How did you do it ?

[The Cobra]

I’ve been living in Thailand for awhlle now, based in Pattaya. Great place, love the country, love the people. But there’s one thing I just can’t seem to figure out—finding a proper long-term relationship.

 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s been no shortage of fun. I’ve had my fair share of dates and, you know, other things. But finding someone who’s genuinely interested in me and not what I can do for them? That’s been a struggle.

I’m in my 50's, keep myself in decent shape, and I don’t think I’m too bad-looking. But most of the women I meet here seem to want financial support, and I’m not interested in being an ATM.

 

Then there’s the other side of it—some of the women I’ve dated didn’t speak a word of English. I gave it a go, but honestly, it just got awkward and boring after a while.

I’ve tried chatting up women who work regular jobs—shop girls, market sellers, even a pharmacist once—but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. Maybe it’s the language barrier, or maybe they’ve already got a farang boyfriend. Or, who knows, maybe Pattaya’s just not the place for a foreigner to find a serious relationship. Feels like the reputation here works against me sometimes.

 

I’ve started thinking maybe I’m in the wrong spot entirely. Like, should I move? Maybe try a quieter city in Thailand may be up north?  or even go somewhere like the Philippines, where English is more common? I’m not giving up yet, but it’s starting to feel like a dead end.

 

So, what do you guys think? How did you meet your partner? Any tips for finding someone genuine? I’m not keen on apps—too many freelancers and scams there. Got any advice for meeting someone the old-fashioned way?

 

Thanks

[Lacessit]

If you don't accept most Thai women want financial support from a foreigner, IMO your chances are statistically improbable.

 

Any high-earning Thai woman is only going to be interested in Thai males, for status reasons. Claims by more deluded or mischievous posters notwithstanding.

 

You may find a soulmate accidentally. I was having my share of fun and games until I met someone who changed my mind. I give her what she wants, she gives me what I want. About 12 years now.

 

I would suggest Pattaya is not the place for long term relationships. I met my GF in Chiang Rai.

 

Filipinas can be just as predatory as some Thais, there's no guarantees.

 

 

[OneMoreFarang]

41 minutes ago, The Cobra said:

But most of the women I meet here seem to want financial support, and I’m not interested in being an ATM.

 

Most women, anywhere in the world, want a guy with a nice home who can afford to go to nice restaurants, maybe pay for children, etc.

Some women in Thailand are poor and need someone with money or a reasonable income.

Other women are not poor and maybe they have a decent income. But they still want a guy who has some money because life with money is more fun than life without it.

 

And Pattaya is not Thailand. Pattaya is a big exception which has little to do with the rest of Thailand. If you want a real relationship then you shouldn't look in the biggest open-air brothel in this world. 

[OneMoreFarang]

25 minutes ago, Lacessit said:

Any high-earning Thai woman is only going to be interested in Thai males, for status reasons. Claims by more deluded or mischievous posters notwithstanding.

It depends.

If the Thai woman is used to foreigners because maybe she works in a 5-star hotel or something similar, then maybe she wants a foreigner. But of course, she wants a successful foreigner with money and/or a decent job. 

[scubascuba3]

I have a lawyer friend with good English 32 (I'm 55) who would be my girlfriend if I wanted but I'm happy being single, I don't want or need commitment or a relationship, but they are around, so keep looking or just give up, giving up can be better, eternally looking and not finding isn't great

[CharlieH]

11 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

I have a lawyer friend with good English 32 (I'm 55) who would be my girlfriend if I wanted but I'm happy being single, I don't want or need commitment or a relationship, but they are around, so keep looking or just give up, giving up can be better, eternally looking and not finding isn't great

It's often said that when your not looking, that's usually when you find it, and often when you least expect it. 

[baansgr]

1 hour ago, The Cobra said:

I’ve been living in Thailand for awhlle now, based in Pattaya. Great place, love the country, love the people. But there’s one thing I just can’t seem to figure out—finding a proper long-term relationship.

 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s been no shortage of fun. I’ve had my fair share of dates and, you know, other things. But finding someone who’s genuinely interested in me and not what I can do for them? That’s been a struggle.

I’m in my 50's, keep myself in decent shape, and I don’t think I’m too bad-looking. But most of the women I meet here seem to want financial support, and I’m not interested in being an ATM.

 

Then there’s the other side of it—some of the women I’ve dated didn’t speak a word of English. I gave it a go, but honestly, it just got awkward and boring after a while.

I’ve tried chatting up women who work regular jobs—shop girls, market sellers, even a pharmacist once—but it doesn’t seem to go anywhere. Maybe it’s the language barrier, or maybe they’ve already got a farang boyfriend. Or, who knows, maybe Pattaya’s just not the place for a foreigner to find a serious relationship. Feels like the reputation here works against me sometimes.

 

I’ve started thinking maybe I’m in the wrong spot entirely. Like, should I move? Maybe try a quieter city in Thailand may be up north?  or even go somewhere like the Philippines, where English is more common? I’m not giving up yet, but it’s starting to feel like a dead end.

 

So, what do you guys think? How did you meet your partner? Any tips for finding someone genuine? I’m not keen on apps—too many freelancers and scams there. Got any advice for meeting someone the old-fashioned way?

 

Thanks

50 years old seeks women, can't be bothered learning their language and definitely doesn't understand the culture...PI is the same...why would a poor woman want someone like you unless it's for money, either change or accept you will always be single 

[OneMoreFarang]

35 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

I have a lawyer friend with good English 32 (I'm 55) who would be my girlfriend if I wanted

She is over 30 and it seems most Thai women over 30 think they are old. And many Thai men treat them like old women.

And then there is obviously nature with allows women to have babies until they are maybe 40 years old. 

So, a woman with 32 who wants babies should better hurry if she wants to know a guy for some time before she marries him and has kids with him.

[scubascuba3]

8 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

She is over 30 and it seems most Thai women over 30 think they are old. And many Thai men treat them like old women.

And then there is obviously nature with allows women to have babies until they are maybe 40 years old. 

So, a woman with 32 who wants babies should better hurry if she wants to know a guy for some time before she marries him and has kids with him.

The girl in question already has a son with a falang 10 years ago, she, like the other lawyers don't meet many farang, seems to be mainly Thais and shady Chinese

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, scubascuba3 said:

The girl in question already has a son with a falang 10 years ago, she, like the other lawyers don't meet many farang, seems to be mainly Thais and shady Chinese

So how many Thai or Chinese guys, shady or not, want a > 30 year old woman with a 10 year old farang son? I guess near 0%. 

[Nemises]

23 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

like the other lawyers don't meet many farang

I had the “fortune” to date a beautiful Thai lawyer. Lasted until she ordered me to ditch my late model Ford Ranger and replace it with an upmarket European car to match hers. In other words, about 1 week. 
 

 

 

[Lacessit]

8 minutes ago, Nemises said:

I had the “fortune” to date a beautiful Thai lawyer. Lasted until she ordered me to ditch my late model Ford Ranger and replace it with an upmarket European car to match hers. In other words, about 1 week. 
 

 

 

Many Thais are fixated on new, as a symbol of success. Apparently a black car denotes a professional. 

 

IMO anyone wanting a black car in the Thai climate has rocks in their head.

[baansgr]

38 minutes ago, scubascuba3 said:

The girl in question already has a son with a falang 10 years ago, she, like the other lawyers don't meet many farang, seems to be mainly Thais and shady Chinese

Real lawyer or just works for a lawyer..pregnant at 21?...I've known girls purporting to be lawyers also...all pre bar girls met foreigners and had babies, real estate girls are even worse. Unless they have studied till they are 27 years old without a break, they are all liars and fonies

[JBChiangRai]

1 hour ago, baansgr said:

50 years old seeks women, can't be bothered learning their language and definitely doesn't understand the culture...PI is the same...why would a poor woman want someone like you unless it's for money, either change or accept you will always be single 

 

Learning the Thai language is key.  It's impolite to live here and expect to speak English, and a showstopper for many relationships.

 

Get yourself to a language school.  You'll also meet Thai girls learning English.

[Will B Good]

Do not move away from Pattaya/Bangkok….you will rue the day.

 

It would be like leaving London to live in Middlesbrough.

[atpeace]

2 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

So how many Thai or Chinese guys, shady or not, want a > 30 year old woman with a 10 year old farang son? I guess near 0%. 

Nothing unique about Thailand and the same sentiment applies to most countries.  It definitely is harder but if the women has game she can still get successful Thai men.  I think you are applying your logic to bar girls and not regular Thai women.

[atpeace]

4 hours ago, The Cobra said:

 

 

 Any tips for finding someone genuine? I’m not keen on apps—too many freelancers and scams there. Got any advice for meeting someone the old-fashioned way?

 

Seems like you are not doing anything wrong.  Just keep at it. 

 

Finding a keeper is probably more luck than skill for most.  Look at all the relationships in your group of friends and I bet there are only one or two that are what you would want.  Even if you find what you want it will probably end badly but just keep at it and try to have some fun.

[Damrongsak]

I met my future wife and her sister in the cloth market in Muang Loei 47 years ago.  They were selling clothing. I had a couple months training in Thai courtesy of the U.S. Peace Corps.  My wife did not speak English at the time. 

[Kinnock]

Bangkok is a better option to meet Thai women who are not just looking for a sponsor - but those old style values that us foreign men appreciate all come at a price.

 

She will be caring, look after and spoil her man, make an effort to look and dress cute, be feminine and will not try to compete with you, and can cook too.

 

She will look after you, spoil you, devote her life to you (and her Mother of course) ... but in return you are expected to look after her.

 

She may have a decent job, but most Thai salaries are low, so she'll expect you to pay for the big ticket items.

 

But if you want a totally independent woman who pays her own way but treats you like garbage - go back home.

[DonniePeverley]

A non prostitute / bar worker isn't going to marry a foreigner (unless its rare love). It's culture, most Thai women will marry a Thai man. 

[scubascuba3]

10 hours ago, baansgr said:

Real lawyer or just works for a lawyer..pregnant at 21?...I've known girls purporting to be lawyers also...all pre bar girls met foreigners and had babies, real estate girls are even worse. Unless they have studied till they are 27 years old without a break, they are all liars and fonies

Yeah real lawyer, not one day certificate thing

[scubascuba3]

10 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

So how many Thai or Chinese guys, shady or not, want a > 30 year old woman with a 10 year old farang son? I guess near 0%. 

She's financially independent, but yeah i have no interest in taking on someone elses child, but on the plus side 60+ guys shouldn't be having kids anyway

[jerrymahoney]

12 hours ago, The Cobra said:

So, what do you guys think? How did you meet your partner?

My standard line:

 

You don't find a Thai partner; they find you.

[kevinsan]

Miss the days when one would just go upcountry and buy a wife.

[simon43]

Based on my own experience (professional chap, 'gentleman', speak/read Thai to a high level, regular income but not rich etc) - I'd say that you are better off with a sex doll.

 

I was.....

[daveAustin]

 this is a common trend. Learn Thai, go to Bangkok, keep fit, dress well, join a group, garner Thai friends. You’ll be beating them off with a sh’tty stick 🙂

[OneMoreFarang]

2 hours ago, DonniePeverley said:

A non prostitute / bar worker isn't going to marry a foreigner (unless its rare love). It's culture, most Thai women will marry a Thai man. 

Wrong.

Maybe widen your circle of people a little.

[OneMoreFarang]

28 minutes ago, kevinsan said:

Miss the days when one would just go upcountry and buy a wife.

 

I don't think it should happen. But I am almost sure it's possible. There are enough greedy people out there.

[b17]

I've been married to a lady from Chiang Rai for over 30 years, and we met in Singapore, at a college adjacent to where I was working. so Just dumb luck in my case as I wasn't expecting to meet anyone in that particular situation.  Now, based on what I've observed over the past three decades,  If you want to find a "good girl", I must agree with Lacessit that the probability of that in Pattaya is extremely low. However, if you learn some Thai and develop friendships with Thai people, it's almost inevitable that they will start introducing you to potential partners who are the still single daughters of friends and neighbours. This isn't an infallible approach, but you'll get more familiar with a different spectrum within Thai society. 

 

[Yagoda]

Give up. Easier just to give them a wave and taxi fare