American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[Bjoern]

This thai "lady" is never going to get married if her parents don't stop pretending they are from a rich high class thai family.

Send her back to the bar and maybe she have better luck with the next "boyfriend".

[new2here]

11 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

The normal solution for this kind of demand, for Thais and farangs alike, is to negotiate with the parents for the family to put up the sinsod for show at the wedding ceremony, and then take the money back themselves once the ceremony is done. That way, face is satisfied.

 

The fact the Redditor involved is apparently unaware that such arrangements are common here is seemingly a bad sign for his familiarity with Thailand and Thai customs.

 

Of course, the daughter could instead end up with a Thai husband up in Isan, who like too many stories reported in the news here over the years, will repeatedly cheat on her with other women, do drugs and drink to excess, become insanely jealous, and ultimately beat/attack her causing serious bodily harm.

 

But hey, it's their daughter, and the parents can decide.

 

 

I agree.. I think for many, not all but many, the whole issue really is a “face” thing… and while I personally may not agree with the whole concept, i acknowledge that here in Thailand, for many it is a very real issue.. so to that end, I can see where the parents might have this demand 

 

and I like your suggestion.. that what *why* the monetary demand is there will largely be rooted out or exposed.. It is really for her or their safekeeping? or is it a form of compensation for their daughter leaving their side of the family?  

 

I also get that when you’re talking about marriage in parts of the world that don’t enjoy the hugest levels of income and economic development (not saying Thailand is 3rd world at all) the issue of money can be a very real and tangible element of any marriage proposal. 

 

He’s marrying her — but rightly or wrongly her family is a part of that total package .. So i agree that an honest conversation about what each “side” will accept seems to me, to be the best road to take.

[CanadaSam]

Pay 1 million and get half back here, or get married in the states for 1 million baht (actually below the average wedding cost) and get nothing back, in fact, if it goes south, then lose your home/car/etc.

 

No brainer. 

 

Thai girls are mostly happy, if you keep them happy with moderate sums of money/luxuries.

 

American girls leave, whether or not they are happy, it's just what they do (50% divorce rate presently).

[Skipalongcassidy]

Another American (could be any number of others as well) cheap ass without a pot to piss in looking to further cheapen his "love" for a traditional Thai woman by making it about the money... first of all it is less than $30,000... secondly he and she would get back half immediately after the wedding... thirdly the remaining half would be saved for their future life... I would have to opine that she and her family have dodged a bullet... let him go back to America and forget him.

[DJ54]

Don’t know them so can’t say… could be real… or lunch money aka money grab… 

[EVENKEEL]

For some the 1 mil thb seems like a fortune, for others it's a month's salary. 

[wombat]

Was it her children that decided on the amount of sinsod or am I confused?

[CecilM]

He knows of the tradition.

He can also say ‘no’.

And if the gf stays, that’s a good sign. If not, lucky him. 

[dinsdale]

11 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

To me it seems the parents want to make sure that he doesn't just screw her and than walk away.

If she is the love of his life and if he thinks the parents do it to protect their daughter, then I think 1m is not too much. Most cars cost more than that... 

1m would just be the start. They are greedy and will take him for all he's worth. As for a new car 10 to 1 that's on the shopping list with his money.

[ChipButty]

It doesn't stop at the million baht, what about the gold and a couple of rai of land, 

[jacko45k]

27 minutes ago, Bjoern said:

This thai "lady" is never going to get married if her parents don't stop pretending they are from a rich high class thai family.

Send her back to the bar and maybe she have better luck with the next "boyfriend".

Firstly the family are middle class and have a shipping company, as per the OP.

A million baht is not that big an ask.

It was said half of it would be given back to their daughter, presumably her groom could ask if he would see any of that?

It also said she was a University student not a bar worker. 

There is a failure to grasp both the local culture and what was in the original post in your comments.

[Toolong]

Don't spend it, brother.........end it. 

 

And as you back away, never to return, do it Thai style, with a deep wai and a winning smile. 

 

What's best for you is yet to come, somewhere down the road.

 

Bon chance! 

[Henryford]

Not a dilemma, tell them to get lost. She is not a slave to be "sold".

[Hall]

Can find many good thai ladies without paying 1 million baht. Her family just want some easy quick money from farang. Thai boyfriend never give 1 million baht for sure..

[kevin612]

Americans don’t believe in marriage, the average person 3-4 times married or divorced.

[Callmeishmael]

My Thai niece just got married.  She's 5/8 Chinese, graduated from Mahidol U. (English Program), has a good job with a big Thai company and is quite good looking.  Her sinsot was a 20 million baht house in Bangkok that her in-laws gave to her and her husband.

 

Her in-laws didn't approve of the marriage, they wanted their son to marry into another wealthy family, not a middle-class family, but after they dated each other for 15 years, they gave in.

 

[Walker88]

1 hour ago, damo1967 said:

Your mother must be so proud of you..  and you sound so proud of yourself as well.. (but this is coming from a farang who could not even get a lady in his own country to look side-ways at him... pa-thet-ic attitude...)   I can only imagine how you upbeat yourself in the way you treat the Thai ladies,, shame on you advertising that fact and being so smug about it!

 

You are 1 of the min reasons I stay away from the bars... you dirty stinking farang!  I would hate to be within ear whot of you listening to yourself gloat and pat yourself on the back... a loser farang with a typical loser attitude...  You seem to have made a real success out of your life!

 

Maybe he was joking?

 

Come off your high horse.  Come to Thailand solely for the temples, did you? Never had a carnal thought in your life? When is your Ascension?

 

Sinsod might be tradition to you oh-so-culturally-sensitive Thai-aphobes, but it is literally buying the woman, no less than barfining a woman from an agogo. A rose (or tradition) by any other name......

 

A Thai-Foreigner marriage involves TWO cultures, not one. The expectation that the foreigner give in 100% to Thai culture, with nothing in return, is something a chump would do. Such a man sets himself up to be a lifelong ATM. Bridging the cultural gap is not a one way street.

 

While I do enjoy Thailand for a number of reasons, absolutely no way I would marry into a family where a visible display of what they sold their daughter for is part of the ceremony, and the goal is to show off for the neighbors. Some might find that 'cultural', I see it as a weakness, as well as a harbinger of what is going to be expected of me in the future.

[shackleton]

If he loved her that much he would pay the Dowry 

It's the Thai way 

Look on the bright side they would get half back when married ????

To put towards the house and land 

[spidermike007]

You do what I did. The cash is provided with the express agreement that it be returned after the wedding. After all, it is all a big show here anyway. The parents save face and all is good. 

 

Resist foolishness with every nanogram of your being. Resist tradition, resist nonsense, and don't be a party to it. 

 

Otherwise, be prepared to walk away. You don't need low quality inlaws. 

[Conquerbrqvilok]

My Suomi friend married a Thai woman he bought two 5 stars hotels for her and he transfer monthly 3000 euros a month to her ex-Thai husband he is happy to increase the transfer 

[portlandtree]

Got to be kidding me they have a shipping company? They should pay you but I know it’s not the custom. First of all you don’t need to show the dowry, me I gave mine $1,500 the other half I gave to wife in a future date well the one I gave to parent was given to sister to help with the farm but after 15 years she never paid it back, seconds hardly anyone gives that much even if your rich, lastly think with your head that’s on the shoulder dude the parents don’t have a right to dictate how much the dowry will be go low ball if they don’t like it you can tell them bye bye I already found  another lovely girl (but masterbate before telling them it helps thinking with the correct head lol ).

[portlandtree]

2 minutes ago, portlandtree said:

 

 

[Bangkok Barry]

13 hours ago, Screaming said:

Another old cheap Charley expat comes to Thailand and expects to marry a much younger woman and not pay up. Well Charley, go home and see what you can get there. Not much if anything I presume.

Where in the article does it say she's much younger than him? Also, are you in Thailand? Are you married? And if so, how much did you pay as a bribe to marry someone's daughter?

 

And if not married, how much would you pay to marry someone's daughter. It must surely be over a million so that you can't also be accused of being a cheap Charlie.

[Bangkok Barry]

Her middle class parents own a shipping company? Really? They are either not middle class or they don't own a shipping company. They cannot be both.

[Bangkok Barry]

Interesting to see that Thais are still happy to sell their daughters. Interesting culture.

[jacko45k]

2 minutes ago, Bangkok Barry said:

Her middle class parents own a shipping company? Really? They are either not middle class or they don't own a shipping company. They cannot be both.

Her father and brother share a pickup and deliver for Shoppee.

[fdimike]

12 hours ago, Ben Zioner said:

The parents don't need it, so he shouldn't give anything. I went to marriage office in Banrak and I did'n have to show anything. Never had any of those bull<deleted> weddings. We are still happy after nearly 15 years.

My wife of 49 years did the same but in Sattahip.  Next year will be our 50th wedding anniversary. 

[Walker88]

43 minutes ago, Skipalongcassidy said:

Another American (could be any number of others as well) cheap ass without a pot to piss in looking to further cheapen his "love" for a traditional Thai woman by making it about the money... first of all it is less than $30,000... secondly he and she would get back half immediately after the wedding... thirdly the remaining half would be saved for their future life... I would have to opine that she and her family have dodged a bullet... let him go back to America and forget him.

Yes, because it's obviously up to the foreigner to give in 100% to Thai culture, while the family in a Thai-Foreigner marriage is under absolutely no obligation to give an inch toward the foreigner's culture. /sarc

 

Perhaps I haven't had enough time in Thailand to understand the subtle difference between buying a woman short term from an agogo and buying a woman long term from her family. It seems both ways the woman is just a good for sale.

 

I'm not a 'cheap ass without a pot to pee in'; I can easily pay $30K or $1 million, but damn if I'm going to buy a spouse just because she's Thai. I prefer being single to buying a wife.

 

It IS about the money in Thailand. I understand. And money=face. It is also going to be expected that the 'farang' continue to give in to 'tradition' forever.

 

Nice guy? Loving and devoted? Who cares? Means nothing without the cash, and this---ironically---in spite of the local faith where the goal is to be without want or desire. It's almost as if they're saying, "Sure, deity, I want to be without want or desire, but how will I truly know I have no wants or desires until I've experienced money?"

 

So how much did you pay for your wife?

 

The wedding march is not "Here Comes the Bride", it's the late Tina Turner singing...."What's love got to do with it?" followed by the O'Jays "money money money money"

[LikeItHot]

When I worked at Interpol I reached out to India for assistance tracking down and Indian national who had murdered his two daughters and then fled to India.  They said they would be happy to help if I could reciprocate on a case of equal importance regarding and Indian who had failed to pay a dowry of two goats and then fled to the USA.  True story and not an uncommon request from different parts of the world.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 hour ago, dinsdale said:

1m would just be the start. They are greedy and will take him for all he's worth. As for a new car 10 to 1 that's on the shopping list with his money.

How do you know?

 

I also don't know what happens in this case. But I see it as a possibility that the parents want to protect their daughter against "misuse". Because if she marries the guy and maybe has a baby and then he goes back to the USA, then there will be not many guys who want to marry a mother with child.