Why did you marry? And maybe why did you do it again?

[KhunLA]

4 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

I'm not trying to play gotcha -- just trying to understand where a scenario as you described with the 'documented' living in an empty rental apartment et al would make sense.

Far from empty, and other tenants/friends in same building (triplex), would easily verify my living there, without the need to be deceitful, if push ever came to shove.  Just a margin of safety.  

 

Same as a usufruct & POA here for any investments.

[Lacessit]

I married when I was conned into believing I would get plentiful sex after the event. Bait and switch.

After the marriage ended, I vowed (1) to never marry again (2) to seek out women who enjoyed sex. The ones who did not, did not get a second shot.

The thing I liked most in Thailand was that P4P cut to the chase, without a burden of expectation on either side.

[jerrymahoney]

15 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Far from empty, and other tenants/friends in same building (triplex), would easily verify my living there, without the need to be deceitful, if push ever came to shove.  Just a margin of safety.  

 

Same as a usufruct & POA here for any investments.

Ok you said 'open' not 'empty'.

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I only smoke pot to remove the pain from arthritis in my knuckles the past 2 years. Before age 63 didn't use it at all. 

I only started using edible pot about a month ago, for osteoarthritis. Once a week, 25 mg intake. Nullifies pain for up to 24 hours. I understand it's very useful for cancer patients as well.

It sends me into a very relaxed state, where time seems to stand still. I'm not sure what all the fuss is about, IMO alcohol does far more damage in society.

Apologies, off topic.

[KhunLA]

10 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

Ok you said 'open' not 'empty'.

Open = not leased out.   All my furniture and most possessions still there.  Some clothes & necessities at 'her' house.

 

All practical purposes, I ate, slept and lived at her house.

Edited August 3, 2022 by KhunLA

[jerrymahoney]

11 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

Open = not leased out.   All my furniture and most possessions still there.  Some clothes & necessities at 'her' house.

 

All practical purposes, I ate, slept and lived at her house.

And all this was so your GF could not claim some sort of 'palimony'?

[KhunLA]

3 minutes ago, jerrymahoney said:

And all this was so your GF could not claim some sort of 'palimony'?

Pretty much, plus being a bit of a toxic relationship to begin with.   I can see how people stay together for the kids.  Not even mine, and I loved them, and only reason it lasted as long as it did.

[Lacessit]

8 hours ago, Gaccha said:

 

But we know that half the world's population has an intelligence below 100 IQ. Thailand has an average IQ of 85. That means the majority of the population  would struggle to read and comprehend a bank statement, let alone resolve a complex problem.

 

 

 

 

IQ is a vastly overrated measure of intelligence, and takes no account of EI ( emotional intelligence ) I've associated with people possessing high IQ levels that were also utterly miserable.

 

How is it Western-educated men with presumably better than average IQ either get mulcted of their life savings by a "dumb" Issan girl, or alternatively are quite happy to settle down with a Thai woman far below them in scholastic abilities?

 

My Thai GF cannot read a map, left school early. When it comes to street-smart, there's daylight between myself and her. She has saved my bacon several times here.

 

 

[BritManToo]

30 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

How is it Western-educated men with presumably better than average IQ either get mulcted of their life savings by a "dumb" Issan girl, or alternatively are quite happy to settle down with a Thai woman far below them in scholastic abilities?

Because we want to bang 'em, not talk with them. 

 

[KIngsofisaan]

4 hours ago, The Hammer2021 said:

But no doubt you would use it to describe  yourself. Most white men underestimate Thai women. Hence the moaning

Only the stupid ones

[Gaccha]

42 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

EI ( emotional intelligence ) I've associated with people possessing high IQ levels that were also utterly miserable.

 

How is it Western-educated men with presumably better than average IQ either get mulcted of their life savings by a "dumb" Issan girl,

EI isn't a real thing. 

 

IQ increases rumination, which increases depressive tendencies. They can't ruminate their way into happiness. On the contrary, General IQ of most humans allows them to see the sheer pointlessness of existence; you'd have to have a low IQ to be happy about it all. A high IQ will however help increase the chance of a happy marriage.... which will allow them to tolerate the dark, horrific, hellish truth of being a bunch of apes clustered on a little planet, in a small solar system on the <deleted> edge of an insignificant galaxy.

 

Presuming Western educated men getting milked for their money possess a high IQ is quite an assumption... They are generally blue-collar, hardworking but simpy boomers who can't believe they received a teaspoon of female attention. 

[CANSIAM]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Great for you.

 

When I was still in school we were invited to one teachers home. His wife was a divorce lawyer. She told us that many people actually want a peaceful divorce.

That is until the moment when one of the lawyers realizes then he/she can make a lot more money when the divorce it not peaceful. And they they give their client "advice" like: he ruined your life. Do you rally want to let him get away with that. And then the fighting starts. And it never ends.

And at the end it's 2:0 for the lawyers.

Sad but I am sure true for many cases.

 

Lawyers Lawyers Lawyers.......there to help and assist you and also doing their utmost to find problems for you, thus retaining them longer and longer, do your very best Not to call one ! 

[Lacessit]

32 minutes ago, Gaccha said:

EI isn't a real thing. 

 

IQ increases rumination, which increases depressive tendencies. They can't ruminate their way into happiness. On the contrary, General IQ of most humans allows them to see the sheer pointlessness of existence; you'd have to have a low IQ to be happy about it all. A high IQ will however help increase the chance of a happy marriage.... which will allow them to tolerate the dark, horrific, hellish truth of being a bunch of apes clustered on a little planet, in a small solar system on the <deleted> edge of an insignificant galaxy.

 

Presuming Western educated men getting milked for their money possess a high IQ is quite an assumption... They are generally blue-collar, hardworking but simpy boomers who can't believe they received a teaspoon of female attention. 

There seems to be quite a lot of discussion of something that is not real, although I suppose one could say the same about religion.

 

"Emotional intelligence (otherwise known as emotional quotient or EQ) is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict."

 

"A high IQ will however help increase the chance of a happy marriage"

 

You have some factual data to support that statement, or is it quite an assumption of your own?

 

 

 

 

 

[473geo]

Perhaps there are those who were really enjoying marriage first time around, up to the point of failure, identified the flaws, and confident enough to go again.

 

Without the fear of failure which appears to be prevalent in the thread 

 

 

[BritManToo]

11 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Perhaps there are those who were really enjoying marriage first time around, up to the point of failure, identified the flaws, and confident enough to go again.

 

Without the fear of failure which appears to be prevalent in the thread 

 

 

I enjoyed marriage first time......... apart from the lack of sex, and the asset stripping & pointless viciousness at the end. All I've ever wanted from life is a wife, sex 3x a week and to be surrounded by my children.

 

In the UK, 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

 

In Thailand that was fully achieved at a bargain price.

But mainly with other people's unwanted children.

Edited August 3, 2022 by BritManToo

[Lacessit]

29 minutes ago, 473geo said:

Perhaps there are those who were really enjoying marriage first time around, up to the point of failure, identified the flaws, and confident enough to go again.

 

Without the fear of failure which appears to be prevalent in the thread 

 

 

If I was to marry my Thai GF, and the authorities in Australia found out, my age pension would be docked by about 10,000 baht/month.

 

As my GF will have a secure future after I die, I don't consider marriage is necessary in my circumstances. It's just a bit of paper. Commitment comes in other forms.

 

I certainly did not enjoy my marriage in Australia. None of those flaws have surfaced here.

[473geo]

39 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

If I was to marry my Thai GF, and the authorities in Australia found out, my age pension would be docked by about 10,000 baht/month.

 

As my GF will have a secure future after I die, I don't consider marriage is necessary in my circumstances. It's just a bit of paper. Commitment comes in other forms.

 

I certainly did not enjoy my marriage in Australia. None of those flaws have surfaced here.

How can a person make the mistake of not only becoming attached, but marry a person who you didn't enjoy spending time with for at least part of the marriage 

Or is it that recalling only the bad times somehow justifies the failure

Just interested is all, as I enjoyed all my long-term relationships, right up until it was time to move on 

 

Edited August 3, 2022 by 473geo

[2009]

On 8/2/2022 at 8:44 AM, userabcd said:

Got married because it was the right thing to do and not take advantage of being in a one sided relationship with another human being.

Mate, please.

 

I can't......I just can't find the words.

[Lacessit]

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

How can a person make the mistake of not only becoming attached, but marry a person who you didn't enjoy spending time with for at least part of the marriage 

Or is it that recalling only the bad times somehow justifies the failure

Just interested is all, as I enjoyed all my long-term relationships, right up until it was time to move on 

 

I made the mistake of believing I should adhere to the concepts of duty and responsibility. In hindsight, I should have walked out after two weeks.

 

It did convert me to a mindset of trying before buying.

Edited August 3, 2022 by Lacessit

[Gaccha]

4 hours ago, Lacessit said:

You have some factual data to support that statement, or is it quite an assumption of your own?

On this very long thread, I'm the only person who has cited academic work after somebody else took the risk of questioning my claims. 

 

It's 11pm, I'm tired, I already know it's the academic consensus position, and it's really your job now to find it out on your own. Google is your friend. This isn't an academic conference. 

[spidermike007]

We had already lived together for many years, and were getting along great. So, I did it to give her the honor and security. Marriage means little to me. Since then, she has only become a better version of herself. 

 

I think that my wife and I have a very unusual and non-typical arrangement. We are both very independent and when I'm feeling a little bit caged in, I take off for 3 or 4 days to Bangkok, for a week to Samui to visit with friends or I'll fly up to Chiang Mai, and it works out quite well. My wife is accustomed to our lifestyle at this point and she is never surprised, nor does she complain, or give me grief. She also does trips with her friends. In addition, she spends alot of time with her friends daily, which gives me alot of sólo time, which I cherish. 

 

It has allowed us to stay together for many more years than I ever thought we would, and it's very peaceful and harmonious at home. 

Sometimes a non traditional lifestyle can be the answer, at least it was for me. Very little stress at this point. Though I must admit the ridiculously wise decision to not have kids is a huge contributing factor, to our happiness and fulfillment. For us anyway. It should be a choice. 
 

[jerrymahoney]

10 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Because we want to bang 'em, not talk with them. 

 

My favorite line from American Graffiti. Harrison Ford as Falfa in his first real part:

 

Bob Falfa : Hey, hey, hey, baby. What do you say?

Laurie Henderson : Don't say anything and we'll get along just fine.

[jerrymahoney]

4 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I think that my wife and I have a very unusual and non-typical arrangement.

Maybe. We will spend 3 or 4 days apart -- but within the same province --nearly every week for now and the foreseeable future 

[Lacessit]

6 hours ago, Gaccha said:

On this very long thread, I'm the only person who has cited academic work after somebody else took the risk of questioning my claims. 

 

It's 11pm, I'm tired, I already know it's the academic consensus position, and it's really your job now to find it out on your own. Google is your friend. This isn't an academic conference. 

"Google is your friend" and "Do your own research" are the typical evasions on ASEAN by anyone who actually does not have anything to support a claim they have made.

Not my job at all, I stopped working for other people 15 years ago.

[GammaGlobulin]

I have been married two times.

 

In each case, I married both mindlessly, as well as out of fear.

 

The reason I married, both times, was, mostly, as a result of fear of having not enough Sunshine.

 

Actually, this is why most guys marry.

They fear the lack of Sunshine in their lives....

 

They know what Withers knows...

 

And, here is what he knows:

 

 

 

 

 

[Fat is a type of crazy]

 

Warning: Feminism ahead

 

Some say I expected x amount of sex in my marriage and didn't get it. Thai women did the job.

I just wouldn't hold a bad feeling to the ex for this reason. Though a man may have the right to expect a s hag from time to time it is not surprising that a woman over time, possibly living the life a of a bored housewife or in a boring job, might not feel enamoured with a three times a week sha g where she feels an obligation to satisfy her wonderful deserving husband. She may have had the best of intentions at the start of the marriage but when the man says in so many words  'Lay down it's time for my sha g' 5 or 10 or 30 years into the marriage it's understandable the act may lose it's sense of breathless romance and she may end up withdrawing her compliance. Not really anyone's fault. No bait and switch. Time happens. It might seem obvious but some seem to have a different opinion. 

 

Edited August 3, 2022 by Fat is a type of crazy

[BritManToo]

10 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

 

Warning: Feminism ahead

 

Some say I expected x amount of sex in my marriage and didn't get it. Thai women did the job.

I just wouldn't hold a bad feeling to the ex for this reason. Though a man may have the right to expect a s hag from time to time it is not surprising that a woman over time, possibly living the life a of a bored housewife or in a boring job, might not feel enamoured with a three times a week sha g where she feels an obligation to satisfy her wonderful deserving husband. She may have had the best of intentions at the start of the marriage but when the man says in so many words  'Lay down it's time for my sha g' 5 or 10 or 30 years into the marriage it's understandable the act may lose it's sense of breathless romance and she may end up withdrawing her compliance. Not really anyone's fault. No bait and switch. Time happens. It might seem obvious but some seem to have a different opinion. 

 

But....... 

It doesn't cost her any money

It doesn't take any of her energy

It doesn't occupy much of her time. 

So why wouldn't she? 

 

Not to mention you're still expected to buy her flowers, give her money, take her out, do all those little jobs around the house. 

 

What you wrote all seems a little one sided to me. 

Edited August 3, 2022 by BritManToo

[4MyEgo]

On 8/2/2022 at 9:05 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

Why did you do it?

When I 1st met the wife in Thailand, we clicked, it was as if we knew each other from a past life. After my 2 weeks here, I returned 6 weeks later and took her back to my home country on a 3 month tourist visa.

 

A month before the visa was due to expire, I asked her if she wanted to stay longer and she said famously as Thai's say; "up to you".

 

I rang immigration and enquired and the guy on the phone said, cannot do, she has to return and reapply after I think it was 3 or 6 months, I said W-T-F and he said, can I ask you what your intentions are, I said what do you mean and he said, would you marry her, I said, I haven't thought that far in advance, he said well between you and me, that could be your draw card to keep her here for a little longer, he said if I married her I could apply for a bridging visa which meant she could stay until her application for permanent residency was approved, that would take up to 2 years, I said, ok, thanks for letting me know, I will discuss it with her and he said best of luck. I then explained to the Mrs that for her to stay we would have to get married and that I had to make a call.

 

I then rang the registry office to see when the next available dates were if I wanted to get married and the guy on the phone said Friday week, it was a Monday when I rang and we would have 2 weeks left on the tourist visa to apply for the bridging visa, so I said to the guy, hang on two seconds, and put my hand over the landline phones mouth piece and said to the Mrs, what are you doing Friday week and said shrugged her as if to say, you know, nothing, and I said where getting married and of course she said; "up to you".

 

Yes, as you can see, I am a true romantic, organised 2 witnesses and about 20 close friends to meet at a restaurant after and had a great night, that was that was 15 years ago, not one regret, well just one, i.e. if only I could have met her when I was 18, but then again, she wouldn't have been born yet ????

 

On 8/2/2022 at 9:05 AM, OneMoreFarang said:

I just don't see the point of signing a contract which has, from my point of view, only negative sides.

What negative sides would you be talking about ?

 

My wife signed a prenuptial agreement before the marriage which is recognised by the family courts, meaning what is mine, is mine and what is hers, is hers before the marriage.

 

I am still free as a bird before I was married because that is the person I have always been, i.e. I go where I want, when I want, for how long I want and see who I want, why, because I explained to the Mrs that is me, and I won't change me because of a piece of paper, as I wouldn't want her to change who she is because of a piece of paper, e.g. the contract is what you make of it, and to me it was there to keep us together at that time. She lived me with me in my country for 9 years before I planned my retirement and moved here, living the life 7 years ago.

 

If the marriage ended tomorrow, she gets the house, the car and the kids and I keep the 90% that I didn't invest in the marriage, why, because love and finances should NEVER become part of the marriage (contract) unless your a gambler.

 

When I croak it, she will get the lot as per my last testimony (will), I think if people going into marriages thought with their brains as opposed to their d---s, if things went south, they would walk away unscathed financially, as for emotionally, well that's another thing, love hurts as the song says.

 

Would I do it again, if it was with her, in a heart beat ! 

[jerrymahoney]

Brevity is the soul of wit. -- Shakespeare. Hamlet. about 1603

[Walker88]

20 hours ago, jerrymahoney said:

Well #2 is definitely Wilde. Source: The Happy Prince and Other Tales (1888)

 

#1 is also attributed to George Bernard Shaw but cannot find the source for either of the 2 gents.

Not to go too far off topic---Oscar Wilde-isms should get a pass---but the quote to which you took exception a few days ago I took out of a newspaper article many years ago, as I found it humorous. That author might have mis-attributed the quote to Wilde.

 

Anyway, to toss in one more...."I'm not young enough to know everything".