Been in Thailand for 13 years, happily married to a Thai girl for 11 years...

 

I am sure most of you know about the 'wham bam, thank you' scam.

 

Farang from the west, comes to Thailand, possibly a regular visitor playing the bars and the girls, eventually meets 'the one'. Guy falls in love, she tells him he is different, even possibly refuses money (playing the long scam). Takes him to meet the family in some rural location, everyone loves him.. She takes him around temples and places of interest, indulges him with proper Thai culture.

 

Guy goes home keeps in touch regular online chats, messaging etc etc...... Maybe goes to visit her a couple more times, decides to sell up in the west, move to Thailand permanently, buys that plot of land, builds a house on it, buys the shiny new pickup truck or SUV, usually in the girl's name for ease... Maybe by now they are married and even possibly a kid is in the picture.

 

Then BAM!... Suddenly out of the blue the girl seems to go a bit cold, tensions are in the air, she scowls more than she smiles, then an argument is engineered. You are introduced to the end of the long scam.

 

You lost the girl, your kid, your land, house car.... How many times have we read this???

 

I met my wife through an online community game, we started chatting, I hated living in the UK and always wanted to make a move abroad, so I took the chance. After having been in contact with her for over a year I finally made the move. I rented out my house in the UK and bought a 2 week return ticket with the intention of never going back. I make a living online, so I have an income no matter where I am.

 

I spent almost 2 years here before finally getting married, I lived without a car no problem because my girl had one, I rented during that time... Once married I sat my wife down and explained to her that if we were to spend our lives together, I will buy a house and car, BUT.... The house has to be through a mortgage and the car on monthly payments. I had the moiney to buy both but I had read too many of these long scams, as much as I love my wife I want to be secure... I pay the mortgage and the car is already paid off.

 

You see, if it all went south after a couple of years, I would walk away with minimal losses, the wife would be the one lumbered with the monthly payments, its all in her name, so she ends up paying for it.

 

Call it mercenary but my wife understands... When I read all these horror stories like the one above I shake my head at how foolish the farangs were. In fact I know a Canadian guy who is just 2 years here with his relatively new wife and is currently building that huge dream home.. I give him a 50/50 shot.... Many of these stories that end like this might not even start out a s a scam, the girl may be genuine at the start... But there is a huge temptation dangling in front of her, she is suddenly launched from coming from nothing to suddenly having a 10 million baht house and 2 million baht car in her name and thinking "I could turn that lot into cash and my family would be set for life".... THAT has got to be tempting. It is also a common element that she is externally pressured from certain family members.

 

Many of these disasters could have been avoided if they took my advice and did it the way I did it.

 

Hope this helps anyone thinking about making the big leap, don't leave your country without your brain... 

 

This usually happens to guys who are inexperienced and do not take their time getting to know her. 

 

How long did you take to get to know her, before you married her, or got serious with her? I always advocate really taking your time here. Time is ALWAYS our ally, and never theirs. So take you time, get to know who they really are, and how they act under duress. The vast majority of Thai people are way immature for their age. And many women and men are emotionally undeveloped, and really just 13 year olds, who look like adults. There is something about this society that does not allow most people to grow up with an understanding of themselves. I think face has something to do with it. The utter refusal to take responsibility for one's actions and the unwillingness to "own" a situation, and man up when you screw up. That and the inability to question people, and situations. And the subsequent lack of curiosity. It is all a perfect storm, when it comes to preventing alot of people from becoming well developed human beings, with communication skills, and the tools needed to conduct meaningful relationships, beyond the surface.

 

So, the best solution is to move slowly. If she pushes back, explain to her that you need at least a year or two to get to know her. And that is time together, not apart. If that does not suit her, move on. See ya! 

Don't even need to get married, just a big risk for a man stumping up most of the money 

Not a big deal,you live your life and stuff happens.

Here a woman can take everything from you ,in the west they take everything from you plus you will have to pay years of support.

A guy from the US told me once,"i got divorced twice in the US,cost me over half a million dollars.

Over here  i married and divorced and it cost me a million baht"

No matter where you live or what you do you need to take care of yourself.

@ Brewster,it could also happen to you.

 

So its you playing the game... off you go with minimal losses! 

Dont marry an ex prostitute for starters. Her job has been to lie and she is an expert

It is quite often the mans fault .

They get married and then continue going to bars and having extramarital affairs and participating in that sort of thing regularly .

   Their Wife is usually a lot younger than them and there's very little common interest .

   The woman gets bored of her life and her husband , annoyed by his infidelity and then decides to leave the relationship .

   Its not a scam from the girls , its the guys who treat their Wife let she's a pet at home .

   Guys often are going on about  about how often they are unfaithful and how many girls they have sex with or they are wondering why their wife left them .

5 minutes ago, Nick Carter icp said:

It is quite often the mans fault .

They get married and then continue going to bars and having extramarital affairs and participating in that sort of thing regularly .

   Their Wife is usually a lot younger than them and there's very little common interest .

   The woman gets bored of her life and her husband , annoyed by his infidelity and then decides to leave the relationship .

   Its not a scam from the girls , its the guys who treat their Wife let she's a pet at home .

   Guys often are going on about  about how often they are unfaithful and how many girls they have sex with or they are wondering why their wife left them .

To be honest, I have personally known victims of this and none of them play around behind their girl's back... In fact in 13 years I never met a farang that did that... But then again I don't live in the flesh pits of Thailand. There are no bars where I live that are like Pattaya etc....

16 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

This usually happens to guys who are inexperienced and do not take their time getting to know her. 

 

How long did you take to get to know her, before you married her, or got serious with her? I always advocate really taking your time here. Time is ALWAYS our ally, and never theirs. So take you time, get to know who they really are, and how they act under duress. The vast majority of Thai people are way immature for their age. And many women and men are emotionally undeveloped, and really just 13 year olds, who look like adults. There is something about this society that does not allow most people to grow up with an understanding of themselves. I think face has something to do with it. The utter refusal to take responsibility for one's actions and the unwillingness to "own" a situation, and man up when you screw up. That and the inability to question people, and situations. And the subsequent lack of curiosity. It is all a perfect storm, when it comes to preventing alot of people from becoming well developed human beings, with communication skills, and the tools needed to conduct meaningful relationships, beyond the surface.

 

So, the best solution is to move slowly. If she pushes back, explain to her that you need at least a year or two to get to know her. And that is time together, not apart. If that does not suit her, move on. See ya! 

I knew her online for 1 year and then 2 years here before I agreed to get married. But this thing is not tied to marriage (for those saying no need to marry), it can happen outside of marriage just as long as the farang was daft enough to buy the land, house and car.

 

48 minutes ago, Brewster67 said:

I spent almost 2 years here before finally getting married, I lived without a car no problem because my girl had one, I rented during that time... Once married I sat my wife down and explained to her that if we were to spend our lives together, I will buy a house and car, BUT.... The house has to be through a mortgage and the car on monthly payments. I had the moiney to buy both but I had read too many of these long scams, as much as I love my wife I want to be secure... I pay the mortgage and the car is already paid off.

 

You see, if it all went south after a couple of years, I would walk away with minimal losses, the wife would be the one lumbered with the monthly payments, its all in her name, so she ends up paying for it.

I did the same.

I she can't get a mortgage, live in a rented house.

Scooter was good enough or us, they don't cost enough to worry about.

36 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

How long did you take to get to know her, before you married her, or got serious with her?

For me, 2 weeks from meeting to Amphur wedding ......... been together 13 years now.

3 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

For me, 2 weeks from meeting to Amphur wedding ......... been together 13 years now.

Were you vulnerable back then? not sure why men jump into relationships quickly here, often after big breakup in farangland 

4 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

Were you vulnerable back then? not sure why men jump into relationships quickly here, often after big breakup in farangland 

The (second) Thai girl I had been living with for a year had already gathered all the documents.

But we broke up after she 'mysteriously disappeared' for a week, and I needed a new VISA.

Seemed a shame to waste all the paperwork!

 

The (first) Thai girl I moved to Thailand to be with omitted to mention her American husband, who returned unexpectedly after I'd been living here about 4 weeks.

 

Gotta love the Thai girls and their games.

Love freely, pay a fair price, but keep your hand on your wallet!

Opposites do not attract. If you want a successful marriage, marry someone you have a lot in common with. Also don't live together before. That is what research data says.

1 hour ago, Brewster67 said:

Been in Thailand for 13 years, happily married to a Thai girl for 11 years...

 

I am sure most of you know about the 'wham bam, thank you' scam.

 

Farang from the west, comes to Thailand, possibly a regular visitor playing the bars and the girls, eventually meets 'the one'. Guy falls in love, she tells him he is different, even possibly refuses money (playing the long scam). Takes him to meet the family in some rural location, everyone loves him.. She takes him around temples and places of interest, indulges him with proper Thai culture.

 

Guy goes home keeps in touch regular online chats, messaging etc etc...... Maybe goes to visit her a couple more times, decides to sell up in the west, move to Thailand permanently, buys that plot of land, builds a house on it, buys the shiny new pickup truck or SUV, usually in the girl's name for ease... Maybe by now they are married and even possibly a kid is in the picture.

 

Then BAM!... Suddenly out of the blue the girl seems to go a bit cold, tensions are in the air, she scowls more than she smiles, then an argument is engineered. You are introduced to the end of the long scam.

 

You lost the girl, your kid, your land, house car.... How many times have we read this???

 

I met my wife through an online community game, we started chatting, I hated living in the UK and always wanted to make a move abroad, so I took the chance. After having been in contact with her for over a year I finally made the move. I rented out my house in the UK and bought a 2 week return ticket with the intention of never going back. I make a living online, so I have an income no matter where I am.

 

I spent almost 2 years here before finally getting married, I lived without a car no problem because my girl had one, I rented during that time... Once married I sat my wife down and explained to her that if we were to spend our lives together, I will buy a house and car, BUT.... The house has to be through a mortgage and the car on monthly payments. I had the moiney to buy both but I had read too many of these long scams, as much as I love my wife I want to be secure... I pay the mortgage and the car is already paid off.

 

You see, if it all went south after a couple of years, I would walk away with minimal losses, the wife would be the one lumbered with the monthly payments, its all in her name, so she ends up paying for it.

 

Call it mercenary but my wife understands... When I read all these horror stories like the one above I shake my head at how foolish the farangs were. In fact I know a Canadian guy who is just 2 years here with his relatively new wife and is currently building that huge dream home.. I give him a 50/50 shot.... Many of these stories that end like this might not even start out a s a scam, the girl may be genuine at the start... But there is a huge temptation dangling in front of her, she is suddenly launched from coming from nothing to suddenly having a 10 million baht house and 2 million baht car in her name and thinking "I could turn that lot into cash and my family would be set for life".... THAT has got to be tempting. It is also a common element that she is externally pressured from certain family members.

 

Many of these disasters could have been avoided if they took my advice and did it the way I did it.

 

Hope this helps anyone thinking about making the big leap, don't leave your country without your brain... 

 

What is your point?

23 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

For me, 2 weeks from meeting to Amphur wedding ......... been together 13 years now.

She must be desperate.

21 minutes ago, bignok said:

She must be desperate.

Even Bob Smith managed to get a Thai wife!

55 minutes ago, Brewster67 said:

To be honest, I have personally known victims of this and none of them play around behind their girl's back... In fact in 13 years I never met a farang that did that... But then again I don't live in the flesh pits of Thailand. There are no bars where I live that are like Pattaya etc....

That is confusing.

In fact in 26 years I never met a farang, who did NOT play around behind his lady.

Even those, who live in the countryside, would visit the bigger cities once in a while.

Compared to me, you`re clearly living in the better social environment.

 

2 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Even Bob Smith managed to get a Thai wife!

Ive seen the average Thai wife.

My take on it is a bit different than the standard view. The Thai woman is not necessarily playing the long game. She may be just what you're looking for and genuine. Some years into the relationship, she has friends/family that see she has a rich(to them) falang and they decide they want some of it, so they start whispering in her ear about how “she“ can get all his money. Then the story reverts to the standard one and she kicks him out. Of course the “whispering“ friends/family then start working on her to get whatever they can. But we don't hear this part of the story very often although I'm sure it's quite common. 

26 minutes ago, Somjot said:

That is confusing.

In fact in 26 years I never met a farang, who did NOT play around behind his lady.

Even those, who live in the countryside, would visit the bigger cities once in a while.

Compared to me, you`re clearly living in the better social environment.

 

Thai husbands have Mia nois, and visit brothels at every opportunity.

 

My 3  BILs tried to take me to a brothel, they said "you don't tell our wives and we won't tell our sister" I made an excuse and went home.

1 hour ago, BritManToo said:

For me, 2 weeks from meeting to Amphur wedding ......... been together 13 years now.

Sounds like you won the marriage lottery.

Most others who marry impulsively don't seem to be so lucky... from my observation anyway.

Even the best of marriages entered into during your prime can go terribly wrong as you grow older.

My own problem is mental issues with my wife of 40+ years.

Our two daughters, successful and out on their own, keep me here but the challenge of living with someone who is clearly unbalanced is great.

Just enjoy what you can when you can.

Nothing lasts for long.

 

2 hours ago, BritManToo said:

For me, 2 weeks from meeting to Amphur wedding ......... been together 13 years now.

Well, good fortune to you. You are statistically amongst the luckiest and most successful. 

50 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Thai husbands have Mia nois, and visit brothels at every opportunity.

 

My 3  BILs tried to take me to a brothel, they said "you don't tell our wives and we won't tell our sister" I made an excuse and went home.

That was exceedingly smart of you. 

1 hour ago, DeaconJohn said:

My own problem is mental issues with my wife of 40+ years.

I know that feeling, my former Brit wife of 30 years suddenly thought I was the devil and invited me to leave. Of course for those men who always want to hear 'her' side of the story, I freely admit she might have been right.

3 hours ago, Brewster67 said:

I am sure most of you know about the 'wham bam, thank you' scam.

 

Farang from the west, comes to Thailand,

Sounds a bit better then the Wam Bam Australian version -- you work hard and buy a house--meet a girl she moves in with you, you continue paying off the morgage as the house is in your name after all. Down the track you part-- if you have had a child with her, then most times you have got to move out--if not she is still entitled to part of the house -no your not married but in Oz law she is a "De Facto" wife Latin for "From the fact"  a  legal concept used to refer to what happens in reality, Unlike all other laws in Oz which are "de jure" (“from the law--or as the law states”)

 

Yer I think I favor the Thai Wam Bam -- I brought a house with wife--took a 30 year lease, if I am still around at the end of that, I will be so amazed she can have it.

Okay now tell us the story of the farang who does the I love you story only to jump to another girl at the next occasion. There are probably more of those than the girls you're warning us of because there must be way more farangs passing through the waterholes than girls. 

4 hours ago, Brewster67 said:

Many of these disasters could have been avoided if they took my advice and did it the way I did it.

So what year did you post this warning "Oh yea of all knowing?"

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Even Bob Smith managed to get a Thai wife!

Yes but I think she's not thai but from another nation.....imagination

3 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Even Bob Smith managed to get a Thai wife!

Yes , and with a doctorate in Physics , no less! ????‍????