Dont know what to do, start over or fix it ?

[2baht]

You are just buying face for her, face is expensive! Run!

[BritManToo]

10 hours ago, Woof999 said:

Mainly obtuse.

And some acute.

[Jelli]

12 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

I find myself in a complicated situation that I never anticipated when I moved to Thailand seeking a new chapter in life. I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman who now seems to be solely interested in my financial status. What began as a whirlwind romance soon transformed into a marriage that feels devoid of genuine connection and emotional intimacy.

While I had hoped to find companionship and build a life together, it's become painfully clear that her primary focus lies on the material aspects of our relationship. Our conversations revolve around money, gifts, and a lifestyle that seems to be more about appearances than authentic happiness. I've worked hard to create a life here and appreciate the beauty of Thailand beyond its surface, but I feel trapped in a marriage that's void of the emotional depth I craved.

I'm torn between the desire to salvage our relationship and the realization that true love should encompass more than just financial security. I want to address this issue and communicate my feelings, but I fear that doing so might lead to misunderstandings or resentment. At this stage of life, I really want companionship that feels good to my heart and soul, not one that drains me emotionally and financially.

 

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

You've already acknowledged you're an ATM. Time to go.

 

Get yourself financially situated so that you can access your finances away from her.

 

Fake some problem such as you've lost all your money in the market.

 

Tell her she'll have to cover at least her expenses.

 

She will leave you. 

[Jelli]

12 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

We're all in the same boat.

Best not to think too much about it.

Buy some pets if you want love and companionship.

I am not in this boat. My wife has proven herself, devotion, dedication to me countless times over a decade and a half.

[scorecard]

28 minutes ago, JayClay said:

He "singled out" married Thai women as that's the subject of the thread.

 

It would have seemed a bit strange to say "[all] people need to grow, even lesbian mechanics" when the OP isn't married to a mechanic, lesbian or otherwise.

You missed the obvious point, try again.

[JayClay]

Just now, scorecard said:

You missed the obvious point, try again.

I didn't miss anything 

[richard_smith237]

4 hours ago, BritManToo said:

We're all in the same boat.

Best not to think too much about it.

Buy some pets if you want love and companionship.

Why this insistence on the projection that everyone else mirrors your failings ???

 

We are not in the same boat.. not by a long shot. 

 

 

 

[473geo]

1 hour ago, richard_smith237 said:

Why this insistence on the projection that everyone else mirrors your failings ???

 

We are not in the same boat.. not by a long shot. 

 

 

 

Interesting comment though from Britman 

Thai love is all about showing respect by providing, children leave home to work to pay for their parents lifestyle, there does not appear to be need for close proximity, the same often goes for young mothers, love is caring enough to provide, for offspring for family 

Its a different love to the romantic Disney portrayal

Slowly romance is creeping in but in reality for most Thai love is very practical and less emotion 

Think about it ????

[BritManToo]

2 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

Why this insistence on the projection that everyone else mirrors your failings ???

We are not in the same boat.. not by a long shot. 

I've not met any foreigner with a Thai wife in a different position.

Plenty of guys claim to be in a different position, but when I meet them they're either lying or delusional.

 

I'd really like to meet a foreigner with a Thai wife that loved him for himself.

Been looking for the past 15 years without any luck.

 

I find it best just not to think about it too much!

And just enjoy the soft, warm younger body lying next to me every night.

Edited August 25, 2023 by BritManToo

[newnative]

      Normally I give the advice, ask yourself if you are better off with her or without her.  I think it's pretty plain in this case.  Run, don't walk.

[roietfortress]

6 hours ago, JayClay said:

I didn't miss anything 

considering your side battle is about my comment, i will chime in to say i agree with you. ????

 

i would not give the same advice to a married American woman. i would tell her to get off the damn couch and clean something.

 

i respect Thai women a hell of a lot more than Western women. i want them to succeed and thrive, and thus the OP will succeed and thrive with her (until death lol).

 

so i say help her find a hobby, not run back to the bar.

 

#

[xtrnuno41]

TO find a real good friend, woman? It is rare, no matter where. No matter nationality.

Lived, seen, heard many relations, just going down the drain. In short and/or long time.

You can only fix yourself.

[Hummin]

13 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've not met any foreigner with a Thai wife in a different position.

Plenty of guys claim to be in a different position, but when I meet them they're either lying or delusional.

 

I'd really like to meet a foreigner with a Thai wife that loved him for himself.

Been looking for the past 15 years without any luck.

 

I find it best just not to think about it too much!

And just enjoy the soft, warm younger body lying next to me every night.

Everyone make their own illusions coloured by their own experiences and view on life! 

 

Some think it is perferctly okay to drink alchohol in the morning, others not! So? If Im saying my wife love me for who I am to her, that is true for me! I do not care what others think for one second, same as you do not care what I think about you and your lifestyle ????

[Hummin]

2 minutes ago, xtrnuno41 said:

TO find a real good friend, woman? It is rare, no matter where. No matter nationality.

Lived, seen, heard many relations, just going down the drain. In short and/or long time.

You can only fix yourself.

It comes down to what each and one is willing to do for each other to make a good life for both of you, and not only one part!

[Gandtee]

14 hours ago, richard_smith237 said:

Oh don't know...  I saw a-cute one the other day... 

 

 

Was she high on pot in use?????

[xtrnuno41]

31 minutes ago, Hummin said:

It comes down to what each and one is willing to do for each other to make a good life for both of you, and not only one part!

Yes, but agendas can change or even set to it. And in this case, it looks like the agenda has changed from only one part and leaving the other part not happy, without bothering about the other part.

[rwill]

Part of Thai culture is 'showing off' if you are able to.  You do need to talk to her and then you should know what you should do.

It has to be your decision.

[novacova]

16 hours ago, Furioso said:

I'm not going to lie the best decision is to get out of the relationship as fast(and cheap) as possible. You deserve A LOT more than what you're getting from her. 

He can cut his losses and just disappear and move to another province unannounced. Then after a few months she can apply for a divorce without him signing off on it. Then she’ll go find another. Simple.

[novacova]

11 hours ago, MangoKorat said:

She won't change - don't even try fixing it.  Get out and start dating again - but this time keep it to dating.  After more than one failed marriage I decided to stay single - I'm not prepared to waste any more of my life on these money driven creatures.

 

Once I got used to it I'm having a ball. Do what I want and date as many as possible - currently 3. One @ 22 (I kid you not), one @ 34 and one @35 - I'm 60+.  I ride my bike when I want, go to the bar when I want, play my music as loud as I want and boy is it cheaper being single.  At least one, if not all of the girls I'm currently seeing will turn out to be a money grabber - its happened several times but as soon as it does, they're history. 

 

I try and weed them out before meeting but the gold diggers rarely say that's what they are ????. You sort of get a 'knack' for knowing which are but that's not 100% reliable and some slip through - probably because there are so many.

 

Enjoy the good times and get out before the bad times arrive. Play them at their own game.

 

Dowload Tinder and join Thai Friendly - you'll soon be sorted.  Be aware though that on both of those platforms there's more than a few hookers working - especially the latter.

Right! Those are great apps to find another desperate woman as opposed to just being able to get out and open your mouth and say hi to someone who is out and about or working at their job. 

[StayinThailand2much]

20 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

You're not the only one. Money seems to be (I'm wording it carefully) the main reason for a Thai woman in a relationship with a foreigner.

I met, what I thought was the love of my life, but the relationship had numerous up and downs. I realised too late that the woman I loved did not care much about me, but rather my money only. Fortunately, I didn't marry her. - In a Thai-foreigner relationship I would not expect feelings of love (anymore), but more like a companionship where one partner is just there for financial gain.

Edited August 25, 2023 by StayinThailand2much

[novacova]

8 hours ago, BritManToo said:

We're all in the same boat.

Not in the same boat, not floating in the same sea.

 

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

I've not met any foreigner with a Thai wife in a different position.

Plenty of guys claim to be in a different position, but when I meet them they're either lying or delusional.

Then you certainly don’t get out much. My wife never once asked me for anything. She’s well educated and has multiple businesses and she spends her own money. And she is well aware of the common foreign ATM male and desperate Thai women dynamics that goes on here and she thinks it’s abhorrent and an insult to her culture. Is why she rarely lets me buy anything when we’re together in public, she doesn’t want that image laid on her.

[new2here]

Here’s my take,

 

First, I’m going to assume that female in your case is around the same general age as you… If so, then I don’t think it’s entirely unrealistic, unreasonable nor “unromantic”  for her to also be looking at her own financial standing/stability/future relative to you, be that married, divorced or widowed..  I think that ANY person - make, female, Thai or not, would be wise to make some educated financial decisions based on their life, current circumstances and future expectations.

 

That said, IMHO, any marriage of that has the legs to last has to be in some level based on factors like motivation, devotion, love and emotion attachment… it can’t be.. it shouldn’t be all about money… NOR can it be just about love without some thought to the daily practicalities either.. it’s a balance.

 

so.. to me, I think it’s fair for her AND you to be taking stock of where each of you are at — financially, emotionally and the like - and weigh all of that against the choice to divorce or continue with the existing. 

 

In my head I kind of subscribe to the idea of “better the devil I know than the one I don’t” …. but in the end, it’s you who’s going to live it 24/7 

Edited August 25, 2023 by new2here

[khunPer]

21 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

I'm torn between the desire to salvage our relationship and the realization that true love should encompass more than just financial security. I want to address this issue and communicate my feelings, but I fear that doing so might lead to misunderstandings or resentment. At this stage of life, I really want companionship that feels good to my heart and soul, not one that drains me emotionally and financially.

 

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

It's my impression that many have had similar experiences.

 

My first Thai girlfriend was kind of gold-digger girl, luckily (for me) it didn't last that long time – and yes, I knew the risk in advance, and she was a calculated risk.

 

Many – if not most – Thai ladies sees a man/husband as provider; just like a man/husband was in old time in Western countries. Providing can included an extended Thai family. Often one needs to be prepared being a family provider; or state it very, very clearly from the beginning, if one is not prepared to this – in such cases the girl/lady might decide to move on.

 

I've often heard two expression from Thai women, one: »If he cannot provide, why do I need him!« And: »I don't love him, but he can take good care of me!« About the latter, there were two cases, where I knew the one the girl/lady could love, but those two men were not at provider stage.

 

An often said advice, unfortunately is: "Move on".

 

Of course it can be difficult with a long term relationship – especially if there is a child or are children involved – or marriage, but it might often be the only lasting sensible solution.

 

I also believes in that one can find acceptable/good/true relationships not too much based in finance; if accepting the little old-fashioned level, with the man/husband is the provider. The scary part is, when one is falling (deeply) in love – especially when being mainly: A provider.

[AustinRacing]

I don’t think she’s changed at all. It is you who has now realized the truth. She and most Thai women marrying older farangs primarily do so for financial stability and status. She’s got that. On the other hand you having passed the honeymoon period starting to think with your big head. Had you done that before marrying you’d be single. Nevertheless you can either accept that her happiness is about material things and you by providing it can get some reciprocal non-material benefits or find someone else. Won’t be easy though since most of them have similar mindsets.  

[novacova]

21 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

I really want companionship that feels good to my heart and soul, not one that drains me emotionally and financially.

 

What to do ? anyone else out there had similar ?

I’ve been in near relationships motivated by finances that I ended swiftly because I knew and can see where it was going. Personally if you really like her and you know with out any doubt she likes you for who you are and not what you have, then have a serious discussion with her. Though she may not have the ability to be completely honest in the deepest respects. For being retired, I can’t think of anything worse than being in a stressful relationship. I worked all my life and loved my work and I certainly wouldn’t want anything in my life that measures less than that. Being in a relationship is about liking someone in all respects, tolerance compatibility, even flow. Is why many people decide to stay single.

[roietfortress]

1 hour ago, novacova said:

Not in the same boat, not floating in the same sea.

 

Then you certainly don’t get out much. My wife never once asked me for anything. She’s well educated and has multiple businesses and she spends her own money. And she is well aware of the common foreign ATM male and desperate Thai women dynamics that goes on here and she thinks it’s abhorrent and an insult to her culture. Is why she rarely lets me buy anything when we’re together in public, she doesn’t want that image laid on her.

same here. i have a high income as a programmer and my wife makes a lot more than me. it wasn't always this way, but she appreciated me supporting her while she grew her business. 17 year anniversary in a few months.

 

we aren't all mongers crying in our beers. nothing wrong with that, of course, but its foolish to think all farang or all Thai women are the same. maybe it seems that way if your nights are spent on a bar stool.

 

#

[Hummin]

2 hours ago, xtrnuno41 said:

Yes, but agendas can change or even set to it. And in this case, it looks like the agenda has changed from only one part and leaving the other part not happy, without bothering about the other part.

We only know one point of view, and as most women who I had experience with, always think we should know everything even they do not say one word about whats the real problem.

 

However, how he describes her, she is hiding something. Most of the Thai women I know, who really care about you, would not give you a chance to be taken by another woman. I think she keeps him on gras until he change, step up the game, or something better comes along. 

 

If I was him, I would start being busy, and not just available all the time. Op is no challenge for her, when he just sit around waiting for her, and wait for her to be ready for him.

 

OP most likely another troll ????

[LukKrueng]

1. Do you speak Thai at all? Not just "how much", "where's the toilet" etc. Can you actually make a conversation in Thai?

2. What's the age gap between the two of you?

3. Where did you meet her? What work was she doing before you met?

 

I don't know if this is a troll thread like many like to start here, but the point is that if you cannot make a conversation in Thai that means you don't understand even the basics of Thai culture and it doesn't matter how well your wife speaks English or whatever your mother's tongue is. The other 2 questions are also important. Would you have married a woman of that age in your home country (I mean would a woman that age will even consider having a relationship with a man your age?)?

And of course the 3rd question - would you have married a woman of the same past in your home country?

[Jelli]

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I've not met any foreigner with a Thai wife in a different position.

Plenty of guys claim to be in a different position, but when I meet them they're either lying or delusional.

 

I'd really like to meet a foreigner with a Thai wife that loved him for himself.

Been looking for the past 15 years without any luck.

 

I find it best just not to think about it too much!

And just enjoy the soft, warm younger body lying next to me every night.

My wife has been tested a few times and not by my choice. Thus far she (we) soldier on together. Happily. Simple, comfortable urban life for now and we explore the future.

 

My wife is absolutely unique even for the best nature of lovely Thai women.

 

In fifteen years she is always genuinely happy and living in the moment, impossible to anger, full of love and kindness and endlessly forgiving of my many faults. An absolute gem of a human being. She was pretty cute when I met her as well and not unattractive at 48. Only gained about 3kg in that time as well.

 

I'd absolutely sworn off marriage. Met her at 49 and never dated another woman. We were inseparable.

[CartagenaWarlock]

22 hours ago, Alittleguy said:

I'm an ageing expat who fell into a marriage with a Thai woman who now seems to be solely interested in my financial status.

What is the age difference? Ask yourself this question. Would you have found a lady in your home country of the same age to marry you? If so, why you did not marry in your home country? If you get the answer to this question, you have already resolved your issue.