We have often articles about farangs meeting and staying with Thai women. And often guys who live here since a long time, me included, like to give some advice.

But is our advice still relevant?

I met my long-time gf before mobile phones were around. No facebook, tinder, and all that.

I didn't try to find a new girlfriend for a long-time relationship since a long long time. I guess if I would do this now, my experience from the time when I last dated is almost irrelevant. Or not?

 

Did you look for a new gf after a decade or more without dating in Thailand? Was your experience from long time ago still relevant?

And if you are only a few years in Thailand, does the advice from old guys, who live here since decades, make any sense to you?

 

This thread is not supposed to be a "how to do it now". It's more like: Does experience from 10, 20 or 30 years ago count in the modern world which changed so much?

It would all depend what kind of person you are.If your idea of "dating" is picking up bar girls with the hope one might eventually become "permanent", you are correct that a sexpat of the 1980's transported in time to 2024 might be temporarily baffled by the current technology.Quite why elderly sexpats would want to "give advice" is beyond me.The attractive young will find a way of getting into each other's pants without some loser expat telling them what are the challenges.

 

But joking apart. there is much that younger expats could learn from experienced expats of an older generation about Thai culture and behaviour.Some of this would be relevant to courting rituals.The slight snag for this forum is that that kind of educated culturally aware expatriate doesn't generally figure in this arena.But addressing the question - how  relevant is cultural experience of several decades ago? The answer is both much more than you might imagine and also much less than you might imagine.

In the old days you got your wallet out, now it's just transferring money by phone 

Most old expats know as much about modern music as they do about modern Thai girls.

Would you expect good advice from a 60 year old on what music to listen to from the last 20 years?

56 minutes ago, sidjameson said:

Would you expect good advice from a 60 year old on what music to listen to from the last 20 years?

There is no need for that because we all know most of that modern music is crap, 😉 

2 hours ago, sidjameson said:

Most old expats know as much about modern music as they do about modern Thai girls.

Would you expect good advice from a 60 year old on what music to listen to from the last 20 years?

 

A brain dead non sequitur

Not a thing has changed on the dating scene, except the internet, simply giving more 'suspect' options.  Married 4 times (total of ~24 yrs), so single for a wee bit more time, and never had problem meeting like mind people.

 

You meet people everywhere, workplace, bar (non P4P), market, mall, vendors, restaurant, coffee shop, on public trans ... just takes starting a conversation.  All easy to do.

 

If someone is coming to Thailand, or anywhere, and 25+ yrs old, and needs dating/relationship advice ... oh well.

 

Not sure I'd take advice from anyone.  Not sure anyone would want advice from me, if looking for a relationship... divorced 3 time + 2 live GFs that didn't work out.  I'm batting 16% here, and was lucky with the last one, as almost ready to throw the towel in ... 

1 minute ago, KhunLA said:

If someone is coming to Thailand, or anywhere, and 25+ yrs old, and needs dating/relationship advice ... oh well.

 

I think there are often very different expectations.

I.e. if back home, you meet a girl in a club, and she joins you home, you don't expect that you have to pay the next morning. In Thailand you better check if she wants to get paid.

I think there are also lots of different expectations of just seeing each other and getting married and having kids and all that. But I am not up to date with those things in any counry.

 

Meeting someone is not difficult. But understanding what is going on and the expectations, that is IMHO a very different thing.

8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

I think there are often very different expectations.

I.e. if back home, you meet a girl in a club, and she joins you home, you don't expect that you have to pay the next morning. In Thailand you better check if she wants to get paid.

I think there are also lots of different expectations of just seeing each other and getting married and having kids and all that. But I am not up to date with those things in any counry.

 

Meeting someone is not difficult. But understanding what is going on and the expectations, that is IMHO a very different thing.

If you tell a working gal from a not working gal, you're in deep sh!t already.

 

Common sense, and thinking with the correct head, should keep most guys out of trouble.   For some reason, they come here, and do things they would never do in there home country.   

 

The moment anyone starts asking for money ... RED FLAG .. BYE BYE.  

 

Age gaps are one thing, but how wide and ages of the 2 people.  I've always enjoyed younger women, but don't expect a 20 ish yr old to be interested in me (love) when I'm 50 yrs.   That's just silly.   

 

1st Thai wife was 22, me 45 (always looked younger, but), and Gee, wonder why that didn't work out.

 

2nd Thai wife, and about same age gap, but she was 29/30, and me 51/52.  Big gap, but not mindset.

22 minutes ago, KhunLA said:

I've always enjoyed younger women, but don't expect a 20 ish yr old to be interested in me (love) when I'm 50 yrs.   That's just silly.

 

Is it love when relatively young women become the girlfriends or wives from celebrities i.e. in Hollywood? 

Or do they like a life in luxury and maybe meeting famous people.

I guess there are enough young and pretty women out there who don't really want to work and who like to live in relative luxury. And it seems enough not so young guys are ready to make that deal.

Is it love? Probably not. But he gets what he wants, and she gets what she wants. 

 

And about recognizing "working girls", I guess some of us who are long enough here, have a pretty good idea about what is going on. But guys who are new in town might misread the situation.

1 hour ago, OneMoreFarang said:

 

Is it love when relatively young women become the girlfriends or wives from celebrities i.e. in Hollywood? 

Or do they like a life in luxury and maybe meeting famous people.

I guess there are enough young and pretty women out there who don't really want to work and who like to live in relative luxury. And it seems enough not so young guys are ready to make that deal.

Is it love? Probably not. But he gets what he wants, and she gets what she wants. 

 

And about recognizing "working girls", I guess some of us who are long enough here, have a pretty good idea about what is going on. But guys who are new in town might misread the situation.

 

It's almost better if it is not love. Romantic relationships have a built in dynamic to seek finality. However, if you have a good relationship with an attractive girl who performs in bed, is useful in the house and alround pleasant, the absence of the mental illness known as love need not be a bad thing.

The answer to to question is what did you want 20 years ago versus today.

 

Now i'm a happily married man, I'm 65 my Thai wife 55, for 20+ years.

 

When I first visited Thailand and fell in love with the people it was a whole different thing. I actually met my wife at work in Singapore before I ever went to Thailand.

 

Today, it's two ways. The bar girl scene and that fraught with danger, or the tinder stuff, also fraught with danger.

 

Thai/Farang relationships are like the west, but add in cultural, age difference issues, the new boys better beware, stormy waters ahead and get ready, because it could go South in a heart beat

 

My best advise for the newbies

11 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Does experience from 10, 20 or 30 years ago count in the modern world which changed so much?

yes it does. If only I listened those old farts ... But it is very complicated - there's no "generic old farang" some are very biased, some are just crazy and some (very few) experienced and well-off retirees. 

Yes, listen and process it. Obviously might help.

6 hours ago, NativeBob said:

yes it does. If only I listened those old farts ... But it is very complicated - there's no "generic old farang" some are very biased, some are just crazy and some (very few) experienced and well-off retirees. 

Yes, listen and process it. Obviously might help.

Need to know who is giving you advice.   Doesn't take much, just observe.  After a couple bad recommendations from stock brokers, I stopped taking their advice, when I realized I had the nicest car in the parking lot.

 

People giving advice that haven't succeeded in what they are talking about ...

... nuff said

9 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

The answer to to question is what did you want 20 years ago versus today.

 

The same.

A pretty cute and relatively innocent girl 20+

I don't know if I would realistically still be able to do that. But at least I would try.

It seems most women 30+ in Thailand consider themselves to be old. I agree. 😉 

2 hours ago, KhunLA said:

People giving advice that haven't succeeded in what they are talking about ...

... nuff said

 

I guess the problem with relationship advise based on our own experience can't really be good.

 

Option a, we are together with the same woman since forever. We can talk about what we think works for us in our relationship, but that is really only about this one unique relationship.

 

Option b, we had many relationships and have a broader experience. But does it make sense to take advice from someone who had 10 relationships if we want the one and only relationship? That "experienced" guy obviously was not able or willing to commit to only one of them.

20 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Does experience from 10, 20 or 30 years ago count in the modern world which changed so much?

no, the new guys are a different breed

But is our advice still relevant?

 

Yes, I think so!

Genuine advice is always good, especially from experienced people. Its up to the receiver to take what's relevant and let go of what is not.

 

In fact, here on this forum itself, people can get a lot of valuable information, as can be seen. Many experienced members are willing and come forward with advice and help.

 

Having said that, everyone has to recognize and avoid the  misinformation "superspreaders".  Unfortunately, here too there are many.

6 hours ago, ravip said:

But is our advice still relevant?

 

Yes, I think so!

Genuine advice is always good, especially from experienced people. Its up to the receiver to take what's relevant and let go of what is not.

 

In fact, here on this forum itself, people can get a lot of valuable information, as can be seen. Many experienced members are willing and come forward with advice and help.

 

Having said that, everyone has to recognize and avoid the  misinformation "superspreaders".  Unfortunately, here too there are many.

Yes i would agree with you advice still relevant YES  i find in the forums people don't know the rules and are quick  to hate !!!  Its a shame !!

I'd say NO! It never was....

 

When a lonely & horny guy arrives and see it's possible to date beautiful 20-30yrs younger ladies brain goes outta door.

 

Lost money? So what? Having money doesn't give pleasure or happiness but WHAT you get is the key.

I rarely give cash but I offer nice trips, mini vacations and pay something useful like extra water pump & watering system at farm. They really liked that.

 

On 10/11/2024 at 8:20 PM, OneMoreFarang said:

But guys who are new in town might misread the situation.

 

i think the old saying  "young, dumb, and full of cum "   still applies in most cases.

 

As far as advice :  " i hate advice,  unless i'm the one giving it .  And i never give it.... cause nobody ever takes it " .