Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[brit1984]

I noticed many of the posts on this thread are actually attacks on certain aspects of Thailand. For balance, see below some snipes at farang-land...

Thai prison inmate: actually it's not that bad in here, I plan to reoffend

Pregnant Thai teenager: at least I will get a free apartment now

Thai guy/girl: I live off the state, no need to work, taxpayers do it for me

Foreign guy/girl: as above

Thai taxpayer: I wish I didn't have to give more than half my salary to the government to spend on wars in distant lands and to provide everything free to those less inclined to getting off their backside

Anyone in Thailand: it's bl00dy freezing outside

Anyone in Thailand: everything is so expensive here

[Payboy]

Group of 5 Thai golfers - Let's stop playing cards between shots and focus on our golf.

Group of 5 Thai golfers - Please play through sir, you are alone.

[dean999]

Falang criminal - I'm going back to my home country to face the music. I'm tired of running.

[dean999]

Thai news headline - Thailands first casino, opens its doors today and not a Thai customer in sight.

[dean999]

Thai lottery spokesman - not one ticket sold this month, as everyone is on to the scam.

[theblether]

The OP is absolutely delighted at the input on this thread...........absolutely hysterical and a very descriptive............the actual original post encourages us to have a go at our farang colleagues too.

This is The Land Of Smiles, a country with a quite outstanding sense of humour, and for many of us that is why we love it. So far from being an attack on Thailand this thread is a labour of love, a way of showing and saying..........

Thailand.......you drive us crazy!!!.......you make us laugh!!!........but Thailand we LOVE YOU!!!!

[theblether]

I would like to add, I was sitting with my gf and her family one night their quite stunning family home. The cousin that made the money was a tour guide that worked like a dog 18 hours a day for 12 years to get the money together to build the home.

Being a tour guide he had heard every story in the book, and he recounted several hilarious stories about the antics of his customers and bar girls.......even the Thais know what is going on and they think it's hysterical too.

At the end of the night when we were leaving the house and going through that lovely family ritual of respect that you get in Thailand, when you give full respect to the elders and things go quiet for a moment, my beautiful lady was bitten by a mosquito. So a sharp slap and the mosquito was no more..........my lady looked me straight in the eye and said.

" theblether.........my pet mosquito.......it die........you must give me 5000 baht buy new one "..............

Superb one liner.........so get the brooms out of your asses and LOVE THAILAND!!!.....

[Sing_Sling]

telling him to grow a pear

SC

Can't be a young tree then

I noticed many of the posts on this thread are actually attacks on certain aspects of Thailand. For balance, see below some snipes at farang-land...

Is it really that tough reading the thread title?

[Sing_Sling]

Thai TV watcher - No, I don't think fat people and pies in faces is funny

Thai TV watcher - Yes, the histrionics on Thai soaps are unacceptable

[dean999]

Falang watching Thai tv soaps - this is brilliant, whens it on next?

Edit - spelling.

[IanForbes]

I've said it many times, Blether, many of the things I find annoying about Thailand are the very same things that I enjoy. It's a strange anomaly, but it's true. I stand in wonder how everyone accepts some person stopping their vehicle right in the middle of a busy passageway just so they can purchase something at the 7-11, Or, how they will park their vehicle right outside their home at lunch hour and block a whole lane in the road... forcing the rest of the traffic to try and get around. Or, they will triple park anywhere if it means they don't have to walk further than 50 feet.

[dean999]

Thai lady - I'm starting to look white, lets go to the beach to catch the sun.

[dean999]

I've said it many times, Blether, many of the things I find annoying about Thailand are the very same things that I enjoy. It's a strange anomaly, but it's true. I stand in wonder how everyone accepts some person stopping their vehicle right in the middle of a busy passageway just so they can purchase something at the 7-11, Or, how they will park their vehicle right outside their home at lunch hour and block a whole lane in the road... forcing the rest of the traffic to try and get around. Or, they will triple park anywhere if it means they don't have to walk further than 50 feet.

It's because their drunk and cant walk.

[Sing_Sling]

I've said it many times, Blether, many of the things I find annoying about Thailand are the very same things that I enjoy. It's a strange anomaly, but it's true. I stand in wonder how everyone accepts some person stopping their vehicle right in the middle of a busy passageway just so they can purchase something at the 7-11, Or, how they will park their vehicle right outside their home at lunch hour and block a whole lane in the road... forcing the rest of the traffic to try and get around. Or, they will triple park anywhere if it means they don't have to walk further than 50 feet.

So true . . . I laugh and quite enjoy myself at the sight of brainless and selfish morons inconveniencing everyone else . . . Oh dear, a laugh a minute, those scalliwags

[dean999]

Pattaya bar girl - it's been 10 years of this music, so I'm changing the CD.

[strollling]

Free balloons, today only when you buy a BTS ticket.

[dean999]

Free balloons, today only when you buy a BTS ticket.

That is better than mine. I nearly spilt my cuppa.

[dean999]

Russian tourist - good afternoon sir, how are you?

[wana]

Taxi Driver -Of course i dont Rip Off Tourists

Taxi Driver - The Meter Never Gets Broken

Taxi Driver _ Sorry ,i dont know where is that place ,rather than waste your time and money looking ,i suggest you take another cab

[pastitche]

Free balloons, today only when you buy a BTS ticket.

That is better than mine. I nearly spilt my cuppa.

God I misread that "better" as "bigger".

Just realised you have to look at Dean999's avatar for that one

[mca]

Thai Taxi Driver: Excuse me Sir. Do you speak Thai? I was just checking before I started talking to your wife about you and referring to you as the "farang" this and the "farang" that.

Thai Taxi Driver: Do you mind if I change the radio station from Luk Thung to a bit of Industrial Drum and Bass?

[pauljones]

BMA Officer:

"Of course we run the disfigured Cambodian beggar gangs.

You think we would let them sit on our footpath, take all those donations without our cut?"

[pauljones]

Taxi driver:

"I am taking english lessons so I can provide a better service to our foreign visitors."

(translation- I want to be able to scam the farang)

[mca]

TO CELEBRATE THE ANNIVERSARY OF THE BANGKOK MASS TRANSIT SYSTEM WE'RE HOSTING A BIG BALLOON BALLISTIC BONANZA!!!!!!

[mca]

Sombat! You're fired! There's no room for people who drive like maniacs to get to the next pickup to maximize profits thus endangering the lives of the passengers in this minivan company!

[benbear]

PM Yingluck = Yeah, even my Brother did a better job than me

Our Yingluck = I love speaking English

Super PM luck = Lady in red is my favourite song

[KeyserSoze01]

Condo builder - Maybe we should build the railings on the balcony a little taller.

Condo Assc - Yes, we know only one of the four elevators works and no, we don't know when they will be fixed.

Condo builder - No sir, you will not be getting a title to your condo because we sold that one three times.

Hotel Reception - Yes sir, I can tell exactly how to get to where you are going. Let me draw you a map.

[Thaddeus]

I have a cunning plan.

[StreetCowboy]

I have a cunning plan.

Sadly we hear that all too often, and too rarely in jest.

We rarely hear "I have a plan so flawed in its conception that its execution will be indistinguishable from anarchic, aimless and ignorant panic",

except, of course, when me and Smokie are planning a night out for some poor unsuspecting newbie who had the naive temerity to ask for recommendations in the pub forum

SC

[Thaddeus]

I have a cunning plan.

Sadly we hear that all too often, and too rarely in jest.

It was tongue in cheek mate.