Kids v no kids

[BritManToo]

Just now, Grecian said:

May I ask. I know from your other posts that at least one of these isn't your biological

 offspring. Did that make any difference in your assessment?

ZERO difference, I had the same feeling for all of them.

BUT the 2 Thai children showed me more love than the 4 Brits.

[Sparktrader]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

ZERO difference, I had the same feeling for all of them.

BUT the 2 Thai children showed me more love than the 4 Brits.

I felt the difference.

[swissie]

I had 7 kids, adopted 14 more. When they were toddlers. they were daddy's delight. When they reached puberty, they turned into i-phone carrying monsters from hell. Hating me and hating the world.

So, I sold them off into slavery in Saudi Arabia. The proceeds enabled me to visit 7437 massage parlors in Thailand. The "Return on Investement" turned out to be 4870 % p.A. Even with Jack Daniels you only get about 40 %.

I highly recommend this procedure for parents that have doubts, that their offspring will  not be willing to support them in old age.

[LaosLover]

Helped raise a couple and found it pretty thankless. My wife's adult kid is pure misery. One of my own would have sunk me like a stone.

 

Like marriage itself, more unhappy outcomes than the other way around, but always a lot of good face put on it.

[Sparktrader]

3 minutes ago, LaosLover said:

Helped raise a couple and found it pretty thankless. My wife's adult kid is pure misery. One of my own would have sunk me like a stone.

 

Like marriage itself, more unhappy outcomes than the other way around, but always a lot of good face put on it.

Probably right. I got no thanks for the kid I raised. Waste of time.

 

Maybe I just forget it. Get a motorbike licence. Enjoy my life

 

[LaosLover]

Not so loyal as in days gone by -and that goes quadruple for the "uncle". 

 

 

[richard_smith237]

1 hour ago, 1FinickyOne said:

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

But then, looking around at reality, how many happy families exist?

I think in first and new world countries, not many - but more so in developing countries as they tend to share. 

 

If people are strapped, it is a financial burden and can be a problem, yet somehow poor people manage to have kids and delight in them. 

I'm not so sure... Some of the comments seems like a self formed confirmation bias that they have left something not as good back home for something better here in Thailand.... 

 

We see what we want to see....  the next thread about an upcountry kid drowning in a muddy pool will be rife with comments about how Thai’s don’t care for their children.

 

The next thread about prostitution will draw comments such as ‘Thai females are considered a burden or are sent out to find a wealthy man / customer’ etc... 

 

 

Trying to generalise that Thai families are poor and happy and westerners are wealthy an unhappy is riddled with flawed generalisation...  some are, some aren’t... and thats everywhere. 

 

 

[Sparktrader]

3 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

I'm not so sure... Some of the comments seems like a self formed confirmation bias that they have left something not as good back home for something better here in Thailand.... 

 

We see what we want to see....  the next thread about an upcountry kid drowning in a muddy pool will be rife with comments about how Thai’s don’t care for their children.

 

The next thread about prostitution will draw comments such as ‘Thai females are considered a burden or are sent out to find a wealthy man / customer’ etc... 

 

 

Trying to generalise that Thai families are poor and happy and westerners are wealthy an unhappy is riddled with flawed generalisation...  some are, some aren’t... and thats everywhere. 

 

 

True

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

Ok so what do you do in spare time? Drink? Sport?

 

Im.bored.

No, No.

First of all, I am still working. And in my spare time I have my gf, electronics, and in the moment I renovate an apartment. There is a lot to do.

And from past experience, if I ever get bored I like to read books and sometimes watch videos and movies, etc.

 

The good thing with all of those activities is that I can easily do them or don't do them whenever I like.

One of the problem with kids is that they are a full time job. Or at least I think we should have time for our kids when we do it right.

Obviously some people will say: How do you know about kids? I was once a kid and I remember the good times and the bad times. And I see lots of kids with horrible parents. I know it takes a lot of effort to do this right. 

[OneMoreFarang]

3 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

yet somehow poor people manage to have kids and delight in them

Yes, that is true. But I also find it hard to see how many people think kids just grow up by themselves to be responsible adults some time. Lots of Thai kids grow up with a horrible education and often with not exactly good role models. I see the development of lots of kids from the family and friends of my gf. To use a nice term: suboptimal development... 

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, kwonitoy said:

My son is now 11 and just went out the door for school.

Couldn't be happier

Good luck for the next years...

[Hummin]

Why bring a innocent child in to this deleted world? 
 

Quite happy not having any kids, and made up my mind 16 years old. Always been doing egoistic extreme sports, and when finely settled I thought or think Im to old. 
 

should have kids before you are at least 45 in my opinion, and now also share onemorefarangs opinion on proper schooling and culture, so I would have moved back to my origin country if we had one, but I know my gf chances becoming pregnant is minimal, and also one of the reasons I choose to stay with here in the first place. A match that would not bring a child in to my life. 
 

If we had Im sure I would think different about having a child and done my best. 

[scubascuba3]

I'm 52 no kids, quite a job to avoid having them. I had a vasectomy last year to ensure I won't have kids in Thailand, the problem if you are 50\50 on whether to have or not is eventually you will get a thai girl pregnant probably in old age like you see walking around Buakhao

[Mac Mickmanus]

If you are gong to have kids , sounds obvious, but pick the right mother and not just the first one that comes along 

[Nurseynutcase]

Looking at the state of the world over the past twenty years - would you really want to bring a child into this world?

 

I cannot understand why adoption isn't easier as there are so many orphaned children needing a good home to get a good start in life.

[RichardColeman]

My own kids I really d not care for too much - mostly due to growing up with vindictive ex's and a UK one-sided mother favoured family court system.

 

Not all kids turn out as you want them.

 

That said , my adopted family, wife and kids here are wonderful and I know will take good care of me in old age.

[Scouse123]

10 hours ago, Grecian said:

after 50 i found living for my own pleasures doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I'm 54 now and 55% of me wishes I had found someone when l was your age and banged one out. ????

I am 59 years old and raised two British sons from a first relationship from being in my 20s. I have provided both with a house each and they have had a good education leading to good jobs and are relatively happy.

 

I now intend to live life ' for my pleasure ' or what is left of it.

 

In Thailand we raised two nieces, due to an absent sister, who like many, just ditched the kids up here and buggered off to Bangkok pretending she was trying to earn money selling clothes on the markets to send home.She spent her time chasing the kids' father, who eventually ditched her after three kids for a younger woman.

 

Both girls have turned out OK, the first working in Bangkok in Central department store and the second at Khonkaen university. We paid all schooling, all fees, trips, uniforms, spending money because my partner's sister was, and is, an irresponsible woman.

 

We hardly hear from either of the two girls now. The eldest is respectful, but prefers living in Bangkok to rural life. She has carved her own life out and wants nothing to do with her birth father or mother. On the rare occasions she visits, she comes and sees us.

 

The second girl sometimes comes home from university and visits her grandmother and mother (her mother continues her useless life and now has a son as well, she lives nearby, but never calls down here} and is polite and pleasant to our face, but because of the grandmother's constant interference when she was growing up, is spoiled and selfish. She knows the ' gravy train ' with us has come to a stop and now doesn't call to see my partner, even though we live next door.

 

My partner is often disappointed by their attitude after all these years of bringing them up and making sure they had everything, from phones and motorbikes to school books and holidays. I find their attitude ' entitled ' and I owe them nothing!

 

I have given up caring.

 

There was a family fallout years ago, that has never healed, when I refused to take the son and pay for his upbringing, forcing the sister to stay up here to look after the boy, instead of her usual trick of disappearing back to Bangkok.

[swm59nj]

It depends on how the person feels about themselves.  
If you are comfortable around children, have a good life, and good income.  Yes consider having children. 
if you don’t like children, marriage, family life.  And have the attitude that the majority of family life and marriages fail.  Then don’t have children.  

[n8sail]

Just buy a boat and actually use it.   You'll have neither time nor money to even think about a child!  ????

 

(Or car/motorcycle/some sort of conveyance)

 

Travel and adventure has usurped any desire I had to have children.  Also, my partner and I are 43, so we're getting a little old for it, especially her.  Birth defect rates increase rapidly after mid-30s for women.

 

That said, over the last 2 years of COVID BS and being stuck here in Thailand, I did consider it more than usual.   I also sailed much more than usual as well, though, so that kept my mind off the dullness of being stuck in one country.

[newnative]

       I am one of 6 children.  My Dad always said that if he hadn't fathered 6 kids he could have bought a new Cadillac every few years  (Strange, though, that in his retirement years, when he could have easily afforded a Cadillac, he never bought one.)  He always hastened to say that he'd rather have us kids than drive a Cadillac.  He also said that we kept him and Mom young--and I think he was right.  The last child was born when Mom was 40 so they were still raising a kid into their 50s.  

     Dad traveled a lot with his job with the US Dept. of Defense and several times was away for more than 9 months on extended assignments.  Mom used to joke that some of the neighbors thought she was a widow.  The job of raising 6 kids fell mostly to her--as well as doing most of the work involved with our dozens of moves.  Looking back, I don't see how she did it--and on a very tight budget.  

      During my younger years there wasn't gay marriage and I think adoptions by gays were difficult.  Even had it been easier, I don't think I would have adopted a child then due to not having a steady partner at that time and tight finances.  Now that I am older it's a bit of a regret not having the experience of raising a child but I believe things turned out the way they were suppose to, and for the best.  

[SAFETY FIRST]

13 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

Do kids make your life better?

I have 5 children, 2 marriages.

Couldn't think of a life without them.

 

As I mature in age family bonds become more and more important.

 

Seeing my children grow into young adults, being part of their lives is so rewarding.

 

I like a beer and socializing, going to bars occasionally.

My kids have kept me away from going too often to the bars, healthy option. 

 

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

12 hours ago, Bangkokhatter said:

I was a committed no kids person until my mid 40's.

 

That was until i had a long term relationship here with a girl who had 2 kids (only 1 lived with us). Unfortunately the relationship did not work out but it did open my eyes to how much different life with children is, and i found i quite enjoyed the difference.

When courting the wife she made it clear she wanted kids so after some thought i agreed.

Now the proud father of a 6 year old daughter and have absolutely no regrets. 

Marrying her mother is a different story ????

My experience with a woman with kids was the opposite. Had no opinions till then, and after resolutely opposed to having any.

 

The best thing we can do to save the planet for humanity is to have less children.

 

Given the IMO stupidity around child raising now ( no smacking, no loser culture, indoctrination at school, addiction to social media ) I'm a million % happy I never had any.

[thaibeachlovers]

18 minutes ago, n8sail said:

Just buy a boat and actually use it.   You'll have neither time nor money to even think about a child!  ????

 

(Or car/motorcycle/some sort of conveyance)

 

Travel and adventure has usurped any desire I had to have children.  Also, my partner and I are 43, so we're getting a little old for it, especially her.  Birth defect rates increase rapidly after mid-30s for women.

 

That said, over the last 2 years of COVID BS and being stuck here in Thailand, I did consider it more than usual.   I also sailed much more than usual as well, though, so that kept my mind off the dullness of being stuck in one country.

Want unconditional love- get a dog.

[KhunLA]

13 hours ago, 1FinickyOne said:

the question of 'purpose in life' - - 'when you have a kid, you stop asking that question.'

Doesn't get any better, especially when you're proud of everything she has become, knowing you were a part of that success.  So much better if she appreciates it, and let's you know how much it meant to her, seeing many of her peers weren't so lucky.

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, Scouse123 said:

We hardly hear from either of the two girls now.

How often do you see your Brit sons?

How often do/did you visit your Brit parents?

I suspect hardly ever ...... so why are you expecting more from nieces?

I expect children to leave home after their education, and my expectations are usually met.

I did the same when I was young.

[thaibeachlovers]

47 minutes ago, newnative said:

       I am one of 6 children.  My Dad always said that if he hadn't fathered 6 kids he could have bought a new Cadillac every few years  (Strange, though, that in his retirement years, when he could have easily afforded a Cadillac, he never bought one.)  He always hastened to say that he'd rather have us kids than drive a Cadillac.  He also said that we kept him and Mom young--and I think he was right.  The last child was born when Mom was 40 so they were still raising a kid into their 50s.  

     Dad traveled a lot with his job with the US Dept. of Defense and several times was away for more than 9 months on extended assignments.  Mom used to joke that some of the neighbors thought she was a widow.  The job of raising 6 kids fell mostly to her--as well as doing most of the work involved with our dozens of moves.  Looking back, I don't see how she did it--and on a very tight budget.  

      During my younger years there wasn't gay marriage and I think adoptions by gays were difficult.  Even had it been easier, I don't think I would have adopted a child then due to not having a steady partner at that time and tight finances.  Now that I am older it's a bit of a regret not having the experience of raising a child but I believe things turned out the way they were suppose to, and for the best.  

Had my life been more stable I might have considered adopting a child in my 40s, but the western world being what it is I imagine that would have been next to impossible. A solo woman can have as many kids as she wants and the taxpayer has to support her, but a single man adopting...........................................!

Anyway, with so few kids up for adoption I'd have been at the back of a very long q.

[thaibeachlovers]

9 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

How often do you see your Brit sons?

How often do/did you visit your Brit parents?

I suspect hardly ever ...... so why are you expecting more from nieces?

I expect children to leave home after their education, and my expectations are usually met.

I did the same when I was young.

My father didn't wait till I finished my education. He had me into boarding school at 11. I never really knew my family after that, as I used to either spend holidays on a friend's farm or working.

When I had actually finished and got a job he moved the family to another country. So much for love of family.

[StevieAus]

14 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I have no kids and I don't want any kids. Here are some reasons.

 

If I would have kids then I would try to do my best for my kids. That includes good parental care, good school, a house with a garden, etc.

 

Kids, especially in Thailand, are very expensive. Spending 1 million THB per year or even more for one child in a good school is not unusual.

I think kids should grow up in a house with a garden, maybe in a quiet street, something like that. Up country that is easy, in Bangkok that is very expensive.

I don't think it is a good idea to let the grand parents look after the children all the time. But it seems that is what happens in Thailand a lot. Is that great for the kids? I have my doubts.

I am sure if I would have a pretty girl as my child I would worry a lot. I know some fathers who bring their girls everywhere with a car because they don't want that the girls are alone on the streets.

I know lots of fathers with kids and an ex. They still pay for them but often the kids don't want to see the father and/or don't like the father.

 

If someone really likes kids and is ready to spend lots of time with the kids and is able to afford them and has a loving wife then please go ahead. If not then don't.

And don't have children with the idea in the back of your head that they will take care of you when you are old. They won't! Or ar least you can't rely on the fact that they want to take care of you.

Try sending your child to a good non government school in Australia or the UK then your eyes would water.

[StevieAus]

2 hours ago, swm59nj said:

It depends on how the person feels about themselves.  
If you are comfortable around children, have a good life, and good income.  Yes consider having children. 
if you don’t like children, marriage, family life.  And have the attitude that the majority of family life and marriages fail.  Then don’t have children.  

An excellent response which I believe sums up the situation perfectly.

I fall in the category of your second paragraph and couldn’t be happier. 
I would imagine that if could be an unhappy marriage if one party wanted children and the other didn’t.

[Kwasaki]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

How often do you see your Brit sons?

How often do/did you visit your Brit parents?

I suspect hardly ever ...... so why are you expecting more from nieces?

I expect children to leave home after their education, and my expectations are usually met.

I did the same when I was young.

My mob came over from England every year until covid.