Frustrated with my Wife's Boyfriend - Feeling Disrespected and Used

[thirsty21]

Hey there, fellow forum members. I'm here today to share a rather challenging situation I'm currently facing, and I could really use some advice and support. You see, my wife has a boyfriend who doesn't work and seems to have a knack for borrowing money from me. I can't help but feel like he doesn't respect me at all, and it's been causing me a great deal of frustration. Let me delve into the details a bit further.

 

First of all, let me clarify that my wife and I have an unconventional relationship. We've been together for several years, and we've always had an open arrangement. We both agreed that we can see other people, as long as it doesn't affect the core of our marriage. So, it's not that I have an issue with her having a boyfriend per se, but rather with the way he conducts himself.

 

This boyfriend of hers doesn't seem to have any steady employment. I understand that not everyone follows a conventional career path, but it's disheartening to see him relying on my wife for financial support. To make matters worse, he often turns to me for money as well. I've helped him out on numerous occasions, but it feels like he takes advantage of my willingness to lend a hand.

 

What bothers me the most is the lack of respect I perceive from him. I've made it clear that I expect some basic courtesy and acknowledgement, especially when it comes to financial matters. However, he never seems to express any gratitude for the assistance I provide. It's as if he expects me to keep bailing him out without so much as a "thank you."

 

I've discussed my concerns with my wife, and she acknowledges that her boyfriend's behavior is problematic. She has spoken to him about it, but unfortunately, his actions haven't changed. It's frustrating because I feel like my boundaries and expectations are being disregarded, and it's starting to take a toll on our relationship.

 

I'm reaching out to the community today in the hope that some of you might have experienced similar situations or have advice to offer. How can I effectively communicate my concerns to my wife's boyfriend without causing unnecessary conflict? Is there a way to establish boundaries that will be respected by all parties involved? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

Please understand that I'm not seeking judgment or criticism; I'm simply looking for constructive advice and support from those who may have dealt with similar challenges in their own relationships. Thank you in advance for your understanding and assistance.

Edited May 23, 2023 by thirsty21

[KhunLA]

Just say 'NO'

 

Simple solution for simply problems

[flyingtlger]

10 minutes ago, thirsty21 said:

my wife has a boyfriend

Go straight to comments.....????

[Golden Triangle]

10 minutes ago, thirsty21 said:

Please understand that I'm not seeking judgment or criticism; I'm simply looking for

 

constructive advice and support 

I think you may have come to the wrong place old bean ????

[spidermike007]

You are unlikely to get much sympathy here. Most of us would have said <deleted> off the first time he asked. 

 

You cannot feel put upon or disrespected, if you are treating yourself with high regard. You are not, by helping this sluggard. So all this is on you. 

[RedArmy]

Did i read this correct ???

You are giving money to a bloke who is banging your wife ???

 

I've heard it all now.

[liddelljohn]

He is a ''Maeng Da''    cockroach!!!,, either her cousin, pimp , brother, uncle  etc ,,she values him higher than you as she is now obligated  to save face ,, be very careful this situation could be dangerous  as they are abusing your generosity,

 

might be wise to cut them both off and move away,,, or you need to sacre him off with clever juju

[Pedrogaz]

Sorry mate but as the saying goes 'a fool and his money are soon parted.' 

 

If you PM me I'll tell you how to deal with the creep. I cannot post it here.

 

Sorry to have no sympathy. 

[nikmar]

you a man or a mouse!!!! Tell him "NO" and maybe be so bold as to ask for some repayment. Are you scared of hurting his feelings???

[Liverpool Lou]

4 minutes ago, RedArmy said:

Did i read this correct ???

You are giving money to a bloke who is banging your wife ???

Obviously, you didn't read it all.

[RedArmy]

1 minute ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Obviously, you didn't read it all.

Oh yea, i understand now.

Maybe he should start banging his wife's boyfriends wife & start asking her for money too ??

[Sigma6]

100% wind up ????

 

[Smokey and the Bandit]

You need to get your girlfriend to ask this guy for money????? Whats good for the goose etc

[Hummin]

13 minutes ago, RedArmy said:

Did i read this correct ???

You are giving money to a bloke who is banging your wife ???

 

I've heard it all now.

It is more common than you eould like to know, both open as well behind the back. 

 

 

[Lacessit]

Ditch them both. That's about as constructive as I can get for a situation which IMO is BS.

You are supporting a wife AND her BF? Are you a total masochist?

[brewsterbudgen]

18 minutes ago, Celsius said:

This can't be real.

 

ChatGPT

This is what ChatGPT came up with:

 

Hey everyone,

I hope you're all doing well. I find myself in a situation that I never thought I would encounter, and I could really use some advice and perspective. Recently, I discovered that my wife has been involved with another man, and to make matters worse, he's now asking her for money while he is in Thailand.

To say that I'm shocked and hurt would be an understatement. It feels like my whole world has been turned upside down. I've confronted my wife about the situation, and she admitted to the affair but claims that she is being manipulated and emotionally coerced into giving him money.

Now, I'm at a loss as to what I should do. I still love my wife, but I feel betrayed and unsure if our relationship can recover from this. I also have concerns about the financial aspect. I don't want our hard-earned money to be used to support her affair partner.

I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation. Has anyone been through a similar experience? How did you navigate the emotional turmoil and make decisions about the future of your relationship? What steps can I take to protect myself financially and emotionally?

Additionally, I'm looking for insights on dealing with the requests for money. Should I confront the other man directly or try to cut off communication between them? How can I support my wife in finding a way out of this toxic situation without enabling her affair?

I understand that every situation is unique, and there may not be a one-size-fits-all solution. However, any advice, personal experiences, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. This is a difficult time for me, and I could really use some support and guidance.

Thank you all in advance for your understanding and assistance.

Best regards, [Your Forum Name]

[bignok]

2 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Ditch them both. That's about as constructive as I can get for a situation which IMO is BS.

You are supporting a wife AND her BF? Are you a total masochist?

Yes it is strange. Paying 2 freeloaders. Both no respect for the boss.

[rattlesnake]

Interesting to see how many members are taking the bait and answering seriously… I thought you guys were smart.

[2baht]

Quite obvious why he does'nt show any respect, you don"t give him ENOUGH! Dig a bit deeper, don't be a Cheap Charlie, give him more!

 

 

Edited May 23, 2023 by 2baht

[sammieuk1]

Tell your Mrs I'm going to be cheaper for you ????

[Berkshire]

3 minutes ago, rattlesnake said:

Interesting to see how many members are taking the bait and answering seriously… I thought you guys were smart.

Have to agree.  Can't be real.  A guy let's his wife have a boyfriend and on top of that, gives the guy money.  Nobody can be that weak and stupid. 

[FritsSikkink]

No, i don't have similar experiences. My wife doesn't have additional boyfriend(s) and if she had that would be the end of the marriage. No way i am giving / lending money to somebody who disrespects me by having a relationship with my wife.  

Don't know why you even bother to ask for respect while you are in this situation. 

[tubby johnson]

You can't be serious! (In John McEnroe's loudest shriek)

 

He doesn't show you any respect nor gratitude, because he has correctly identified you as a cuckold and an ATM. He'll keep satisfying your wife and plucking money off you like feathers of a chicken. You agreed to be in an open relationship. Live with the consequences -- or move out.

[Myran]

So you act like a cuck and are then surprised when people treat you like one?

[chippendale]

Please post a nice picture of your wife.

[fredwiggy]

I know this happens so I don't look like this as a troll post. First of all, you call a woman a wife and then have an open marriage? THAT affects the core of a marriage right off. That means you aren't looking at her as anything but an object to use when your needs need satisfying. In her eyes, she has sex with you because you give her money, especially seeing that she has that boyfriend and looks at you as nothing more than an ATM. Now he's looking at you as that also? Giving this man (boy, child, etc) cash as he is being intimate with someone you call a wife doesn't bother you in any way? Close your eyes and see the image, but if it doesn't bother you, then you know she isn't a wife to you. Why would either of them respect you if you are letting this happen? Like another has said, this can turn dangerous to you. When someone want's your wife more than you do, he might go to extremes to get it. As another said, ditch them both. These aren't mature individuals but leeches, and no human need a leech around, because the blood sucking never stops. I'm sorry if these replies sound like criticism but that's all the constructive advice we can give you. If you can't look at a woman as your own, to love, cherish, keep from harm, and only for yourself, stay single. That way you won't be using someone who doesn't deserve that. This country is loaded with women who will take your money in exchange for sex, and some won't make it look that way, if that's respect to you. If you want respect, you need to give it, period. If you want to play, stick with the players. Then no one gets hurt. This marriage should never have happened, and you know it. Staying in it could get you killed. At the very least, this is what you'll see from now on. Sharing your wife with another pig that probably has others on the side, and you know what that could mean coming back to you, in the very least lost money, worse an STD that won't go away, or you becoming yet another victim of a love triangle that went south.

Edited May 23, 2023 by fredwiggy

[CharlieKo]

Never lend money to a Thai. You brought this on yourself. You deserve all you get. Tell him you will not lend any more money. Tell your wife to stop being friends with him or divorce her. 

[spidermike007]

After reading this again, I cannot but help come to the conclusion we are all being baited. I know some men will allow themselves to be abused to no end. Will Smith is a great example of a man who is so lost, so devoid of self esteem, so emasculated, that he has allowed his life to degenerate into a pale shadow of what it should be, partially by staying with a dragon queen, that abuses him to no end.

 

If this is real, he deserves neither sympathy, nor a reply with any sort of advice, other than get a life, and leave her behind.

[CG1 Blue]

I'm afraid it's more likely your wife and the Thai guy are a couple, and they're letting you stay with her in return for money. 

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

Obviously the question is: Why did you ever give any money to the guy who is f$#$# your wife?

Do you feel obliged to pay him for something you can't do or don't do for whatever reasons?