Help, against good advice offered here, I married my long term GF in Isaan. Coming apart, advice please.

[gearbox]

OP, you seem to be reaching for advice, but you are not providing enough info to your potential advisers. Do you have enough recurring income from the home country to support you walking out with nothing from this?

 

If I were you and had a reasonable income stream, I would abandon everything and walk away. You don't need that stress at your age. Just disappear never to be seen again. 2,3,4 mil baht lost is not worth a few years of miserable life.

[Berkshire]

20 hours ago, notrub said:

After some months she said she was going to see her son but in fact went away with 'Ricky' for a 2 week holiday by the beach.  Then she came home and said I had to move out because her new lover was moving in.  Ricky, an Ausie, knew nothing of me and following an exchange of emails, he apologized and disappeared.  His emails were pretty explicit about some of their intimacies and his opinion of her.  (In fact he is a retired guy who is on every dating site in se asia and lives his life making the rounds.) 

It seems you have clear evidence of adultery on her part, which is against the law in Thailand.  You have grounds for a divorce at minimum, as well as possible compensation.  You should discuss with a good lawyer your options under the circumstance. 

[OneMoreFarang]

9 minutes ago, gearbox said:

Just disappear never to be seen again. 2,3,4 mil baht lost is not worth a few years of miserable life.

I wonder how many members here ever had 2,3,4 mil. And how many had so much more that 2,3,4 mil doesn't really matter.

And obviously with 75 it's too late to earn another 2,3,4 mil again. 

[garzhe]

Yes, it could get very nasty. I would say your best option is to get an agreement with her if you can and sell up.  You have a usufruct so she can't sell at any reasonable price without your agreement to rescind the usufruct and you can't sell without hers as the owner. Talk to a Lawyer by all means but lawyers can get you tied up for years and you don't want that at 75. Try and agree to a split of the proceeds and market the property. A lawyer will see you won't get scammed when you find a buyer and rescind the usufruct at the same time she sells and the proceeds are split.  Then start a new life and put it behind you.

[JayClay]

6 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

And obviously with 75 it's too late to earn another 2,3,4 mil again. 

And at 85 he won't be able to get back the last 10 years of stress and pain he wasted trying to get his 2,3,4 mil back...

[thailandsgreat]

I would get a lawyer immediately. I would also ask myself if the lawyer would be mostly on my side or on the side of Thai people. But that is just a guess.

[Hummin]

Just now, thailandsgreat said:

I would get a lawyer immediately. I would also ask myself if the lawyer would be mostly on my side or on the side of Thai people. But I have no experience of Thai law, so that is just a guess.

Getting a lawyer and getting this through court will take long time. He got the right to stay as long the usufruct is valid or until he die, so if he feel that is his best option, then thats what he should do. 

 

 

[Adumbration]

Kick her out.  You have the right to do so as the Usufructee.  Go to a lawyer.  Get a letter addressed to her to vacate.  And then pay a local copper to accompany you to your house to have her removed.

 

 

[thailandsgreat]

1 minute ago, Hummin said:

Getting a lawyer and getting this through court will take long time. He got the right to stay as long the usufruct is valid or until he die, so if he feel that is his best option, then thats what he should do. 

 

 

I have no experience here. But I would leave and try to get back what is possible. Asking a lawyer is little money in comparison. But isn't there a problem finding a lawyer prepared to "fight his own people"? (And when the rumors about that start going around, the lawyer will run out of work)

[thailandsgreat]

4 minutes ago, Adumbration said:

Kick her out.  You have the right to do so as the Usufructee.  Go to a lawyer.  Get a letter addressed to her to vacate.  And then pay a local copper to accompany you to your house to have her removed.

 

 

I don't know Thailand well enough to say. But would a cop "betray his own people" and throw out a Thai person at the orders of a farlang, for a measly few ten thousand Baht?

[Fat is a type of crazy]

Depends on your personality. It may give you a new burst of life to stay in your nice home. Fight back and fight hard. But if you are not of that mindset and prefer to be done with it then get a nice condo somewhere and take it easy. 

[OneMoreFarang]

5 minutes ago, Fat is a type of crazy said:

get a nice condo somewhere and take it easy

Maybe he doesn't have enough income or money for that. And that is obviously a real problem. 

[driver52]

fight or flight does spring to mind...

[steven100]

53 minutes ago, garzhe said:

Yes, it could get very nasty. I would say your best option is to get an agreement with her if you can and sell up.  You have a usufruct so she can't sell at any reasonable price without your agreement to rescind the usufruct and you can't sell without hers as the owner. Talk to a Lawyer by all means but lawyers can get you tied up for years and you don't want that at 75. Try and agree to a split of the proceeds and market the property. A lawyer will see you won't get scammed when you find a buyer and rescind the usufruct at the same time she sells and the proceeds are split.  Then start a new life and put it behind you.

not sure how long you've been in Thailand and seen and experienced what actually goes on .... and how the court see's these types of cases,  I've seen it and know how they play out .....   It could take years to sell the house and she won't let it go without a fight ..  she'll have a better lawyer than him,  she will delay, delay ...  it could drag on for 2-5 yrs and time ain't on his side. 

[In Full Agreement]

 

 

I made it to the 12th line before my headache kicked in.

 

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, steven100 said:

This is just another wake up call that reminds us all of how nasty, cunning and conniving they can be.

Women or Thais?

[garzhe]

52 minutes ago, steven100 said:

not sure how long you've been in Thailand and seen and experienced what actually goes on .... and how the court see's these types of cases,  I've seen it and know how they play out .....   It could take years to sell the house and she won't let it go without a fight ..  she'll have a better lawyer than him,  she will delay, delay ...  it could drag on for 2-5 yrs and time ain't on his side. 

I understand what goes on and agree that it could take years waiting for lawyers if there's a dispute. That's why I suggested he come to an agreement with her to sell and split the proceeds. If a buyer was found and they agreed to share the proceeds it could go through in weeks. That depends on how much she needs money. She's 58 and he's 75, he could conceivably live for another 10-15 years.

[GinBoy2]

Problem for the OP, regardless of whether or not some legal settlement can arranged, whats life going to be like living there alone?

 

It's hardly going to be retirement bliss, even if living in a nice home.

 

If it were me, I'd take whatever the best deal that could be made and high tail it out as fast as I could

 

 

[Pink Mist]

Personal attack has been removed.

[steven100]

20 minutes ago, garzhe said:

That's why I suggested he come to an agreement with her to sell and split the proceeds.

It ain't gunna happen.   It's not that simple and easy.  You think she'll want to sell the house and give him half? He'll end up with nothing .... 

[zeekgarcia]

According to what you wrote, you probably need to make your personal safety the most important thing right now. And let this direct all of your steps.

 

1. Probably the best & safest thing for you to do is move out now in a way where she and anyone she knows will not know where you moved to.

For now just get a temporary place to stay and if you have a lot of stuff, find somewhere safe to store it for now.

When you leave take all the documents that show you paid for the land, paid to get the house built and that you have a usufruct. (All bank transfer documents, receipts etc) And take every thing else that is important to you and every thing that you can show you paid for, and take all these at the same time.

It will probably be best to move when she is not there.

 

2. Find a recommended English speaking lawyer that you can understand.

Getting a lawyer should show her that you are not just going to give her everything.

Someone earlier said they know of a lawyer that has helped them with a similar situation.

 

3A. Either have your English speaking lawyer contact her and try to get a settlement worked out, with her either paying you for your half of the house or agreeing to sell it with the lawyer overseeing the sell.

And it will be best to sell the house as fast as you can, even at a low price so that you can get what you can and get on with your life.

Or

3B. Show your lawyer all the documents, receipts, and the usufruct, and ask them do these documents show that you are the owner of the house?

If yes, ask the lawyer if there is some type of sign that can be put on all the doors of the house that says in Thai – Everyone must receive permission from your lawyer or yourself before they enter the property.

If you can do this, ask the lawyer to get the police or someone they know to put these legal notices up and send you pictures.

Then ask the lawyer that even though you have moved out, can you legally do anything you want with the house?

If yes, there may be a scrap/recycle businesses in your area that will pay you some money for the roof materials, all the steal and even pay you to be able to destroy the house, so they can sell the concrete and brick rubble for land fill.

If you cannot find a scrap/recycle businesses in your area that will pay you, you could probably find someone you can pay to remove the house.

 

Remember your personal safety is always your most important thing.

[2009]

3 hours ago, Hummin said:

 it is time for some to own up to be a man, and take responsibillity for their own actions and what happens to them. 

 

Just men need to take responsibility?

 

And he needs to take responsibility for her actions?

 

He sounds like the victim here. And you are victim blaming

 

3 hours ago, Hummin said:

 

We all know what it means to involve with a woman,, especially poor women, and still some just walk in to it with open eyes, and when it goes wrong, they blaim the women like Steven do above. Man up and take responsibility for your mistakes, it doesnt help to wine about it rest of your life.

 

 

Why are you making excuses for her?

 

She played the long game on him, got all that she could (not bad for a few years of her time), now it's the next guy's turn.

 

This is a way of life for some people.

[Lacessit]

2 hours ago, Hummin said:

Getting a lawyer and getting this through court will take long time. He got the right to stay as long the usufruct is valid or until he die, so if he feel that is his best option, then thats what he should do. 

 

 

It's not his best option if he is surrounded by hostile neighbors and relatives of his wife, it's the worst option because he would have to turn his house into a fortress to keep staying alive. He would probably have to house and feed 4 trained Dobermans.

[Hummin]

26 minutes ago, 2009 said:

 

Just men need to take responsibility?

 

And he needs to take responsibility for her actions?

 

He sounds like the victim here. And you are victim blaming

 

 

Why are you making excuses for her?

 

She played the long game on him, got all that she could (not bad for a few years of her time), now it's the next guy's turn.

 

This is a way of life for some people.

Some get it, some do not get it, it is just the nature of the game, because it is a game you need to understand from beginning no matter where you are, as well accept the risk when you gambling on a younger woman being true to you rest of your life. There will always be some signs and warnings this is wrong, and also an equal right to end a relationship if one part do not feel the relationship/marriage  is not right!

 

Some believe as long I do what she want, she will keep me for life, it is a terrible mistake. Would that work for you ? A woman who paid you land, house, food and a car because you could not afford that life yourself, and that is a lifetime contract? 

[Hummin]

9 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

It's not his best option if he is surrounded by hostile neighbors and relatives of his wife, it's the worst option because he would have to turn his house into a fortress to keep staying alive. He would probably have to house and feed 4 trained Dobermans.

We do not know how bad she is, so it is a decission he have to take based on his experience and how much he can take. 

 

If he spent his savings on this, he might not have other options, except a 3000 bath room pr month in Pattaya. 

[thailandsgreat]

If they hadn't married, could she have claimed anything then or just had to leave?

[bignok]

6 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Betting everything on a woman (who has already cheated on you once), and moving to her village ........

What could possibly go wrong?

 

We keep posting DO NOT LIVE IN HER VILLAGE, but nobody ever listens.

I agree. Live in Chiang Mai or some city where you can access lawyers, entertainment, banks, shops, people to talk to.

[bignok]

4 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I wonder how many members here ever had 2,3,4 mil. And how many had so much more that 2,3,4 mil doesn't really matter.

And obviously with 75 it's too late to earn another 2,3,4 mil again. 

At 75yo think health first. Stress and worry will kill you if she doesn't.

 

 

[Adumbration]

5 hours ago, thailandsgreat said:

I don't know Thailand well enough to say. But would a cop "betray his own people" and throw out a Thai person at the orders of a farlang, for a measly few ten thousand Baht?

Yes.....You definitely don't know Thailand.  RTP will do anything for money.  This is the standard proceedure for eviction...rent a cop or a thug.  In this case thug not needed as the OP is perfectly entitled under his usufructory rights to throw her out.

 

Divorce is another issue. But he can deal with that once he has secured his home.

[thailandsgreat]

17 minutes ago, Adumbration said:

Yes.....You definitely don't know Thailand.  RTP will do anything for money.  This is the standard proceedure for eviction...rent a cop or a thug.  In this case thug not needed as the OP is perfectly entitled under his usufructory rights to throw her out.

 

Divorce is another issue. But he can deal with that once he has secured his home.

OK. Surprised me but I trust you. Thai police helping a foreigner against a local! I thought that could turn entire neighborhoods against the police. Some officers having friends of friends of the evicted person and problems following. I had expected Thai police officers to have enough money to put their own people ahead of money, but I could be wrong. So I trust you. I haven't been in that situation.

 

But does he own the land? In the Philippines this is the big problem. You are not allowed to own land there. Building house on wife's land. Relation going sour. Running over the house with a bulldozer or, like suggested here, selling it for scrap value. As long as you don't own the land you can never be sure of the outcome?