they have now cracked a secret code.

And guys who had a lack of sex in their younger years , need to go on forums and tell the world that they have sex and how often they have sex  and for extra bragging rights, tell everyone they don't use a condom 

[LaosLover]

If a guy who wasn't having the sex he wanted is now having it, I think that's the greatest story in the history of the world. Condom details welcome.

 

And what comes after that is usually pretty entertaining too.

[Mac Mickmanus]

4 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

If a guy who wasn't having the sex he wanted is now having it, I think that's the greatest story in the history of the world. Condom details welcome.

 

And what comes after that is usually pretty entertaining too.

And for the people who had as much sex as they wanted when they were younger , we just smile and give those guys who are new to sex a round of applause for finally managing to have sex , like "well done" , got there in the end .

   Although I do find it rather amusing when they make the announcement that they have regular sex, like , as if they are one of the few people that can manage to do it and everyone else really wants to be like them .

[GarryP]

38 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Good luck with that.

I find it always amazing how many guys move with the wife to her home town/village. And then it's game over.

Heard many stories myself and have known some who have experienced it over the years. Some even had to go back to their home countries because they had been taken to the cleaners and couldn't survive here anymore. However, in most of those cases, it was quite clear that they were being used and the husbands were blind to it. Totally reliant on their wives for communication, not knowing what is going on around them. There was a wide variance in age difference too (some the same age and some more than 20 years difference). Luckily, I speak the language, don't need to rely on my wife for anything and can participate in conversations. Also, having met the family I'm not worried. Not worried about property either because it is all in my name. More worried about boredom once I retire than anything else.  

[Marvo]

As a 60 yr old very happily married for 15 yrs (with a 20yr age gap), it's fascinating to hear all of the diverse opinions vocalised in this thread. 3 cheers for free speech!
I'm amazed no one has brought up for discussion Gary Chapman's incredibly insightful book "The Five Love Languages".

Discovering this was a game changer for me years ago.
In brief, there are essentially 5 main ways that we either express, or desire love to be expressed to us. All of us have a dominant love language. If we speak (or understand) the same language as our "love interest", then BINGO!, anything is possible, simple as that. Read the book, and thank me later ????.
And those 5 love languages:....

• words of affirmation (compliments)
• quality time
• receiving gifts
• acts of service
• physical touch

[BangkokReady]

3 minutes ago, Marvo said:

As a 60 yr old very happily married for 15 yrs (with a 20yr age gap)

Interesting.  Would you mind answering a few questions?

 

How did 45 you and 25 her get together?  Were there any negative responses from friends and family on either side?  Any weird moments while out and about?  How do you feel about your relatively older body compared to hers?  Do you worry at all at 60 with her being 40 that she might leave you or be unfaithful?  What do you think will happen to you at 70 or 80+?

 

(Feel free to ignore any questions that you feel are too intrusive.)

[LaosLover]

25 minutes ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

And for the people who had as much sex as they wanted when they were younger , we just smile and give those guys who are new to sex a round of applause for finally managing to have sex , like "well done" , got there in the end .

   Although I do find it rather amusing when they make the announcement that they have regular sex, like , as if they are one of the few people that can manage to do it and everyone else really wants to be like them .

A homely guy from Dulwich who's feeling it in Thailand is my brother and hearing about a new spring in his walk is an uptick for me.

 

Also: If I find myself single again with my subpar 69 year old person options, I AM that homely guy in Dulwich. Pretending otherwise is nuts.

[BangkokReady]

38 minutes ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

And for the people who had as much sex as they wanted when they were younger , we just smile and give those guys who are new to sex a round of applause for finally managing to have sex , like "well done" , got there in the end .

   Although I do find it rather amusing when they make the announcement that they have regular sex, like , as if they are one of the few people that can manage to do it and everyone else really wants to be like them .

Why does this bother you so much?  If you're happy with the amount of sex you had when you were younger and you are happy now, I can't think why you would be so bothered by someone else saying they are having sex.

 

Are you happy with the amount of sex you are having now?  Are you really happy with the amount of sex you had when you were younger?  Did you feel pressured into having too much sex and it had a negative impact on your life?

 

Forgive my speculation.  It's just unusual for someone to need to criticise others and then point out that they are happy about something completely unprompted.

Edited April 5, 2022 by BangkokReady

[Mac Mickmanus]

1 minute ago, BangkokReady said:

Why does this bother you so much?  If you're happy with the amount of sex you had when you were younger and you are happy now, I can't think why you would be so bothered by someone else saying they are having sex.

 

Are you happy with the amount of sex you are having now?  Are you really happy with the amount of sex you had when you were younger?  Did you have too much sex and it had a negative impact on your life?

 

Forgive my speculation.  It's just unusual for someone to need to criticise others and then point out that they are happy about something completely unprompted.

I would prefer not to discuss my sex life with others, as its a private matter .

I don't particularly want to hear about other peoples sex life and I shouldn't think that they would want to hear about mine .

   I do pity some guys though , who feel the need to tell the World they have had sex , like they won a gold medal in the Olympics and something they are immensely proud of 

[rickudon]

19 year age gap. Met wife in a thai village, married in a Thai village, still here 12 years later. Now pushing 70. Only observation i would make - 20 year olds still want dancing, fun, 30+ year old girls want a partner.

[bojo]

42 minutes ago, BangkokReady said:

Forgive my speculation.  It's just unusual for someone to need to criticise others and then point out that they are happy about something completely unprompted.

I've followed this thread and admired the way you have unassumingly held it together and encouraged the best out of posters....................if not for that, I would have thought you were being disingenuous in quote above!!.................................................................

[RandiRona]

2 hours ago, GarryP said:

Quite right. We don't know what will happen. Handled the cremation of my 10 year old daughter and 5 years later my wife, who was only 3 year younger than me. Remarried 6 years ago to a woman 19 years my junior. I'll retire at the end of this year at 60 years old and see what happens when we move to my wife's home town. 

 

What works for some does not work for others. Everyone is different.  

Really sorry for the loss of your daughter and your wife. Hope you find peace and happiness in life!

[Tony125]

13 hours ago, LaosLover said:

I'm 69. My best friend is 50. I hang out with his female friends sometimes and have even had a mini-crush or two.

 

But the feeling aint mutual. a woman at age 50 does not see me as a romantic partner or sexual entity. 58 is their age cutoff, they're not even discussing 60. To them, I am a caretaking liability time bomb.

 

Likewise, my own acceptable age range is compressing. At 69, I'd love to go 10 years younger, but I don't really ever see myself going 10 years older.  

 

Therefore, I think exactly the same way as the 50 year old women I meet who find me entertaining enough, but wouldn't do me on a dare. Everyone is always nexting someone.

 

I agree -but can't really say why- that an age 40-60 age gap is doable in a way that 50-70 is not. But that may just be wishful thinking all around.

Are you in Thailand or a Western Country?  Young girls marry older guys here for the same reasons they do in US. Regular guys mostly can't get a young hottie but if your well off/famous no such problem. Nick Cage's present wife is 27 and he's 58 = 31 year difference.  His previous wife was also asian and about 28 years younger. The younger  girls in US or Thailand get an older guy that has money, security , home ,cars ,better way of life for them and more opurtunities.

For the guys who said who wants a 40+ Thai woman check my link.

As for the question can the relationship work, it depends on the 2 individuals.  My wife = college girl, lower middle class family , very pretty 47 , I am 74 good shape, not fat ,still workout. Known her for 22 years been married 18.  A friend in US married a bar girl he used to hang with over here ,not very cute but gave him a son and they have been together 17 years.

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[BangkokReady]

18 minutes ago, bojo said:

I've followed this thread and admired the way you have unassumingly held it together and encouraged the best out of posters....................

Yeah, thank you, it's been interesting so far.  A good range of different opinions.  I have purely good intentions and I'm just looking to learn (forewarned is forearmed, etc.), so there's no trolling or disrespect intended on my part whatsoever.

 

There are obvious benefits for the man in the type of relationship I have described (risks too of course) and hopefully there are benefits for the woman too, beyond simple remuneration.  It's nice to hear about successful and happy age-gap relationships.

 

18 minutes ago, bojo said:

if not for that, I would have thought you were being disingenuous in quote above!!.................................................................

Just curious, but he doesn't want to unpack it any further, which is fine.  Matter closed. ????

[BangkokReady]

9 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Given the treatment they get, I can't say I am surprised.

I often think there is this kind of perfect match between Thai/Asian women and European men, in terms of treatment and the way they have both been sort of hen-pecked by their own societies.  Many Western men are taught to wait on their women, provide for them, let them decided how they live their lives, make most of the effort, while they choose to be "liberated" from the responsibility of being a woman.  While Thai women can be taught to accept any kind of behaviour from a Thai man, cook and clean for them, even sometimes earn most of the money.

 

Combine these two and you get two people that want to take care of the other person, nurture them, provide for them, do anything they want to keep them happy, etc..

 

It always surprises me that more Thai women aren't seeking out foreign men.  It's the exact opposite in Vietnam.  There women believe that Western men will treat them better, provide a better standard of living, give them a boost in social status (as foreigners are viewed as being high status there) and they want a White baby.

 

I  wonder if Thai women actually want to be treated badly, or believe it is what they deserve in some way, as it is what they are used to.