Being pressured to pay off wife's mother's large debt.

[Kinnock]

2 hours ago, Dolf said:

Why is he asking guys on the internet? 

..... Because some of us have had the same predicament, so we can share learnings based on experience.

 

He's not asking some random guys on the Internet .... this is supposed to be a forum about life in Thailand (and about Trump .... and EV's) 😃

[Keeps]

6 minutes ago, Liverpool Lou said:

Exactly, why are you concerned about other members posts that do not affect you in any way?

They did affect me, that's why I posted. What bit of that do you not quite grasp? I am about to solve my issue by using the ignore button for three members including yourself. No need to reply although I know just how much you need to get the last word in. 

[ChaiyaTH]

If you help the mother, the next thing is new debts or the uncle who now needs urgent help too. To then still leave you if you finally stop paying those things.

[Kinnock]

1 minute ago, Dolf said:

Well I wouldnt ask people whether I should spend 1m baht or not. 

Well yes ..... and I think there's a consensus amongst the learned forum members on that .... No!

[Celsius]

4 hours ago, Aust24R said:

I know family is at the core of Thai society

 

Who told you this lie? Your wife?

[Dolf]

2 minutes ago, Celsius said:

 

Who told you this lie? Your wife?

Thais are expected to support their parents.

[Celsius]

3 minutes ago, Dolf said:

Thais are expected to support their parents.

 

 

Thais, not a Farang mug.

 

Everyone is supposed to help their parents when they are old. it's a human thing to do.

 

Or do you care more about your wife's parents than your own?

[pub2022]

Run away. Start new life. Now you know it better.

[NorthernRyland]

4 hours ago, Aust24R said:

Gday. Seeking advice from those more knowledgeable than I. I know I'm required to help pay wife's debts incurred during marriage, I even help her pay off her Education debt incurred before we were married. I'm ok doing that. 

 

 

I've given my wife about 170,000 over the years for your previous debts because the bank called and threatened court. It's makes me angry as hell and make sure to make a big fight out of it so she knows I'm not ok with it. Paying her parents debts is a bridge too far though. If it came to that I think I would just move away for a while and let her decide if it's worth a divorce or not.

[NorthernRyland]

4 hours ago, Aust24R said:

1 million I believe

that's totally unreasonable. Before they ask the question they better have sold all their property and done everything they can. If the mom owns a nice house and car yet still wants your help then she's taking advantage.

[Dolf]

1m baht buys a small condo in your name or pays your rent for 8 years. Or buys 30 scooters.

[sidjameson]

3 hours ago, TallGuyJohninBKK said:

 

Here's an idea for those reading here...

 

When I was getting serious about my then future Thai wife, I made sure we sat down together to discuss our future. I made a proposal to her, and she accepted it, and we've almost never had an argument or dispute about money things in the 10+ years we've been together now.

 

I told her, I'd financially support her and our married life together fully, and whatever money she made from her job was hers to keep and she could spend her earnings on her family/parents as she wished. And in exchange for that, she (the wife) would never ask or expect me to provide any money for her parents, relatives, acquaintances, etc.

 

It's an agreement and solution that's worked out well for both of us thru the years.  And it's been a good incentive for my wife to do what she's done, and that's been to advance to a pretty successful, well-paying business career of her own (with some consulting help from me along the way).
 

 

I hope she's significantly younger and better looking than you. Why el

se agree to those terms!

[PJ71]

4 hours ago, save the frogs said:

when you start dating someone, the first and most important thing to ask is "how much is she going to cost me?"

 

 

How well has that chat up line worked for you??

[Dolf]

24 minutes ago, PJ71 said:

How well has that chat up line worked for you??

It isnt a chat up line. You ask yourself that. 

[PJ71]

1 minute ago, Dolf said:

It isnt a chat up line. You ask yourself that. 

It's certainly 'a starter for ten' if you ask me.

[Aust24R]

Thank you all

Edited March 28 by Aust24R

[BritManToo]

12 hours ago, Aust24R said:

I'm grateful for the chance to listen and learn from others here. Regards 

Tell her you're broke.

[BritManToo]

8 hours ago, Dolf said:

Thais are expected to support their parents.

I think all children should be required to support their parents for as long as their parents supported them.

[Hellfire]

In Thailand one should marry an orphan. I was stupid enough to dump one when I met her. Now all regrets.

[Hellfire]

25 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I think all children should be required to support their parents for as long as their parents supported them.

The OP is not that woman’s child

[JimTripper]

What's your question?

[Hummin]

40 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I think all children should be required to support their parents for as long as their parents supported them.

Biased BritMan? Convient and lucky to have kids in Thailand? 

[stupidfarang]

My GF had a 100,000 debt when we meet, only found out about a year after we meet. I told her I would not pay it; my view was if I paid the debt then she would not learn the lesson about money and loans.

 

She had to arrange to pay the debt off, the 100,000 was spread over 5 credit cards. She did a deal with the banks said she only had x amount and they reduced the amount. All clear now, she has learnt the lesson. Lucky for me her family are financially well off so no worries of them asking me for money.

 

If you lend any money to the family do not expect to get it back, do expect they will be back with their hand out. If you and your wife own land, be careful the wife doesn’t take a loan out to pay the mother.

 

If the mother has no assets, no land etc. Then file to be bankrupt, easy way out.

[Aust24R]

I wanted to say thanks again to those replying with constructive help thank you. The mother's demands to help pay off her debt has almost become a moot point overnight. I'm working in China until July,  my wife went back to Thailand in November as she wanted to try a job. I've been absorbing her anger for months from a distance. Overnight (after I started this post), I managed to talk with her on video. It wasn't good. She admitted she'd been with other men in these last months on Samui since she left here. Again, the mothers demands have almost become incidental compared to the bigger picture. We are still married. I have a right to see my wife and talk. But now it'll be limited to knocking on her door as she's refusing to talk and has blocked. Yet she still happy took this months salary a few weeks ago. No more i can tell you. I'm trying to keep my head above water with it all. Regards

Edited March 29 by Aust24R

[Celsius]

that's what happens when you pay to be in the relationship. 

 

Married 3 times in Thailand, never paid 1 baht.

 

But but that's why you divorced so many times some sexpat loser is about to say. 

 

But I still have my money.

[marin]

19 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

Yet she still happy took this months salary a few weeks ago. 

19 minutes ago, Aust24R said:

She admitted she'd been with other men in these last months on Samui  since she left here.

 

Wait a minute here. You are paying salary to a woman who is sleeping with other men, "men plural"? Are you out of your mind? Don't even think about mama and her million anymore. You have way bigger active problems than that. Damn Dude!!

[Aust24R]

4 minutes ago, marin said:

Wait a minute here. You are paying salary to a woman who is sleeping with other men, "men plural"? Are you out of your mind? Don't even think about mama and her million anymore. You have way bigger active problems than that. Damn Dude!!

Marin thanks, I only found out the truth last night, although I've suspected it. It was a pretty awful video call I can tell you.  You are absolutely right, all has stopped now

[0ffshore360]

The dilemma seems to have resolved itself albeit in a sad way.

I am still left wondering how a woman with no assets such as land etc gets to 1 million bht in debt in the first place? Even loan sharks need some degree of collateral !

[Aust24R]

4 minutes ago, 0ffshore360 said:

The dilemma seems to have resolved itself albeit in a sad way.

I am still left wondering how a woman with no assets such as land etc gets to 1 million bht in debt in the first place? Even loan sharks need some degree of collateral !

I don't know either OS360, at first I was a bit nieve but I learn fast. I have always been steadfast in saying I won't pay her mother's debts. It's not right and I didn't incur them. I'm flying down to Samui next week in Chinese holidays. I have a right to see my wife, not just be passively accepting of all this from 6000 kms away. I'm a nice guy you know, I do my best, but I expect this to be confrontational. But she's my wife, I have a right to see her and talk

Edited March 29 by Aust24R

[rexpotter]

Nice Story, but its a very old story that I do not believe at all.