Parents to be specific. Since I Ieft uni (best part of 2 decades ago) I've turned down the offer of a financial gift a couple of times.

 

Once because I felt there were strings attached. Another because it just didn't sit right. I'm not pretending I'm the norm. I'm just very independent and know what works for me.....

 

Recently I have politely declined again and apparently it has left a bad taste in the mouth. I've been asked to rethink.

 

I know what's best for me but I want to avoid offending if possible. But you cant always please everyone....... Any thoughts? 

 

Apart from the obvious 'give it to charity' or 'give it to me'

 

 

Stick to you gun...

 

My parents give myself and my baby-sister a few squid (ok a couple of grand) at birthdays and Christmas.

 

Their idea is to draw down their savings to reduce (slightly) any inheritance tax or $$$ to the government should they end up in a care home.

 

Dad is 92 and mum 88, both still going strong and fully compos-mentis (dad is registered blind but has enough vision to get around).

 

We look at it as early inheritance. I know it's most welcomed by Sis, mine is in my Nationwide savings account for that Rainy Day moment.

 

If I were @RickG16 I'd accept gracefully so there's no hurt feelings and stick it in an investment account of some kind. You may not need it now but who knows what's around the corner.

 

in some circumstances gifting money is an effective part of inheritance tax planning, possibly take it and donate to charity, or leave it up to the government...

Why do they want to give it to you?

Why do you don't want to take it?

Why don't you talk to them?

 

With your parents you will likely inherit that money anyhow one day. Maybe your parents think they don't need it and you can use it, maybe for a house or another investment, and maybe they want to help you.

Maybe you don't visit them as often as they like, and they want to see you more. Maybe you tell them you have no time or no money to visit them. 

 

Most of us are happy if they would have more money. I never heard about anybody complaining that they got a rise in their salary or won the lottery. So, what is it about you that you don't want the money? It seems to be something with you and your parents or your family in general.

9 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Why do they want to give it to you?

Why do you don't want to take it?

Why don't you talk to them?

 

With your parents you will likely inherit that money anyhow one day. Maybe your parents think they don't need it and you can use it, maybe for a house or another investment, and maybe they want to help you.

Maybe you don't visit them as often as they like, and they want to see you more. Maybe you tell them you have no time or no money to visit them. 

 

Most of us are happy if they would have more money. I never heard about anybody complaining that they got a rise in their salary or won the lottery. So, what is it about you that you don't want the money? It seems to be something with you and your parents or your family in general.

No real issue other than I'm fiercely independent. I like the feeling that I've earned all my money myself. I'm just happier like that 

 

However my parents are over 70 and I don't want to cause a rift I'll regret. But at the same time I want to be true to myself 

Just now, RickG16 said:

No real issue other than I'm fiercely independent. I like the feeling that I've earned all my money myself. I'm just happier like that 

 

However my parents are over 70 and I don't want to cause a rift I'll regret. But at the same time I want to be true to myself 

You need to put the feelings of your parents before those of yours....accept gracefully

2 minutes ago, petermik said:

You need to put the feelings of your parents before those of yours....accept gracefully

Absolutely. They're your parents for God's sake. Think about them.

8 minutes ago, petermik said:

You need to put the feelings of your parents before those of yours....accept gracefully

I see what you're saying pal

 There's some stuff I think is very important family wise. But is accepting money one of them?

 

I don't understand why it's such a big deal for them if I turn it down 

12 minutes ago, RickG16 said:

No real issue other than I'm fiercely independent. I like the feeling that I've earned all my money myself. I'm just happier like that 

 

However my parents are over 70 and I don't want to cause a rift I'll regret. But at the same time I want to be true to myself 

 

Good that you are independent.

What will you do if at some point you inherit from your parents, or one of your parents? Will you tell them you don't want it?

It seems you communicate with them. Maybe just tell them that you want to be independent and that it is not your intention to upset them.

It would be sad if you have a good relationship with them and this good relationship might become a bad relationship because of no or bad communication. Talk with them! 

5 minutes ago, RickG16 said:

I see what you're saying pal

 There's some stuff I think is very important family wise. But is accepting money one of them?

 

I don't understand why it's such a big deal for them if I turn it down 

Because they WANT to give it to you. That's their choice. Accept it gracefully.

And when they're in the ground, do what you want with it.

What I would do.....

But I'm not you....

Accept it with love...

Now trust me, when someone hits they're seventies/ eighties, you can't have too much money. 

Just hang onto it, and when they need it (and they probably will), help them out. Not by giving them their money back, but offering to pay for this and that.

1 minute ago, sipi said:

What I would do.....

But I'm not you....

Accept it with love...

Now trust me, when someone hits they're seventies/ eighties, you can't have too much money. 

Just hang onto it, and when they need it (and they probably will), help them out. Not by giving them their money back, but offering to pay for this and that.

I appreciate what you are saying and am giving it some thought.

 

You've made a couple of (fair) assumptions though about by family which aren't quite right. So to clarify, my parents would not need the money back at any stage (or it would be very surprising if they did!)

 

Want I can't get my head around. They want to give it to me, but I've said I'm happier without it. So why exactly do they want to give it to me? Genuinely asking..... Maybe this is something I can't understand as a non parent 

Ok.

As a parent...

Because you're their son. 

That's it. It pleases THEM to give it to you.

Just now, sipi said:

Ok.

As a parent...

Because you're their son. 

That's it. It pleases THEM to give it to you.

Why would it please them if they know I'm happier without it?

Just now, RickG16 said:

Why would it please them if they know I'm happier without it?

Possibly, if you worded it right.

But don't just throw it back at them.

How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and they refused it because they didn't need it?

It's a bit awkward trying to explain an answer without knowing the whole concept.

If I offered my son a million dollars and he said he was all good but thanks anyway, I'd be thrilled.

But if he accepted it and threw it away, I'd be pissed.

4 minutes ago, RickG16 said:

Why would it please them if they know I'm happier without it?

They deserve a more appreciative son IMHO....me me me....what about their feelings

2 minutes ago, petermik said:

They deserve a more appreciative son IMHO....me me me....what about their feelings

Very unfair pal! 

 

They have 2 other children who will accept and use the money. Why does is matter if the 3rd makes a different decision!

Just now, RickG16 said:

3 minutes ago, petermik said:

They deserve a more appreciative son IMHO....me me me....what about their feelings

 

Just now, RickG16 said:

Very unfair pal! 

 

They have 2 other children who will accept and use the money. Why does is matter if the 3rd makes a different decision!

Very unfair pal! 

Not unfair an honest assessment from an outsider....you asked the question and virtually every reply has said consider your parents feelings but you choose not to.....your selfish and have no consideration to your parents wishes....shame on you.

Just now, RickG16 said:

They have 2 other children who will accept and use the money. Why does is matter if the 3rd makes a different decision!

 

21 minutes ago, RickG16 said:

I appreciate what you are saying and am giving it some thought.

 

You've made a couple of (fair) assumptions though about by family which aren't quite right. So to clarify, my parents would not need the money back at any stage (or it would be very surprising if they did!)

 

Want I can't get my head around. They want to give it to me, but I've said I'm happier without it. So why exactly do they want to give it to me? Genuinely asking..... Maybe this is something I can't understand as a non parent 

Because if they die the tax man will take a part. Now they can give a certain amount tax free.

1 minute ago, petermik said:

Not unfair an honest assessment from an outsider....you asked the question and virtually every reply has said consider your parents feelings but you choose not to.....your selfish and have no consideration to your parents wishes....shame on you.

 

Tell 'em to shove their money where the sun don't shine, and move on...

16 minutes ago, sipi said:

Tell 'em to shove their money where the sun don't shine, and move on...

No no lets think about this.

My Bkk Bank account is no 132435465768

1 hour ago, RickG16 said:

No real issue other than I'm fiercely independent. I like the feeling that I've earned all my money myself. I'm just happier like that 

 

However my parents are over 70 and I don't want to cause a rift I'll regret. But at the same time I want to be true to myself 

 

Accept the money.

You don't have to spend it.

Keep it completely separate from your other financials.

Invest it and forget it.

Maybe someday either you or your parents or siblings will need it.

They get to give you a gift.

You get to remain independent.

Everybody's happy.

Crossy is right imo.

On 3/28/2024 at 6:55 PM, sipi said:

Tell 'em to shove their money where the sun don't shine, and move on...

That's a bit silly. There is a way of saying things honestly and respectfully.

Thanks for all the views. 

 

Update. I thanked them for the gesture and politely declined the money. They said they were confused as to why and asked me to rethink. I explained (by email) that I'm just happy as I am. But that I would rethink.

 

I am going to call them over the weekend. Because I think email is a bit formal and distant and better to have a chat to avoid misunderstandings.

 

I'm not pretending I'm not stubborn and difficult (and possibly weird) with these things. But hopefully I make a decision that sits right with me and doesn't hurt them too much. However, when you make decisions sometimes it's impossible to please everyone all the time....

 

 

 

 

I get it, Rick. I've never liked receiving money (or anything) either when not earned. Only time I accepted was for flights for an occasion many moons ago. I would probably also politely refuse if folks started down that road now. Many boomers are flush, with cheaply acquired lands and property etc and don't generally have the hardships of today, albeit my folks both worked their socks off for 50+ years. 

 

I wouldn't think on it too deeply. As a non-parent, you are at a disadvantage in this regard. They are likely just wanting to look after their boy. As a father, I would do exactly the same.

 

Do call them. Emails and texts are such a poor form of communication and can come across as very cold since there is no emotion conveyed.

 

All the best.

37 minutes ago, daveAustin said:

I get it, Rick. I've never liked receiving money (or anything) either when not earned. Only time I accepted was for flights for an occasion many moons ago. I would probably also politely refuse if folks started down that road now. Many boomers are flush, with cheaply acquired lands and property etc and don't generally have the hardships of today, albeit my folks both worked their socks off for 50+ years. 

 

I wouldn't think on it too deeply. As a non-parent, you are at a disadvantage in this regard. They are likely just wanting to look after their boy. As a father, I would do exactly the same.

 

Do call them. Emails and texts are such a poor form of communication and can come across as very cold since there is no emotion conveyed.

 

All the best.

Spot on Dave, thanks.