Damn Thais.

Why can't they just be like us.

6 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

Do you know how to use a washing machine and dryer ? 

I had to Google that one. 

I find it best to not engage them in any conversation outside of "Make me a sammich, Woman".

After ploughing through two pages of agony aunt stuff, I've come to the conclusion that most farang on the forum don't understand their woman.

 

Unlike me of course. A word of advice for all. Make sure you have a top pocket on your shirt. Get a 20 baht note and have just enough showing out of the pocket to be noticed. That will focus their attention for the rest of the day.

9 hours ago, Thunglom said:

It's so sad...all these men without a cue/Thai women have feelings just the same as anyone else -

Two rules in life....... For being a man. 

1. Don't care about anyone else's feelings. 

2. Never show, share or discuss your own feelings. 

From the fact that you seek relationship advice on this forum I would suggest you don't understand people, not just Thai women.

I took my ex for a drive down Soi 6 one time. She said "I feel sorry for them".

"These girls?" I replied

"No the men"

 

My misses is very objective compared to Westerners.

If there's something she wants to tell me, she tells me.

A Westerner will rattle on for hours.

10 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

Interesting perspective.

 

Depends where you are in life.

 

Now if I had a short term girlfriend, I probably wouldn't give a rats ass about her feelings.

 

Now if I'm talking about a wife/partner of 20 years of course I want to know and understand her feelings, as I hope she would mine

OP Running into the sort of same isssue.  Thai's are not big on one word.

 

WHY.

 

Why are you happy?

I enjoy you.

Why do you enjoy me.

You make me happy.

 

Did this experiment in Thai and English with a painting.

 

Showed Mat p5 students 3 paintings asked them if the liked them.  

 

They all answered yes

Then both myself and a Thai teacher asked them WHY

In Thai and English because they are beautiful.

 

Why are they beautiful because i LIke them.

 

Then again I have known western women to have the same issue.

 

Just something that we have to live through

 

Communication is a skill that is not taught to us but one that sme learn with time and experience others do not.

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

Two rules in life....... For being a man. 

1. Don't care about anyone else's feelings. 

2. Never show, share or discuss your own feelings. 

Two rules have seen me through life with the ladies.

 

Firstly; when you are talking to one, look into their eyes.

 

Secondly; when they are talking, look at their mouth.

 

Always worked for me; anywhere in the world.

9 hours ago, habuspasha said:

Like many Thais, my GF/Wife is very conflict avoidant.  She doesn't talk to her mother, for instance, because she fears it would lead to a fight.  There have been times when she and I disagreed about something and she wouldn't explain her position because she didn't want "to fight with me" (an impossibility I told her).  She would walk away instead.  On other occasions, I might see that she was upset about something and I would ask her what was wrong.  The answer was always "nothing."  After maybe two or three more attempts, she might finally open up, slowly and gradually.  If I listened sympathetically, the long story would finally spill out.  Similarly a direct "How do you feel" would always lead to "I'm fine," with discussion closed from there without careful excavation.  

After two marriages with super expressive Italians, I sometimes find Thai reticence refreshing.

Exactly- there is no  intrinsic value in emotional incontinence often in Latin people it's either anger or tears both to get what they want

18 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

Every single woman has the perpencity to be different.

What's "perpencity"? 

Haven't experienced that with my wife. She is very willing to talk about her feelings and such.

44 minutes ago, sipi said:

My misses is very objective compared to Westerners.

If there's something she wants to tell me, she tells me.

A Westerner will rattle on for hours.

nothing to do with language limitations, then?

Western women can be a bit too communicative, involved, into everything, wanting to do stuff all the time, controlling - give me space woman. Thai women tend to be far more relaxed and easy going and gentle and fun in a way I like - and then there is their appearance which makes them more appealing. 

So I have been a member of Club Thai Girls.

Lately I am balancing that off as I find thai girls in comparison can be a bit empty and shallow in a way I find hard to define - there's a blankness. Used to put it down to language but think it's more than that. Oh well. Swings and roundabouts.

 

 

We've been married 10 years by now.  Without ever saying this openly to each other, we both seem to subscribe to the notion that marriage =  "I take care you, you take care me." 

 

Westerners are much too wedded to the idea of "love".

19 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You want to know how 2 out of 33,000,000 women in Thailand... and 1 was in France??????

 

Every single woman has the perpencity to be different.

 

Can be due to a lot of factors, including education and others

 

My wife (Isaan) was never short expressing her feelings

 

When we moved to the US the first time, she was always expressing her feelings 

 

I know if was tough to leave her family

 

To this day, she never fails to tell me how much I mean to her. She is very affectionate

 

I think the key question you should ask yourself, is how well of a listener are you?

 

If you don't pay attention and always blow things off or put your own needs first, and have to win every conversation, this is detrimental.

 

"Especially when it came to conflict situations where such kind of discussions are important in my opinion to find a common solution, their solution approach was rather to cook something and try to avoid any discussion". 

 

This is exactly the behavior I just referred to. 

 

You obviously do not understand Thai women if you get yourself into a conflict and try to win. You just do not understand.

 

There are tons of men that have to win every single conversation.

 

They are the boss, the king of their own jungle.

 

Probably why so many come to Thailand, get married and divorced.

 

No one wants the boss, the king of the jungle unless they are forced to survive.

 

What works for me and why we have been together for years and years and years?

 

I listen carefully, understand things from being in my wife's shoes and not my own.

 

I also can say yes to just about anything and everything because I can and I want to.

 

I can relate and understand her point of view.

 

If you are in conflict, fighting over money, forcing them to go to work in your own country, didn't provide the dream you promised, what exactly do you expect?

 

I say yes to everything because I understand my wife and her upbringing with absolutely nothing.

 

It makes me very happy to see her happy, because she deserves it.

 

I remember long ago I was on a business trip and bought her an antique porcelain doll.

 

She cried her head off.

 

Then she told me she never had 1 toy growing up.

 

I had plenty of toys.

 

Some men just cannot understand or remember that.  

 

When you stop arguing, stop the conflict, and start listening, all the problems go away.

 

I think people that have been married for 20 years understand that quite well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't know whether to put a 'like' or a 'thanks' on this post.

 

It's possibly the best I've ever read on these forums on this subject.

 

So thanks, I liked that.

 

1 hour ago, owl sees all said:

Two rules have seen me through life with the ladies.

 

Firstly; when you are talking to one, look into their eyes.

 

Secondly; when they are talking, look at their mouth.

 

Always worked for me; anywhere in the world.

Second rule is a strange one, maybe look at their tits better

2 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Second rule is a strange one, maybe look at their tits better

Follow my rules and looking intently at breasts can come later. If that is of interest to you naturally.

 

Have to understand how a woman's brain functions to understand why my rules work. The first - looking into their eyes -  puts them at ease. The second - looking at their mouth movements when they talk - shows you are interested in what they are saying. Women like that.

 

As I say; has always worked wonders for me.

9 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

Have to understand how a woman's brain functions to understand why my rules work. The first - looking into their eyes -  puts them at ease. The second - looking at their mouth movements when they talk - shows you are interested in what they are saying. Women like that.

Not  sure about this.  Looking into their eyes takes one into Hannibal Lecter territory, while looking at their mouth movements might be ideal for someone used to lip-reading, such as a deafy like me. 

18 hours ago, Orinoco said:

Life is to short to worry to much about this

 

About right

Every woman is different of course. But I feel dating and relationships have not been a positive experience.   Living here in Bangkok for almost three years.   I use dating apps which probably isn’t a good thing either. I do not date bargirls or massage girls. These are between 40 and 45. 
In general I find the majority of the Thai women I met are very childish and temperamental. And not telling the truth seems to be very common. Angry over stupid little things.  And all gave me the impression they viewed me as a foreigner to take advantage of.  Not as a person.  And they either asked me for money outright.  Or expected me to buy them things constantly.  Even after barely knowing me. 
I actually had two what I call true relationships here.  Not together of course. As much as I did for them and treated them nice it was never enough. Just wanted more and more. And not much caring or affection from them.  And dealing with their childish outbursts when they couldn’t get their way. One was an accountant for a major company.  The other worked in a large shopping mall in a store. And forget about having a meaningful conversation with them. 
All of the ones I have met seemed to have one concern.  What was in it for them
 

53 minutes ago, blazes said:

Not  sure about this.  Looking into their eyes takes one into Hannibal Lecter territory, while looking at their mouth movements might be ideal for someone used to lip-reading, such as a deafy like me. 

In my experience, these are fundamental things to understand, initially, and in the first few weeks. Once you have attained your goal; a good job, a bank loan, or simply bedding the lady, the next phases come into play.

 

Keeping a lady attentive, loving and faithful needs insight into the workings of a ladies' brain. Recently, I've been studying the relationship between calmness and childhood lies. We are not talking lies - as in acting - but real lies that will confuse the brain later in life. Then the lady might lie and not realise it.

 

And seeing as men function differently, we can sometimes detect untruthfulness. After all was our role to whack the lady over the head and drag her off to a safe abode in times past. She would be squealing like a piglet, but secretly hoping her captor would not see a younger, or prettier female, on the way to the cave, let go of her hair and run off after the younger lass. Our male ancestors would have been able to defect if the squeals were genuine or not.

 

It's somewhat complicated, but as Gerry Rafferty says. We can get it right next time.

 

 

19 hours ago, KIngsofisaan said:

You should ask yourself what leads to your conflicts?

 

We never have any conflicts at all.

 

Why?

 

Say yes to everything. 

 

You have a job, you have had a more priviledged life.

 

If you have conflicts, that is 50% your fault (Takes 2 to tango)

 

Start giving more than you expect to receive

 

Expect nothing except making her happy, then you will gain everything you seek

That is just plainly nuts. It works with the people with whom it can work and doesn't with those who is doesn't

To give it as blanket advice is just plain folly. 

 

Sometimes someone needs to be captain of the ship and it cannot be a crazy, unbalanced person.

 

You are just writing from the point of view of your current situation.

Honestly (?)

 

Most ...If Not All ...Times... 'We' Build Everything Up In Our Heads...An Illusion...

 

And....They 'Simply Go Along With It'...

 

Until Comes A Time...Either....We Realize It....Or....They Decide 'Not To Go Along With It Anymore'...

Together 40 years, married 32 years. Most of our discussions are about practical, day to day issues. I enjoy the absence of BS.

5 hours ago, Thunglom said:

nothing to do with language limitations, then?

Nup. She speaks perfect English.

Bored with women

Not into ladyboys

 

Whats next?

 

Play with dogz

I have never met any women here who has any feeling, but all want me to love them. Then the door will be open to ask for all they need. 
 

The problem is manifestly obvious.  You are not an effective communicator.

 

First, you need to buy the following two items:

 

1.  A old style bicycle horn with rubber end you can squeeze to make the honk honk noise

 

2. A Jew's harp to make the Boinnnnnng noise

 

Secondly, you need to ensure that you only try to communicate in periods of time commensurate with your Thai partner's attention span.  I find about 2 minutes is the sweet spot.

 

Thirdly, as you are delivering your message make sure you punctuate the key points with a honk honk or a boinnnnng.

 

Please post back to let me know how you go.