A Wonderful Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

BRAVO !

......If such an angel would only appear in Thai politics......

Merry Christmas

LaoPo

nice one

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly

gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess

something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He

flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He

shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and

finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just

what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carol's

And So The Christmas Season

Begins......

Oops, double post

Christmas jokes already? But, its only the 3rd!

I don't even put my tiny Christmas tree up until the 21st!

BAH HUMBUG

I'm putting my lights up tonight. They look pretty from outside.

No tree this year because I am going home to Scotland.

mine are up already, the joys of having small kids, great excuse to go ott.

Source 1

SCARED elves at a grotty Christmas grotto have been pulled out after Santa and three of his little helpers were attacked by angry parents.

Twenty-five staff were told by their temping agency to quit Lapland New Forest, while a gate worker fled after being assaulted.

The park has been blasted for charging a “rip-off” £30 entrance fee – despite being branded a “glorified car-boot sale” in a muddy field.

One dad was so angry at queuing for four hours he thumped Father Christmas. Three elves and three security guards were also attacked in other incidents. A snowman was so sickened at verbal abuse he suffered that he stormed off in full costume.

Horrified staff also told how two dads brawled in the Gingerbread House over the last spoonful of ICING SUGAR. And kids sobbed after catching Santa behind his grotto with his beard off having a cigarette.

Recruitment agency Richards Events advised the 25 workers they supplied to quit. Managing director Sue Holzher said: “We can’t expect our staff to take constant abuse and do not want to put their safety at risk.”

Former gate worker Adrian Wood, 49, said Santa refused to let kiddies sit on his knee and charged an extra tenner for parents to take a photo.

He said: “The final straw for one dad came when after four hours he was told he would have to join another queue for his child to get a present – so he marched up and punched Santa on the chin.”

Adrian – who quit after HE was hit by a punter – even warned visitors that the attraction was a “rip-off”. He said: “The park was more like a war-zone. How there weren’t riots I’ve no idea.” One security guard added that the scene was “mayhem”.

Richards Events agency elf Emma Craven, 30, said she was slapped in the face by a mum fed up of waiting in the queue to meet Santa – then was rammed with a pushchair.

She said: “The woman was screaming, ‘Look what you’ve done to my kids’. Then she slapped me around the face. It stung like hel_l as it was freezing.”

Claire Harnett, of Poole, Dorset, and five-year-old daughter Tierney spotted Santa having a crafty smoke. She said: “The whole experience was appalling, especially for the cost.”

The Sun told yesterday of parents’ fury at the attraction at Matchams Leisure Park on the Dorset-Hampshire border. Adverts promised a place “where dreams really do come true” – with a tunnel of light, an ice rink and a nativity scene.

But families found the fairy lights switched off and no rink as the generator was broken. The nativity scene was painted on a billboard.

By last night trading standards had received more than 1,300 complaints.

A total of 1,475 people have joined groups slamming the attraction on social networking website Facebook.

Organiser Henry Mears, from Lapland New Forest Limited, claimed 95 per cent of visitors were “extremely happy”. He said he had not heard about Santa being punched.

But Ivan Hancock, of Dorset County Council’s trading standards department, said: “I’ve never known anything spark so many complaints.”

Meanwhile, the RSPCA launched an investigation after dozens of complaints about the treatment of husky dogs, reindeers and donkeys on the site.

Source 2

Video Report

BBC Report:

newly-opened "winter wonderland" Lapland-style theme park has been described as a "joke" and a "scam" by hundreds of angry visitors.

Many people have demanded a refund of the £25 they paid to enter the Lapland New Forest, at Matchams Leisure Park on the Hampshire-Dorset border.

Several visitors have contacted the BBC saying the standard is extremely poor and does not resemble marketing photos.

Organiser Henry Mears said: "We don't believe we ripped anyone off."

He blamed "a few groups of professional troublemakers" for the allegations over the attraction which opened on Friday.

"Like all people they like to get into queues and just generate a bit of aggravation.

The two reindeer were obviously not enjoying their surroundings and the 'log cabins' were a few green painted sheds

"What is not here that we haven't advertised?" he added.

More than 250 people have joined three Facebook groups about the park, with many demanding refunds.

Some said they had contacted the RSPCA about the animals on site.

The park's website, which became unavailable on Monday afternoon, had shown pictures of snowy scenes and icicles, and promised real log cabins, a nativity scene, husky dogs and other animals, as well as a "bustling" Christmas market.

It said: "We can assure you of an absolutely magical scene... just look how real and cold the 'snow' appears to be."

But some visitors said that what they experienced was "disorganised chaos" and "hel_l".

They have complained that, once inside the park, they had to pay more to use the attractions.

Many people said they were disappointed by the Chistmas market

Some also said that the animals looked unhappy and the facilities, including a broken ice rink, were poor.

Amanda Goodenough, of Blandford, Dorset, told the BBC she paid £150 for tickets for her family.

The park was "a complete misrepresentation, leaving my children heartbroken," she complained.

"The advertisement lends you to believe that this is a snow-covered Lapland village with Hollywood special effects and a bustling Christmas market with an ice rink.

"The website is totally misleading, including photographs which bear no relation to the reality which awaits you on entry."

'Chained' huskies

"The huskies were chained up in a pen howling, yapping and generally looking thin and unhappy.

"The two reindeer were obviously not enjoying their surroundings and the 'log cabins' were a few green painted sheds with more or less nothing in them."

People say the website was misleading

Grace Tyrrell, of Fareham, Hampshire, said there were many health and safety issues and that the toilets were "full to the seat" leaving her six-year-old daughter "disgusted".

"The entire day was a joke, and I know everyone else thought so," she said.

"The nativity scene was a picture on a painted wall which was viewed from a distance and which had everyone we met laughing."

Mr Mears, who organises the park's marketing and advertising, added he was "bemused" by the complaints.

"Sadly, the first two days were very, very wet and cold and not the most pleasant."

He said the ice rink was now open after "it had a problem" which was out of the park's hands.

Mr Mears added he was going to speak to his boss to see "what we are going to do about it", but could not promise anyone a refund.

Dorset County Council's trading standards team said it would start an investigation after receiving more than 50 complaints.

But some visitors said that what they experienced was "disorganised chaos" and "hel_l".

Does this mean that snowballs do have a chance?

Not forgetting Flaming Lamborghinis

But some visitors said that what they experienced was "disorganised chaos" and "hel_l".

Does this mean that snowballs do have a chance?

I'd be curious to know what other kinds of chaos there are.

Personally I loathe Christmas, my first wife turned it into a yearly nightmare.

Here it's just been another day with a few drinks in the evening with the local heathens, which seeing as I'm off the p!ss probably won't eventuate this year.

Well done scea, have a fruit juice instead.

FOR THE LADIES (AND GAY FELLAS TOO ) WHO ARE'NT FEELING QUITE FESTIVE YET.......

DID I EVER TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NEVER TO OLD TO SIT ON SANTA'S LAP?

santa.bmp

Hay is for horses !

(not that I looked at the pic or anything.)

Argh.... I did not want to see that, Boo....

Pink bits and all...

don't lie Kayo, you loved it really, would have thought it was like looking in a mirror, right? Maybe you now have this years chrissy card idea!

Yours truly

Kan Win

excellent kanwin

Santa sounds so much like........Me !! (or Bendix)

Lovely cartoon in the newspaper here.

Little kid sat at the table with a sheet of paper and a pen.

Mom asks him "You writing your wish list to Santa?"

He replies "No, to Congress. They give you 20 billion and you don't have to be good all year"

Health food from the land of the star...........just for you

Get I'll get.......Re-arrange.

Health food from the land of the star...........just for you

Egyptian Homos, only 35 calories per serving ! Perfect for those on a diet !

Health food from the land of the star...........just for you

Egyptian Homos, only 35 calories per serving ! Perfect for those on a diet !

Not sure if I'd want to eat a Homos ring