I was researching the origin of the pome, when I came across this:

Funny Questions About Tourism in Australia

June 18th, 2009 | Author: Sam

Here are some of the really funny questions asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their website, and some answers that may be appropriate. The original joke was floated around by email many years ago and I thought it might be worth sharing!

From the USA: Which direction is north in Australia? (From the Editor – the same direction north is anywhere!)

From Sweden: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (From the Editor – We just have to wonder what for??)

From Germany: Do tents exist in Australia? (From the Editor – Only in camping grounds, tent stores, caravan parks, National parks etc)

From France: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (From the Editor – Yes, we celebrate Christmas at Christmas time, hehehe)

From Italy: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (From the Editor – So they prefer outdoor sports?)

From The USA: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (From the Editor – Yes, unlike the Canadians, all our states/regions are English speaking, hehe)

From Italy: I hear that all Australian women are beautiful. Is that true and if so, can you send me pictures of the available ones? (From the Editor – We’re starting to see a theme with the Italian questions here!)

From Germany: I want to go swimming at Bondi Beach on October 20th. Will I turn blue? (From the Editor – Depends on the level of pollution in the water that day – just kidding!)

From The UK: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (From the Editor – Home & Away and Neighbours have a lot to answer for!)

From The USA: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (From the Editor – It really does depend how much alcohol you’ve consumed.)

From Germany: I plan to take some day trips during the Olympics. Which direction should I drive – Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth – to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (From the Editor – Day trips? Literally several thousand kilometres from Sydney? You’d need a teleporter and the sun wouldn’t be a problem, hehe)

From Sweden: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney for the Olympics – can I follow the railroad tracks? (From the Editor – It’s about 4000km so we think he’d have missed the entire Olympics and a year of his life by the time he arrived!)

From Italy: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (From the Editor – I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume the language translator really got it wrong!)

From South Africa: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you let her in? (From the Editor – We do have toilet paper and plumbing in Australia!)

From The UK: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (From the Editor – We imagine the Olympic committee would have had fun providing the details of literally thousands of ATMs in these huge areas)

From Portugal: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (From the Editor – We really don’t know what to say about this??)

From The UK: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (From the Editor – This had to be someone taking the Mickey, right?)

From The UK: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (From the Editor – We stopped eating with our hands years ago!)

From France: Do you have perfume in Australia? (From the Editor – We just got perfume last year, smells great mate!)

From Germany: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (From the Editor – Sure, if you have a submarine.)

From Germany: Are there killer bees in Australia? (From the Editor – If we said no would you bring some with you? hehehe)

From The USA: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (From the Editor – There are so many things wrong with this question, I don’t know where to start!)

From Germany: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (From the Editor – Everyone knows milk comes from supermarkets, cows, schmows.)

From The USA: Can you please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum? (From the Editor – OK, you’d have to provide your own rattlesnake though. We have tiger snakes, brown snakes, black snakes, red-bellied black snakes etc, but no rattlesnakes!)

From The USA: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (From the Editor – Repeat after me.. OS-TRAY-LI-A.)

From The USA: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (From the Editor – Um.. Koala? It’s actually not a bear though ;o)

From The USA: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (From the Editor – I think she’s over you by now!)

If you’re overseas and you’re reading this – all there really is to learn from these questions is that Australia is not much different to other countries. It might be very large with amazing natural scenery and unique native animals but we basically live the same way most people do!

We hope you had a laugh at these funny (and quite innocent) questions from tourists planning their first visit to our shores.

Fun & Interesting Facts About Australia – June 09

June 9th, 2009 | Author: Sam

Here we have a few fun and interesting facts from Australia – I’ll add more of these every now and then, sure makes for an interesting read!

Australia is the worlds biggest island and also the smallest continent (bizarre right?!).

The largest organic construction on earth is in Australia and is known as the Great Barrier Reef (been there, must visit!).

Tasmania is know to have the cleanest air in the world (who knew?).

In 1954 Bob Hawke (former Prime Minister) made it into the Guinness Book of Records – why? He drank 2.5 pints of beer in 11 seconds (he was a bit of a larrikin wasn’t he?).

There are 1500 hundred species of Australian spiders (eek!).

There are more than 150 million sheep in Australia, and only 21.8 million people (as of june 2009).

Australia has the biggest number of wild one humped camels in the world (i don’t really know what to say about that).

The city of Melbourne in Australia has the largest Greek population in the world outside of Athens Greece (not surprising).

No wonder they call Australia the land of wonders – this is just a drop in the ocean of fun facts available for our great land.

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I was researching the origin of the pome... <snip>

I hope you didn't take me too literally, Humph

I was researching the origin of the pome... <snip>

I hope you didn't take me too literally, Humph

I never take anything in this forum too seriously, too literally, too often.

Just as I trust little that I write is taken in any way but that I am filling in time at work, waiting for the pubs to open.

I'm trying staying in a pub and waiting for work to open.....much better idea.

I'm trying staying in a pub and waiting for work to open.....much better idea.

But it was only 8.15 in the morning when I wrote that - 12 hours minimum before I can get my first Tiger Draught down me neck.

Up at five, in the car by six, arrive at work by seven. Then work until six in the evening (or longer, if there's a big concrete pour on-going, or similar). It's a hard life - earning a crust. And a pint of Tiger costs 25,000 dong. That's almost a pound in real money!

Plate of sausage and mash, with fried onions, costs 120,000 dong. Over six dollars. And if I have sauerkraut instead of onions it costs 10,000 more. How can I survive?

It's a hard life out here in Vietnam. Another ten years of it and I might have to retire. The strain is getting too much.

(To get back on thread - 25,000 dong is 1 1/2 Aus Dollars - 120,000 dong is 7 Aus dollars)

I'm trying staying in a pub and waiting for work to open.....much better idea.

But it was only 8.15 in the morning when I wrote that - 12 hours minimum before I can get my first Tiger Draught down me neck.

Up at five, in the car by six, arrive at work by seven. Then work until six in the evening (or longer, if there's a big concrete pour on-going, or similar). It's a hard life - earning a crust. And a pint of Tiger costs 25,000 dong. That's almost a pound in real money!

Plate of sausage and mash, with fried onions, costs 120,000 dong. Over six dollars. And if I have sauerkraut instead of onions it costs 10,000 more. How can I survive?

It's a hard life out here in Vietnam. Another ten years of it and I might have to retire. The strain is getting too much.

(To get back on thread - 25,000 dong is 1 1/2 Aus Dollars - 120,000 dong is 7 Aus dollars)

It sounds like you're getting ripped off for your food, taking the cost of simmilar food 1 km from your construction site....I'm guessing.

I spent 2 years on the Auckland Casino construction site...the cafe across the road was subsidised by the chief contractor yet was still the same cost as any other lunch bar in the city.....I daresay street food and cafe food any distance from your site would be half the price.

Let me guess....farang are running the place you buy your bangers and mash?

The bloke the poem's about is an expatriot Kiwi - one of the ones who came over in the 70s/80s bringing their wide comb sheers with them and causing all the drama in the sheds that went on for years.

Try again, Pete...

Nope...........

There are more than 150 million sheep in Australia, and only 21.8 million people (as of june 2009).

That is gospel, Ping, poem must be rite.

Ockors cannot admit da truth.....

Just enjoy life in the Lucky Country........ all dem sheeps.......whewwwww

....and "NO I am not envious."

Over 47 million sheep in NZ - or 13 for every person. And such a small country - a couple of little strips of land and a few dots. You poor Kiwis must be up to your armpits in sheep sh!t. I'll bet that NZ holds another record, too - highest retail market for gumboots (something to do with the back legs of sheep). No need for envy at all then, Pete...

Over 47 million sheep in NZ - or 13 for every person. And such a small country - a couple of little strips of land and a few dots. You poor Kiwis must be up to your armpits in sheep sh!t. I'll bet that NZ holds another record, too - highest retail market for gumboots (something to do with the back legs of sheep). No need for envy at all then, Pete...

I once saw a fellow arrive in Australia from NZ on his first ever flight, wearing gumboots. When asked why, he offerred that they were the only footware he owned. No BS.

I have other NZ stories, such as urine soaked passports presented for entry by a comatose pax being transported in a wheelchair he normally didn't need.

I'm trying staying in a pub and waiting for work to open.....much better idea.

Plate of sausage and mash, with fried onions, costs 120,000 dong. Over six dollars. And if I have sauerkraut instead of onions it costs 10,000 more. How can I survive?

It's a hard life out here in Vietnam. Another ten years of it and I might have to retire. The strain is getting too much.

(To get back on thread - 25,000 dong is 1 1/2 Aus Dollars - 120,000 dong is 7 Aus dollars)

It sounds like you're getting ripped off for your food, taking the cost of simmilar food 1 km from your construction site....I'm guessing.

I spent 2 years on the Auckland Casino construction site...the cafe across the road was subsidised by the chief contractor yet was still the same cost as any other lunch bar in the city.....I daresay street food and cafe food any distance from your site would be half the price.

Let me guess....farang are running the place you buy your bangers and mash?

That's the bar in the middle of District 1 - Voodoo Bar.

VN lady owner, with Aussie partner.

Pub grub is never cheap, it may look good value, but the half-dozen piunts that go with it cover the profit margin nicely, thank you very much.

The site I am on is 40km outside Saigon - car journey, ferry trip, more car. Tonight it was just on 2 hours to get back to my place. Would have been anothe rtwenty minutes to continue into town. So had a VN meal at local cafe (or Ca Phe in Viet) for 30,000 dong.

^^Well it wouldn't be BS, but I'll bet they had a bit of SS on them...

E: Humph got in first

When Customs have to wear gloves to stamp a passport it's a bit over the top.

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd is in hot water with the governor of Alabama for his response to comedian Robin Williams' "Australians are basically English rednecks" gibe.

Williams made the joke on the Dave Letterman TV talkshow in the US earlier in the week and Rudd, during a radio interview on Wednesday, hit back by recommending the comedian "spend a bit of time in Alabama before he frames comments about anyone being particularly redneck".

Rudd's reference to Alabama and rednecks generated a terse response from Alabama governor Bob Riley.

Is Rudd a ruddy redneck too.

He has to draw worlds press' attention to a chuck-a-way remark.

I thought Rudd's reply was a great one. Too bad some folks don't have a sense of humour (NOTE... spelled humour and NOT humor)

Canadians, Aussies, Kiwis, Scotts and Brits seem to have the ability to laugh at themselves. Americans for some reason, don't.

Over 47 million sheep in NZ - or 13 for every person. And such a small country - a couple of little strips of land and a few dots. You poor Kiwis must be up to your armpits in sheep sh!t. I'll bet that NZ holds another record, too - highest retail market for gumboots (something to do with the back legs of sheep). No need for envy at all then, Pete...

All that pasture and not a sheep in sight.

Some pretty nice trout, though

Over 47 million sheep in NZ - or 13 for every person. And such a small country - a couple of little strips of land and a few dots. You poor Kiwis must be up to your armpits in sheep sh!t. I'll bet that NZ holds another record, too - highest retail market for gumboots (something to do with the back legs of sheep). No need for envy at all then, Pete...

150 million sheep in Australia, and only 21.8 million people

You Ockors not far behind..... hehe.......pun intended.

7 each, yer just jealous......

555 envy or jealousy, Pete? (You're blowing north and south.)

At least Australia has a means of contolling excess population..

This is what was taken out of its stomach...

I really didn't need to see that after breakfast - especially the morning after Songkran....!

Bloody hel_l not much left to sort out from that eh!

Note to self "keep away from big crocs"

^Or old ones (sorry Bags)

I forwarded that last week to my friends/contact.

Some sourpuss replied back that it was photoshopped.

Spoilt my morbid senses.....

I forwarded that last week to my friends/contact.

Some sourpuss replied back that it was photoshopped.

Spoilt my morbid senses.....

It's quite real alright.

I've done some photo shopping in my time, and that's no photoshop. There are ALWAYS people say something is photoshopped. I've had many people question some of my pictures when nothing more than re-sizing the picture for the internet was done.

However, to make a good story, sometimes sections of photos get borrowed from other pictures and placed in a different story. There is no question that those are human remains, and what more likely animal than a big croc would you find them in.

I forwarded that last week to my friends/contact.

Some sourpuss replied back that it was photoshopped.

Spoilt my morbid senses.....

It's quite real alright.

I've done some photo shopping in my time, and that's no photoshop. There are ALWAYS people say something is photoshopped. I've had many people question some of my pictures when nothing more than re-sizing the picture for the internet was done.

However, to make a good story, sometimes sections of photos get borrowed from other pictures and placed in a different story. There is no question that those are human remains, and what more likely animal than a big croc would you find them in.

Certainly looks real to me.

Appears to be a black fella.......dunno

I forwarded that last week to my friends/contact.

Some sourpuss replied back that it was photoshopped.

Spoilt my morbid senses.....

It's quite real alright.

I've done some photo shopping in my time, and that's no photoshop. There are ALWAYS people say something is photoshopped. I've had many people question some of my pictures when nothing more than re-sizing the picture for the internet was done.

However, to make a good story, sometimes sections of photos get borrowed from other pictures and placed in a different story. There is no question that those are human remains, and what more likely animal than a big croc would you find them in.

Certainly looks real to me.

Appears to be a black fella.......dunno

Is there a can of VB in there?

Well they don't normally hunt crocs unless they're suspected of swallowing people - and I immediately assumed that this was what the photo was about. Of course, that doesn't explain why the bloke in the first photo is posing with the croc with a smug 'Conquerer of the Wild' smile. Given that he would be expecting to find human remains inside - if my assumption is correct - the pose defies belief.

Well they don't normally hunt crocs unless they're suspected of swallowing people - and I immediately assumed that this was what the photo was about. Of course, that doesn't explain why the bloke in the first photo is posing with the croc with a smug 'Conquerer of the Wild' smile. Given that he would be expecting to find human remains inside - if my assumption is correct - the pose defies belief.

I believe it was a case of a suspected croc taking a human in a specific area. It happens every year... just like shark attacks. In such cases the animal is hunted by a professional. But, all us hunters and fishermen like to joke around later and pose for pictures. It was only afterwards that the human remains were found. I know that if I was there I would certainly have posed for the picture with a huge croc.

I wasn't there so I can't know for sure... just as I can't know for sure about 99% of all topics posted on thaivisa or any other forum. I see THOUSANDS of very polarized opinions about the most simple of topics posted on thaivisa. This one is no different.

I've posted THIS one many times on different forums for a laugh... and it IS a true photoshop.

Poor Ockor kids, their headmasters etc, are gunna train them to be a pack of pussy footers.

Aussie school eyes big-boy rugby ban

By James Ihaka 4:00 AM Thursday Apr 15, 2010 A top private Australian school is considering banning boys from playing rugby against some teams, fearing they could be seriously injured or even killed.

But in New Zealand, more children are lacing up their boots to play the national game.

At a time when the Queensland Reds are having one of their better seasons, the principal of Brisbane's St Joseph's College, Peter Chapman, is considering banning his students from playing rugby against teams that recruit talent from overseas.

(One Auckland school's front row is bigger than the All Blacks, Zpete)

He said the excessive size and strength of some schoolboy teams could result in injury to opposing players.

I reckon it is just namby pamby, get a life Peter Chapman, kids trained properly can let off steam playing rugby.

Not a wimpy game like OZ Rules or soccer.........

Poor Ockor kids, their headmasters etc, are gunna train them to be a pack of pussy footers.

Aussie school eyes big-boy rugby ban

By James Ihaka 4:00 AM Thursday Apr 15, 2010 A top private Australian school is considering banning boys from playing rugby against some teams, fearing they could be seriously injured or even killed.

But in New Zealand, more children are lacing up their boots to play the national game.

At a time when the Queensland Reds are having one of their better seasons, the principal of Brisbane's St Joseph's College, Peter Chapman, is considering banning his students from playing rugby against teams that recruit talent from overseas.

(One Auckland school's front row is bigger than the All Blacks, Zpete)

He said the excessive size and strength of some schoolboy teams could result in injury to opposing players.

I reckon it is just namby pamby, get a life Peter Chapman, kids trained properly can let off steam playing rugby.

Not a wimpy game like OZ Rules or soccer.........

If the boys are well trained and the ref is on the ball, then there should be no danger of 'getting killed' in a game of rugby.

If the front row do not know what they're doing, then a team of primary school kids could damage them.

The worst injury I suffered in rugby (by my standards) was when I had to substitute for a prop and my own second-row stuck his head in my ribs, cracking two, breaking one. Very disconcerting.

Much better playing at #8 - you get to attack the other sides halves - usually smaller guys who flatten easily, with a nice squishy sound.

^Oh, I don't know about namby-pamby. What about this item from our American brethren, pertaining to a New Jersey school:

A school superintendent in New Jersey says a "misunderstanding" led an elementary school teacher to mandate that all students - including young boys - dress as women in a now-canceled fashion show to honor Women's History Month.

In a 16-page packet sent home with students, teacher Tonya Uibel alerted parents that all students in her third grade class would have to participate in the activity, since it would be graded as an "end of unit" assignment. The packet also included suggestions of how students may dress, including fashions from the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s like bellbottoms, poodle skirts and cheerleader outfits. Photographs of fashion icons like Twiggy and Madonna are also included.

"If your child is a young man, he does not have to wear a dress or skirt, as there are many time periods where women wore jeans, pants and trousers. However, each child must be able to express what time period their outfit is from. Most of all, your child should have fun creating their outfit and learning about how women's clothing has changed!"

(One parent) said she found it "very odd" that the event was scheduled to coincide with an anti-bullying "Day of Silence" organized by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, which is encouraging students nationwide to remain mute during classes on Friday to call attention to verbal and physical abuse of gay students.

(Of course, the above event was cancelled - now the young lads only need to do sketches of women's fashions!)

Source: Fox News (edited for brevity)

Education (or educators) (or maybe just the civil servants who make non-democratic by-laws) are going insane.

This should not be in a thread about Oz, rather an OTB thread where we can whinge about edification not being the same as it was in 'my day'.

UK - Labour discourage competitive sports (during Bliar's time) as there must be losers as well as winners, and this may affect children's psyche later in life.

UK - Poll on Twitter as to who should be the next head teacher of a major private school. Pupils, parents encouraged to vote. When the Board of Governors appoint someone very experienced, but not the one the kids want, the whole process is cancelled and no-one yet appointed.

Oz - kids discouraged from playing organised sport against other schools where the boys are 'bigger'.

US - kids ordered to undertake a sexual perversion (transvestitism) by a teacher. (Now that teacher should be voted out by the parents

So - shall we migrate to OTB, or is no-one else interested?